bildaddy

things have been intense but (maybe) headed in a good direction the good:

i’ve seen more specialists; still in diagnosis limbo, but we’ve found some ways to manage things short-term

i secured employment (!!)

it's located far, far away, which is exactly what i need to finally get out of a really unhealthy living situation

the place itself is gorgeous, and i’m genuinely excited

thankfully, my canadian doctors all tried their best to give me an extra supply of meds so i'm not stranded there

the difficult bit:

relocation costs are massive because i need to move to another continent on short notice (esp this time of year)

the work permit process drained the last of my savings

housing costs are about to be brutal until i can secure long term accommodation

healthcare costs because i won't be a citizen

one of my meds here costs $330 per month so as of rn i'm having to stop taking it because i can't afford to fill any more, let alone multiple months

basically, the job will be stable long-term, but the first few months will be very tight financially

what I'd love to ask of you lovely folks:

would you be interested in purchasing something from ko-fi? what kind of something? i hate that i don't have a lot of time for this & that i'm not allowed to have "additional income" after leaving canada 😔

if you're in canada, i'm selling nearly everything (clothes, kitchen stuff, books, etc.) so if you're looking to purchase secondhand goods, please reach out!!!

if you're in europe, please say hi!! i'm moving there very soon and feeling a bit lonely about it

if you're able to send a little support (even something small), it would genuinely take a weight off ❤️ i'm trying hard not to rely too much on the people i need distance from

i haven't been very active on here for ages. there's a few reasons:

my autoimmune condition has become very debilitating

my living situation is shit

i have no support system

i have been trying very hard for the past year to secure employment so i can at least change my living situation. unfortunately, for the past month or so, my mobility has been greatly reduced and my fatigue and brain fog are worse. i am basically unable to stand/walk. and i'm being subjected to a lot of guilt and mental abuse by those i'm financially reliant on.

if you're wondering why I'm not seeking medical help: i'm in canada where free healthcare still comes with a side of gaslighting, misogyny, and racial bias when it comes to a woman of colour seeking medical care. i have been told outright by multiple practitioners that i have an autoimmune condition, but the only specialist i was able to see so far has refused treatment, and the waitlists are several months long. although my other healthcare providers also disagree with that specialist's decision, they're not authorized to diagnose or treat autoimmune conditions of this type. i'm currently on two waitlists to get a second opinion. i've been very lucky to receive endometriosis treatment in the meantime, but my ongoing condition is very, very flared up and disabling. this is on top of being neurodivergent, and having other preexisting disabling conditions. i have been managing with pain medication as that's all my GP is allowed to prescribe, which is barely working anymore and is not good for me in the long run.

recently i had some leads on securing employment, but it involved relocation and financial resources i don't have. this coincided with my health taking a turn for the worse and it has only gone downhill.

what do i want? frankly, i'd love some perspective on how to practically get out of here. unfortunately autoimmune conditions are correlated with stress. i am surrounded by some very toxic people, some of whom have gone as far as withholding medications from me, and others constantly guilt me for my disabilities or have no respect for my boundaries when it comes to migraine triggers, so stress is an understatement. on top of it all, nobody i'm surrounded by cares at all about my immune system and i'm terrified that even if i am seen by a better specialist who is able to help me manage my condition with meds, the meds are immunosuppresants (making me immunocompromised) and i will not have a safe space to live anymore.

until my pain got so debilitating a month ago that i couldn't move much at all, i was fully considering taking off with the tiniest amount of savings i have and just finding a way to figure it out. so now i feel like i have no options.

for context, canada is cold. where i live in canada is very cold. so even from a perspective of managing my health, i was looking at relocating elsewhere (different continent), and that's where the employment opportunities were recently, too. which felt amazing because i've found nothing locally.

i'm very lucky that someone close to me bought me a new laptop a few months ago that has a better touchscreen. my health impacts my hands, too, but currently my lower body is much worse than my upper body. i'm not terrible at art and have always loved making it. i don't know the first thing about profiting off it but if anyone wants me to make art for them, please let me know.

i actually saw a different kind of specialist today and although this wasn't a rheumatologist, i did see them for related reasons and it's an appointment i have waited a year for. i was given two "prescriptions" but unfortunately one of them is OTC, which means it's not covered by the healthcare system, and therefore i cannot afford it. i could ask one of the people i'm around but i'm terrified because i know it will come with a massive cost and after some recent events, i'm uncomfortable making that request. i don't want to get into the details but i am a grown ass adult and i've been putting up with very obvious abusive behaviour from more than one person in order to meet basic needs like housing, food, medications, etc.

all of this isn't even taking into account that as a queer person, i feel unsafe in my environment and in my current home.

please weigh in pals. i feel like i'm drowning.

a boundary i'd like to clarify: i do not want any advice or information regarding "lifestyle changes" or alternative ways to manage my health. i understand it may be coming from a good place, but i do not want to hear it. thank you.