19. People they’ve hurt or indirectly killed, and how it affected them. Basil, Garick, Errol, Kaleb
Basil has both indirectly and directly hurt and killed a lot of people because of his father, and it really messed him up. He had to learn to deal with it at a pretty young age, so he doesn't show the trauma response anymore. Instead he started coping with the atrocities he was forced to commit by embracing a darker side of himself. Then that part of him started to like it, which terrifies the shit out of him. He tries to keep that part of himself in check and only let it out when he has no choice because his father has him hurting people again. But it's hard to control, and he doesn't like that it's what he's become.
Garick has had to hurt and kill people to survive as well, and eventually he just adopted the philosophy that he doesn't fight, he eliminates threats. Meaning, if you start a fight with him, he is going to make sure you can't threaten him or others anymore, and you'll be lucky if you make it to the hospital rather than a wooden onesie. He doesn't have the time or energy to fight, so he ends it quickly. If you aren't prepared for that and are just starting shit with him, you will regret it. Garick doesn't necessarily like that he's like that, in fact he hates himself for being so violent, but not enough to change. He is not someone to mess with.
Errol hurts people all the time and in some verses, he kills as well, all of it without remorse. He struggles with empathy, so when he hurts someone or takes a life, he doesn't feel bad about it. If anything, he prefers to use bladed weapons rather than guns or other ranged weapons because he likes to get up close and personal with who he's hurting or killing so he can feel something - anything - when he does. Seeing the fear and pain in their eyes, or even the hatred, is almost like feeling a connection of some kind with them before he harms them. So he kind of enjoys it in a way. but, of course, that changes completely when he ends up accidentally hurting someone he actually manages to care about and form an attachment to. Then he copes very poorly because guilt isn't something he is used to feeling, it's not in his emotional arsenal, so when it does happen, it's foreign to him and he doesn't know how to handle it.
Kaleb has only ever accidentally hurt people, or done so when he was high and/or angry, and didn't actually mean it, so regrets it later. He's never hurt someone physically before, nor has he ever killed, but emotionally, he's done quite a number on a few people because of his addiction. It took him a while to fully understand the impact it made on others, at least, enough that he committed to changing the behavior. But now that he has gotten clean, he's determined not to relapse because he can't bear the thought of losing the people he cares about most. Not again. He never wants to hurt anyone, it was never his intention.
