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misa going to arsenal AND alessia being the one to send her a letter ????:?/?/?/?/)2)3?: 🥹🥹🥹 wow im so moved i can’t believe this my life man im so happy
synopsis - after weeks of mistaking love for kindness, alessia is finally forced to confront the truth she's somehow missed all along. and suddenly every small moment you've shared since you arrived means something different, and the thought of wanting you becomes far more frightening than admitting she's never felt this way about anyone before. (wc - 4.9k)
༄ notes - for @russotellas
༄ read more - masterlist
two weeks was not a long time.
you knew that.
everyone knew that.
two weeks was nothing in the grand scheme of things.
it wasn’t enough time to know someone completely. it wasn’t enough time to understand every part of them, every habit, every little thing they did when nobody was watching.
but somehow, two weeks was enough for alessia to become part of your routine.
and that was strange.
because you didn’t let people become part of your routine easily.
your routine was important.
it was yours.
it was the thing that kept you grounded when everything else felt uncertain.
when you left barcelona, you thought the hardest part would be missing the people.
you were wrong.
the hardest part was not knowing what came next.
because in barcelona, everything was automatic.
you knew where you belonged.
you knew who you were.
you were alexia putellas’ little sister, yes, but you were also you. you had built your own name. you had your own career. your own reputation.
in london, nobody knew the version of you that existed outside football.
and somehow, alessia had started learning her without you even realising.
⸻
it started with the mornings.
which was ridiculous, because you had never been a morning person.
everyone knew that.
back at barca, the girls used to say that before coffee you were “not a person, just a warning sign.”
you always told them that they dramatic.
they always told you they were correct.
but somehow, alessia had managed to become part of your mornings.
not in an overwhelming way.
not in the way that would have made you pull away.
she didn’t force conversation.
she didn’t knock on your door or demand your attention.
she simply appeared.
usually with coffee.
“good morning.”
you looked at her. “morning.”
alessia smiled.
still, after all this time, she looked slightly surprised every time you answered.
as if she still expected you to ignore her.
you didn’t know why.
you always answered.
maybe not with much.
but you answered.
⸻
“you’re getting better.”
you looked at alessia as you walked into training.
“at what?”
“english.”
you shook your head. “no.”
“yes.”
“no.”
alessia laughed. “you literally just argued with me in english.”
you paused.
because unfortunately, she had a point.
you hated when people were right. “still… no.”
“you’re impossible.”
you looked at her. “you say… a lot.”
“because it’s true.”
and for a second, you smiled.
a real one.
small.
quick.
but there.
alessia stopped walking.
not because she had never seen you smile before.
she had.
but because she was starting to realise how rare it was.
and how much she liked being one of the people who got to see it.
⸻
the others noticed too.
not because you suddenly became different.
you didn’t.
that was the funny thing.
you were still you.
still quiet.
still serious.
still the person who looked like she was personally offended by the existence of loud noises before training.
but around alessia?
there were changes.
tiny ones.
you sat closer.
you answered faster.
you looked for her when something happened.
you didn’t even notice you were doing it.
that was the part everyone found interesting.
because you were not someone who was unaware.
you noticed everything.
except yourself.
⸻
“she likes you.”
you looked at mariona. “no.”
she raised an eyebrow.
you hated that look.
because it meant she already knew she was right.
“i didn’t say anything.”
“you were going to.”
“i wasn’t.”
“you were.”
mariona smiled. “chiquita.”
you immediately frowned. “don’t.”
“you’re doing the thing.”
“what thing?”
“pretending you don’t care.”
you looked away.
because that was unfair.
you did care.
you cared a lot.
that was the problem.
you just didn’t know what to do with it.
you had spent your entire life being surrounded by people who loved you.
your family.
your teammates.
your friends.
but this felt different.
not because it was bigger.
because it was unfamiliar.
you weren’t used to someone new becoming important so quickly.
especially someone like alessia.
someone warm.
someone open.
someone who was the complete opposite of you.
⸻
alessia, meanwhile, was convinced she was being completely normal.
which was impressive.
because everyone around her knew she wasn’t.
“you learned her coffee order?”
kyra looked at her like she had just admitted to something illegal.
alessia frowned. “yes.”
“why?”
“because she likes it.”
kyra stared. “lessi.”
“what?”
“you’ve known her for two weeks.”
“and?”
“and you don’t even know my coffee order.”
alessia looked offended. “that’s different.”
“how?”
“because you’re you, you change it up everytime.”
kyra narrowed her eyes. “rude.”
but she laughed.
because she knew.
everyone knew.
alessia was always kind.
that was not new.
but this was different.
there was an effort there.
a care.
a softness.
and alessia didn’t seem to understand that she was doing anything unusual.
⸻
the jacket was what really made people notice.
because everyone had seen it.
you wearing alessia’s jacket after training.
and everyone knew alessia.
she was generous.
she was kind.
but she wasn’t someone who constantly gave pieces of herself away.
not like that.
not without thinking.
especially not to someone who was still technically a stranger.
“you know you’re going to freeze without that, right?”
lotte said it casually.
alessia looked at her.
“what?”
“your jacket.”
alessia glanced over.
you were standing with laia, still wearing it.
“she was cold, and i’m used to the cold.”
lotte nodded.
“you’re an idiot it what you are.”
and then she walked away.
leaving alessia slightly confused.
because to her, it was obvious.
you were cold.
she had a jacket.
problem solved.
she didn’t understand why everyone acted like she had done something special.
but the thing alessia didn’t see was that you were doing the same.
you weren’t as obvious.
you never were.
you weren’t bringing her coffee because you didn’t know how to say you wanted to make her day easier.
you didn’t buy extra snacks because you didn’t know how to say you thought about her when she wasn’t there.
you just did things.
quietly.
naturally.
like when you noticed she always forgot to bring tape.
you started carrying extra.
when you noticed she liked staying behind after training to practise finishing.
you stayed too.
when you noticed she was struggling with a certain drill.
you adjusted your passes without making it obvious.
alessia thought you were just being a good teammate.
everyone else knew better.
it’s just that the problem was that neither of you understood what was happening.
you thought you were just comfortable with her.
alessia thought she was just helping you.
both of you were wrong.
because somewhere between the coffee, the jackets, the quiet conversations and the moments where neither of you needed words, something had shifted.
not dramatically.
not enough that either of you could name it.
just enough that when alessia walked into a room, your eyes found her.
just enough that when you weren’t there, she noticed.
just enough that everyone else had started seeing it before the two people involved.
and maybe that was the most dangerous part.
because feelings were easy when they were obvious.
it was the quiet ones that got you.
the ones that slipped in unnoticed.
the ones that felt completely normal until one day they didn’t.
and neither of you were ready for the moment when you realised.
⸻
alessia had always considered herself someone who understood people.
it was one of the things she was proud of.
she noticed when someone was upset, even if they tried to hide it. she noticed when a teammate needed encouragement, when someone needed space, when someone needed a little bit of kindness.
she was good at reading other people.
which was why it was almost embarrassing that she was completely incapable of reading herself.
because everyone else had figured it out.
everyone.
except her.
⸻
it started with taylor.
which was probably the worst possible person to notice something because taylor noticed everything.
she had that older sister kind of awareness.
the kind where she didn’t need someone to say something because she could usually tell from their behaviour.
and alessia’s behaviour had become impossible to ignore.
they were sitting together after training, waiting around before heading home, and alessia was scrolling through her phone.
except she wasn’t really scrolling.
she was staring.
taylor glanced over.
“you’ve been looking at the same thing for five minutes.”
alessia looked up. “i have not.”
“you have.”
“i’m just replying to messages.”
taylor looked at her. “you’re not even on messages.”
alessia looked down.
she wasn’t.
she immediately locked her phone.
“okay.”
taylor smiled. “who is it?”
alessia frowned. “what?”
“who are you thinking about?”
“nobody.”
“less.”
“what?”
“you’re terrible at lying.”
alessia rolled her eyes. “i’m not lying.”
taylor didn’t answer.
she didn’t need to.
because after a few seconds, alessia sighed. “it’s just y/n.”
taylor’s expression changed slightly.
not surprised.
more like someone who had just had their suspicions confirmed.
“what about y/n?”
“nothing.”
“lessi.”
“we’re just friends.”
“i didn’t say you weren’t.”
alessia paused.
because that was annoying.
because taylor wasn’t actually accusing her of anything.
she was just asking.
and somehow that made it worse.
⸻
“i just think she’s interesting.”
that was the explanation alessia had been using.
because it was true.
you were interesting.
you were completely different from anyone she had known before.
you weren’t impressed by things most people were impressed by.
you didn’t care about attention.
you didn’t care about being liked.
you cared about football.
your family.
the people you trusted.
and that was it.
alessia found that refreshing.
“interesting,” taylor repeated.
“yes.”
“is that why you know her coffee order?”
alessia looked at her. “yes.”
“is that why youre learning spanish?”
“yes.”
“is that why you drive in early so you can pick her up?”
alessia opened her mouth.
then closed it.
because she didn’t have a good answer.
taylor smiled. “right.”
“it’s just easier.”
“easier?”
“yeah.”
“lessi.”
“what?”
“you live nowhere near her.”
alessia looked away. “still.”
taylor shook her head, trying not to laugh.
because the funniest part was that alessia genuinely didn’t see it.
“you bring extra food because she liked your protein bar once.”
“because she liked it.”
“you give her your jacket.”
“because she was cold.”
kyra looked at her. “do you hear yourself?”
alessia went quiet.
because when kyra listed it like that, it did sound like a lot.
but it still didn’t feel like anything.
it just felt like caring.
and alessia cared about people.
that wasn’t new.
“i just want her to feel comfortable.”
kyra’s expression softened.
because that answer was the most alessia answer possible.
she wasn’t doing it because she expected something back.
she wasn’t doing it because she wanted attention.
she genuinely just wanted you to feel like you belonged.
and that was exactly why it was so obvious.
⸻
but lotte was the one who made it worse.
because lotte never pushed.
she didn’t tease the way kyra did.
she didn’t joke.
she just observed.
and somehow that was more intimidating.
“have you ever thought that maybe you like her?”
alessia looked at her.
then laughed.
because obviously that was ridiculous.
“what?”
lotte shrugged. “i’m just asking.”
“she’s my teammate.”
“that wasn’t my question.”
alessia opened her mouth.
nothing came out.
lotte smiled slightly. “you don’t have to answer now.”
“because there’s nothing to answer.”
“okay.”
and the way lotte said okay somehow annoyed alessia.
because it sounded like she didn’t believe her.
⸻
later that evening, the four of them sat together.
and alessia found herself explaining everything without even realising.
how you were different.
how you barely spoke but somehow always made people feel like you were listening.
how you remembered little things.
how you had this serious expression that made everyone think you hated them, but actually you were just quiet.
how you were impossible to read.
“i don’t even know if she likes me as a friend,” alessia admitted.
kyra looked at taylor.
then lotte.
all three of them had the same expression.
which alessia hated.
“what?”
“nothing,” taylor said.
alessia sighed.
“stop saying that.”
“you’re just funny.”
“why?”
“because you’re sitting here telling us about how you’ve completely rearranged parts of your life around someone you’ve known for two and a hafl weeks and you still think you dont like her like that.”
alessia frowned.
“she’s just like…”
“like what?”
“she’s kind.”
lotte tilted her head.
“is she?”
“yes.”
“is she kind to everyone?”
alessia went quiet.
because no.
not exactly.
you were polite.
you were respectful.
but you weren’t like that with everyone.
you didn’t remember everyone’s preferences.
you didn’t quietly help everyone.
you didn’t give everyone your attention.
just some people.
and alessia was starting to realise she might be one of them.
but she still wasn’t there yet.
she wasn’t ready to understand what everyone else already knew.
because for alessia, liking someone had always been simple.
she liked people.
she dated people.
she had crushes.
she understood attraction.
but this?
this felt different.
because it wasn’t just that she thought you were pretty.
it wasn’t just that she enjoyed being around you.
it wasn’t just that she wanted to know you better.
it was that she had started building parts of her day around you without even thinking.
and that scared her.
because she had never done that before.
not for anyone.
