chaos rising

In that moment, Andy wished he could read Ryder’s mind. He used to be able to come close, able to read the younger man easily, know what he’s thinking about by the look on his face. He’d like to be optimistic, to believe they’re not too far gone – But Andy knows that’s just wishful thinking. It’s naive to believe either of them are anything close to the people they were prior to Andy’s prison sentence, prior to the split. They both made their beds, and despite whatever distress he feels, he has to accept that. Ryder’s not the same Prospect he was as a kid – Hell, he’s nothing close to a kid anymore, either. “Guess not.” Andy replies easily, arms crossed over his chest as he slouches in his spot despite the ache it’s causing his back from sitting on the cement of the holding cell bench. The answer is cryptic, but Andy keeps his poker face – Apparently, that was enough to get Ryder to stop trying to incite a cage match between them. At the mention of ratting, however, his eyes narrow and brows furrow. “You rattin’ isn’t my problem.” It’s harsh, but it’s the truth – He has to establish the boundary between them, even it’ll have him losing sleep after.  

There was an air of intimidation in the cell, that Ryder wasn’t sure anyone else could feel. Maddox seemed concerned with his own thoughts, and Andy, well. Andy looked ready to get the fuck out of here. SO maybe it was just Ryder; being faced with two men who knew an uncomfortable amount about the ginger for being on the other side of this war. The tense air was making him itch. Maybe it was because he really had no idea why he was here. Unless the ATF got word from agents in Georgia about a particular attorney;s gruesome death; but Ryder was sure hew as careful. The unknowns was driving him nuts and though Andy was warning him against antagonizing, he couldn’t stop himself.  “Oh it isn’t?” His voice was void of any malice from before. It was void of anything. “Seems like it is when your name is the one they keep bringing up.” Was it cruel? Dangling these tidbits of information in front of the youngest Thane son? Maybe. But Ryder was feeling desperate for something, and cruelty was usually how he got it. 

Izzy crossed her arms. Of course, Adrian and Izzy had talked about getting over their little scuffle but unfortunately, Iz was a bit more bitter than the dark roast coffee that Kane and Iz drank throughout most of their days. She always had been and she probably always would be. Which is something that she knew that Ryder and her shared as a trait. It was in their nature. And yet, he had the audacity to ask about it. “We talked. It’s over now. Doesn’t mean I got him to talk about both of your shitty attitudes,” she replied, raising both her eyebrows at him. She tried to act casual, sipping on her drink as if she couldn’t or didn’t want to join Ryder in downing the whole thing. It was their thing. “And if you think that’s a long time, just wait for me to keep hold of this ATF bullshit,” she all but promised.

She watched her friend carefully, feeling herself almost inhale so hard she could choke. If her time with Ryder taught her anything over the years was that ‘I love you’ was something you just didn’t say to Ryder. Even if you meant it, even if it burned a hole in your fucking chest knowing that you did, and even if it killed you— you still didn’t fucking do it. Izzy tried to make Ryder feel her love through every way possible (besides actually saying it). Whether it was their time casually fucking or their movie nights cuddled up on the couch or even a casual drink at the Dive like this, she loved Ryder, even if she hadn’t told him. Clearly, Adrian hadn’t picked up on the memo for some fucking reason. “He did what?” she asked, as if she hadn’t heard him but she was still a bit dumbfounded. “Why the fuck? He knows…” Iz paused, pursing her lips. “So that’s why you’re not speaking, yeah?”

Raising an eyebrow at the term shitty attitude, Ryder couldn’t help but laugh into his glass as he traced loops in the melted ice with his pinky finger.  “My shitty attitude can never be fixed, Princess. People have tried.” He should’ve known that Izzy would react this way when she saw his face; if the roles were reversed, he would too. They shared a desperate need to defend loved ones, especially each other. But this was a bit more serious than a bar fight that Ryder got fucked up in; this was an ATF agent. Revenge wasn’t an option. Izzy’s reaction was the outward reaction of how he felt on the inside. Honestly, maybe he had made that same exact sound in front of Adrian, he had no idea. It’s not like his hearing was the most accurate half the time anyways. 

