R E C T I F I E R

In luck as she went to fill her small ceramic watering can- the spout looked like a sunflower, she spotted Henry in the living room.

“Hello.” She gave a small smile. i come in peace.

“Find everything okay?”

A pause. “I owe you an apology, for earlier.”

"Hello." he returned with a nod, the next part making him try to read the woman.

Ah.

Suddenly the mother spoke up, firm voice yet still.. haunted.

"I asked, Henry to get him in." everyone had a choice and this was hers. "He wouldn't speak to me. I didn't know where he was. And the times he did call was to ask for money..." with the pretense that it was for school literature that she knew she had given to him to spend on drugs. But once she pulled the breaks on it, she stopped.

Don't call me if you're only going to ask for money again.

"I thought, he would be safe there."

Even if he can't speak right now, he's making no move to ask her to stop, and she takes that as his blessing.

And she's sorry, because she didn't want to spoil a nice meal together, with her in-laws. Doesn't want to sour the relationship, but it occurs to her as she listens to Henry how used to winning this, he seems to be.

Moira was in his corner, but who was in Josh's?

"...You did what you could, with what you knew how to at the time." She nodded slowly, trying to show her understanding of his point.

And then, Moira.

And for a moment, it shocks Julia. That she watches the mother, searching her eyes. Someone who had been afraid, who had been desperate for help for her son.

Who hadn't known what else to do.

"And you did too." She nodded slowly, wanting to empathize with that, wanting to show them that she did. But all the same.

defend until my dying breath.

"...You did what you thought was right, to save him." She looked between Moira and Henry. "I don't think anyone could fault you for that."

But.

She looked back at Henry. "You've never apologized?

Not for the ways, it hurt him?" She asked. "He was in pain, and then he was.. working in blood and horror, and didn't learn another way to live. He'll, carry memories that wake him screaming.

Was it any wonder he'd go back to numbing himself?

Who wouldn't?"

She squeezed his hand tightly. i love you.

"Apologize?" a light furrow of his brow as he tried to understand Julia, leaning forward as he looked over at Josh who was sitting so still he might as well be trying to dissolve into the air.

"All the hurt he did was onto himself, by himself. What hurt did I possibly offer him?" blood and horror. Another look between the two, then

at Moira.

Hesitation from his end as to how much to speak of it, but he would not sit here and be judged by the choice he made that had anything to do with the path Joshua had decided for himself.

"I was not the one who sent him there. Blood and horror, you say. But whose was it? Not by my doing, no." he shook his head slowly. "He chose it for himself.

Why, would you ask yourself, would a green lab tech with no clearance to be out in the field suddenly find himself in the midst of all this blood and horror? Well, I think, you should ask him, that."

Another glance at Moira who had her hands in front of her face, looking down at her plate.

"—I presume you haven't told the story, or she wouldn't be here with false accusations." another counter towards Joshua.

The story?

The story of.. blood and horror, and a green lab tech with no clearance, out in the field? No. She didn't know that story. And she stilled a little bit, feeling like whatever it was was.. a touched nerve.

Somewhere near the heart of whatever this was, and she took a careful breath. "...Have I accused you of something false?" She asked, a light furrow of her brow.

She scooted a little forward in her seat.

"Henry," Because they'd gotten off on the wrong foot, because she had come into this strong. Easily casting judgement on the man who would hire someone young, vulnerable and alone in the world.

And her own ideas about SHIELD.

"I'm not saying I have any doubt, that Josh has made his own choices. And mistakes. I would never say that."

She squeezed his hand.

"And I'm not saying you weren't doing the best you could, to keep him safe." She paused. "People make mistakes."

You're so used to winning this. Do you know, there doesn't need to be a winner?

"A green lab-tech. At twenty-two, a country away from his only family and with a history of substance abuse issues. Suspended from school and under investigation. In the field." That's what he'd said, wasn't it?

Who sent him there?

"Should he have been there?" She asked gently. "You have a part to play. Choices you made.

substance abuse

suspended from school

should he have been there?

Dead.

He should've been dead.

"—I will not be analyzed over a dinner party, especially by someone who wasn't there, who didn't know the stakes, who-" he breathed out through his nose.

"It was out of my hands." he finally said, factually and.. regrettably. His pointed gaze moved from Julia to rest on the person this was about.

"You weren't supposed to be on the field. And yet, you found yourself there. Why?" tell me again so I understand, what were you doing breaking protocol?

"And then you asked for a transfer. And got accepted, without my knowledge or.. blessing." he wasn't sure what hurt the most.

Turning her head to see her Josh, she could tell right away Henry wasn’t going to get far looking for a straight answer from him now. At least, not a good one.

Julia looked back to the older man, pulling in her lower lip.

“It must’ve been horrible. Worrying like that.”

Didn’t she understand that part at least?

“And if your effort to save him worked, but ended up with him in a place that would break him..

Isn’t that worth apologizing for?” She asked.

“So you can be around each other, without him ducking his head and waiting for more admonishment?

What would be the harm??” That part she was really struggling to understand.

“If you did your best and he still got hurt.

only more often than not in moments like this, that would do the opposite of help. He'd feel safer alone.

She looked back over at Henry, pulling in her lower lip and giving her head a soft shake.

"He's scared of you.

These- things, that you use against him, make him scared of you.

Is that what you want?" She asked, a helplessness in her voice, like trying to plead with him. Or Moira, his mother, would she stay hidden behind her hands.

"Why does it have to be all his fault?" She looked between. "If there's a share of responsibility to be taken, to keep him from being crushed under it..

Why won't you do that??"

She chokes up, embarrassingly. And she's still looking to the parents for some kind of an answer to how this could be, how Josh had started off alone in the world,

for so long,

"...because he wants it to be." the somber realization he came to years ago, when all hope seemed to have seeped out of that young man. Whatever hope he had left.