⸻
“you know what i think?” kyra said finally.
alessia looked at her. “what?”
“i think you’re scared.”
alessia laughed. “of y/n?”
“no.”
kyra smiled. “of how much you like being around her.”
alessia went quiet.
because that one landed differently.
and for the first time, she didn’t immediately have a response.
which was unusual.
because alessia always had something to say.
but maybe that was the problem.
maybe she had spent so long explaining everything away that she hadn’t stopped to consider the obvious.
maybe the reason everyone was teasing her wasn’t because they were misunderstanding.
maybe it was because they were seeing something she wasn’t ready to see.
and that thought followed her home.
because for the first time, alessia wondered if there was a reason your smile felt like an achievement.
if there was a reason she remembered every little thing you did.
if there was a reason she wanted to be the person who made london easier for you.
she just wasn’t ready to name it yet.
⸻
alessia had convinced herself she was fine.
that was the thing about her.
she could be completely falling apart internally and still walk into training with a smile on her face, still ask everyone how their day was, still make jokes, still be the person everyone expected her to be.
she was good at being okay.
maybe too good.
because even after the conversation with taylor, kyra, and lotte, she still hadn’t admitted anything.
not properly.
she had thought about it.
that was unavoidable.
because once someone put an idea in your head, it was impossible to completely ignore it.
but every time she got close to actually considering it, she found a reason not to.
she was just excited about having a new teammate.
she was just naturally friendly.
she was just helping someone settle in.
that was all.
it had to be.
because the alternative felt too big.
⸻
“you’re thinking too loudly.”
alessia looked up.
beth was standing in front of her, holding a drink and looking far too amused.
“what?”
beth smiled.
“you have a very obvious thinking face.”
alessia frowned.
“i do not.”
“you do.”
“everyone keeps saying that.”
“because everyone is right.”
alessia rolled her eyes.
but before she could respond, steph walked over with katie behind her.
and immediately alessia knew something was happening.
because they all had that look.
the look people got when they had decided they were going to have a conversation with you whether you wanted one or not.
“why is everyone looking at me like that?”
katie dropped into the seat beside them.
“because, less, you’re clueless.”
alessia stared. “what?”
“nothing.”
alessia groaned. “stop saying that.”
lotte, who was nearby, laughed quietly.
because apparently everyone had decided that was the funniest possible response.
“okay,” beth said gently.
and immediately, the tone changed.
that was something alessia appreciated about beth.
she could joke around, but she also knew when something mattered.
“we’re not trying to pressure you.”
alessia looked between them. “pressure me about what?”
steph gave beth a look.
beth looked back.
then she turned to alessia.
“have you ever felt like this before?”
alessia frowned. “like what?”
beth paused. “like someone is constantly on your mind.”
alessia went quiet.
because yes.
obviously.
“like you want to make someone happy for no reason.”
yes.
“like their opinion matters more than it probably should.”
also yes.
“like you’re noticing every little thing they do.”
alessia looked away.
because yes.
all of those things.
but she still didn’t understand why they were asking.
“is this about y/n?”
nobody answered immediately.
which was an answer by itself.
alessia sighed. “oh my god.”
katie smiled. “there she is.”
“what does that mean?”
“means you’ve finally noticed.”
alessia looked at her. “noticed what?”
steph leaned forward slightly.
her voice was softer.
“lessi.”
alessia looked at her.
“have you ever thought that maybe you might be…”
steph paused.
not because she was unsure.
because she wanted to give alessia the space to process.
“into women?”
and suddenly, everything stopped.
it wasn’t dramatic.
there wasn’t some huge moment where the world changed.
it was quieter than that.
which somehow made it more intense.
because the second steph said it, something inside alessia shifted.
not because she had never heard the words before.
not because the idea was impossible.
but because she had never allowed herself to ask the question.
she sat there silently.
thinking.
and suddenly, every little thing she had been trying to explain away felt different.
the coffee.
the jacket.
the mornings.
the way she looked for you when she walked into a room.
the way she wanted to learn everything about you.
the way your smile felt like something she had earned.
the way you made her nervous.
you.
it was always you.
“i…”
alessia stopped.
because she didn’t know what to say.
and that was rare.
she always knew what to say.
“i don’t know.”
beth smiled softly. “that’s okay.”
alessia looked down at her hands. “i’ve never…” she swallowed. “i’ve never felt like this before.”
and that was the part that scared her.
because she had liked people before.
she knew what a crush felt like.
she knew what attraction felt like.
but this was different.
it wasn’t just wanting someone.
it was wanting to know someone.
wanting to be known by someone.
wanting to be the person they chose.
and suddenly that felt terrifying.
“don’t stress about it,” beth responded. “seriously.”
alessia looked at her.
“you don’t have to have everything figured out immediately.”
steph nodded. “there’s no rush.”
and that helped.
because they weren’t making it into something huge.
they weren’t telling her who she was.
they weren’t giving her some answer she had to accept.
they were just letting her understand herself.
which was exactly what alessia needed.
then, naturally, katie ruined the emotional moment.
“also, to be fair, women are fit as anyway.”
there was a silence.
alessia blinked.
steph looked exhausted.
beth tried not to laugh.
and before katie could continue, lotte reached over and slapped the back of her head.
“katie.”
“what?”
“read the room.”
katie rubbed the back of her head. “i’m just saying.”
alessia laughed.
a real laugh.
because somehow, of course katie would be the person to make that comment.
“you’re unbelievable.”
“thank you.”
“that wasn’t a compliment.”
“still taking it.”
and for a second, everything felt normal again.
⸻
but when the laughter faded, alessia stayed quiet.
because now she knew.
or at least, she knew enough.
she wasn’t just impressed by you.
she wasn’t just fascinated by you.
she wasn’t just being kind because you were new.
there was something there.
something she had never felt before.
and the scariest part?
it wasn’t the fact that it was a girl.
not really.
the scariest part was that it was you.
because she had known you for barely three weeks.
three weeks.
and somehow you had become the person she thought about when she woke up.
the person she wanted to see after training.
the person whose smallest smile could completely change her mood.
alessia had spent weeks trying to convince herself she was just being a good teammate.
but now she had to face the truth.
she wasn’t just helping you settle into london.
she was falling for you. hard.
and she had absolutely no idea what to do with that.
⸻
but the worst part?
nothing actually changed.
that was what confused alessia the most.
because after that conversation, after beth and steph had gently asked the question she had never even thought to ask herself, she expected something to feel different.
she expected the world to shift.
she expected some kind of obvious sign.
but the next morning, london was still grey.
training was still training.
katie was still impossible to understand before coffee.
kyra was still annoying everyone for entertainment.
and you were still you.
walking into the building with your headphones in, your expression unreadable, your hair slightly messy from the cold, looking like you had already decided you were not interested in whatever chaos the day had planned.
except now alessia looked at you differently.
and that was the problem.
because before, she had thought you were interesting.
now she knew why.
before, she thought she liked making you smile.
now she knew she was desperate for it.
before, she thought she wanted to know you better because you were new.
now she knew it was because something about you pulled her in.
and that was terrifying.
⸻
alessia russo had never been someone who was afraid of feelings.
that was probably what made this so confusing.
she was not someone who avoided love.
she was not someone who acted like she didn’t care.
if she liked someone, she usually knew.
if she wanted to spend time with someone, she did.
if she missed someone, she said it.
but this?
this felt like standing at the edge of something without knowing how deep it was.
because liking you felt different.
and she hated that she couldn’t explain why.
maybe it was because you were so opposite to her.
alessia was warmth.
she filled spaces.
she talked when things were quiet.
she laughed loudly.
she hugged people without thinking.
you were the opposite.
you were quiet.
careful.
reserved.
you didn’t reach for people.
you didn’t chase attention.
you didn’t need anyone to notice you.
and somehow that made alessia want to notice you even more.
⸻
“you’re staring.”
alessia immediately looked away.
kyra was standing beside her, looking far too pleased with herself.
“i’m not.”
“you are.”
“i’m literally not.”
“lessi.”
“what?”
“you were watching her drink water.”
alessia frowned.
“that’s not true.”
kyra looked at her.
alessia sighed. “okay, maybe.”
kyra laughed. “you’re unbelievable.”
“i don’t know what you want me to say.”
“nothing.”
alessia gave her a look. “don’t.”
“i didn’t even say anything.”
“your face did.”
kyra grinned. “see? you’re learning.”
alessia rolled her eyes.
but she couldn’t even argue.
because that was the thing.
everyone else had noticed.
everyone else had seen how different she was around you.
except she had spent so long refusing to look at it.
⸻
the problem was that you were impossible to read.
that was what made everything harder.
if you had been openly affectionate, maybe alessia would have known.
if you had flirted, maybe she would have understood.
if you had given her some obvious sign, maybe she could have done something.
but you didn’t.
you were still you.
you still answered her questions with short replies.
you still looked at her like you were trying to understand why she talked so much.
you still had that permanently unimpressed expression that made everyone think you hated them.
and alessia loved it.
which was another problem.
because how was she supposed to know if you felt anything when you looked exactly the same whether you were annoyed or happy?
“she likes you.”
lotte said it one afternoon.
alessia looked at her. “you don’t know that.”
“i do.”
“how?”
lotte shrugged. “because she doesn’t do what she does for you with everyone else.”
alessia went quiet.
because she had thought about that.
she had noticed.
but she had convinced herself it meant nothing.
“she’s just nice.”
lotte smiled. “you always say that.”
“because it’s true.”
“is it?”
alessia didn’t answer.
because maybe that was the part she was scared of.
maybe you weren’t just being nice.
maybe you actually cared.
and if you did…
then what?
⸻
the more alessia thought about it, the more overwhelming it became.
because suddenly she was remembering everything.
every tiny thing.
the way you looked for her when you walked into the room.
the way you always said thank you, even for things nobody else would think to thank someone for.
the way you listened when she spoke.
not just heard.
listened.
alessia had talked to thousands of people in her life.
teammates.
friends.
coaches.
fans.
but nobody looked at her the way you did.
like every word mattered.
and maybe that was why she liked talking to you so much.
because with you, she never felt like she was too much.
which was ironic.
because you barely spoke.
and somehow you made her feel understood.
⸻
the hardest thing was that she had never imagined herself here.
not because there was anything wrong with it.
not because she had some idea that it couldn’t happen.
it just had never crossed her mind.
she had liked boys before.
she understood that.
she knew what it felt like to have a crush.
but this was different.
with guys, she had always felt like she was trying to figure out if she liked them.
with you, she felt like she was trying to figure out how to handle liking you so much.
and that scared her.
because three weeks.
she had known you for three weeks.
and yet she was learning spanish phrases before bed.
she was remembering your coffee order.
she was checking the weather because she knew you hated the cold.
she was bringing extra food because she knew you would forget to eat after training.
she was looking for your car in the car park.
she was planning her mornings around seeing you.
and somehow she had convinced herself that was normal.
Hi my lovelies. So this is the first ‘full-length’ SMAU that I’ve done and omg it was fun but also so long to make ahaha. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. Anyways, big shout out to @lyak12 who helped me work out the story - big love to you mwah mwah mwah.
