Eye of the Beholder

It’s been much too long since the last post.  Such is life it seems.  And so much life has happened...if I were to try and type it here...well let’s just say it’d be more like a book than a blog -- so perhaps another day on some of those thoughts and adventures.  

But here I am offering a little something in the time post Advent & Christmas Eve and before “Happy New Year!”

Tonight as I was working out I thought about something.  Often when we exercise (or if you read articles about encouraging folks to exercise) we are working to strengthen our core.  We realize that if we want to be strong (or lean, or lose weight, or “Fill in the blank”) that it will benefit us & any goals or hopes we might have to focus on the core, to strengthen the core.  And the reality is that we all know the core things -- the essential things -- well those are the hard things. 

In this season when (prayerfully) we take time to pause and reflect and even to savor all of the gifts life have given us (yes ALL of the gifts -- those you wanted to open and those you would never have asked for!) I get the feeling it would serve us all (& the whole world) well if we would take the time to do the work -- the core work of our lives....

As you reflect where is the Holy Spirit tenderly and plainly saying, “here -- look here -- heal here -- wait here....”?  Where is God saying, this is your weakness -- let me make you strong here? 

#MartinBodmerFoundation_garden

Will I write?

How would I start? Why would I bother?  Will I write?

It seems a little bit indulgent.  I mean, I have work (as in research and presentations) to prepare, and to be clear – those things are not done and need to be done.  Even if I ignore that, I could be doing other things – enjoying life (and yes, taking a nap is included there) – being “active” instead of reflective.

Will I write?

There are excuses; the reality is that I have friends (many…if not all) who know much more than I, who are trained, who know how to turn a phrase and engage rhetoric, who are just more well-read and better editors than I.

Will I write? Why?  Why do people write?  Do we write for the audience; for ourselves; for both somehow?  In order for something to be substantive must it be long or does writing in the 21st century (that’s 2001-2100) mean it should be tweetable, textable or best captured in a picture posted on instragram? Perhaps it would be faster to try and take a selfie of me with a thoughtful (think goofy) face with fingers on a laptop or pen in hand?  

If I take the time to be reflective for a moment, to consider the question, “Will I write?”  I might notice some things; writing might just require a bit more reflection than is the 21st century norm.  We (here I am thinking humanity when realistically I am specifically considering those with FB accounts, or at minimum with regular internet access and typically on a portable/hand-held device) are more apt to take a picture of ourselves experiencing life and to share that publically (either through our own decision or the decision of someone else who chooses to post) than to thoughtfully ponder what that moment might mean for us.  And I wonder what that (lack of reflection) might be causing us to do and be(come); I wonder what it might cost us?  

As I slow down to try to write there is this slight shift.  It doesn’t matter that I am “typing” though I did grow up writing everything first by hand, on paper, with pencil or pens.  There is still this shift.  I asked, why do we write?  Who is the writing for?  Now, some offer that we write for others, and there is a point there – there is an industry, and “good” (let’s say substantive) writing is rewarded (ideally).

I counter this: we write first for ourselves.  There is a need and we write out of our needs.  And this neediness counter-intuitively makes us more community oriented, or at a minimum writing makes us less self-centric and with just a bit more perspective. These are large claims, and this is not a research paper, I am not footnoting, and I don’t know if I’ll include any quotes (we’ll see – because it might be that I finish just in time for dinner!), so maybe you’ll just walk this thought (observation) with me for a few minutes.  

As we choose to write, we decide to reflect.  As we reflect we slow down.  We cease for a moment to be bombarded with what the whole world is doing, and instead we check-in with ourselves, with our physicality; we listen not to the sounds of the world but to how the sounds have been received within us.  We become (or more precisely we are invited to become) aware of ourselves in context.  Moving to reflection shifts perception.  No longer are we voyeurs consuming the edited and filtered best versions of our “friends” or celebrities through social and print media.  We become oriented to ourselves and consider how experiences are living in us, and how we might be able to articulate that understanding to self and to the world.  As we consider those questions our perspective allows us to see differently. We shift our perspective from eyes trained in comparison to eyes engaged in wonder and curiosity.  I become less intimidated by and competitive with the pictures (ie jealousy or general hating) and more interested in the stories that speak of what led them to this place, and how is that giving them life – how is that nurturing them?  

Will I write?

