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All I ever seem to do is screw up. I don’t want to be here anymore. I want to run away and go somewhere where no one knows me at all, and all the people in my past can never find me again.

It’s just me and my stuffed animals against the world

Just treat me with some respect and give me some fucking grace as a human being. That’s all I’m begging for Jesus fucking Christ. You’d think I was the biggest, laziest sack of shit on the planet the way you guys portray me. I don’t put something back once and you get annoyed so instead of saying hey do you mind you act like I’m just a teenage dumbass and don’t you know better? You made a tiny mistake and I’m treating you like shit because I just can’t believe that wow, but when I say hey that’s rude as hell, you respond with I can’t believe you’re getting so mad over this tiny little thing??? Um duh???? THATS WHAT IM TRYING TO TELL YOU????? You started this???? You’re the one who brought this energy first???? The entire group cancels casual plans on a Tuesday night but because I still saw my boyfriend I’m a vindictive, selfish bitch??? Oh who is you!!!!!!

I just want everyone to be normal and sane. Why can’t we all just let this shit go? I’m always the one that has to and I don’t want to anymore. It’s someone else’s turn.

I am so fucking sick and tired of giving grace and understanding to others only for them not to show me an ounce in return. I’m so fucking sick of being expected to be the bigger person and let things go when I’m attacked and the person treating me like shit isn’t expected to do a damn thing let alone apologize. Why do I always have to be the composed one when they get to fly off the handle over every little fucking thing? I’m so sick of the people I love and trust taking any little infraction I make and using it as ammunition to fuel the version of me they’ve invented in their head where everything I do is wrong, calculated, lazy or selfish. I’m sick of it. I’m angry that now that I’m finally losing patience and I’m worn thin that I’m told “you can control yourself” and I’m expected to let it go and play nice every single time. I’m tired of being made to feel guilty for my angry reaction when all I want is to defend myself and my respect and the other person is treating me like shit and painting me like a villain.

I wish I’d known my papa

I’m so scared. I’m going to seriously get brain damage or die this time. I wish I could stop this. I’m so sorry. I love you, I love you so much

I hope I can be normal again one day

I love you, i love you, i love you.

I want to go home. I wish I felt safe and happy and content. I want it so much. I miss it so much. I wish I felt safe and secure. I wish I felt steady and normal. I feel trapped in my body and worry it’s broken beyond repair. I can’t bear for the rest of my life to be lived this way. I thought I had just a little more time. I thought at least a few years of youth and good health. I know it’s never guaranteed for anyone. But considering my life has been horrifically, permanently altered by such an easily preventable injury… I’m just so angry. This just isn’t fair. What do I do? What am I supposed to do? What can even be done? I wish someone would just hold me for hours. I’m so angry and scared and sad. What do I do? Please someone save me. Please make this better. I want my life back so much. Please please please give it back. I want to be sawyer again. Please give her back. I want to go home. Please please please god. I just want to feel safe in my body again. Why is this happening? It’s not fair.

I hate this so much. My hurt is hurting everyone I love and I have literally no way or idea how to stop it or make it better. I just want to go home :( I want to be me again

I wish I could be normal and healthy again :( I don’t want to go anywhere or do anything. I just want to go to sleep and stay that way until a miracle makes the hurt stop.

I miss feeling hope. I miss it so much. I miss feeling hope, and safety, happiness, contentment, excitement. I wish I could feel safe and warm and content again. I want to go home