"He didn't take that job to further his career." he explained gently now, however just as factual as before. Ready to deliver more truths, he glanced at where Joshua had disappeared to, faltering.

"I don't want him to be afraid of me." he frowned. "But I never set out to be a role model. Nor a father figure. The things I taught him were to keep him alive within the organization, alone, without having to trust anyone else. Because when you do.." those close colleagues turned out to be the enemy.

"There was no need for him to stay for as long as he did. He could have moved on. Changed paths. Our deal was that he would finish his degree while he worked there." and what happened?

"—I'm angry, for the position he put me in. I vouched for him and then he let me down. He let that agent's family down. He let himself down.

He let that agent's family down. He let himself down.

He let that agent's family down.

Someone died.

When Josh had been sent into the field.

When I say you go, you go. She remembered that was his condition. That he couldn't focus on what he needed to do, if he was too worried for someone he cared about.

"It was your responsibility to keep him safe." She echoed quietly, wiping her tears, she watched the older man. "And in spite of your best efforts.." She tried to surmise.

"You fell short."

A shake of her head. "Must've broken your heart." How couldn't it? "If you cared about him, then.. it must've really hurt." She breathed, giving a couple of small nods.

"No... I haven't." he relented, one hand coming to rest on Moira's lap. The mother holds onto tightly with both of hers.

"I failed to keep him safe. To keep Moira's son safe. And he kept pushing me away, until I was just another.. name in a list of people whose lives were better off away from him."

But he kept surveillance on him. How couldn't he?

All the self-protection.

Remind her of someone? You bet.

He never rescinded his stance. So I went along with it.

I thought because he wouldn’t fight for it, it meant he didn’t want it.

“What if… he never thought to rescind his stance, because he saw you going along with it?

And thought, you wanted it that way?”

If you’re very small, and the world’s first lesson to you is that it is big, and cruel, and will take— when do you learn to fight for what’s important to you?

“If he wanted it different.

And what he needed, was for you to be the first one to take the step to cross..” She sighed. “That, divide. To be more to each other.

Could you do that?

Would, you?”

A pause.

“Because I think, out of all the family of his I’ve met. You might understand each other the best.

And I apologize, but.” She didn’t think she was wrong.

Suddenly the mother spoke up, firm voice yet still.. haunted.

"I asked, Henry to get him in." everyone had a choice and this was hers. "He wouldn't speak to me. I didn't know where he was. And the times he did call was to ask for money..." with the pretense that it was for school literature that she knew she had given to him to spend on drugs. But once she pulled the breaks on it, she stopped.

Don't call me if you're only going to ask for money again.

"I thought, he would be safe there."

Even if he can't speak right now, he's making no move to ask her to stop, and she takes that as his blessing.

And she's sorry, because she didn't want to spoil a nice meal together, with her in-laws. Doesn't want to sour the relationship, but it occurs to her as she listens to Henry how used to winning this, he seems to be.

Moira was in his corner, but who was in Josh's?

"...You did what you could, with what you knew how to at the time." She nodded slowly, trying to show her understanding of his point.

And then, Moira.

And for a moment, it shocks Julia. That she watches the mother, searching her eyes. Someone who had been afraid, who had been desperate for help for her son.

Who hadn't known what else to do.

"And you did too." She nodded slowly, wanting to empathize with that, wanting to show them that she did. But all the same.

defend until my dying breath.

"...You did what you thought was right, to save him." She looked between Moira and Henry. "I don't think anyone could fault you for that."

But.

She looked back at Henry. "You've never apologized?

Not for the ways, it hurt him?" She asked. "He was in pain, and then he was.. working in blood and horror, and didn't learn another way to live. He'll, carry memories that wake him screaming.

Was it any wonder he'd go back to numbing himself?

Who wouldn't?"

She squeezed his hand tightly. i love you.

"Apologize?" a light furrow of his brow as he tried to understand Julia, leaning forward as he looked over at Josh who was sitting so still he might as well be trying to dissolve into the air.

"All the hurt he did was onto himself, by himself. What hurt did I possibly offer him?" blood and horror. Another look between the two, then

at Moira.

Hesitation from his end as to how much to speak of it, but he would not sit here and be judged by the choice he made that had anything to do with the path Joshua had decided for himself.

"I was not the one who sent him there. Blood and horror, you say. But whose was it? Not by my doing, no." he shook his head slowly. "He chose it for himself.

Why, would you ask yourself, would a green lab tech with no clearance to be out in the field suddenly find himself in the midst of all this blood and horror? Well, I think, you should ask him, that."

Another glance at Moira who had her hands in front of her face, looking down at her plate.

"—I presume you haven't told the story, or she wouldn't be here with false accusations." another counter towards Joshua.

The story?

The story of.. blood and horror, and a green lab tech with no clearance, out in the field? No. She didn't know that story. And she stilled a little bit, feeling like whatever it was was.. a touched nerve.

Somewhere near the heart of whatever this was, and she took a careful breath. "...Have I accused you of something false?" She asked, a light furrow of her brow.

She scooted a little forward in her seat.

"Henry," Because they'd gotten off on the wrong foot, because she had come into this strong. Easily casting judgement on the man who would hire someone young, vulnerable and alone in the world.

And her own ideas about SHIELD.

"I'm not saying I have any doubt, that Josh has made his own choices. And mistakes. I would never say that."

She squeezed his hand.

"And I'm not saying you weren't doing the best you could, to keep him safe." She paused. "People make mistakes."

You're so used to winning this. Do you know, there doesn't need to be a winner?