Princess Treatment
Maya Le Tissier x Reader
Description: SMAU. You make Maya feel like a princess
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synopsis - what starts with alessia russo simply trying to make the new girl feel welcome soon becomes something neither of you can explain, as quiet conversations turn into daily routines and thoughtful gestures become second nature. without either of you realising it, you're learning each other's habits, memorising the little things, and slowly becoming the person the other looks for first. (wc - 4.7k)
༄ notes - they have my heart; for @russotellas
༄ read more - masterlist
alessia did not stop thinking about it.
which was ridiculous.
because realistically, nothing had happened.
she had said hello.
that was it.
she had walked over, introduced herself, accidentally talked far too much, discovered you understood almost none of it, and then kyra had rescued both of you from the awkwardness.
a normal interaction.
a completely normal first meeting.
except alessia kept replaying it in her head.
mostly the way you had looked at her.
because you hadn’t looked annoyed.
that was what surprised her.
you had every reason to be.
if someone walked up to you and started talking that quickly in a language you were still learning, you probably would have been irritated. you weren’t known for having endless patience, and you definitely weren’t known for pretending to be interested in things you weren’t.
but you hadn’t been annoyed.
you had listened.
really listened.
and then when you didn’t know what to say, you had just given her that small nod and quiet “okay” like that was enough.
for some reason, alessia found that funny.
not in a way where she was laughing at you.
more because it was so obviously you.
she didn’t know you yet.
not really.
but she already had the feeling that you were someone who didn’t waste words.
⸻
“you know she probably thought you were insane, right?”
alessia looked over at caitlin.
they were walking towards the next part of training, and alessia had been unusually quiet.
which caitlin noticed.
everyone noticed when alessia was quiet. “i was being welcoming.”
caitlin smiled. “you were interviewing her.”
“i was not.”
“less.”
“okay, maybe a little.”
caitlin laughed. “she’s still learning english. you can’t just talk at her like you’re giving a presentation.”
alessia sighed. “i didn’t know.”
“i know.” caitlin’s expression softened.
“but now you do.”
alessia nodded.
because she genuinely hadn’t realised.
you weren’t someone she had seen struggling. you carried yourself with so much confidence that it was easy to forget that everything around you was new.
new club.
new country.
new language.
and despite all of that, you had walked into arsenal like you belonged there.
alessia respected that.
maybe more than she expected.
“she’s intimidating,” caitlin added.
alessia looked surprised. “really?”
“yes.”
“why?”
caitlin gave her a look. “because she looks like she wants to fight everyone.”
alessia laughed. “she does not.”
“lessi.”
“okay, maybe a little.”
and that made alessia laugh harder because it was true.
you did have that look.
the one where people probably assumed you were annoyed before you had even spoken.
but alessia had seen enough to know there was more to it.
because someone who didn’t care wouldn’t have listened.
someone who didn’t care wouldn’t have nodded.
someone who didn’t care wouldn’t have thanked her.
⸻
you, meanwhile, had already forgotten most of the interaction.
not because it didn’t matter.
but because you had a lot of things happening at once.
new club.
new training environment.
new teammates.
you were trying to remember names, routines, and where everything was.
your brain was already full.
but you did remember alessia.
you remembered her because she had been different.
most people, when they met you, were careful.
they knew who you were.
and thanks to your sister, they knew your last name.
and sometimes that made people treat you differently.
too carefully.
like they weren’t sure how to approach you.
alessia hadn’t done that.
she had walked straight up to you and started talking.
too much.
far too much.
but it was genuine.
and that was something you noticed.
you noticed everything.
you just didn’t always say it.
⸻
later, when you were sitting with laia, she looked at you with a small smile.
you immediately knew. “what?”
“nothing.”
you narrowed your eyes.
you hated that word.
everyone used it when they knew something.
“laia.”
she laughed softly.
“you liked her.”
you looked genuinely confused. “who?”
“alessia.”
your face immediately changed.
not dramatically.
but enough.
laia noticed.
of course she noticed.
“see?”
you looked away. “she talks a lot.”
laia smiled. “that’s not an answer.”
“it is to me.”
“no.”
you stayed quiet.
because what were you supposed to say?
yes, you thought she seemed nice?
yes, you noticed she had a kind smile?
yes, you appreciated that she had approached you without making you feel like some strange foreign player who needed special treatment?
you weren’t used to admitting things like that.
especially not after knowing someone for five minutes.
so instead, you did what you always did.
you avoided the conversation. “training.”
laia laughed. “you’re impossible.”
you didn’t disagree.
⸻
alessia didn’t know it yet, but that was the beginning of something.
not something obvious.
not something either of you would look back on and say, that was the moment.
there was no instant connection.
no dramatic realisation.
no sudden change.
just a girl who talked too much and a girl who barely talked at all.
a girl who wanted to make someone feel welcome.
and a girl who wasn’t used to someone trying.
the funny thing was, neither of you knew that the smallest moments would end up meaning the most.
alessia didn’t know that her rambling introduction would be something laia remembered.
you didn’t know that the blonde girl who talked too quickly would soon become the person who made london feel less unfamiliar.
for now, she was just alessia.
and you were just you.
but somehow, without either of you realising it yet, you had already started paying attention to each other.
⸻
alessia waited a day before approaching you again.
which, for alessia, was actually impressive.
normally, if she decided she wanted to get to know someone, she would just do it. she was naturally open like that. she didn’t overthink introductions or worry about whether someone would find her annoying because most of the time, people knew her well enough to understand that was just who she was.
but with you, she was suddenly aware of everything.
how quickly she spoke.
how much she spoke.
whether you understood her.
whether she was making things harder for you.
it was strange because she had never really thought about communication before. she had always been surrounded by people who spoke the same language, people who understood her jokes immediately, people who could interrupt her when she started going on a tangent.
you couldn’t.
not yet.
and for some reason, that made her want to try harder.
she found you after training, sitting slightly away from everyone else.
not completely alone.
you weren’t hiding.
that was something alessia had already noticed about you.
you weren’t someone who avoided people because you disliked them.
you just didn’t chase being around them.
there was a difference.
you were sitting with your phone in your hand, scrolling through something, your training bag beside you. your expression was the same one you seemed to have most of the time- calm, serious, almost intimidating.
but alessia was starting to realise that was just your face.
she approached slower this time.
you looked up when you noticed her.
and alessia immediately smiled. “hi.”
you looked at her. “hello.”
it was a small thing.
but alessia noticed.
yesterday, you hadn’t started the greeting.
today, you had.
and she had no idea why that made her feel weirdly proud. “how are you?”
you paused.
not because you didn’t understand.
you did.
because you were thinking about your answer. “good.”
alessia nodded. “good.”
there was a silence.
a normal one.
not awkward.
alessia realised she needed to stop filling every quiet moment.
that was probably something she needed to learn.
so instead of immediately starting another five-minute explanation about something random, she just stood there.
and waited.
you looked at her.
maybe because you expected her to say something else.
maybe because you weren’t used to people being comfortable with silence around you.
“first day went okay?”
your eyebrows lifted slightly.
alessia smiled.
you nodded. “si, it was good.”
“different?”
“no, just normal.”
then there was another pause.
and this time, alessia didn’t rush to fix it.
she let you exist in it.
and that was when she realised something.
you weren’t difficult.
you weren’t cold.
you just needed time.
everyone else seemed to want the quickest version of you.
the smile.
the conversation.
the easy friendship.
but you didn’t work like that.
you needed to know someone was staying before you gave them anything back.
and for some reason, alessia found that fascinating.
“you know, your english is good. better than you think it is.”
you looked at her.
you weren’t sure if that was a question or a statement. “not really.”
alessia smiled. “yes, really.”
you shook your head slightly. “i understand.” you pointed between the two of you. “speaking…”
you searched for the word.
alessia waited.
she didn’t interrupt.
that surprised you.
“hard.”
she nodded immediately. “yeah.”
she understood.
not completely.
but enough.
“well,” she said slowly, “i’m not exactly helping because i talk too much. but if i had to learn spanish, my spanish would be a million times worse than your english.”
you looked at her.
and then, unexpectedly, the corner of your mouth moved.
barely.
but it did.
alessia noticed.
she tried not to.
she failed.
because it was the first time she had seen it.
a real reaction.
not a polite smile.
not the tiny nods you gave everyone.
a genuine little smile.
“there it is.”
you frowned. “what?”
“nothing.”
you narrowed your eyes.
you hated that word.
alessia laughed. “sorry.”
you looked away, but she could tell you weren’t actually annoyed.
not anymore.
⸻
over the next few days, this became normal.
not friendship.
not yet.
just something small.
alessia would find you before training and say hello.
you would respond.
sometimes with one word.
sometimes with two.
but you responded.
and everyone noticed.
especially because you were not usually like that.
you weren’t rude.
that was important.
people often misunderstood you because of how quiet you were.
you would answer questions.
you would help if someone needed something.
you would do your job.
but you didn’t usually seek people out.
you didn’t usually let new people in.
mariona had joked once that getting you to like someone was harder than winning a champions league final.
she wasn’t completely wrong.
alessia didn’t know that.
she just thought you were interesting.
⸻
the first time you actually had a proper conversation was almost accidental.
you were both leaving training at the same time.
alessia was walking beside you, not because she planned to, but because she happened to be going the same way.
“how are you finding london?”
you looked ahead. “cold.”
alessia laughed.
a proper laugh. “okay, that’s fair.”
you looked at her.
“very cold.”
“you’re really not enjoying the weather, are you?”
you shook your head. “no.”
“barcelona is warmer.”
“yes.”
“you miss it?”
that question made you pause.
because that one was different.
most people asked because they were curious.
alessia asked because she wanted to understand.
“yes.”
your answer was immediate.
alessia nodded.
“yeah.”
a pause.
“but you wanted this.”
you looked at her.
she hadn’t said it like a question.
she had said it like she knew.
and that caught you off guard.
because she did know.
not everything, but enough.
“yes.”
alessia smiled. “then that’s good.”
you didn’t know why that sentence stayed with you.
it was simple.
obvious.
but something about the way she said it made you feel like she understood.
⸻
later that day, laia found you and immediately noticed something.
you were quieter than usual.
which was impressive.
because you were already quiet.
“what?”
you looked at her.
“i didn’t say anything.”
“your face did.”
you frowned. “my face does nothing.”
laia laughed. “your face says everything.”
you ignored her.
but she smiled.
because she knew.
you weren’t someone who talked about feelings easily.
you weren’t someone who admitted when you liked someone.
you barely admitted when you liked a food.
but she had known you long enough to recognise small changes.
and alessia was becoming one of them.
⸻
alessia didn’t think anything was happening.
not really.
she just thought she was doing what she always did.
being kind.
helping someone new.
making a teammate feel comfortable.
that was all.
except she was starting to notice things.
like how she looked for you when she walked into a room.
like how she listened harder when you spoke because every word felt important.
like how a small smile from you felt like an achievement.
but she didn’t question it.
not yet.
because right now, you were just the new girl, and she was just the girl who talked too much.
neither of you knew that somewhere between awkward introductions and quiet conversations, something had started.
something neither of you had a name for yet.
⸻
by the second week, you had started learning the rhythm of arsenal.
not completely.
not enough that it felt like home.
barcelona was still home.
you knew that.
you knew it in the way you missed the familiar noise of the training ground, the way you missed hearing voices you had grown up around, the way you missed walking into a room and not having to explain yourself.
but london was becoming less unfamiliar.
and that was mostly because of small things.
knowing where the coffee machine was.
knowing which door led to the gym.
knowing which parts of training were going to be chaotic.
knowing that katie and kim were almost impossible to understand when they spoke too quickly.
knowing that kyra would somehow appear out of nowhere just to annoy someone.
knowing that mariona would always save you a seat without making a big deal out of it.
and, unfortunately, knowing that alessia russo was always somewhere nearby.
you weren’t sure when that happened.
you didn’t remember deciding to notice her.
you just did.
you noticed when she arrived.
you noticed when she laughed.
you noticed when she was talking to someone across the room.
you noticed when she wasn’t there.
that last one annoyed you slightly.
because you were not someone who paid attention to people without a reason.
you had never been.
your family always joked that you were impossible to impress because you were too focused on everything else.
alexia used to say you had one of the biggest hearts she knew and one of the worst ways of showing it.
you never understood why everyone thought that was funny.
you cared.
you just didn’t announce it.
