great!

All about EMDR! A lot of people have been asking me how it works, so I made a silly little comic doodle on Illustrator (just with my mouse, sorry it’s sloppy) about my experiences with it. *I am by no means a doctor, so please do some research on your own before making any decisions to do EMDR!*

I’ve also seen a lot of videos on Youtube of “DIY EMDR,” I would VERY STRONGLY recommend NOT using those. EMDR opens your emotional brain up so fully that it’s very overwhelming, and having a trained professional there to assist you is invaluable. 

That thought isn’t helpful right now.

Now is not the time to think about it. I can think about it later.

This is irrational. I’m going to let it go.

I won’t argue with an irrational thought.

This is not an emergency. I can slow down and think clearly about what I need.

This feels threatening and urgent, but it really isn’t.

I don’t have to be perfect to be OK.

I don’t have to figure out this question. The best thing to do is just drop it.

It’s OK to make mistakes.

I already know from my past experiences that these fears are irrational.

I have to take risks in order to be free. I’m willing to take this risk.

It’s OK that I just had that thought/image, and it doesn’t mean anything. I don’t have to pay attention to it.

I’m ready to move on now.

I can handle being wrong.

I don’t have to suffer like this. I deserve to feel comfortable.

That’s not my responsibility.

That’s not my problem.

I’ve done the best I can.

1) I become clingy because I’m afraid you’ll leave.

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I’m making this post because I’ve met a lot of people who lack empathy in one-on-one interactions that lead them to having toxic relationships and they wonder what went wrong. Empathy isn’t something one is born with, it’s definitely a skill anyone can develop if they really wish to, some are better at it and some are going to have to try harder, and that’s probably based on childhood conditioning.

I’m gonna list some tips and ways to help you develop empathy, if you want to add more, go head!

Not everything is about you. Understand that it is okay to talk about yourself with others but when it’s the only way you communicate with them, you’re basically using them as an emotional outlet. Learning that other people feel things like you do is important in knowing how to handle other people’s feelings. So when someone vents to you about something, DO NOT inject yourself into their situation or make it a pity party about who has it worse. You can relate and say “I understand,” and if possible and if they asked, offer a way to help them cope and deal with their situation.

Be considerate of who you’re speaking to. Consider what you’re saying to someone else, is it harmful or is it helpful? Is it needed? Always ask yourself if you need to say what you’re saying. Ask yourself “Do they feel like talking to me right now?” and “Am I intruding?” or “Am I being a bother and they’re too nice to tell me?” or “Are they going through something difficult and they don’t need to be burdened with my problems?”

Be attentive and listen and respond to what the other is saying. Reflect upon the way you listen to other people. If you’re immediately taking what they’re talking about personally, you’re not listening. If you listen with a selfish intent, you’re not listening. It’ll take time to detach from this stigma, but just imagine if you were in their situation, think of what you’d want to be told, and say that to them. Your body language is important too, nod and make eye contact while listening. DO NOT be dismissive of their feelings or a situation they opened up to you about.

Show you care. Remember things the other tells you about themselves. Anything from their favorite color to their favorite quote. This may not come as easy for some because some are still conditioned to be selfish, so the best way to do this is write it down. Whatever helps you remember, do it. This will make the other feel heard and understood by you, making you develop a stronger bond.