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bertholdt… my shayla..

i did one (1) smaugust prompt and now i need to hibernate for a year.

A few different Bertholdt sketches ive done over time!

First one is a commission for my friend!

2nd is a mermaid design ive been cooking up for him

After I finish some writing, or screenshot a snippet of my WIP, I set up everything so all I have to do is click “post” or whatever the equivalent is. Then I agonize for days or weeks before posting it, and the moment I get just enough courage, I click post before I can second guess myself, and then I run away and hide from Tumblr/AO3 until I’ve calmed down a bit. Then I keep checking for positive reception so I can get that sweet sweet dopamine.

Unfortunately, like with most anxiety-based problems, the only way to become less anxious about posting your writing is to just do that in a safe way while anxious until it’s not as scary anymore :( Although for me personally, I’ve had over a decade of therapy for exactly this sort of thing, and I’m on some great anxiety meds, so without that, I would noooooot be able to post my writing at ALL lmao 🥲

It’s gotten a lot easier since I started doing it though, so now it only takes a day or 3 of anxiety spiraling before I post my writing most of the time.

i know a big part of my worries also stem from motivation. if i were to post an unfinished work for example & just never finish it I would feel guilty putting these characters and plots into the real world and just letting them rot away. i just dont think i have enough focus on writing motivation specifically to finish anything. esp cus my current fic that i have written is super trust the process and i genuinely dont know when i'll make it to the end. at least not for a few years... and my schedule is only getting busier. now i'm just rambling but