"A green lab-tech. At twenty-two, a country away from his only family and with a history of substance abuse issues. Suspended from school and under investigation. In the field." That's what he'd said, wasn't it?

Who sent him there?

"Should he have been there?" She asked gently. "You have a part to play. Choices you made.

substance abuse

suspended from school

should he have been there?

Dead.

He should've been dead.

"—I will not be analyzed over a dinner party, especially by someone who wasn't there, who didn't know the stakes, who-" he breathed out through his nose.

"It was out of my hands." he finally said, factually and.. regrettably. His pointed gaze moved from Julia to rest on the person this was about.

"You weren't supposed to be on the field. And yet, you found yourself there. Why?" tell me again so I understand, what were you doing breaking protocol?

"And then you asked for a transfer. And got accepted, without my knowledge or.. blessing." he wasn't sure what hurt the most.

Turning her head to see her Josh, she could tell right away Henry wasn’t going to get far looking for a straight answer from him now. At least, not a good one.

Julia looked back to the older man, pulling in her lower lip.

“It must’ve been horrible. Worrying like that.”

Didn’t she understand that part at least?

“And if your effort to save him worked, but ended up with him in a place that would break him..

Isn’t that worth apologizing for?” She asked.

“So you can be around each other, without him ducking his head and waiting for more admonishment?

What would be the harm??” That part she was really struggling to understand.

“If you did your best and he still got hurt.

only more often than not in moments like this, that would do the opposite of help. He'd feel safer alone.

She looked back over at Henry, pulling in her lower lip and giving her head a soft shake.

"He's scared of you.

These- things, that you use against him, make him scared of you.

Is that what you want?" She asked, a helplessness in her voice, like trying to plead with him. Or Moira, his mother, would she stay hidden behind her hands.

"Why does it have to be all his fault?" She looked between. "If there's a share of responsibility to be taken, to keep him from being crushed under it..

Why won't you do that??"

She chokes up, embarrassingly. And she's still looking to the parents for some kind of an answer to how this could be, how Josh had started off alone in the world,

for so long,

"...because he wants it to be." the somber realization he came to years ago, when all hope seemed to have seeped out of that young man. Whatever hope he had left.

"He didn't take that job to further his career." he explained gently now, however just as factual as before. Ready to deliver more truths, he glanced at where Joshua had disappeared to, faltering.

"I don't want him to be afraid of me." he frowned. "But I never set out to be a role model. Nor a father figure. The things I taught him were to keep him alive within the organization, alone, without having to trust anyone else. Because when you do.." those close colleagues turned out to be the enemy.

"There was no need for him to stay for as long as he did. He could have moved on. Changed paths. Our deal was that he would finish his degree while he worked there." and what happened?

"—I'm angry, for the position he put me in. I vouched for him and then he let me down. He let that agent's family down. He let himself down.

He let that agent's family down. He let himself down.

He let that agent's family down.

Someone died.

When Josh had been sent into the field.

When I say you go, you go. She remembered that was his condition. That he couldn't focus on what he needed to do, if he was too worried for someone he cared about.

"It was your responsibility to keep him safe." She echoed quietly, wiping her tears, she watched the older man. "And in spite of your best efforts.." She tried to surmise.

"You fell short."

A shake of her head. "Must've broken your heart." How couldn't it? "If you cared about him, then.. it must've really hurt." She breathed, giving a couple of small nods.

"No... I haven't." he relented, one hand coming to rest on Moira's lap. The mother holds onto tightly with both of hers.

"I failed to keep him safe. To keep Moira's son safe. And he kept pushing me away, until I was just another.. name in a list of people whose lives were better off away from him."

But he kept surveillance on him. How couldn't he?

Suddenly the mother spoke up, firm voice yet still.. haunted.

"I asked, Henry to get him in." everyone had a choice and this was hers. "He wouldn't speak to me. I didn't know where he was. And the times he did call was to ask for money..." with the pretense that it was for school literature that she knew she had given to him to spend on drugs. But once she pulled the breaks on it, she stopped.

Don't call me if you're only going to ask for money again.

"I thought, he would be safe there."

Even if he can't speak right now, he's making no move to ask her to stop, and she takes that as his blessing.

And she's sorry, because she didn't want to spoil a nice meal together, with her in-laws. Doesn't want to sour the relationship, but it occurs to her as she listens to Henry how used to winning this, he seems to be.

Moira was in his corner, but who was in Josh's?

"...You did what you could, with what you knew how to at the time." She nodded slowly, trying to show her understanding of his point.

And then, Moira.

And for a moment, it shocks Julia. That she watches the mother, searching her eyes. Someone who had been afraid, who had been desperate for help for her son.

Who hadn't known what else to do.

"And you did too." She nodded slowly, wanting to empathize with that, wanting to show them that she did. But all the same.

defend until my dying breath.

"...You did what you thought was right, to save him." She looked between Moira and Henry. "I don't think anyone could fault you for that."

But.

She looked back at Henry. "You've never apologized?

Not for the ways, it hurt him?" She asked. "He was in pain, and then he was.. working in blood and horror, and didn't learn another way to live. He'll, carry memories that wake him screaming.

Was it any wonder he'd go back to numbing himself?

Who wouldn't?"

She squeezed his hand tightly. i love you.

"Apologize?" a light furrow of his brow as he tried to understand Julia, leaning forward as he looked over at Josh who was sitting so still he might as well be trying to dissolve into the air.

"All the hurt he did was onto himself, by himself. What hurt did I possibly offer him?" blood and horror. Another look between the two, then

at Moira.

Hesitation from his end as to how much to speak of it, but he would not sit here and be judged by the choice he made that had anything to do with the path Joshua had decided for himself.

"I was not the one who sent him there. Blood and horror, you say. But whose was it? Not by my doing, no." he shook his head slowly. "He chose it for himself.