What do I want to say? I asked, will I write?  I answered in the affirmative today and for this I am grateful.  Earlier today I sat on my bed, and could see orange and yellow leaves – the colors of fall. I could see and hear the rain. The sound came in waves, and I was excited when it was loud and I could see the rain in big droplets falling without even trying.  I experienced such joy with the sounds and the sight that I stopped what I was doing just to notice, just to enjoy without interruption.  It was this exquisite gift to be still like this, to be awake in this moment, to deeply enjoy my best seats at the natural symphony playing outside my window.  It is out of this stillness that I have been able to write today.  Another question I asked was why do we write?  And I want to answer more.  I already shared we write for ourselves.  In its most authentic practice and offering writing is an act of love, of self-care, of passionate defiance and a fight for life.  To write is to give birth, to allow something from deep within to be offered to the world in a new and vulnerable way.  In writing as in giving birth, the writer (birther) is changed by the process (remember that shift I talked about) and life is given.  

Important to remember is that a writer writes in context.  I mention this here because this writer writes in context.  I am not in the United States currently.  My heart aches for those l love in the States.  My spirit aches in pain over the polarity and politics violently bullying the US and the world right now (known as a Presidential election cycle).  And I am blessed to be learning with people from all over the world who love God dearly and who help me to understand in new ways every day.  And even in this idyllic place and space the violence of the world and especially the US weighs on me.  That violence is heavy, and that violence always ends in death.  And I am not interested in unnecessary or too early death.  Recently I’ve noticed how important movement is to me.  I have a need to walk, to run (jog), to dance, to stretch, and to be still. OR I should say – when I am fighting to nurture life and love I do these things, I make space and time and use resources to make these things a reality for me.  Writing is another way of movement.

The opening question of course was for me, “Will I write?”, but perhaps you hear an invitation. Today I write because writing is part of my movement and movement is attached to my living.  For you see, that which moves is alive – so are you alive? My prayer is that we might be actively moving – stretching our minds in thought and dream and study; stretching our bodies in activity; stretching our hearts in love; stretching our comfort in hospitality; stretching our arms in big hugs; stretching our memories in remembered graces already given; stretching our voices in song and prayer; stretching our limits in vulnerability and truth.  

The southern African village of Ha Sethoto was ruled by a strong but foolish headman who decided to break away from the rule of King Poelano, even though the king treated everyone fairly and well.  The king could easily have destroyed the village, but instead he sent his oldest adviser to sit down with the elders under the baobab tree and reason with them.  

The king’s representative said that he had been sent to invite the village to return to the kingdom and that the king was very concerned about them.  Had the king offended them in some way?  Had he oppressed them?  What was wrong?  What could he do to make it right? 

The elders were too embarrassed to admit that they had no real grievances against the good king.  So, they tried to cover up their embarrassment with anger.  They lashed out with defiant words, but the messenger stayed calm, which infuriated them even more.  Finally, they became so enraged that they viciously beat the king’s messenger and killed him.  Like butchers, they drained his blood into a clay pot and sent it to King Poelano as their reply to his invitation.

A terrible wiling went up as the news spread throughout King Poelano’s village.  Everyone expected the king to send his warriors immediately to deal with this horrible insult.  Their spears and arrows could easily wipe out the village of Ha Sethoto.  They could burn all its houses and maize fields as an example to other villages.  Then people would know what happens to people who flaunt their disrespect for the king. 

However, the king did something completely different, something unforgettable, something that showed his real nature.  There was a huge flat rock where he always stood when he called together leaders from all across his kingdom.  He went out to the rock, poured the blood of his messenger onto it, and waited for the blood to dry under the hot African sun.  Then he ground the dried blood to powder and put it into a medicine pouch made of lambskin.

He sent the pouch to the rebellious village with this message: “The blood of the messenger you killed is in this medicine pouch.  It may bring you life or death.  Though you killed him, I still invite you to come back into my kingdom on one condition.  You must take some of the dried blood of my messenger, mix it with water, and rub it on your hands.  Then come, stand before me at the great flat rock, and hold up your hands.  In this way you will admit that you killed my messenger but that you now want to be received back into my kingdom.  There will be no fine or other punishment. 

“However if you despise the blood of my messenger, I will know that you choose to continue to despise me as well.  Then I will send my warriors on you like locusts.  If you reject me not once but twice, you will pay with your own blood, every last drop of it. .

And this Friday, we flashback to 1972, when only five percent of Americans identified as religiously unaffiliated. Since then, America's religious landscape has changed dramatically -- with the religiously unaffiliated leading the way. Now, one-quarter (25 percent) of Americans, and nearly four in ten (39 percent) young adults (ages 18-29), claim no formal religious identity (Source: General Social Survey, 1972).