But the sound coming from the woman beside him put the ginger at ease. Izzy understood. Shrugging a little bit, Ryder set his glass mouth side down on the worn wood of the table they were occupying, letting the condensation and watery alcohol fill the knife gouges that Ryder was pretty sure he left there months ago after a patron got a bit too rowdy. “Threw a book at my head, then told me he loved me.” His tone was neutral, like he was recounting the weather. “‘Course he knows,” he continued,  “wanted me out of the house though. Wanted his phone back and me gone.” Drumming fingers against his knee, Ryder finally looked at her. “It was the withdrawal talkin’, so I know he didn’t mean it,” Shrugging weakly, he continued, “But I just need time I guess,” Or because it hurts too much to know that Adrian of all people didn’t mean it.

5. Who do you think is the least intimidating person in Olympus? Why? 

Answered!

10. Was your character happy, sad, relieved, mad, etc. at Kane’s death? Why?

Answered! 

20. What does your muse think is least attractive about my muse?

Before he would’ve said the way he talks about himself. Ryder thinks Adrian is amazing, and sometimes his self deprecating humor toes the line for him (which is, in fact a hypocritical statement to make considering some of the things Ryder says about himself but, semantics). But now, he’d say it was the look in Adrian’s eyes that day in his kitchen. It was a side to Adrian he had never seen before and it reminded him too much of people in his past. 

28. This or that:

10. Was your character happy, sad, relieved, mad, etc. at Kane’s death? Why?

Answered! 

12. Do you think there are instances where murder is justified? Why or why not?

Oh absolutely. Ryder doesn’t love murder, but he knows that it’s a facet of the life he chose for himself. Especially when he was sent to Georgia to kill his brother, he was justifying it in his head the entire time. When out on jobs, tagging along to make sure a sale goes smoothly, if he ever has to shoot someone, he justifies it with “they knew the rules.”

23. Random head canon

Ryder’s infatuation with the Titanic comes from a place of sheer terror. Because of his fear of deep water, Ryder refuses to get on ships or boats of any kind. Add that general fear to an image of the worlds largest ship of it’s time, sinking and killing 1,500 people? It’s literally his worst nightmare. But that fear also sparked a sudden interest to learn the ins and outs of how the ship worked and all the tiny details of the disaster. On top of the history of the event, he has learned and memorized almost all the new safety regulations for cruise ships to prepare himself for the unlikely event of him actually getting on a ship. 

27. Who (as a mun) would you love to see your character interact more with in Olympus? Why? How? (because plot connections ;) but also pick as many people as you want because ideas could spark)

It was hard to tell if Adrian wasn’t himself or if Adrian was the most himself he’d been in years–on the verge of a breakthrough and still desperately clinging to old habits. A month ago he’d hidden a tiny bag underneath one of the books and now the memory of taking $70 for some heroin and some coke faded in an out. Adrian could have almost convinced himself that he’d dreamed it. But it wasn’t here anymore. He’d torn every book off the shelf and there was nothing.

The man took a deep breath, his arms wrapping tighter around the book. “I just need to send a text,” he said, trying his best to sound calm and rational. But his words came out frail, like a man begging a stranger for food. But somewhere between the beginning and the end, Adrian stopped cowering. If Adrian was an animal in a cage, Ryder was now an obstacle to freedom. His captor.

And as much as he tried to convince himself that this wasn’t true, that Ryder was here because he cared about him, the pain made it difficult to listen to logic. “Jesus christ,” he said, letting his arms fall away from his chest. “You’re so fucking stubborn. What the fuck to I have to do to get you to just get the fuck out of my house?” Adrian was a predator, pacing back and forth in his cage and Ryder became the hunter that would never let him go. There was a disconnect from his body and his brain as his arm reeled back over his head.

The thick book was hurled across the room, and Adrian watched it move in slow motion, half unsure of where it had come from and half feeling sick to his stomach because he knew it was him. The sound of it hitting Ryder square in the head might as well have been a gunshot. Adrian’s knees buckled beneath him and hit the floor.

It was the shock of it all, more than anything else, that sent Ryder stumbling backwards into the open bathroom doorway behind him. The last thing he remembered was stepping forward to try and do anything to help Adrian, and now, a familiar hand was gripping his throat like a vice and he was gasping for air. Ear ringing as if he pressed his face against the sound system at the Dive. Like his worst nightmare coming to life. But he’s been here before; fight’s in dark alley’s and gunshots have left him soundless before. It would pass. The Trojan felt a small trickle of blood sliding down his face as he fumbled to flip the bathroom light switch into the on position. The mark wasn’t big. He had definitely experienced worse. 