Why, would you ask yourself, would a green lab tech with no clearance to be out in the field suddenly find himself in the midst of all this blood and horror? Well, I think, you should ask him, that."

Another glance at Moira who had her hands in front of her face, looking down at her plate.

"—I presume you haven't told the story, or she wouldn't be here with false accusations." another counter towards Joshua.

The story?

The story of.. blood and horror, and a green lab tech with no clearance, out in the field? No. She didn't know that story. And she stilled a little bit, feeling like whatever it was was.. a touched nerve.

Somewhere near the heart of whatever this was, and she took a careful breath. "...Have I accused you of something false?" She asked, a light furrow of her brow.

She scooted a little forward in her seat.

"Henry," Because they'd gotten off on the wrong foot, because she had come into this strong. Easily casting judgement on the man who would hire someone young, vulnerable and alone in the world.

And her own ideas about SHIELD.

"I'm not saying I have any doubt, that Josh has made his own choices. And mistakes. I would never say that."

She squeezed his hand.

"And I'm not saying you weren't doing the best you could, to keep him safe." She paused. "People make mistakes."

You're so used to winning this. Do you know, there doesn't need to be a winner?

"A green lab-tech. At twenty-two, a country away from his only family and with a history of substance abuse issues. Suspended from school and under investigation. In the field." That's what he'd said, wasn't it?

Who sent him there?

"Should he have been there?" She asked gently. "You have a part to play. Choices you made.

substance abuse

suspended from school

should he have been there?

Dead.

He should've been dead.

"—I will not be analyzed over a dinner party, especially by someone who wasn't there, who didn't know the stakes, who-" he breathed out through his nose.

"It was out of my hands." he finally said, factually and.. regrettably. His pointed gaze moved from Julia to rest on the person this was about.

"You weren't supposed to be on the field. And yet, you found yourself there. Why?" tell me again so I understand, what were you doing breaking protocol?

"And then you asked for a transfer. And got accepted, without my knowledge or.. blessing." he wasn't sure what hurt the most.

Turning her head to see her Josh, she could tell right away Henry wasn’t going to get far looking for a straight answer from him now. At least, not a good one.

Julia looked back to the older man, pulling in her lower lip.

“It must’ve been horrible. Worrying like that.”

Didn’t she understand that part at least?

“And if your effort to save him worked, but ended up with him in a place that would break him..

Isn’t that worth apologizing for?” She asked.

“So you can be around each other, without him ducking his head and waiting for more admonishment?

What would be the harm??” That part she was really struggling to understand.

“If you did your best and he still got hurt.

only more often than not in moments like this, that would do the opposite of help. He'd feel safer alone.

She looked back over at Henry, pulling in her lower lip and giving her head a soft shake.

"He's scared of you.

These- things, that you use against him, make him scared of you.

Is that what you want?" She asked, a helplessness in her voice, like trying to plead with him. Or Moira, his mother, would she stay hidden behind her hands.

"Why does it have to be all his fault?" She looked between. "If there's a share of responsibility to be taken, to keep him from being crushed under it..

Why won't you do that??"

She chokes up, embarrassingly. And she's still looking to the parents for some kind of an answer to how this could be, how Josh had started off alone in the world,

for so long,

"...because he wants it to be." the somber realization he came to years ago, when all hope seemed to have seeped out of that young man. Whatever hope he had left.

"He didn't take that job to further his career." he explained gently now, however just as factual as before. Ready to deliver more truths, he glanced at where Joshua had disappeared to, faltering.

"I don't want him to be afraid of me." he frowned. "But I never set out to be a role model. Nor a father figure. The things I taught him were to keep him alive within the organization, alone, without having to trust anyone else. Because when you do.." those close colleagues turned out to be the enemy.

"There was no need for him to stay for as long as he did. He could have moved on. Changed paths. Our deal was that he would finish his degree while he worked there." and what happened?

"—I'm angry, for the position he put me in. I vouched for him and then he let me down. He let that agent's family down. He let himself down.

Suddenly the mother spoke up, firm voice yet still.. haunted.

"I asked, Henry to get him in." everyone had a choice and this was hers. "He wouldn't speak to me. I didn't know where he was. And the times he did call was to ask for money..." with the pretense that it was for school literature that she knew she had given to him to spend on drugs. But once she pulled the breaks on it, she stopped.

Don't call me if you're only going to ask for money again.

"I thought, he would be safe there."

Even if he can't speak right now, he's making no move to ask her to stop, and she takes that as his blessing.

And she's sorry, because she didn't want to spoil a nice meal together, with her in-laws. Doesn't want to sour the relationship, but it occurs to her as she listens to Henry how used to winning this, he seems to be.

Moira was in his corner, but who was in Josh's?

"...You did what you could, with what you knew how to at the time." She nodded slowly, trying to show her understanding of his point.

And then, Moira.

And for a moment, it shocks Julia. That she watches the mother, searching her eyes. Someone who had been afraid, who had been desperate for help for her son.

Who hadn't known what else to do.

"And you did too." She nodded slowly, wanting to empathize with that, wanting to show them that she did. But all the same.

defend until my dying breath.

"...You did what you thought was right, to save him." She looked between Moira and Henry. "I don't think anyone could fault you for that."

But.

She looked back at Henry. "You've never apologized?

Not for the ways, it hurt him?" She asked. "He was in pain, and then he was.. working in blood and horror, and didn't learn another way to live. He'll, carry memories that wake him screaming.

Was it any wonder he'd go back to numbing himself?

Who wouldn't?"

She squeezed his hand tightly. i love you.

"Apologize?" a light furrow of his brow as he tried to understand Julia, leaning forward as he looked over at Josh who was sitting so still he might as well be trying to dissolve into the air.