Toyohiko Kagawa

Last year (2015) I graduated from seminary, earning a Master’s in Divinity.  I also received the “Parish Pulpit Fellowship.”  

A fellowship is like a specialized scholarship.  This specific fellowship is designed to equip the recipient (that’s me right now) to become a more effective pastor & preacher for the church through a cross-cultural experience. 

Indeed the “church” is an inclusive term -- I love Jesus & do not believe the God who created the world & humanity could ever be contained in a denomination -- that being said I have worshiped in many communities and am “Certified Ready” to receive a call in the Presbyterian Church (USA).    

The uniqueness of this fellowship is in the application process because you propose what cross-cultural experience would best help in further equipping you for congregational pastoral ministry. 

To be clear, I learned of this Fellowship the fall of my senior year.  I never knew such an opportunity existed.  It sounded exciting, but just because something is exciting does not necessarily mean it is what or where God is leading.  

So I prayed.  

After praying I didn’t know if this was where God was leading, but I knew that I was being led to apply and to leave the rest in God’s hands.  This was only the beginning, I knew of the fellowship, the deadline, and to apply; but what exactly would best equip me to become a more effective pastor & preacher?  So many options, so many ideas, so many ways to grow...it took time before finally some ideas felt more right than others, my proposal though was “unique.”  

I felt as though I needed a Sabbath year, a Jubilee year, a “Mary” year...a year to sit at the feet of Jesus, to open my eyes to God at work around the world...a year to listen, learn, and receive hospitality from the world.  It was an unusual proposal, with intentional time with family & friends, and an itinerary taking me to new places I’d never seen around the world.  

And, they said, “YES!”

Months after hearing about the fellowship, months after becoming “Certified Ready,” and after beginning the interview process, I received notification that I had been selected as the recipient of the fellowship & the question, “Will you be accepting?”     

Here perhaps I can share that, sometimes you (I) can be overwhelmed with what God is doing.  This was one of those times for me.  I knew I was supposed to learn of the fellowship; I knew I needed to apply for the fellowship; I DIDN’T know I was actually going to be selected!  

I said yes, and began the process of making the proposal reality, my reality.  And it worked.  I write you from the middle of my fellowship year, from the middle of my Mary year.

A testimony tells the story of the work & power of GOD (YHWH) in our lives.  This is part of my testimony and it is a gift greater than I could have asked or imagined.  

Feel free to spend some time with Ephesians 3:20 below...

In the midst of this fellowship, this gift that I didn’t have the capacity to dream up -- much less deserve -- I am continuously blessed, humbled, challenged, filled with deep joy & gratitude, and I am growing.  This all -- life, is a gift -- this is grace.  And just like I didn’t earn or deserve a love so strong that Christ conquered death; I didn’t earn or deserve this -- and so my heart is so grateful it might burst, and I do all I can -- I say “Thank you, thank you thank you.”  There is not enough time to say thank you, to say “God be praised!”  And I know, this gift is equipping me to be a more effective pastor & preacher; I won’t be perfect but I am confident that God is faithful and I pray that I might be useful to and used by God -- that I might grow in love.  

Amen.

Ephesians 3:20

New International Version

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,

New Living Translation

Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.

English Standard Version

Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us,

Berean Literal Bible

Now to the One being able to do exceedingly above all things that we ask or think, according to the power working in us,

King James Bible

I felt UNPREPARED for Christmas (and to be honest I was) but...how could we EVER actually be ready for the CREATOR -- the I AM who I AM & I WILL BE who I WILL BE; YHWH, to put on flesh (like clothes) & be so humble to be born to a young brown (newly married) woman (girl) -- to be frail, to need a mother, humanity, disciples, a betrayer, to need food, to be baptized, to cry, to know sorrow -- pain -- rejection...How can we ever really get this?  And if we think we do...well then why the hell do our lives look the way that they do?  Why do our churches look/sound the way that they do?  Why does our world look (hurt, cry, murder, lie, live in fear) the way it does? 

I was unprepared for Christmas.  

I was distracted from the only thing; the only historical event; the only reality that matters; literally the only life-giving truth that exists.  

In many ways I also am unprepared for the New Year as well.  

And yet, and yet GOD is sufficient (see 2 Corinthians 12:9).  I scroll FB and notice a link.  I read it and note the mention of a poem.  I recognize the author so I click to read.  

