I honestly don't know how much time has passed. Each day blends into the next and everything seems like such a blurr. I've had rhabdomyolysis 5 times since and 3 of which times my kidneys shut down. In the past 3 months I lost well over 40 lbs, idk if I'm sick or stressed. No longer in recovery, no longer in school. Less than drifting. Can't say I'm biding time because I don't know which way life is heading. I've made a commitment to be with alyson around the end of the year. I need her more than she needs me and most of the time I feel like she is all I have. Life goes on I just hope this time next year I can be with my daughter somewhere in ohio on a soccer field.

It's been a rough year. I still think about you alot. Not all the time but nearly all the time. Last month I was in the hospital for 10 days with rhabdomyolysis, due to drugs. I missed alyson's birthday and withdrew from FAU. I spent this whole year in bed depressed; isolated. I still have the book and the test amongst other affects but their time is limited. Now I see a therapist twice a week, attempting to go to meetings again and socialize with my friends. I've decided to fight again, for my life, happiness and future. I hope you are well, wherever you are.

In this chapter, I lose everything..

I guess, I'll get over it. Maybe not right now, but hopefully sometime soon. When I get back to Florida I intend on finding a way out to sea and tossing the book as well as the pregnancy test in for them to sink to the bottom of the ocean. I guess rightfully I ought be the last to touch them till the end of time. Charlie deserved to exist but I can't hold these affects, they're killing me. I can't burn it or throw it away so this will suffice. It was worse the first time. I'll get over it.