"All the hurt he did was onto himself, by himself. What hurt did I possibly offer him?" blood and horror. Another look between the two, then

at Moira.

Hesitation from his end as to how much to speak of it, but he would not sit here and be judged by the choice he made that had anything to do with the path Joshua had decided for himself.

"I was not the one who sent him there. Blood and horror, you say. But whose was it? Not by my doing, no." he shook his head slowly. "He chose it for himself.

Why, would you ask yourself, would a green lab tech with no clearance to be out in the field suddenly find himself in the midst of all this blood and horror? Well, I think, you should ask him, that."

Another glance at Moira who had her hands in front of her face, looking down at her plate.

"—I presume you haven't told the story, or she wouldn't be here with false accusations." another counter towards Joshua.

The story?

The story of.. blood and horror, and a green lab tech with no clearance, out in the field? No. She didn't know that story. And she stilled a little bit, feeling like whatever it was was.. a touched nerve.

Somewhere near the heart of whatever this was, and she took a careful breath. "...Have I accused you of something false?" She asked, a light furrow of her brow.

She scooted a little forward in her seat.

"Henry," Because they'd gotten off on the wrong foot, because she had come into this strong. Easily casting judgement on the man who would hire someone young, vulnerable and alone in the world.

And her own ideas about SHIELD.

"I'm not saying I have any doubt, that Josh has made his own choices. And mistakes. I would never say that."

She squeezed his hand.

"And I'm not saying you weren't doing the best you could, to keep him safe." She paused. "People make mistakes."

You're so used to winning this. Do you know, there doesn't need to be a winner?

"A green lab-tech. At twenty-two, a country away from his only family and with a history of substance abuse issues. Suspended from school and under investigation. In the field." That's what he'd said, wasn't it?

Who sent him there?

"Should he have been there?" She asked gently. "You have a part to play. Choices you made.

substance abuse

suspended from school

should he have been there?

Dead.

He should've been dead.

"—I will not be analyzed over a dinner party, especially by someone who wasn't there, who didn't know the stakes, who-" he breathed out through his nose.

"It was out of my hands." he finally said, factually and.. regrettably. His pointed gaze moved from Julia to rest on the person this was about.

"You weren't supposed to be on the field. And yet, you found yourself there. Why?" tell me again so I understand, what were you doing breaking protocol?

"And then you asked for a transfer. And got accepted, without my knowledge or.. blessing." he wasn't sure what hurt the most.

Suddenly the mother spoke up, firm voice yet still.. haunted.

"I asked, Henry to get him in." everyone had a choice and this was hers. "He wouldn't speak to me. I didn't know where he was. And the times he did call was to ask for money..." with the pretense that it was for school literature that she knew she had given to him to spend on drugs. But once she pulled the breaks on it, she stopped.

Don't call me if you're only going to ask for money again.

"I thought, he would be safe there."

Even if he can't speak right now, he's making no move to ask her to stop, and she takes that as his blessing.

And she's sorry, because she didn't want to spoil a nice meal together, with her in-laws. Doesn't want to sour the relationship, but it occurs to her as she listens to Henry how used to winning this, he seems to be.

Moira was in his corner, but who was in Josh's?

"...You did what you could, with what you knew how to at the time." She nodded slowly, trying to show her understanding of his point.

And then, Moira.

And for a moment, it shocks Julia. That she watches the mother, searching her eyes. Someone who had been afraid, who had been desperate for help for her son.

Who hadn't known what else to do.

"And you did too." She nodded slowly, wanting to empathize with that, wanting to show them that she did. But all the same.

defend until my dying breath.

"...You did what you thought was right, to save him." She looked between Moira and Henry. "I don't think anyone could fault you for that."

But.

She looked back at Henry. "You've never apologized?

Not for the ways, it hurt him?" She asked. "He was in pain, and then he was.. working in blood and horror, and didn't learn another way to live. He'll, carry memories that wake him screaming.

Was it any wonder he'd go back to numbing himself?

Who wouldn't?"

She squeezed his hand tightly. i love you.

"Apologize?" a light furrow of his brow as he tried to understand Julia, leaning forward as he looked over at Josh who was sitting so still he might as well be trying to dissolve into the air.

"All the hurt he did was onto himself, by himself. What hurt did I possibly offer him?" blood and horror. Another look between the two, then

at Moira.

Hesitation from his end as to how much to speak of it, but he would not sit here and be judged by the choice he made that had anything to do with the path Joshua had decided for himself.

"I was not the one who sent him there. Blood and horror, you say. But whose was it? Not by my doing, no." he shook his head slowly. "He chose it for himself.

Why, would you ask yourself, would a green lab tech with no clearance to be out in the field suddenly find himself in the midst of all this blood and horror? Well, I think, you should ask him, that."

Another glance at Moira who had her hands in front of her face, looking down at her plate.

"—I presume you haven't told the story, or she wouldn't be here with false accusations." another counter towards Joshua.

Henry asked another question, and she finds Josh.. elsewhere. Unwilling to answer.

Was he, what was he. Afraid?

Of him?

Julia found her husband’s hand under the table, giving it a gentle poke with her finger. A silent apology for the track she was on, for disrupting dinner, thinking maybe she should stop.

So, it all worked out in the end.

It all worked out.

Her head swiveled back to Henry, watching him eat in smug satisfaction. She wasn’t afraid of him, in the same way she wasn’t afraid of that agent wanting to barge into Josh’s hospital room.

“You credit SHIELD with that?” She asked, locking in more now on Henry. “Because I, I have to credit Josh.”

Must not have told her much, she had to scoff. “Have you not seen him? Even now, sorry Josh, he’s afraid to say a word to contradict you.”