⸻
the next morning, you were reminded that you still didn’t know arsenal as well as you thought.
you had spent ten minutes walking around the training ground trying to find the physio room.
you knew where it was… sort of.
you had been there before.
but everything looked different when you were tired and slightly frustrated.
which, unfortunately, was most mornings.
you stood in the hallway, looking between two directions, trying to decide which one made sense.
“lost?”
you turned.
and immediately recognised the voice.
alessia.
she was standing there with her training bag over her shoulder, a small smile on her face.
you looked back at the hallway.
then back at her.
“no.”
she raised an eyebrow.
you stared at her.
she stared back.
and after a few seconds, you sighed.
“un poco.”
alessia laughed softly.
not in a way that embarrassed you.
just because she found your honesty funny.
“where are you trying to go?”
“physio.”
“oh.” she nodded. “i’ll show you.”
you looked at her. “you go other way.”
because you had already learned enough about the training ground to know.
alessia looked slightly surprised. “you know?”
you nodded. “yes.”
“then why are you still standing here?”
you paused.
because that was a good question.
you didn’t have an answer.
alessia smiled. “come on.”
and then she turned around, walking in the opposite direction from where she needed to be.
you followed.
because you weren’t going to argue with someone helping you.
even if you didn’t understand why she was doing it.
“so,” alessia said after a moment, “what do you need the physio for anyway?”
you looked at her.
she noticed.
“sorry. if you don’t want to say, that’s okay.”
you shook your head.
no.
it wasn’t that.
you just weren’t used to people asking without already knowing.
“my leg.”
alessia’s expression changed slightly.
not dramatically.
just enough.
“your leg?”
you nodded. “not very good.”
the way you said it was so casual that it almost made alessia more concerned.
because you weren’t someone who complained.
she had noticed that already.
you could get tackled, get up, and continue like nothing happened.
“i saw your match against france.”
you looked at her.
alessia continued. “is that where you hurt it?”
you gave a small nod.
she remembered.
of course she did.
you shouldn’t have been surprised.
alessia was a footballer.
she watched football.
but there was something about the fact that she remembered that made you look at her slightly differently.
most people remembered the goals.
the assists.
the moments everyone talked about.
alessia remembered the injury.
“yeah.”
“that looked painful.”
you shrugged. “it was okay.”
alessia looked at you. “okay?”
“yes.” you nodded.
she laughed.
“you and i have very different definitions of okay.”
you didn’t respond.
but you almost smiled.
almost.
alessia noticed.
she was becoming very good at noticing.
⸻
the rest of the walk should have been quiet.
but this was alessia.
so naturally, it wasn’t.
“i actually hate physio rooms.”
you looked at her. “why?”
she smiled.
because it was the first question you had asked her.
not an answer.
not a polite response.
a question.
“because they always tell you things you don’t want to hear.”
you listened.
really listened.
and alessia continued.
“like, you’ll go in thinking everything is fine and then suddenly they’re like, ‘maybe don’t do that movement for two weeks.’ and you’re like, well, that’s inconvenient because i’m a footballer and moving is kind of my entire job.”
you stared at her.
not because you were confused.
because you were listening.
alessia had started talking with the expectation that you probably wouldn’t understand all of it.
but then she looked at you.
and realised you were following.
you didn’t interrupt.
you didn’t look away.
you just watched her.
with those intense eyes of yours.
and suddenly alessia forgot what she was saying.
because you looked at people like they were the only thing in the room.
she wasn’t used to that. “sorry.”
you blinked. “what?”
she shook her head, “nothing.”
you frowned slightly.
there was that word again.
you hated that word.
alessia laughed, “i’m sorry.”
⸻
when you reached the physio room, alessia stopped.
“there you go.”
you looked at the door.
then back at her.
“gracias.”
simple.
quiet.
but alessia knew by now that simple things from you meant more.“anytime.”
you nodded.
and for a second, neither of you moved.
then you walked inside.
alessia watched you disappear through the door.
and she had absolutely no idea why she was smiling.
⸻
later, when she told kyra she had walked you to physio, kyra immediately looked suspicious.
“you walked her?”
alessia shrugged. “she was lost.”
“and?”
“and i helped her.”
kyra stared. “we had training.”
“i was still on time.”
“barely.”
alessia ignored that.
because it wasn’t a big deal.
it was just helping a teammate.
that was all.
but kyra knew alessia.
and she knew when something was different. “you like her.”
alessia immediately looked offended. “what?”
“nothing.”
“don’t start.”
kyra laughed. “i’m not saying anything.”
but she was smiling.
and that was annoying.
because alessia couldn’t figure out why everyone seemed to think they knew something she didn’t.
there was nothing happening.
you were just new.
she was just being kind.
that was all.
except…
she had walked the wrong direction across the training ground just to spend five extra minutes with you.
and maybe that was something.
but alessia didn’t think about that.
not yet.
because she wasn’t ready to admit that the quiet girl from barcelona was becoming someone she looked for without even realising.
⸻
the thing about getting used to someone was that it never happened all at once.
there was no exact moment where you could point and say that was when we became friends.
it was smaller than that.
quieter.
it happened in the spaces between everything else.
and for you, that was probably why it worked.
you had never been someone who connected with people quickly.
people always assumed the opposite because of football.
because on the pitch, you were confident.
you spoke.
you demanded.
you controlled games like you had been born knowing exactly what to do.
but off the pitch, you were different.
you didn’t like forcing things.
you didn’t like pretending to be closer to someone than you were.
you needed time.
you needed consistency.
you needed to know that someone wasn’t just being nice because they felt sorry for you.
and alessia was consistent.
that was the first thing you noticed.
she didn’t suddenly disappear after helping you find physio.
she didn’t decide she had done enough because you were no longer the new girl.
she just kept showing up.
small things.
always small things.
⸻
the first time she tried speaking spanish to you, it was terrible.
you knew that immediately.
you were walking into training when she appeared beside you, looking far too pleased with herself.
“hola.”
you stopped.
looked at her.
then looked away.
because you were trying very hard not to smile.
alessia noticed. “what?”
“nothing.” you shook your head.
her eyes narrowed. “you’re doing that thing.”
you looked at her. “que?”
“the thing where you pretend you’re not amused.”
you stared at her.
then finally said:
“your accent.”
alessia looked horrified. “is it that bad?”
you hesitated.
which was enough of an answer.
“oh my god.”
you laughed.
quietly.
barely.
but you did.
and alessia froze for a second because she had still only seen small pieces of that side of you.
the serious y/n.
the quiet y/n.
the focused y/n.
but not the girl who laughed.
“okay,” she said, pretending to be offended. “i’ll practise.”
you nodded. “yes.”
“yes?”
“yes.”
“that’s encouraging.”
you looked at her, “i am encouraging.”
alessia smiled, “you really are, you know.”
you didn’t understand exactly what she meant.
but you understood enough.
and somehow that was becoming normal.
⸻
alessia started learning little things.
she told herself it was practical.
that was the easiest explanation.
you were new.
you needed help.
that was it.
learning a few spanish phrases was normal.
knowing how to pronounce your nickname was normal.
figuring out what coffee you liked was normal.
none of it meant anything.
except she kept doing it.
and everyone noticed.
especially because alessia wasn’t usually this invested in making someone comfortable.
not because she wasn’t kind.
she was.
but she had never been this determined.
“how do you i good morning again?”
she asked laia one day.
laia looked at her. “you’ve asked me that three times.”
“because i want to get it right.”
“alessia.”
“what?”
“you know she understands english, right? like not amazingly, but she’s not an idiot.”
alessia frowned. “i know.”
“then why are you stressing?”
because she wanted to.
but she didn’t say that.
instead she shrugged.
“i just want her to know i’m trying.”
and laia didn’t tease her.
because that answer was actually very alessia.
⸻
the coffee thing happened accidentally.
you had gone into the little cafe near training with mariona before, and alessia happened to see you ordering.
she didn’t mean to listen.
she really didn’t.
but she noticed things.
you always seemed to have a specific way of doing things.
and when the barista handed you your drink, you looked genuinely happier than she had ever seen you.
not smiling.
not dramatically.
just softer.
alessia remembered.
she didn’t even realise she had memorised it until a few days later.
you were running late after training, and she walked over with two coffees.
you looked at one.
then the other.
then her.
“for you.”
you frowned slightly. “why?”
“because you like it.”
you stared at her. “how you know?”
alessia shrugged.
“i had a hunch.”
that was all.
you looked down at the coffee.
then back at her.
“thank you.”
and something about the way you said it made her feel like she had done something much bigger than buy a drink.
⸻
the protein bar was worse.
because that was when alessia started realising you had your own ways of showing things.
she had offered you one after training because you had mentioned being hungry.
you had looked suspiciously at it.
alessia laughed. “it’s not poisoned.”
you looked at her. “i didn’t think that.”
“your face said otherwise.”
you took it anyway.
you tried it.
and then you looked at her.
“very good.”
two words.
that was it.
but the tiny smile that came with it stayed in alessia’s mind for the rest of the day.
because you liked it.
and you had told her.
which, for anyone else, would have been nothing.
but with you?
it felt like a lot.
⸻
but what alessia didn’t realise was that she wasn’t the only one paying attention.
you noticed things too.
you noticed that she always carried extra things because someone always forgot something.
you noticed she tapped her fingers when she was thinking.
you noticed she got quieter when she was tired, even though she tried to pretend she wasn’t.
you noticed she always looked around the room to make sure everyone was included.
and you noticed she like you, was always cold.
that one was obvious.
because one morning, you saw her rubbing her hands together outside.
without thinking, you handed her the gloves alexia had bought for you, knowing you'd insist you didn't need them now, only to be grateful for them later.
and now was later.
she looked at them.
then at you.
“what?”
you frowned. “you are cold.”
alessia blinked. “you’re giving me your gloves?”
“yes.” you shrugged.
“but then you’ll be cold.”
you looked at her. “i’m fine.”
and she laughed because, apparently, that was your answer to everything.
you were fine.
even when you weren’t.
but she took the gloves.
and she kept smiling.
⸻
the jacket thing happened after training.
it was colder than usual.
you had underestimated england again.
alessia noticed.
of course she did.
“you’re freezing.”
you shook your head. “no.”
“you are.”
“no.”
she stared.
you stared back.
and eventually she sighed.
“you’re impossible.”
you didn’t disagree.
then she took off her training jacket and held it out.
you immediately shook your head.
“no.”
“yes.”
“alessia.”
she paused.
because hearing her name from you was still something she wasn’t used to.
quiet.
with your accent.
for some reason, it made her forget her argument for half a second.“take it.”
you hesitated.
because accepting things from people was harder for you than giving.
but eventually, you did.
“thank you.”
and alessia smiled, “you’re welcome.”
⸻
the funny thing was, you thought you were being obvious.
you thought the small things you did meant something.
the way you saved her a seat.
the way you remembered she hated a certain recovery drink.
the way you passed her the ball exactly where she liked it during training.
the way you always checked if she had everything before leaving.
because that was how you cared.
you didn’t say it.
you showed it.
but alessia didn’t know that.
she just assumed you were like that with everyone.
because how could someone as quiet and guarded as you possibly be choosing her?
so she kept telling herself the same thing.
you were teammates.
you were friends.
she was helping you settle in.
that was all.
except everyone else was starting to notice.
especially because alessia russo, who had only known you for two weeks, had somehow learned your habits better than people who had known you for years.
༄ synopsis - you arrive in london determined to build a life beyond being alexia putellas' little sister, but first impressions prove harder than expected as you navigate a new club, a new language, and teammates you've only ever known as opponents. when an overly enthusiastic alessia russo misses your introduction and accidentally talks your ear off in english you barely understand, neither of you realise it's the beginning of something that will quietly change both your lives.
