randomness and fun NSFW

I am the one hiding under your bed teeth ground sharp and eyes glowing red: Aries, Scorpio, Capricorn

I am the one hiding under yours stairs fingers like snakes and spiders in my hair: Leo, Taurus, Virgo

Aquarius Zodiac – will celebrate being independent again as they love to live their lives with “no strings attached”. Freedom is their favorite “f” word and intellectual stimulation is far more rewarding for them.

Pisces Zodiac – will watch their favorite romantic movie, have a good cry and wonder why they always choose partners that are not the best for them. They’ll promise themselves that next time, they’ll go with their gut feeling earlier if things aren’t working out as their hunches are usually correct.

Aries: Chimera

The Chimera is a fire-breathing Fusion of several animals mixed into one creature; a Snake for a Tail, two large Bat Wings, their body is a mix of a Goat and a Lion, and they have 2 heads in the forms of a Goat and Lion. The Chimera’s bold and fiery nature is a great match for the passionate and determined Aries!

Taurus: Akhlut

The Akhlut is an Inuit monster, thought to be a powerful water spirit. Though it may appear as a large Orca when in Water, when it is on land, the Akhlut takes the form of a ½ Wolf and ½ Orca hybrid. The Akhlut is a sturdy and powerful creature, making it a great fit for Taurus.

Gemini: Vampire

A Vampire is a humanoid creature who feeds on human blood, as well as having the abilities to transform into a bat or wolf, not having shadows or reflections, can control weather, and slight immortality. However, a Vampire can be defeated by Garlic & Holy Symbols, they lose their powers in sunlight, and a wooden stake driven into their heart can easily kill them. Although they are definitely a monster, Vampires are also depicted as fancy and beautiful. Their adaptable and eccentric nature definitely makes them great for Gemini.

1. Don’t try to read other peoples’ minds and don’t expect others to be able to read yours. Communicate if it is important to you.

2. Don’t expect to be friends with everyone. We all are different – and we all like different things. Instead, invest your time in a few good friends. That’s all you really need to feel happy and fulfilled.

3. Create a budget and live within your means. Accruing debt will only cause you to feel stressed.

4. Get rid of the monster of jealousy – and only compare yourself with yourself.

1. Don’t try to read other peoples’ minds and don’t expect others to be able to read yours. Communicate if it is important to you.

2. Don’t expect to be friends with everyone. We all are different – and we all like different things. Instead, invest your time in a few good friends. That’s all you really need to feel happy and fulfilled.

3. Create a budget and live within your means. Accruing debt will only cause you to feel stressed.

4. Get rid of the monster of jealousy – and only compare yourself with yourself.

ARIES

If you’re wondering if your Aries crush likes you back then sorry they probably don’t. This lot are very open when it comes to admissions of love/lust/whatever. If they like u, u will simply know. They’ll have told u already 100 times or at least it will be ridiculously obvious. Aries are very straight forward and they hate dilly dallying. If you’re the one they want they will get the ball rolling immediately. Expect lots of texts and a keen interest in meeting up & organising dates whatever. Straight forward people! Will prob show off in front of you whipping out all sorts of weird party tricks & jokes, making sure your eyes are always on them. May get obviously jealous if they see you having a good time with someone else. If you’re still unsure, just ask. They’ll be upfront if it’s a go or no.

dear aries: 

you are so incredibly intelligent and everyone marvels at how you speak. your words are poetry and your opinions are relevant. your complexity and compassion can rival any. 

dear taurus: 

you have come so far on your journey and I am so proud of you. you haven’t yet reached the destination but you will get there, and it will be beautiful, much like you. your talent shines brighter than any star. 

dear gemini: 

1. Start by being kind and gentle with yourself. There are plenty of people who would love to criticise … So be your own protector and your own best friend.

2. Choose self-love over self-hate. Many people find they veer between these two extremes – but over time gravitate more towards one or the other (through automatic thinking and their inner dialogue) … So actively reject self-hatred, and consciously exercise self-love.

3. Stop being harsh and judgmental, and accept your imperfections. We’re all flawed and broken, and we all make bad mistakes.

1. push yourself to get up before the rest of the world - start with 7am, then 6am, then 5:30am. go to the nearest hill with a big coat and a scarf and watch the sun rise.

2. push yourself to fall asleep earlier - start with 11pm, then 10pm, then 9pm. wake up in the morning feeling re-energized and comfortable.

3. erase processed food from your diet. start with no lollies, chips, biscuits, then erase pasta, rice, cereal, then bread. use the rule that if a child couldn’t identify what was in it, you don’t eat it.

4. get into the habit of cooking yourself a beautiful breakfast. fry tomatoes and mushrooms in real butter and garlic, fry an egg, slice up a fresh avocado and squirt way too much lemon on it. sit and eat it and do nothing else.

5. stretch. start by reaching for the sky as hard as you can, then trying to touch your toes. roll your head. stretch your fingers. stretch everything. 

6. buy a 1L water bottle. start with pushing yourself to drink the whole thing in a day, then try drinking it twice.

7. buy a beautiful diary and a beautiful black pen. write down everything you do, including dinner dates, appointments, assignments, coffees, what you need to do that day. no detail is too small. 

8. strip your bed of your sheets and empty your underwear draw into the washing machine. put a massive scoop of scented fabric softener in there and wash. make your bed in full.

9. organise your room. fold all your clothes (and bag what you don’t want), clean your mirror, your laptop, vacuum the floor. light a beautiful candle.

10. have a luxurious shower with your favourite music playing. wash your hair, scrub your body, brush your teeth. lather your whole body in moisturiser, get familiar with the part between your toes, your inner thighs, the back of your neck.

11. push yourself to go for a walk. take your headphones, go to the beach and walk. smile at strangers walking the other way and be surprised how many smile back. bring your dog and observe the dog’s behaviour. realise you can learn from your dog.

12. message old friends with personal jokes. reminisce. suggest a catch up soon, even if you don’t follow through. push yourself to follow through.

14. think long and hard about what interests you. crime? sex? boarding school? long-forgotten romance etiquette? find a book about it and read it. there is a book about literally everything. 

15. become the person you would ideally fall in love with. let cars merge into your lane when driving. pay double for parking tickets and leave a second one in the machine. stick your tongue out at babies. compliment people on their cute clothes. challenge yourself to not ridicule anyone for a whole day. then two. then a week. walk with a straight posture. look people in the eye. ask people about their story. talk to acquaintances so they become friends.