Flying Headfirst into Fate

P..please don’t tell the nurses…

/she slowly opened her hand, revealing a now open wound with fresh blood seeping from her skin. shakily, she dropped it on the ground and leaned against the wall, shaky and light headed/

I know what I’m doing! /she grips the blade out of frustration and feels it pierce into her skin. she looks back at Ryan/ Oh, shit…

P-please, Ryan, I’m okay. /turning the blade over in her hands/ I was just… I’m stressed, okay? That’s all it is.

/The razor, sitting in its own pond of ruby liquid on the window sill, had seen enough action today. She moved to put it away, her hands still numb and left arm slightly shaking./ “I’m fine… Ryan, please, I’m okay…”

"Mm, go walk around, see if you can find someone willing to give you hell. I’ll pay them off later." 

"You really need a life. Or I need to find something to keep your day exciting. One of those." 

"Hey you’re just lucky my brother came into town early and kind of forced me to come in; otherwise I wouldn’t have even bothered to show up." 

"Yeah…still can’t find a reason to care that I’ve missed about half of my shift." 

*Nevi stood looking out the window, only acutely aware of the pain in her arm. She felt numb, but in a good way, a calm way that made everything slow down and let her feel dull. She knew the blood was trickling down her arm, but she didn’t care. She didn’t even care when she heard someone standing in her doorway behind her.*

"Far as I’m concerned, it’s the only way to go. No one wants to suffer, definitely not me. Ironic thing is, I thought this way before, and then I stopped, and here we are again….guess some things never really do change." 

"Stopped what?"

"Sometimes it’s straight and fast. Sometimes it’s long and insufferable. "

"Yeah, that's true. I wish straight and fast was the only way to die. My grandmother was lucky enough to have it pretty fast... If you want to call dying lucky, that it."

"If this doesn’t, something else will." 

"Of course. Something kills everyone eventually."

"Eh…I feel like the term ‘whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’ applies more." 

"Is that even still a thing?" 

"First the joint…and now I have the urge to get drunk….Well if the cancer doesn’t kill me falling back onto old habits probably will." 

"YOLO, right?"

"There’s nothing anyone could do. He always has been and always will be a jackass. Thanks for letting me vent." 

"No problem. They say guys mature around 25... Maybe he's a late bloomer. Good luck with him, anyway."