༄ word count - 5.5k
༄ notes - i rewrote this about four times until i realised that i was meant to be enjoying it; for @russotellas
༄ read more - masterlist
you had always been chiqui.
it was the first thing people learned about you, even before they learned anything else. before they knew your position, before they knew your playing style, before they knew that number fifteen belonged to one of the most gifted midfielders of your generation, they knew the nickname.
chiqui.
chiquita.
baby putellas.
you had spent your entire life being the youngest person in every room you entered, and somehow that had followed you even when you stopped being young.
your mother had called you chiquita since you were born. it was never really about your age. it was just a name that belonged to you, something soft and familiar that only existed because it came from her. it was what she called you when you were tired, when you were upset, when you were pretending you weren’t upset, because everyone in your family knew you were terrible at hiding your emotions despite how hard you tried.
alba had taken the nickname and made it hers. to her, you were still the little sister who followed her around the house and annoyed her until she gave in. she remembered you before football became the centre of your world, before people cared about the putellas surname, before anyone knew what you could do with a ball. she remembered you when you were just her annoying little sister who stole things from her room and refused to apologise.
and alexia had never stopped calling you chiqui.
that was the one that always affected you the most.
because alexia had been there for every version of you.
before the trophies.
before the headlines.
before people started comparing you to her.
she remembered you as the little girl who wanted to be exactly like her, the one who copied her movements on the pitch, the one who watched her with complete admiration and thought her older sister was the greatest footballer alive.
and maybe that was why leaving felt so impossible.
because you weren’t leaving somewhere you hated.
you weren’t running away from a place that didn’t love you.
you were leaving somewhere that loved you so much it sometimes felt impossible to become anything else.
barcelona was home.
it had always been home.
the streets you grew up on, the language that felt natural in your mouth, the people who knew your habits better than you knew them yourself. barça had given you everything. it had taken you in as a kid and helped shape you into the player you became.
you loved that club.
you loved your teammates.
you loved the people who had watched you grow.
but somewhere along the way, you started wondering what it would feel like to walk into a room where nobody already knew your story.
where nobody saw alexia first.
where nobody introduced you as the younger putellas.
where nobody expected you to be a certain version of yourself.
because you weren’t trying to escape being baby putellas.
you just wanted to know who you were when you weren’t.
that was the part nobody really understood.
when the news came out that you were leaving barcelona, people had questions.
everyone did.
why arsenal?
why now?
why leave a club that had been your entire life?
you gave the answers everyone expected.
a new challenge.
a new experience.
a chance to grow.
and they were all true.
you just didn’t know how to explain the part that mattered most.
you needed to prove something to yourself.
not to your family, not to barca, not to anyone else. just yourself.
you needed to know that you could walk into somewhere completely new and still be y/n.
your room looked different the week before you left.
it was strange how quickly a place could stop feeling permanent. nothing had changed about it, not really. the same walls, the same furniture, the same little things you had collected over the years.
but the empty spaces made everything feel different.
your shelves had gaps where trophies and memories had been moved into boxes. your wardrobe had more empty hangers than clothes. your boots were packed away instead of sitting where they always had after training.
you sat on the floor with a half-packed suitcase in front of you, staring at a shirt you had folded three times because you couldn’t decide whether you actually wanted it or if you were just avoiding packing something else.
you hated that.
you hated feeling uncertain.
you were someone who knew exactly what she wanted on the pitch. you could read a game before it happened. you could make decisions in seconds. you could find passes other people didn’t even see.
but this was different.
your mother noticed, because she always noticed.
eli putellas-segura stood in the doorway for a while before you finally looked up.
“what?”
she smiled slightly. “nothing.”
you narrowed your eyes. “you’re looking at me.”
“i’m allowed to look at my daughter.”
you looked back at your suitcase. “you’re doing the thing.”
“what thing?”
“the thing where you pretend you’re not worried.”
her smile softened. “i could say the same about you.”
you didn’t answer.
because she was right.
you weren’t scared of football. you never had been.
but you were scared of everything around it.
you were used to knowing where you belonged. you were used to walking into the training ground and knowing every person, every room, every routine. you were used to people understanding that your silence didn’t mean you were upset and that your serious face didn’t mean you hated them.
you knew yourself in barcelona.
london was different.
“you’re going to be okay, chiquita.”
you sighed quietly. “everyone keeps saying that.”
“because it’s true.”
you looked at her. “what if i don’t like it?”
eli shrugged. “then you come home.”
you frowned slightly. “that’s it?”
“that’s it.” she said it so simply.
like leaving didn’t mean you were abandoning anything.
like trying something new didn’t mean you were choosing against them.
“you don’t have to stay somewhere just because people love you there,” she continued. “sometimes people love you enough to let you go.”
you looked down.
that was the problem.
everyone was making it harder because everyone understood.
⸻
mariona had been one of the first people you told properly.
not the announcement.
not the official conversations.
the real one.
the one where you admitted that you weren’t completely sure.
you were sitting together after training at national camp, and she had watched you for about five minutes before speaking.
“you’re thinking too much.”
you looked at her. “no.”
“yes.”
“how do you know?”
she smiled. “because you have your thinking face.”
you frowned. “this is my face.”
“exactly.”
you rolled your eyes, but you couldn’t stop the tiny smile.
mariona always did that.
she had a way of getting past the walls you put up without making you feel like she was trying to break them down.
“you’re scared,” she said.
you looked away. “no.”
“chiqui.”
“don’t.”
she laughed softly. “you don’t hate when i say it.”
“i do.”
“you don’t.”
you didn’t argue because she knew you too well. “i just don’t want to be known as someone’s little sister forever.”
mariona’s expression changed slightly.
not pity.
never pity.
just understanding.
“you know that’s not how people see you.”
“sometimes it is.”
she nodded.
because she wasn’t going to lie to you.
“maybe some people will always see you as alexia’s little sister.”
you looked at her.
“but that doesn’t stop you being one of the best players in the world.”
you stayed quiet.
“both things can exist, chiqui.”
and maybe that was what you needed to hear.
not that you weren’t baby putellas.
because you were.
you always would be.
but that you could be that and still be something more.
⸻
the goodbye itself was quieter than people probably expected.
you weren’t someone who liked big emotional moments. you didn’t like everyone watching you cry. you didn’t like people treating you like you were fragile.
you weren’t fragile.
you were just leaving.
but airports had a way of making everything feel heavier.
your family stood around you with your bags beside you, and suddenly london felt much further away than it had when it was just an idea.
alba hugged you first.
you immediately complained. “you’re crushing me.”
she laughed. “you’re dramatic.”
“i’m not.”
“you are.”
you rolled your eyes, but you didn’t pull away straight away.
because it was alba.
then alexia stepped forward, and you already knew what was coming.
“no.”
she smiled. “yes.”
“ale.”
“chiqui.”
you sighed, but you let her hug you.
because some rules didn’t apply to your family.
she held you tightly for a moment. “i’m proud of you, bebita.”
you swallowed. “i know.”
she pulled back slightly. “no, you don’t.”
and she was right.
because you spent so much time trying to prove yourself that sometimes you forgot the people closest to you had already believed in you from the beginning.
“call me.”
“i will.”
“actually call me.”
you sighed. “i said i will.”
“not text.”
you looked at her. “you’re annoying.”
she smiled. “you love me.”
unfortunately, she was right.
when you finally walked away, you didn’t look back immediately.
you waited until you were further away.
until you knew if you turned around, you might hesitate.
and when you did look back, you saw everything that had made you who you were.
your family.
your home.
your club.
your life.
you weren’t leaving because you didn’t love it.
you were leaving because you did.
because sometimes loving something meant being brave enough to step away and discover what else existed.
and as you boarded the plane to london, you carried every piece of barcelona with you.
the little girl who grew up there.
the player who was created there.
the sister.
the daughter.
the teammate.
the girl everyone called chiqui.
but for the first time in your life, you were about to go somewhere nobody knew you yet.
and maybe that was exactly what you needed.
⸻
the first thing you noticed about london was the cold.
it wasn’t something you had expected to bother you as much as it did. you had played football in all kinds of conditions, travelled across countries for tournaments, stood on pitches where the weather was far worse than this, but there was something different about actually living somewhere.
a bad day of weather was temporary.
this was your new normal.
you sat quietly in the passenger seat of mariona’s car, your eyes following the city outside the window as she drove. everything looked unfamiliar in a way that made you feel strangely small. you had spent your entire life knowing barcelona like the back of your hand. you knew which roads were quicker, which cafés had the best coffee, which places you could go where nobody would bother you.
london felt like a puzzle you hadn’t figured out yet.
and you hated puzzles.
not because you couldn’t solve them.
because you couldn’t solve them immediately.
mariona glanced over at you when they stopped at a red light, catching the way you were staring out the window with the same expression you wore when you were analysing an opponent.
“you’re doing it again.”
you looked away from the window. “doing what?”
“thinking too much.”
you frowned. “i’m just looking.”
“you’ve been looking at the same building for about thirty seconds.”
you looked back outside. “it’s different.”
mariona smiled softly. “yes, chiqui. that’s usually how new places work.”
you immediately looked at her. “don’t call me that.”
she laughed because she knew exactly what she was doing. “you don’t actually hate it.”
“i do.”
“you don’t.”
you didn’t answer because, annoyingly, she was right.
that was the problem with mariona. she had known you long enough to understand the things you didn’t say. she knew that when you got quieter, it wasn’t because you didn’t care. she knew that when you looked annoyed, half the time you were just overwhelmed. she knew that your constant need to insist you were fine usually meant you were anything but.
and she never pushed too hard.
she just stayed.
that was why you trusted her.
⸻
staying with mariona and lia was the easiest part of the move.
you had expected leaving barcelona to feel like losing everything familiar at once, but having them there gave you something steady while everything else changed. they didn’t treat you like you were someone who had just left home for the first time. they didn’t constantly ask if you were okay or tell you how brave you were being.
you hated that.
you hated when people made a big deal out of things.
you weren’t fragile.
you weren’t scared.
you had simply chosen something new.
and there was a difference.
lia was especially good at making the transition feel normal. she didn’t overwhelm you with questions or try to fill every silence. she understood that you weren’t someone who needed constant conversation. sometimes sitting in the same room with someone was enough.
mariona, on the other hand, was impossible.
she had decided almost immediately that making you comfortable in london meant teasing you as much as possible.
which, unfortunately, worked.
“you know,” she said while watching you unpack your suitcase, “most people move countries and don’t immediately complain about the weather.”
you looked up from folding a shirt. “the weather is bad.”
lia looked over from the kitchen. “you’ve been here two days.”
“and?”
mariona laughed. “you’re unbelievable.”
you shrugged. “i’m honest.”
“you’re dramatic.”
“same thing.”
that made lia laugh, and you tried not to smile because you didn’t want to encourage them.
you failed.
mariona noticed immediately. “there.”
you looked at her. “what?”
“you smiled.”
“no.”
“yes.”
“no.”
“i saw it.”
you rolled your eyes and went back to your suitcase.
but the room felt a little lighter.
⸻
the hardest part about being somewhere new wasn’t the football.
you knew it wouldn’t be.
football had always been the one place where you felt completely certain. no matter where you were in the world, no matter who you played against, you understood the game. you understood movement, space, timing. you understood what was expected of you.
everything outside of football was where things became complicated.
you knew arsenal.
not personally.
but you knew them.
you had played against some of them internationally. you knew their styles, their strengths, the way they moved on the pitch. you had spent years studying opponents because that was just how you were.
you liked knowing things.
you liked being prepared.
but knowing someone as an opponent was different from meeting them as a teammate.
that thought stayed in your mind over those first two days.
you tried not to let it.
you unpacked.
you organised your things.
you looked through the information arsenal had sent you.
you learned where everything was.
you tried to make the unfamiliar feel familiar.
but every night, when you lay in bed, the same thought came back.
tomorrow, nobody there would know you.
they would know your name, they would know your football, they would know your surname, but they wouldn’t know you.
they wouldn’t know that your serious face didn’t mean you were angry.
they wouldn’t know you hated being touched unless you trusted someone.
they wouldn’t know that your way of caring was remembering small things and doing them without mentioning it.
they would just see a new player arriving from barcelona.
and for some reason, that scared you more than any match ever had.