Baffling. Could he really not see it?

“Do you- have any idea? The kind of weight you hold, for god’s sake you’re the closest thing he’s had to a father.”

She stilled.

She was going too far, but she can’t stop speaking it as much as she can’t stop seeing the damage. She wants it to stop.

“And he has overcome fear after fear, because to him family is terrifyingly dangerous.” Have you been part of that, Henry?

“…And I don’t think you’d say that so proudly if you heard his nightmares.”

She just.. couldn’t understand, the crease in her brow and shake of her head as she watched him, and then Moira.

His mother.

Did she believe all this too?

“You took an unrooted.. struggling orphan,

and you sent him to war.” ?

She cleared her throat harshly, feeling a lump form at the thought in her anger, a hand protectively resting against her stomach.

“For the promise of structure.” When I think you know what he needed was family.

“Maybe, he would’ve been embarrassed to end up having to go home. Or, or struggled on like that for a few more years until he found his way. And he is, alright. He will be okay.

It was one of the many reasons he wanted to be with her. No one told Julia what to say or what not to do if she felt it was right.

Confirmation. Of course he knew. It came with the job, however manipulative or, genuine. Henry took on that role, not just for Joshua, but more intense with him.

Because of who he was. Who he came to be. Because Moira was his mother.

Henry sat back in his chair all thought of food or enjoying a nice dinner before they flew back to Ireland disappeared just like his appetite. And all the while he sensed Moira struggling next to him. But he wouldn't speak for her. No matter how desperate of a mother she had been at the time.

You'd do anything to keep your loved ones alive.

A moment passed until he finally took a breath to speak, calm as ever but with a heaviness to his words.

"I don't pretend to be unaware of my.. impact as his handler. And I did my best, to be the structure he needed.

—But this was SHIELD. You don't make friends in there that you are certain will make it out alive. I never thought I was a good father figure. I never treated him as a son. And my purpose was for him not to treat me as family."

His speech more rapid more to the point. "Yes. He was struggling. You imagine him at his lowest refusing any kind of help, there you have him twenty-odd years thinking he could do it on his own in a foreign country with no support.

An orphan, he was not. He had his mother in Ireland, someone he refused to see or keep any contact with. Did he mention that? She tried. She tried so hard she still speaks of it today." to her side, the mother shifted, a soft sigh being let out.

Warm side lights and a few of her favorite funky candles in jars decorated the living room area and the dinner table.

For dinner, to send them to bed before their flight with something hearty, the chef had whipped up a salad of spring peas, couscous, lemon and feta, a side of marinated and caramelized trumpet mushrooms, and ribeyes.

The vinyl lazily turning with coffeehouse favorites as Julia filled her glass with apricot juice, shifting to observing Moira, to Josh, to finally Henry.

Henry.

She had many questions about Henry.

"So Henry," And now that they were all alone at the apartment and she figured it was safer to talk about, "You were Josh's.. first boss at SHIELD?"

"Yes." he nodded gently. "One of.. many, during his tenure there." another purposeful look this time with his carefree smile.

That was.. young. She'd figured Josh had been young, but all the same that was young. It was Gabe's age now, wasn't it?

One of.. many, during his tenure there.

"What, was there a shortage in good management?" She asked with a teasing smile, lifting her eyebrows and looking over to Josh. "Oh, you came to them. Big dreams of curing diseases and being a secret agent."

How had she heard about the agency?

"Oh, when everybody else did mostly. There was a Times article after the Chitauri invasion, but it got taken down almost immediately, so maybe I imagined it.

"Mh." a simple hum from the handler, taking a break from his own food . "Yes, most of us who were there during it.. Well, it was a surprise to us all. We lost many good people that day. Fortunately, Joshua wasn't with us then." not that his discharge was honorable. Maybe for the best.

Her knee gently rested against Josh’s, nudging his foot with her own.

It wasn’t that the older gentleman was especially rude, but there was something in the way he addressed Josh that she didn’t especially care for. Or the way Josh had reacted to him and his seeming disappointment at the wedding.

“Oh, you know Josh. Tight lipped.” She glanced at him fondly. She knew it was also his way of keeping things separate, safe.

Henry must be a major flaw in that, having married his mother.

“But I’ve done my share of reading.” She looked back at the man, frowning thoughtfully as she pushed her spring peas around. “Must’ve been awful.

Not… completely a surprise though, could it have been? I dunno. I just remember reading this crazy number,” She gave a soft chuckle at how outlandish this was about to sound, “That no less than fifty percent of staff within at the time were operating on behalf of HYDRA.” with or without that knowledge, but more to the point.

“Could that be right? Fifty?

There must’ve been.. some idea, of a presence within. Not of that scope, but maybe a smaller percent?”

Wide eyed curiosity, she watched him. “Maybe twelve, or… fifteen?

"Upon investigation into the matter - yes. There were flags raised in various departments, but.. None that were picked up by those whose job it was to analyze it." in his defense, not his department at the time. Now, however, it would be different.

The weight of her wording, her question however rhetorical was not a deterrent. Henry was not known to back down from an honest and legit discussion.

"Few enough to let someone who had no direction in life get their footing back." he retorted gently, factually. A nod towards Joshua because that was who they were talking about. He sensed Moira loose her appetite when she set her fork down.

"It was a good opportunity for him, for anyone to get ahead." his mother thought so anyway. And who better to know their son than their mother?

“You put a gun in his hands.” It just slips out of the dumbfounded woman’s mouth. Her hold on Josh’s knee tightens just a little, the image Moira had painted for her. The one she saw in his eyes sometimes.

That lost boy, with no one. For so long.

The one without his birth parents around, without…

A father.

