I have been here too long

Lieutenant Columbo from Columbo has autistic swag!

Some old RLM art cause I heart these bozos

Poirot solves crimes by reading people for filth

Miss Marple solves crimes by being a nosy bitch

Columbo solves crimes by being annoying

Dirk Gently solves crimes by being inconvenient

Like, taking the above detectives as keynote examples and focusing almost solely on British trends. You start off with guys who are portrayed as superhuman intelligent, then you add emotional and social context, then you get detectives who do all of the above but also pretend to be stupid, and then in the 80s/90s we had this wave of hyper-specific non-detectives that solved crime in niche ways. Dirk Gently is more detective fiction and sci fi than strictly murder mystery, but Jonathan Creek solving crime using his background in magic tricks is a good one, and there’s also Rosemary and Thyme, which is about two women solving crime using their background in gardening and horticulture (I liked it mostly but also found it frustrating because they only used the most obvious poisons and they were right there it’s like LADIES you are standing in a field of foxgloves going “I wonder what could have caused burning on the skin and respiratory issues and sudden death”). Then in the 90s onwards you also have the blurring of the procedural and the murder mystery with long-running shows about one (1) village that has so many murders you start to wonder how there can be anyone left to do the murders/be murdered next week/solve the murder.

And I’m soooo obsessed with Benoit Blanc because he takes notes from Christie trope-wise (it is correct to gather all the suspects into a luxurious house and pull some dramatic nonsense to get a confession), but instead of the billionth stale and misguided take on Holmes (superhuman intelligence, emotions bad, we must be objective) he takes character notes from Columbo and Marple (“I don’t care if you think I’m stupid lol xoxo gossip girl”), Poirot (“I have good intuition for emotional context and I believe it is vital and also I’m just a weird little guy”), Father Brown and Dirk Gently (will randomly say shit that makes you want to go “what ??????”), and he has so much flavour of his own. If all the little crime guys above solve crime x way, Benoit Blanc solves crime by being patient. Which, in our current world where everything is now and if it isn’t now it’s already ancient, and you have to finish it today, and 9 new cool things might happen in the next week and you can’t partake in all of them, and everything is on sale 75% off just for 24 hours, and you have to buy this and go here and take this opportunity

HABIT's monologue in 'Half acre of ash' has been resonating with me as of late

The choice for who to put in these was kind of obvious

Context:

BUT THIS IS HOW THE EMH GUYS HUG

VINCENT,HABIT,NOAH,JEFF, EVAN

VINCENT-

. definitely a bear hugger

. he has a tight and firm but soft hug

.he smells normally really good

.he will smoosh his face into the top of your head

.he definitely sways you side to side

.sometimes kissing the top of you head

HABIT-

.he dosent hug

.i mean sometimes but you would have to be alone

.NO hugging infront of people unless there’s a guy hitting on you…but he kills the guy first

.loves laying on you, like head on your stomach or chest and hugging you while sleeping

.smells like..blood,dirt,sweat and metal

.make sure the blood on him is dry unless you want blood on you

.wraps his arms around the top of your back or lower depends on your height

Jeff-

.fucking..LOVES hugs

.always hugging you

.making food? HUGS! your upset? HUGS! your trying to concentrate on painting your nails? will wait till your done then HUGS!

.loves taking pictures of y’all hugging

.side hugs a lot if he can’t fully

.smiles like a idiot if you kiss him before or after

.HE JUST LOVES PHYSICAL TOUCH

.if you don’t wanna hug he understands don’t worry

noah-

.your gonna have to hug him

.he would probably sob

.he loves you, okay?☹️

.he would hug you really tight like you would die if he let go

.hes like..soft? i don’t know how to put it like hugging a stuffed bear, he’s just super comfortable

.hes just really really touch starved to hug him, a lot please

.if he’s upset or sad his hugs are way different his hugs are really loose he just wants to hold you

.normally puts his arms around the back of your neck like kinda wraps them around

evan-

.give him hugs

-gives you hugs

-hugs

-your sitting by each other he’s gonna sit as close as he can and probably like tackle you

-ALWAYS ONTOP OF EACH OTHER WHILE SLEEPING

-he literally loves you so much

-smells good