⸻
the morning of your first training session, you woke up before your alarm.
which annoyed you.
you hated when your own nerves betrayed you.
you lay there for a few minutes staring at the ceiling, convincing yourself that there was nothing to be nervous about.
you were twenty-four.
you were an international player.
you had played in finals.
you had played against some of the best players in the world.
walking into a training ground should not have made your stomach twist.
but it did.
because this wasn’t about football.
it was about starting again.
when you eventually got up, you followed your usual routine because routines helped. they gave you something familiar to hold onto.
by the time mariona came downstairs, you were already ready.
of course you were.
your bag was packed.
your boots were organised.
everything was exactly where it needed to be.
mariona leaned against the doorway and looked at you.
you immediately knew what she was thinking. “don’t.”
she smiled. “i didn’t say anything.”
“you were going to.”
“i was.”
you sighed. “mariona.”
“you look nervous.”
“i’m not.”
“chiqui.”
you stared at her. “i said don’t.”
she laughed quietly. “okay, okay.” but her expression softened, because underneath the teasing, she understood. “you’ll be good.”
you nodded.
you didn’t need her to tell you you’d be amazing.
you already knew you could play.
you just needed to hear that you wouldn’t be alone.
⸻
the drive to arsenal was quiet, but not uncomfortable.
mariona and lia knew better than to force conversation when you were thinking.
she simply drove, occasionally pointing something out when she thought it might help you remember where things were.
you listened.
you stored it away.
you always did.
when the training ground finally came into view, you felt that nervous feeling again.
not enough to make you want to leave.
never that.
just enough to remind you that this mattered.
mariona parked the car and turned it off.
for a moment, neither of you moved.
then lia looked at you. “ready?”
you looked towards the building.
your new club.
your new team.
your new life.
you nodded. “yes.”
lia smiled. “good.”
you reached for your bag, but before you opened the door, mariona spoke again.
“chiqui.”
you paused.
you already knew. “what?”
“don’t forget who you are.”
you looked at her.
and maybe anyone else saying that would have annoyed you.
but it was mariona.
so you just nodded.
“i won’t.”
and you meant it.
⸻
inside, everything happened quickly.
there were introductions, paperwork, explanations of where things were, names to remember. it was a lot of information at once, but you absorbed as much as you could.
you always did.
renee welcomed you first, making everything feel less overwhelming than you expected. she didn’t make a big speech about who you were or where you came from. she didn’t make you feel like you had arrived carrying some huge expectation.
she just welcomed you.
kim was the same.
calm.
professional.
kind.
you recognised her immediately, of course. everyone did. she was the type of player you noticed even when you played against her.
but here, she wasn’t an opponent.
she was your captain.
“we’re happy you’re here,” kim told you.
you nodded. “thank you.”
simple.
but genuine.
your english wasn’t perfect, and you knew that. you could understand more than you could say, but speaking still required thought. every sentence felt like you had to build it before letting it out.
neither of them made you feel embarrassed about it.
they simply slowed down when they needed to.
and that helped.
mariona eventually had to leave, and that was the moment where everything became real.
because until then, she had been your connection to home.
your safety net.
you watched her and lia walk away, and for a brief second, you felt that familiar uncertainty again.
but then you looked back at the training ground.
at the badge.
at the people around you.
and you reminded yourself why you were here.
you weren’t running away from barcelona.
you were moving towards something new.
renee and kim continued showing you around, explaining where things were and what the day would look like.
you listened carefully.
you remembered everything.
and when they eventually led you towards the changing room, you took a breath.
because behind that door were people who would become your teammates.
and that scared the shit out of you already.
⸻
the changing room was louder than you expected.
not in a bad way.
just different.
you had spent years walking into barcelona’s changing room knowing exactly what you were walking into. you knew who would be singing, who would be arguing about something pointless, who would be sitting quietly in their own world before training. you knew the rhythm of it.
every team had one.
every team had its own language.
and you were about to learn arsenal’s.
renee opened the door first, stepping inside before looking back at you. you could tell she was giving you a second to adjust, which you appreciated. she wasn’t rushing you through it or pushing you into the middle of everyone’s attention.
that was probably the first thing you liked about her.
you hated being the centre of attention.
especially when it wasn’t because of football.
“everyone,” renee called, and the conversations slowly started to quiet down. “this is y/n. she’ll be joining us this season.”
immediately, you felt every pair of eyes turn towards you.
you kept your expression neutral.
you were very good at that.
too good, according to your family.
alba always said you had the worst resting face she had ever seen.
alexia said people probably thought you hated them before they even met you.
you always told them they were exaggerating.
they never agreed.
“hi.” your voice was quiet, and your accent was obvious- you knew that.
your english wasn’t terrible. you understood conversations. you could follow instructions. you could communicate when you needed to.
but speaking was different.
there was always that extra second where you had to find the right words.
“hi,” several people responded back.
kim stepped slightly forward, making the introduction easier. “y/n is joining us from barcelona.”
you noticed the reactions.
not dramatic.
not overwhelming.
just small changes.
people recognised the name.
of course they did.
you had spent years playing at the highest level. they knew your football. they knew the reputation that came with being a young midfielder from barça.
but the thing you appreciated was that nobody treated you like you were some untouchable player.
they were footballers.
they understood.
and the fact that you’re sure laia and mariona had filled them in beforehand.
but everyone in that room got it. they had been the new person before.
“welcome,” one of them said.
you nodded. “thank you.”
simple.
you looked around, taking everyone in.
you recognised some faces immediately.
players you had played against internationally.
players you had watched.
players whose games you understood because you had spent hours analysing them before matches.
but this wasn’t a match.
these were your teammates now.
that was a strange thought.
mariona, who had stayed for the beginning because she knew this was the part you would hate most, stood slightly behind you.
not interfering.
just there.
she knew you didn’t like people making a fuss.
you noticed laia almost immediately- over the years she had become some sort of a big sister to you. most people didn’t understand what you meant when you described yourself as a quiet person. they just thought you were a bitch.
laia didn’t.
she just made space.
and you appreciated that.
“hola, chiquita” she said softly.
you looked at her. “hola.”
it was the easiest conversation you’d had all morning.
maybe because it didn’t require thinking.
maybe because it reminded you of home.
you noticed mariona smiling slightly from beside you.
you ignored her.
because you knew exactly what she was thinking.
⸻
the introductions continued, and slowly the room went back to normal.
that was something you appreciated about football.
there was always a point where the attention moved on.
people had things to do, training to prepare for, bags to unpack, conversations to continue.
you knew you wouldn’t stuck being the new girl forever.
youwould find your place quietly.
that was how you always did things.
you never entered a room trying to be noticed.
you never needed to.
your football usually did that for you.
but this wasn’t about proving yourself.
not yet.
you sat down, organising your things exactly the way you liked them. boots placed neatly, clothes folded- everything in order.
habits were comforting.
especially when everything else was unfamiliar.
“you always that organised?”
you looked up.
it was one of the girls- chloe kelly standing nearby, watching you arrange your things.
you thought about the question for a second.
“yes.”
she laughed.
not at you.
just amused. “fair enough.”
you nodded and continued.
because that was enough conversation for now.
⸻
the one person who wasn’t there was alessia.
you didn’t know that yet.
you didn’t know who she was beyond her name.
you knew her as a footballer, obviously.
everyone did.
you had played against england enough times to know the players.
you knew she was a striker.
you knew she was physical, intelligent, good in the box.
you knew she was someone you would have studied before playing against her.
but you didn’t know her.
not yet.
and nobody thought much about her being absent.
she had physio.
things happened.
football was like that.
people came and went.
you didn’t think about it.
you didn’t wonder who was missing.
you didn’t know that someone was about to walk into the gym later, recognise you immediately, and feel strangely guilty that she hadn’t been there when everyone introduced themselves.
you didn’t know that someone was about to make your first days in london a lot less lonely.
for now, you were just trying to remember names.
trying to understand the routines.
trying to figure out where you belonged.
and honestly, that was enough.
because you had spent your whole life being introduced as someone else’s little sister.
someone else’s teammate.
someone else’s prodigy.
but here, in this room, you were just you.
and that was exactly why you came.
⸻
alessia mia teresa russo had a habit of talking when she was nervous.
not that she would ever admit she was nervous.
she would probably argue that she was just friendly.
and she was.
alessia was one of those people who naturally made rooms feel warmer. she was the person who noticed when someone was sitting alone, the person who remembered little details, the person who would start a conversation with anyone because she genuinely wanted them to feel comfortable.
but sometimes that kindness came with a slight problem.
she filled silence.
a lot.
which was exactly what happened when she walked into the gym after physio and immediately recognised you.
she had been late getting back.
not dramatically late.
just enough that she missed the introductions.
and she had already been annoyed with herself about it because she hated feeling like someone had arrived and she hadn’t made an effort to welcome them.
especially someone new.
especially someone who had just moved countries.
especially someone who looked like they were trying very hard not to look overwhelmed.
she had seen your name on the team list.
everyone had.
even before you officially arrived, people knew arsenal had signed you from barcelona.
but seeing you standing there was different.
because you weren’t the player from the highlights.
you weren’t the midfielder everyone talked about.
you were just a girl standing in the gym with laia, looking completely uninterested in the world around you.
and for some reason, alessia found that incredibly endearing.
she didn’t know why.
she just did.
“lessi.”
she looked over.
kyra was watching her with the exact expression of someone who already knew something she didn’t.
“what?”
kyra raised her eyebrows. “nothing.”
alessia narrowed her eyes. “you’re doing that thing.”
“what thing?”
“the thing where you look like you’re about to say something annoying.”
kyra grinned. “i didn’t say anything.”
“exactly.”
but before alessia could question her further, she looked back towards you.
and made a decision.
she was going to say hello.
because that was normal.
that was just being a good teammate.
there was absolutely no reason her heart should feel slightly nervous walking across the gym.
none.
she ignored that.
⸻
you noticed her approaching before she said anything.
you usually did.
you were observant.
it was part of football.
you had to be.
you noticed movements, expressions, changes in people’s body language.
so when a blonde girl walked towards you with a smile, you looked up.
laia noticed immediately.
she always noticed things.
“that’s alessia,” she quietly told you.
you nodded.
you recognised the name.
before you could say anything else, alessia stopped in front of you.
and then immediately started talking.
“hi, sorry, i’m alessia. it’s really nice to meet you. sorry i missed everyone introducing themselves, physio ran over, then i got distracted because apparently nobody tells me anything around here.”
you blinked.
you understood some of it.
not all.
she was speaking quickly.
very quickly.
“anyway, welcome. if you need help with anything, honestly just ask. everyone’s really nice- well, mostly nice. just don’t listen to leah or chloe before 8am though because it’s like a thing where they’re just super grumpy and they’re not morning people and-”
she stopped for half a second.
only because she realised you were staring at her.
not in a rude way.
just listening.
your expression hadn’t changed.
which made alessia wonder if you understood anything she had said.
she smiled awkwardly. “sorry.”
you didn’t know what she was apologising for.
but she seemed kind.
so you nodded. “okay.”
that was all you had.
okay.
alessia smiled.
“yeah.”
there was a pause.
a very long pause.
you both just looked at each other.
and neither of you really knew what to do next.
because alessia was used to people matching her energy.
talking back, laughing, asking questions.
but you didn’t.
not because you didn’t want to.
you just didn’t have the words.
and because you were y/n, your silence looked much more intimidating than it actually was.
but alessia didn’t seem put off.
if anything, she looked amused.
“right.” another pause. “i’ll let you get back to it.”
you nodded. “thank you.”
and then alessia walked away.
except she didn’t get very far.
because kyra immediately started laughing. “lessi.”
alessia turned around.
kyra was standing with caitlin and katie, all three of them looking far too entertained.
“what?”
kyra shook her head. “she didn’t understand you, mate.”
alessia froze. “what?”
caitlin tried not to laugh. “less, you just spoke at her for like two minutes.”
“i was welcoming her.”