And her eyes fixed back on Henry, her brow smoothing out slightly. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt. I just find it..” She looked at Josh, worried about trespassing on this for his sake, and then Moira, sensing her uncomfortability.

“He was alone, in another country. Wasn’t he?” She asked, a little more softer, looking for real confirmation.

“If he was struggling to get on his feet, I dunno.. was a strong, um, uh vouch, a recommendation for postgrad, or a… promising med tech startup, or rehab,

attempted? Before?” She asked.

How many other recruits were brought in like that? Did she want to go there? “Was it a last resort or..

Standard recruiting process?”

Because messed up though he might’ve been, how could someone so young still not have a real shot at a normal life, that wouldn’t teach him horror,

Alone in another country, indeed, but who had put himself there? She wasn't asking the right questions, he believed.

"Standard? No, it wasn't standard. Many even questioned my decision. It's not easy finding justification to bring in a kid with no degree or control over his life.

And a recommendation for someone who was under investigation and suspended would not have been helped by me. As for rehab, you did go, didn't you?" the question turned to the other man, who wasn't making eye contact with anyone.

He knew Moira had struggled to get him clean. He knew she'd struggled for far too long.

"So, it all worked out in the end, didn't it? I can tell he hasn't told you much or you would surely agree on the course taken."

Warm side lights and a few of her favorite funky candles in jars decorated the living room area and the dinner table.

For dinner, to send them to bed before their flight with something hearty, the chef had whipped up a salad of spring peas, couscous, lemon and feta, a side of marinated and caramelized trumpet mushrooms, and ribeyes.

The vinyl lazily turning with coffeehouse favorites as Julia filled her glass with apricot juice, shifting to observing Moira, to Josh, to finally Henry.

Henry.

She had many questions about Henry.

"So Henry," And now that they were all alone at the apartment and she figured it was safer to talk about, "You were Josh's.. first boss at SHIELD?"

"Yes." he nodded gently. "One of.. many, during his tenure there." another purposeful look this time with his carefree smile.

That was.. young. She'd figured Josh had been young, but all the same that was young. It was Gabe's age now, wasn't it?

One of.. many, during his tenure there.

"What, was there a shortage in good management?" She asked with a teasing smile, lifting her eyebrows and looking over to Josh. "Oh, you came to them. Big dreams of curing diseases and being a secret agent."

How had she heard about the agency?

"Oh, when everybody else did mostly. There was a Times article after the Chitauri invasion, but it got taken down almost immediately, so maybe I imagined it.

"Mh." a simple hum from the handler, taking a break from his own food . "Yes, most of us who were there during it.. Well, it was a surprise to us all. We lost many good people that day. Fortunately, Joshua wasn't with us then." not that his discharge was honorable. Maybe for the best.

Her knee gently rested against Josh’s, nudging his foot with her own.

It wasn’t that the older gentleman was especially rude, but there was something in the way he addressed Josh that she didn’t especially care for. Or the way Josh had reacted to him and his seeming disappointment at the wedding.

“Oh, you know Josh. Tight lipped.” She glanced at him fondly. She knew it was also his way of keeping things separate, safe.

Henry must be a major flaw in that, having married his mother.

“But I’ve done my share of reading.” She looked back at the man, frowning thoughtfully as she pushed her spring peas around. “Must’ve been awful.

Not… completely a surprise though, could it have been? I dunno. I just remember reading this crazy number,” She gave a soft chuckle at how outlandish this was about to sound, “That no less than fifty percent of staff within at the time were operating on behalf of HYDRA.” with or without that knowledge, but more to the point.

“Could that be right? Fifty?

There must’ve been.. some idea, of a presence within. Not of that scope, but maybe a smaller percent?”

Wide eyed curiosity, she watched him. “Maybe twelve, or… fifteen?

"Upon investigation into the matter - yes. There were flags raised in various departments, but.. None that were picked up by those whose job it was to analyze it." in his defense, not his department at the time. Now, however, it would be different.

The weight of her wording, her question however rhetorical was not a deterrent. Henry was not known to back down from an honest and legit discussion.

"Few enough to let someone who had no direction in life get their footing back." he retorted gently, factually. A nod towards Joshua because that was who they were talking about. He sensed Moira loose her appetite when she set her fork down.

"It was a good opportunity for him, for anyone to get ahead." his mother thought so anyway. And who better to know their son than their mother?

Warm side lights and a few of her favorite funky candles in jars decorated the living room area and the dinner table.

For dinner, to send them to bed before their flight with something hearty, the chef had whipped up a salad of spring peas, couscous, lemon and feta, a side of marinated and caramelized trumpet mushrooms, and ribeyes.

The vinyl lazily turning with coffeehouse favorites as Julia filled her glass with apricot juice, shifting to observing Moira, to Josh, to finally Henry.

Henry.

She had many questions about Henry.

"So Henry," And now that they were all alone at the apartment and she figured it was safer to talk about, "You were Josh's.. first boss at SHIELD?"

"Yes." he nodded gently. "One of.. many, during his tenure there." another purposeful look this time with his carefree smile.

That was.. young. She'd figured Josh had been young, but all the same that was young. It was Gabe's age now, wasn't it?

One of.. many, during his tenure there.

"What, was there a shortage in good management?" She asked with a teasing smile, lifting her eyebrows and looking over to Josh. "Oh, you came to them. Big dreams of curing diseases and being a secret agent."

How had she heard about the agency?

"Oh, when everybody else did mostly. There was a Times article after the Chitauri invasion, but it got taken down almost immediately, so maybe I imagined it.

"Mh." a simple hum from the handler, taking a break from his own food . "Yes, most of us who were there during it.. Well, it was a surprise to us all. We lost many good people that day. Fortunately, Joshua wasn't with us then." not that his discharge was honorable. Maybe for the best.