POEM:  The Avowal by Denise Leverton 

                   As swimmers dare

                   to lie face to the sky

                   and water bears them, 

                   as hawks rest upon air

                   and air sustains them, 

                   So would I learn to attain 

                   free fall, and float

                   into Creator Spirit’s deep embrace,

                   knowing no effort earns 

                   that all-surrendering grace. 

I read that and am reminded it is not about me (never has been but I can forget).  I’m not ready, never really have been for the overwhelming greatness - abundance - extravagance - grace - gift - LOVE of GOD.  I’ve never been ready for GOD.  And yet, and yet GOD is who I am deigned for - GOD is who I respond to, who I long for...it is my longing for GOD that makes the reality of the imperfection -- the BROKENNESS -- I (& by “I”, I mean “we”) live in...hurt so deeply.  And I do hurt deeply, we hurt deeply.  If we have eyes to see, we are bleeding...

I will celebrate the coming of the New Year (just like I did Christmas) in a country where I am a foreigner.  I am the stranger in the midst.  I will greet it hours before my friends and family living in the States will see it.  This year has been a year like no other.  I am humbled (& challenged too) by what GOD has allowed in this life I live.  There have been so many gifts, to live for me has been  gift...And Job, the theologian, the encourager, the sufferer, the Biblical character himself offers much; after losing children, property, and gaining sores all over his body, in response to the advise to curse GOD & die, he has the strength (?), the ability (?), the wisdom (?), to say, “Shall we receive good from GOD, and shall we not receive evil?” (Job 2:10b, ESV)

I will welcome a New Year, 2016.  And the reality is this year (2015) has surprised me in ways I seriously could not have asked or imagined...(check out Eph. 3:20...or the whole book) and yet although I don’t know just quite how GOD will do it I believe this beautiful text out of Isaiah, 

     “Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old.  Behold I AM doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?  I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”                                               (Isaiah 43:18-19, ESV)

GOD created (the world) and called it good -- called us -- humanity -- very good.  And GOD trusted us with that goodness -- trusted and expected us to be competent loving stewards of that goodness -- of creation.  Today we live in brokenness.  Often we see darkness instead of light.  We find it hard to see beauty.  BUT we were designed in the “Imago Dei” that is we were designed to bear the divine image of the Triune GOD  

(GOD (in heaven)/ JESUS (on earth)/ HOLY SPIRIT (in us)). 

The breath of GOD has been breathed into us.  The brokenness that we live in does not change the original design, it mars the image but does not destroy it.  The image, it is there in ALL (not just some) of us...

We have hours left in 2015.  I’ve never been much for resolutions.  But maybe I ( & we, & the Church, & the world) could make a statement, could push back a little on the text (of life), could name & claim some substantial life-giving things that require the power of the Holy Spirit living in us to realize:

Can we name some of the new things like:

LIFE: a reality that shows evidence that #BLACKLIVESMATTER ?

LIFE: that guns would no longer claim so many lives in the world (the US alone has about 30,000 annually) ?

LIFE: that suicide would NOT be a viable option or solution (for anything) ?

LIFE: that more (global) money might be spent on infrastructure development as compared with relief aid ?  That more (global) money might be spent on education rather than war and military budgets ?

LIFE: that we not only (globally) would open borders, but would be interested in addressing the various causes of all refugee crisis ?

LIFE: can we affirm life & love.  To seek to hear & understand.  To encourage & teach.  To see each other with eyes of love & compassion.  To see each other???? 

Dare we be STILL enough to recognize the privileges we enjoy are privileges (not rights) & the whole world does not enjoy them???  

Dare we be SILENT enough to hear the rumblings of the empty stomachs of global hunger (when globally 1/3 of food produced is wasted?), and the wailings of those who lost loved ones to war and violence???  

Dare we be bold or humble enough to listen to another and to possibly learn from an ‘other’???

Can these be some of the things, the things the I AM can do?  Things for us to perceive in 2016?  For as the scripture reads, “I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”  and we know indeed we live in the wilderness & we walk through the desert...and as much as I’m not quite ready...I want the promise and I do remember that the only thing that ever changed this world was a love willing to strip naked and stretch arms wide in an embrace of the world who rejected it.  It was the love of Jesus, clothed in flesh -- GOD among us.  Christ chose love & it changed all of history.  To love will cost everything & it offers freedom.  It is not easy to choose love everyday, BUT it seems the cost of not loving is too steep.  To not love is to reckon this is the best that it can be -- broken and filled with death.  NO, for me, I know I wasn’t designed that way, I know it in the very core of my being & what I want is to see more fully the beauty in you (the other!) - in me - in this world...because when & as I do I see more of GOD.