IS Sacchan Ask Blog

I apologize for my absence since March. I thought writing in this wouldn't be much of an issue, but I had my work cut out for me it seems. From maintaining the newly budded flowers, making new kimonos for Spring and now summer, baking treats for myself to possibly writing a story of my own. It's quite a lot.

Yet, now that it seems to be May, I wonder if this world experiences rainy season. I don't have to worry about the grueling heat that comes in July to August, but there's some issues with the constant rain in June. Well, I was able to buy a makeshift covering for myself and so my hardwork in my clothing doesn't go to waste either.

This castle has been pretty quiet now. Mainly because the other members of the fallen angels have long disappeared or died from what I heard of. And frankly, that slothy man has been gone for so long, it might as well just be me here. Fitting I guess for all I've done. Isolation.

This isn't the first time anyways, but I do get gloomy. Like I've been thinking about my dear Sensei again and my dreams that probably never will come true. But who knows, if spring is a sign of rebirth, and the rain itself helps plants and animals florish, perhaps I should let myself do so too.

It's only gotten slightly warmer, but I hope for spring to come soon. I want to finally wear some nicer kimonos I've been saving for this season. I'm even very willing to try some more western style dresses, but that's the thing. This weird lull between Winter and Spring. So anxious to see the world bloom, but not yet. I still enjoy the coziness that comes from not having to go out into the world. That I can just say the weather is too terrible to leave and never have anyone bother me.

...I say and write these things and no wonder I'm lonely...

Well, if there is one good thing I can think about is that I have successfully got myself sufficient enough in the world's language that I can read some books to a deeper extent. It's still a struggle but at least I can do more of my favorite thing in the world: Reading.

It's been chiller than normal, so I just end up staying in my room to either sew or read the books I bought in this world. I have gotten to a point where I can understand it mostly without needing to peer through a dictionary to get the point across. They're more folktales than anything fantasy, but I'm living in one anyways. If only it was the ones of my dreasm, and not the current nightmare I'm in...

But I'm not really just thinking about the books I'm reading, but I thought about my age again. And the more time passes, the more sad I get that I'll miss out on motherhood. Sure, my desire for it comes from a pathetic place, but can you blame me? Despite getting married when I was supposed to, I ended up as a widow young. Of course it would be ridiculous for me to think I could get a second chance. I messed it up having...him die.

No. I can't think of him.

But I do want children someday or even help take care of them. A small bundle of joy that would always need my help yet still love me. It sounds wonderful. I really want that. I feel like a loser for still wanting that as i'm closer to 30 now.

Christmas and New Years seem to have passed now. And I enjoyed the time I could away to spend it with the people I care about. Then again, it was mainly just Sensei, but the others didn't seem to mind my gifts.

But i'm not quite sure they like them either.

Whatever it be, i'm back in the castle made to do the tasks I'm made to do. I feel less of myself knowing that I should just run away. But what good will that be? When I even took the initiative, I just ruined things and ended up making myself more miserable in the end.

Yeah, these holidays only worked out because everyone else was in a more charitable mood. Yeah, his friends wouldn't ever like me truly. I am their enemy and I'm just...too fake. I'm too nice of a person to ever be selflessly kind.

Winter always makes me sad it seems, but I can say it about any season. Maybe I should sleep again. Maybe then this entry wouldn't be me whining about my "Oh so terrible life". There will always be people worse of than me.

Today's the day. I must of slept latter than usual, since now i'm rushing to prepare things and my gifts. I just hope it works out.

I also had to sneak out to do this...but anyways...

Merry christmas or holidays, a day for family or love. Whatever that be.

@sensei-not-meant-for-life

Life had became quite busy during these cold days. But thankfully I was able to sew some nicer kimonos for New Years and later, but my current ones will do.

I don't celebrate Christmas in the traditional sense nor did my family growing up, but I do want to still spend it with people important to me.

I'm finishing up my gifts and might bring treats, that is if he and his friends celebrate it. But it's still the right time for it anyhow...

It's gotten pretty cold here, even with my overcoat I manage to buy. I wish I had a coat like Sensei, it would be warm enough to have...but I probably only say that since I miss him...

Well, at least Christmas is around the corner. I'll consider meeting again in person then.

@sensei-not-meant-for-life

I don’t mind being alone. I'm pretty used to it at this point given the actual people I care about either aren't in this realm with me or very far away. So I tend to just to occupy myself since thinking about it too long would cause me unnecessary stress.

Well...I find myself suffering from insomnia and spirling once that thought crept into my mind again. I mean, I can't really be lonely. But I guess I am...and even when I distract myself, something goes wrong. My flowers died, I had to discard plenty cloth due to some bugs getting to them, or even the fact I been asked less for help.

Well, it's starting to feel like Autumn now. I'm still reading my birthday novels and still sewing new kimonos to wear. I think i'm going for an ochre in the end.

The only downside I noticed is that I might be having the opposite problem now. Instead of eating little, I snack too much. I do execise by walking everywhere, but I worry I might get fat if I keep this up. Of course, the moment I tell myself I can treat myself nicely, I go overboard...

Today was a good one. Sure, sensei didn't act like he enjoyed the mundane date stuff, but I think he liked it despite saying otherwise.

I got some yummy chestnut rice or whatever they said it was...it tasted like it. I got four books...i'm better at reading the language now of this world so I can actually enjoy the literature. I still don't get how Sensei never figured it out; then again, I'm the one with more free time....and I enjoyed a romantic sunset. A perfect birthday...even if they're not here with me to celebrate it.

And I get to spend the night with Sensei now. I'll probably have to leave early due to a certain somebody, but i'm happy either way. This might be foolish to say...but I hope I can make it to another birthday if I get something similar to this again.

Gosh...i'm going to be 30 soon at this rate...and I never even had a kid myself. At least I was married once...