Her knee gently rested against Josh’s, nudging his foot with her own.

It wasn’t that the older gentleman was especially rude, but there was something in the way he addressed Josh that she didn’t especially care for. Or the way Josh had reacted to him and his seeming disappointment at the wedding.

“Oh, you know Josh. Tight lipped.” She glanced at him fondly. She knew it was also his way of keeping things separate, safe.

Henry must be a major flaw in that, having married his mother.

“But I’ve done my share of reading.” She looked back at the man, frowning thoughtfully as she pushed her spring peas around. “Must’ve been awful.

Not… completely a surprise though, could it have been? I dunno. I just remember reading this crazy number,” She gave a soft chuckle at how outlandish this was about to sound, “That no less than fifty percent of staff within at the time were operating on behalf of HYDRA.” with or without that knowledge, but more to the point.

“Could that be right? Fifty?

There must’ve been.. some idea, of a presence within. Not of that scope, but maybe a smaller percent?”

Wide eyed curiosity, she watched him. “Maybe twelve, or… fifteen?

"Upon investigation into the matter - yes. There were flags raised in various departments, but.. None that were picked up by those whose job it was to analyze it." in his defense, not his department at the time. Now, however, it would be different.

The weight of her wording, her question however rhetorical was not a deterrent. Henry was not known to back down from an honest and legit discussion.

"Few enough to let someone who had no direction in life get their footing back." he retorted gently, factually. A nod towards Joshua because that was who they were talking about. He sensed Moira loose her appetite when she set her fork down.

"It was a good opportunity for him, for anyone to get ahead." his mother thought so anyway. And who better to know their son than their mother?

Warm side lights and a few of her favorite funky candles in jars decorated the living room area and the dinner table.

For dinner, to send them to bed before their flight with something hearty, the chef had whipped up a salad of spring peas, couscous, lemon and feta, a side of marinated and caramelized trumpet mushrooms, and ribeyes.

The vinyl lazily turning with coffeehouse favorites as Julia filled her glass with apricot juice, shifting to observing Moira, to Josh, to finally Henry.

Henry.

She had many questions about Henry.

"So Henry," And now that they were all alone at the apartment and she figured it was safer to talk about, "You were Josh's.. first boss at SHIELD?"

"Yes." he nodded gently. "One of.. many, during his tenure there." another purposeful look this time with his carefree smile.

That was.. young. She'd figured Josh had been young, but all the same that was young. It was Gabe's age now, wasn't it?

One of.. many, during his tenure there.

"What, was there a shortage in good management?" She asked with a teasing smile, lifting her eyebrows and looking over to Josh. "Oh, you came to them. Big dreams of curing diseases and being a secret agent."

How had she heard about the agency?

"Oh, when everybody else did mostly. There was a Times article after the Chitauri invasion, but it got taken down almost immediately, so maybe I imagined it.

"Mh." a simple hum from the handler, taking a break from his own food . "Yes, most of us who were there during it.. Well, it was a surprise to us all. We lost many good people that day. Fortunately, Joshua wasn't with us then." not that his discharge was honorable. Maybe for the best.

Warm side lights and a few of her favorite funky candles in jars decorated the living room area and the dinner table.

For dinner, to send them to bed before their flight with something hearty, the chef had whipped up a salad of spring peas, couscous, lemon and feta, a side of marinated and caramelized trumpet mushrooms, and ribeyes.

The vinyl lazily turning with coffeehouse favorites as Julia filled her glass with apricot juice, shifting to observing Moira, to Josh, to finally Henry.

Henry.

She had many questions about Henry.

"So Henry," And now that they were all alone at the apartment and she figured it was safer to talk about, "You were Josh's.. first boss at SHIELD?"

"Yes." he nodded gently. "One of.. many, during his tenure there." another purposeful look this time with his carefree smile.

"What are you doing?"

Henry's smooth low voice carried through the call, a curious tone to it and on the verge of an exasperated sigh at whatever the young man was going to propose.

Without thinking, Gabriel picked up the phone. “Eaffn a bfeefburger.” He grabbed a sip of his iced tea and actually swallowed. “Sorry.

Eatin’ a cheeseburger.

."I meant,

Gabe shrugged his shoulders, rising from his seat. He gave his boyfriend a squeeze on the shoulder, ducking down to kiss his cheek before he strode off to the other room to focus on the call.

“Yup, I did.

Just trying to suss how detailed I should be on this call.” Maybe Henry was slowing down now in his retirement that it was taking him a while to catch this drift.

“I have some intel on people, ones I remember, coming up in the system.

A lot of em, turns out, still working in it.

They shouldn’t be.”

He let that hang a moment. “Pretty determined to do something about that.”

A pause, some very relevant information he realized he needed to give Henry.

In his world of technology and surveillance all he could think about was ...that. But the system meant a lot of different things to different people.

A slight pause.

The call ended and just as quick, it rang again from an unknown number.

[ INCOMING CALL ]

"What are you doing?"

Henry's smooth low voice carried through the call, a curious tone to it and on the verge of an exasperated sigh at whatever the young man was going to propose.

Without thinking, Gabriel picked up the phone. “Eaffn a bfeefburger.” He grabbed a sip of his iced tea and actually swallowed. “Sorry.

Eatin’ a cheeseburger.

."I meant,

"What are you doing?"

Henry's smooth low voice carried through the call, a curious tone to it and on the verge of an exasperated sigh at whatever the young man was going to propose.

Without thinking, Gabriel picked up the phone. “Eaffn a bfeefburger.” He grabbed a sip of his iced tea and actually swallowed. “Sorry.

Eatin’ a cheeseburger.

."I meant,