“you gave her a whole speech.”
alessia looked back towards you.
you were still standing with laia.
still with the same calm expression.
“oh.”
kyra grinned. “yeah.”
alessia covered her face slightly.
“i’m an idiot.”
“a little bit,” katie said.
her thick irish accent made the sentence even harder for you to understand from across the room, but you noticed the laughter.
kyra looked back at you.
and then, because kyra was kyra, she decided she needed to fix the situation.
she walked over, and with a small smile she adressed you. “sorry, chickie.”
you looked at her confused.
you understood sorry.
the rest was less clear.
but you recognised something.
a nickname.
because you had heard mariona and laia call you chiqui.
kyra had clearly heard it too.
except she was australian.
and apparently “chiqui” became “chickie.”
you stared at her.
then at alessia.
then back at kyra.
“chickie?”
kyra smiled. “yeah.”
you didn’t know what else to do.
so you nodded. “okay.”
and somehow, that was enough.
because from that day forward, chickie stuck.
⸻
alessia came back over after kyra dragged her away, looking slightly embarrassed.
caitlin followed, probably because she knew alessia needed someone to explain what was happening.
“she speaks some english,” caitlin told her quietly. “but not much.”
alessia nodded. “i didn’t realise.”
“because you didn’t stop talking.”
alessia looked offended. “i talk normally.”
caitlin stared at her. “you absolutely do not.”
alessia laughed. “okay. maybe not.”
but her eyes moved back towards you.
you were still with laia.
quiet, watching, taking everything in.
and alessia noticed something.
you weren’t cold.
everyone might assume that at first.
your face was serious.
your answers were short.
you didn’t immediately try to make friends.
but she could tell there was something else there.
she just didn’t know what yet.
laia did, though.
because laia had been watching you the entire time.
and she had noticed something nobody else had.
you had blushed.
not much.
barely anything.
just a slight warmth in your cheeks when alessia stood in front of you, talking too quickly and smiling like she had known you longer than five seconds.
but laia saw it.
and that was the surprising part.
because she had known you long enough to know that you did not blush.
not when people complimented you.
not when fans cheered your name.
not when someone tried to flirt with you.
never.
but alessia russo had walked over, rambled nonsense you barely understood, and somehow made baby putellas blush.
laia said nothing.
she just smiled to herself.
because maybe this move to london was going to be more interesting than anyone expected.
Maybe this is an unpopular opinion, but I don’t really have a problem with Salma Paralluelo reportedly asking for close to €1 million.
One of the things I always loved about women’s football was the sense of loyalty. Players stayed at clubs for years. The game felt smaller, more personal, less transactional. It felt different. And if I’m honest, part of me still misses that.
But the older I get, the more I wonder how much of that loyalty was culture and how much of it was circumstance.
For decades, women in football had fewer options, fewer professional opportunities and far less bargaining power. They were praised for their passion and commitment while being expected to accept conditions that would have been unthinkable in the men’s game.
Now the sport is growing. More money is coming in. More clubs are competing for the same players. And for the first time, some women are finding themselves in a position where they can genuinely negotiate from a position of strength.
Players like Bunny Shaw have already shown where the market might be heading. If the reports about Salma are true, she’s simply pushing that door open a little further.
The thing is, this change doesn’t just affect salaries. It changes the culture of the sport.
More money means more leverage. More leverage means tougher negotiations, more transfers and probably less player loyalty than many of us became used to over the last decade.
Whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing is up to each person to decide. Personally, I think it’s a bit of both.
I understand why some fans feel uncomfortable watching women’s football become more like the men’s game in certain ways.
But I also think it’s worth asking why we’re so surprised when women start doing what male athletes have done for generations and demand what they believe they’re worth.
The reality is that Salma is still part of a very small group. Most players are nowhere near these numbers. In many leagues, even now, the conversation is still about minimum salaries, professional contracts and whether players can afford to focus on football full-time.
That’s why I don’t see the reported €1 million as proof that women’s football has made it. I see it as another crack in the glass ceiling. A sign that some of the pioneers of this generation are finally gaining access to a kind of financial power that women in football have historically been denied.
And whether people like that change or not, I have a feeling we’re only seeing the beginning of it.
ugh i completely agree! ik it looks like she’s asking too much considering the others’ salaries, but i really hope that they see this as something that should be followed, and i hope it turns into a collective movement.
it’s crazy to look at the difference between the male athletes salaries or transaction fees and the female athletes, cause wdym barcelona cant pay salma a 1 million salary while they’re offering 80/100 millions to buy a male player (this applies to all clubs).
so yeah, it’s nice to see the girls taking, even if they’re small, steps towards a little bit more equal scenario
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Okay, this isn’t my usual kind of story, but I’ve always wanted to do a cheating fic. I haven’t been cheated on (yet, hopefully never) so I’m sorry if it doesn’t feel authentic. I took a different approach with it. But yeah, let me know what you think. Also thank you this anon. I know I didn’t do exactly what you asked but I hope you like it.
The rain outside pelted hard against your living room window, the sad looking drizzle cascaded down the glass like a mini waterfall. The sky outside was grey and miserable, making your normally bright and sunny living room dark and gloomy. But being at the end of the year it wasn't a surprise the weather was so dull, even if you were living in the sunnier climate of Barcelona.
And as it was the end of the year that meant Christmas was only a week away. Which is exactly why you were searching on your phone for a last minute Christmas gift. Well, actually you had done all of your christmas shopping weeks ago. This last minute shop was for Alexia’s mum. Though, this gift wasn't from you, this gift would be from her very unorganised daughter. And just like Alexia did every year she left everything to the last minute and of course she had asked you to help her out.
“You’re better at shopping, amor. Just take my card. I know you’ll get something she likes.”
You of course couldn't say no to your fiance's pleading puppy eyes and honestly you didn't mind, you were better at buying the gifts for any occasion. And Alexia would only end up just buying something last minute that her mum definitely wouldn't want or use.
So you sat comfy on your sofa with a heavy blanket wrapped around you, snuggled in one of Alexia’s thick, soft jumpers, scrolling through your phone in search of the perfect gift for the older woman. You hummed, mindlessly nodding your head to the music that lightly played out of your speaker in the background. After another 20 minutes of scrolling you finally found the perfect gift. It was a beautiful red cotton scarf. Alexias mum had lost her own a couple weeks back, and as far you knew she hadn’t replaced it yet. So this was perfect!
You added the item in your bag, filled out all the postage information and just before you could click the ‘buy now’ button, your screen turned black. Your phone battery had given up on you.
“No! Fuck sake.” You grumbled, throwing your head back in annoyance.
What were the chances? I mean you were warned at 20% and 10% but still!
A loud sigh escaped your lips as you reluctantly kicked the covers that were wrapped tightly around your legs, freeing yourself from your comfy cocoon. You were about to go to your bedroom to grab your charger until you spotted Alexia’s ipad sitting under the coffee table. You leaned over and grabbed the device, thanking the heavens you didn't have to leave your spot.
“Please have charge.” You prayed as you pressed the on button.
The apple tech gods must have heard your prayers as the screen sprung to life with a full battery. “Yes!” You cheered as you slumped back into your pit, wrapping the covers around your body.
You easily unlocked the device, typing in your date of birth for the password. You smiled as the screensaver appeared. It was a photo of you and Alexia last year, when you had been away on holiday, the very same holiday the blonde had proposed to you. You wore a huge smile while the blonde was lovingly kissing your cheek, both your sun kissed skin glowing on your faces.
You could still remember the moment she pulled the blue velvet box out. Your eyes had tears in them the moment she got on one knee, it was the easiest decision you had ever made.
It only made you more excited for the upcoming holiday you had booked. Not that Alexia had any clue, this was a surprise holiday, completely planned all by yourself. It was technically for her birthday but you couldn't wait another 2 months, she’d almost found out about it four times already!
You opened up the website again and found the red cotton scarf, you added the item to your trolley once more and began the process of filling out all of the shipping information again. You didn’t mean to tap the notification when it appeared on the screen, you swore as it instantly opened you up to Alexia’s emails and straight to the one that just landed in her inbox.
“Shit.” You huffed.
You were about to click off of the app and finish your purchase and you would have, if it wasn’t for the yellow emoji that caught your eye. You knew you shouldn't have, but something in your gut told you to read the message.
You blinked.
You stared at the screen.
You blinked again.
Your face screwed up in confusion as you read the words, your heart instantly dropped to the pits of your stomach. “What?” You whispered to yourself
Alexia - I'll see you around 4 after training. Be ready.
Joe - be quick, I’ve missed you 😘
“Missed you?” You said out loud. What?
No. Wait. Maybe there was more to it than this. Maybe it wasn't what you thought it was, surely not. Alexia wasn’t cheating on you, she’s your fiance for fuck sake, this wasnt what you thought. Just breath, don’t over react. This might be a friend or someone you don’t know, and she's meeting up with them. This might be nothing. Right? It's nothing.
But, it also might be something.
You scrolled a little further up on the conversation.
Joe - Did you have to rip my underwear? 😂
Alexia - Sorry, i'll buy you another pair
Joe - just for you to rip those too?
Alexia - maybe 😘
Your breath caught in your chest as the words sunk in. You were wrong, this was clearly more than a friend.
You felt sick.
Your eyes kept going over the words, over and over and over until they didn’t make sense to you. You stared until the black lines that formed letters became small blurs that you could no longer read or process.
Alexia was cheating on you.
Alexia. Your fiance. Your world. Your life. Your person was cheating on you.
This couldn’t be real, surely not. It must be a prank. A wrong email. Maybe she had been hacked or it's a code for football talk. Maybe …. something? You were so desperate you would believe anything else right now. But it was real, it was right in front of you, in black and white. You just didn’t want to believe it. You couldn’t.
Your mind went completely blank, a numbing feeling sunk into your bones. Nothing was processing right, it was like your body was trying to reject what it was feeling. Even your vision seemed to stop, everything around you seemed to blur. A deafening silence sliced through your head, ringing painfully inside your ears.
Breath.
With a shaky hand you swiped up to see how far this went. Maybe this was a one time thing? Not that it made it any easier, well, maybe it would? Maybe. But that thought was killed instantly as you watched the messages between Alexia and Joe go on and on. Your finger kept swiping the screen, watching the days and weeks go by. The dates were going further and further back. It felt like it would never end.
Your stomach twisted as the dates went back eight months. Months. This had been happening for 8 months. Nearly a year. How? How was she doing this? When was she doing this? Why was she doing this? Countless questions were steam rolling through your head. You didn’t notice your fingers were gripping the iPad as hard as they were until the muscles in your digits started to hurt.
The messages were short. There were no declarations of love or anything that seemed intimate. Just a lot of ‘when’ and ‘where’ there was the odd flirty message, like the one you read, but nothing cryptic, it almost seemed business li
“W-what?” You stuttered in disbelief.
This surely wasn’t happening, this had to be a dream. A nightmare.
You took a deep shaky breath, squeezing your eyes shut. You wanted to wake up and see that none of this was real. You had to wake up from this nightmare and see Alexia sleeping soundly in your warm shared bed as she cradled you against her chest like she did every night,
Please don’t let this be real.
You didn’t realise you were crying until your tears began to drop on the screen, blurring the words that had just turned your world upside down. Your body was shaking, trembling hard as your fingers moved to swipe along the messages. You scrolled to the start of their conversation, needing to know how this started.
No, you needed to see her. You needed to put a face to the name. You needed to see who this Joe was.
You studied the name of the stranger. You instantly searched for her on Alexia’s instagram followers. It didn't take you long before you found her profile. Her public profile. Did they even care to be careful? The carelessness felt like another kick in the teeth, it almost felt like the stranger wanted you to see her. Maybe she did.
You scanned her profile. She was the complete opposite of you. Her hair, her eyes, her nose, her style, her smile. She was nothing like you.
She was beautiful.