Trying to breathe steady again, Ryder pressed his shoulder into the open bathroom door frame, staring at the book and then the man who threw it. It all felt distant. Like this was someone else’s life. Adrian wouldn’t ever...Ryder trusted him. But the staring contest between the men was going on too long. The ginger had some sort of compulsion to speak. “Do you feel better?” His own voice echoed in his own ears as the ringing started to fade, the creaks and groans of the house they were standing in filling it’s void. He hated the way it sounded - choked, scared, betrayed. “It usually makes people feel better.” 

She shrugs at his words, knowing that he’s kind of right. If there was ever going to be a time that Rowan was going to be able to get something out of him now would be it. With Benny on his lap, he’s kind of trapped. But she hadn’t wanted him to feel like she was taking advantage of that or forcing him to talk to her about whatever was going on…. but he had come here for a reason, obviously needing some kind of outlet to work through the mess inside of his head. Besides, he didn’t seem like he was about to throw the baby and go running and screaming out of the house, so she decides to just roll with it, keeping her lips pursed together and staying quiet while he speaks. A small spark of amusement passes over her when he covers Benny’s ears, finding it endearing that he wants to protect him from hearing this – as if he has any idea what any of this means, as if he’s going to be able to understand or retain the conversation – but then she swallows back a thought about not protecting him from the inevitable confusion and sadness that’s going to come when they need to stop this fucking act, when they both finally accept that things aren’t the same as they used to be.

She lets out a hum when Ryder mentions Adrian’s dealer. It’s a disapproving sound, maybe even bordering somewhere on judgemental. She’d had her suspicions about Adrian between the company he keeps and the fact that he always looks like he’s one particularly strong gust of wind away from being carried out of town. Maybe that wouldn’t be so bad, she thinks. “You can’t blame yourself for that,” she’s quick to point out. She hates that this is something she can relate to though. Andy’s struggle with alcohol is no secret and in their years together there have been lots of times she had felt like if she had just said the right thing or loved him harder, he wouldn’t go looking for comfort at the bottom of a bottle. She knows better now. “S’not your responsibility to make sure he stays clean, Ry. I know you care about him and you want him to be safe and healthy… but if he doesn’t want it, there’s not a whole lot you can do.” It sounds harsh even to her own words and she lets her free hand ruffle his hair with a gentle affection to try and ease it a little. “He’s gotta get to that place himself first.”  

Distracted from the conversation when Benny turns to look at Ryder, smacking tiny hands against his tattooed fingers to get his hands away from his ears, the ginger couldn’t help but already miss moments like this. Things were changing, Ryder could feel it. And he knew it was tempting fate by showing up at the Thane house as much as he already did when he was on the other side of this battle. But he couldn’t help seeking solace in Rowan’s nonjudgemental gaze; the motherly affection that he so desperately needed his entire life. He shook away the feeling of remorse rising up his throat and kissed the side of Benny’s head as he mumbled “Sorry big guy, grown up stuff. You understand right?” Benny stared at Ryder like he had two heads and Ryder took that as a yes. 

So he turned back to Rowan, finally out of distractions in regards to this conversation. “I know I just…” It was embarrassing, how at 29 years old he still didn’t know how to put his own feelings into words. Like how every time he looked at Rowan he wanted to thank her for not giving up on him like everyone else. How he loved her. He knew he did. But everytime he opens his mouth to say it he turns and runs; chickens out and pretends like he’ll have the nerve to say it next time. “He was almost there, Ro. He tossed all the stuff...and I panicked because I thought he bought from us and our shit got tampered with and I thought I was going to walk in and find him dead.” Glancing at her, he shrugged. “I just don’t know where to go from here. I know that it was the withdrawal, that it wasn’t really him but,” Looking away from her, staring at Scout sniffing under the table wondering if Benny was going to drop any snacks, something that had been weighing on the ginger’s mind finally pushed it’s way out into the world. “God I’m so tired of being everyone’s punching bag, Ma.” Shaking his head, the Trojan rubs his jaw with his baby free hand. “When’s it gunna end?”

ROWAN: You can't contact me anymore.

ROWAN: I saw. You thought texting me was a good idea after that?

Ryder: look I just...there's something Ive never said to you that you need to hear and I know I'm about to lose my chance.

Ryder: So im texting it to you because i'm a coward.