Somehow that made the pain worse. You couldn't stop the humiliation creeping down your skin, and your walls going up. Your mind dived into a deep pit of insecurity, not only was you being cheated on, but the girl didn't even look like you. A nauseous feeling flooded your brain. Did Alexia not find you attractive anymore? Was this the kind of girl Alexia actually liked and wanted?
A certain photo caught your interest. Joe was laying beside a pool, her perfect body cladded in a bikini that hardly contained her intimate parts, you scoffed in disgust when you spotted Alexia’s name in the likes. She had liked a few of her photos. Once again not caring about her footprint, she either had no shame or was just careless. It just felt like another punch in the gut. You continued to stalk Joe’s insta, looking for any more sightings of Alexia in the likes or comments, and maybe even a photo.
She was stunning. She was perfect. She wasn't you.
You felt stupid. So fucking stupid. How many lies had Alexia told you?
Your mind wandered to where they even met. Was she a fan? Did she know her from a life before you? Did she work for Barca? Did she find her online? On a dating app? Maybe they met on a night out? It wasn't hard for her to do, you had noticed you had been asked less and less on nights out with the girls. Probably for this exact reason. Was she the only one, or was there others? Or maybe Alexia wasn't even meeting with the team.
Did the team know? Were they aware of what Alexia was doing? You had noticed some of the girls didn’t speak to you as much as they did before, maybe this was why? Maybe they felt bad, too ashamed to look you in the eye. But Alexia could.
Then it started to click, the late nights, the texts from Alexia telling you she was staying behind for extra training, it was all starting to take a different meaning. You pictured Alexia and Joe sneaking around, checking into some random hotel, naked and wrapped up in white sheets, panting and laughing at how clueless you were.
You could feel the acidic bile daring to rise as you pictured Alexia with your rival. Did she make her feel better than you could? Satisfy her in a way you couldn't?
That's when the intrusive images flashed in your mind, images of Alexia doing all the things she did to you to your opposite. Did she fuck her the same way she fucked you? Did she go down on her the way she went down on you? Biting at her thighs, making her beg to give her what she wanted, while your fiance smiled up at her with her hazel eyes.
Her mouth kissing you hours after being with her. That’s when the bile finally rose up from your stomach. You ran to the bathroom just in time to make the toilet as the sick came up. You wiped your mouth with the back of your sleeve, your back slumped hard against the wall before collapsing on the bathroom floor. Your lip quivered as the tears finally spilled from your eyes, your body trembling against the cold tiled floor.
How was this happening? Alexia had proposed to you just last year, you were planning a wedding, a future together, a family.
What did you do wrong?
You didn’t know what to do. Should you call someone? Should you call Alexia? No. Should you leave? But where would you go? All your family and friends were back in the UK. You had some work friends here but you weren't close enough for something like this.
Everything was falling apart. Everything you thought you knew was one big lie. How could someone you love treat you like this? How?
After what felt like hours, you found the strength to wash your mouth and face before carrying yourself back to the living room and opened the ipad back up. Reading the messages that were breaking your heart but you couldn't tear your eyes away.
The messages were short, no more than two lines but every word felt like another blow, another hard hit that made your chest painfully tight. You didn’t realise you were hardly breathing until your body forced you to take one large gulp for air.
You felt your body go numb when you realised Alexia had met her on your 5th anniversary.
God, you felt so stupid. You had waited at home for her. You had spent hours cooking a three course meal, all her favourites.
Your eyes begin to blur again when you read their messages.
Joe - Are we meeting at the restaurant or should I meet you at the hotel?
Alexia - Come to the hotel, I want to see you before I go out
Joe - okay, but this time we have to make the reservation. We missed it last time.
Alexia - well if you hadn't have put on that dress that drives me fucking crazy we would have made it.
You were broken.
How was this your Alexia?
This surely wasn't the same girl that made you feel effortlessly loved? The girl that knew you better than you knew yourself. The same girl that brought you untold happiness, happiness that you never knew existed before you met her. This wasn't the same girl that asked you to dance 5 years ago in the dingy little bar. The girl that had put a ring on your finger promising you a happily ever after.
How was this her? Your Alexia. Was she even your Alexia anymore?
Nothing felt real. You looked around the living room, it didn’t look right, nothing looked right, nothing was the same. The peace and warmth you felt from the apartment had instantly disappeared, it felt cold, lifeless.
You jumped when you heard a text come through on your phone, it was from Alexia.
Alexia - Hola, baby, we’re going over game strategy so I will be home a little later today
And there it was, another one of her lies. A heavy weight sunk over your body, making you feel numb to the bone.
You placed the ipad on the coffee table and slowly stood up. Your legs felt like led as you began to walk, you didn't really know what you were doing, your body felt like it was going into some weird overdrive or maybe it was the shock from it all. You stopped and stared at the christmas tree that flickered in the corner, your mind took you somewhere else. You weren't sure how long you were standing there before your legs brought you to your shared bedroom.
—-----------
The familiar sound of keys rattled in the door. It was once a sound you looked forward to, instead your stomach lurched. You took a deep and shaky breath as you got ready to come face to face with your finance, the woman that had shattered your heart into a million pieces.
“Amor, I’m home.”
Alexia frowned when you didn’t reply, she removed her shoes and made her way into the apartment to find you. It didn't take her long to spot you in the living room, sitting at the breakfast table.
The beating in your chest thumped hard when your eyes fell on the blonde. You wanted to hate her, you wanted to instantly fall out of love with her, you wanted to feel nothing when you heard her call you by your pet name, but that wasn't the case. You still felt everything you did before you saw the messages, before you knew the truth.
But you knew where she had been this evening.
Alexia could instantly tell you had been crying, your blushed cheeks and watery eyes gave you away, not that you were trying to hide it. You wanted her to see the hurt she had caused.
“Bebé? What's wrong?”
Alexia hurried over to you, she was about to cup your face, but was stopped in her tracks when you moved away. Your eyes met hers, you could see her hair was wet, she at least had the decency to shower before returning home, or make it look like she had just showered after training.
“I know.” Your voice croaked out, the hours of crying weakening your throat.
Alexia’s face frowned in confusion, it instantly annoyed you.
“Que?”
“Joe.” Even saying her name out loud made you want to scream.
Alexia’s face dropped, you could see the look of horror as realisation hit her. Her mouth gaped open but no words came out. The silence was deafening, you felt your skin burning, it felt itchy, painfully itchy you wanted to tear it off. After what felt like hours, though it was likely seconds, Alexia finally spoke.
“Wh-what? Who? What do you mean?” The blonde anxiously fiddled with the zip on her joggers.
You felt your shoulders slump, she didn't even have the decency to just be honest, but why would she? She’d lied this whole time. 8 months.
“Don’t. Don’t play dumb, Alexia. I saw your messages on your emails.”
Alexia's frown deepened. A flash of anger flickered across her eyes. “Why were you going through my emails?”
Was she really going to try and turn this on you?
“What? Are you actually fucking asking me that?” You snapped, your own anger boiling over.
“No! I mean-” Alexia pushed her hand through her wet loose hair, you didn't miss the way it shook. A trait she did when she was nervous. “I don’t know what you’re talking abo-”
“Don’t lie to me!” You shouted, voice cracking. The tears you were trying so hard to hold down bursting at the seams. “Please. Just stop lying, Alexia.” God. You sounded so weak.
Alexia looked at you, those beautiful hazel eyes you loved so much filling with tears. Her foot was tapping against the floor, she looked scared. Good, you thought. She bit her lip so hard it looked like it might bleed. You watched her through blurry eyes, she took a step back from you, covering her face with her hands. Her body stiffened as she took a deep breath.
“She means nothing to me.” Her voice was just above a whisper. But you heard it.
You sucked in a hard breath. Even though you knew what you knew, hearing her confess it hit you harder than you could have imagined. You closed your eyes, trying to compose yourself, but when Alexia put her warm hand on your shoulder you broke down, your skin prickled where she touched you.
“Amor, please. Please don't cry.” The blonde begged.
You covered your face as the tears streamed down your hot cheeks, you could feel your heart beating painfully fast. It felt like you were about to go into shock, maybe you were, your body felt like it was taking a brutal beating from the inside out.
“You were with her tonight.” You weren't asking. You felt her hand stiffen on your shoulder.
The silence was so loud.
“You were with her tonight, weren't you Alexia.” You repeated. Your tone was sharp. You bluntly moved her hand from you, not wanting her to touch you. You ignored her gasp from the out of character movement from you, but you didn't care. The thought of her hands being on someone else made the pit of your stomach tighten painfully.
You watched as a few tears slipped from her eye’s. You could see the panic starting to hit her. You stood up, you needed to move, you walked past Alexia even though a small part of you wanted to hold her. What the fuck? No. You ignored it. You walked to the open kitchen, you grabbed the sides to help you with your balance, you were sure your legs were about to give up on you, your knees buckling under the turmoil of emotions that ran through your body.
“I just don’t understand.” You squeaked out, turning your head to see Alexia who looked like a kicked puppy.
“I am sorry. I-I- she means nothing to me. I swear.” She slowly walked over to you but stopped when you moved away.
You didn't believe her. You would never believe her again.
“You’ve been doing this for months, months Alexia! Lying to me for fucking months, seeing this girl behind my fucking back!” You screamed. Your chest was heaving with anger.
Alexia didn't say anything, what could she say? She stood there looking like she could be sick, the colour draining from her face.
“You asked me to marry you, Alexia. I have a ring on my finger because I love you. Don’t you love me? What have I done wrong?”
You didn’t know why you had blamed yourself, but it felt like you needed to know.
Alexia looked panicked, your words clearly making her wince. “No! I do love you! I-I- she is nothing. It’s just sex. It’s just a big mistake. I don’t know why I did it!”
That hurt. You would have some kind of understanding if you and Alexia didn't have sex, but you did. Yeah, of course it wasnt every night, or even every week but you were still intimate. So this must have been more than sex.
You shook your head, you didn’t believe that, not anymore. You felt so small as your world began to crumble around you. The blonde was now by your side, catching you before you dropped to your knees.
What was happening? How was this your life right now? It wasn't meant to be like this. Alexia was never meant to be the one that broke your heart.
“Baby, please. I’m here.” She grabbed your body pulling you into hers.
You had a burning urge to hold her, you wanted to feel safe in her arms like you always did, but you felt weird, her arms didn't feel right anymore. It made you feel sick, you could feel your stomach churning as you pictured Alexia holding your opposite. You flinched away like she was made of fire.
“Here? You’re here? You havent been here, you’ve been creeping around fucking some girl and god knows how many others behind my back! Don’t you dare say you’re ‘here’. You screamed so loud the neighbours would have heard every word.
Let them hear.
Alexia shrank at your words. You hated that you felt bad. She was the one that had hurt you.
“Why? Just tell me why? Am I not enough?” You felt like you swallowed a stone with that question.
Alexia sniffled, wiping her tears with her sleeve. It made you realise how little you saw the girl cry.
“You are everything and more, I swear it. I….I panicked.” Her accent grew thicker as her words shook in her throat.
“What? Panicked for what?” You questioned.
“After I proposed.” She took a breath for air, her hazel eyes looked more green after she cried. “I panicked and got scared. It was only meant to be once, but then we started planning the wedding. It got more real and I-I just didn't know how to stop.”
“You asked me to marry you!” You said in disbelief.
“I know! And I still want to!” She whispered.
You scoffed. This girl had some fucking nerve.
“Why would I marry someone who can lie to my face every night? Lie about where she is? Touch someone else and lay in bed with me the same night!”
The neighbours were definitely getting a show now.
Alexia dragged her face, her puffy lips wet with tears. How could she still look so beautiful?
“I’m sorry. It was all just a big mistake I swear!” She moved closer to you. “Please, amor, forgive me! I have not been myself, I’m so sorry. I love you so much. I want to marry you and be with you! You are my world, my everything! Please! Please forgive me! Please.” She was hardly breathing, her gasps of air were short as the tears came pouring out of her. She dropped to her knees in front of you, her crying getting louder and louder, you thought she might be having a panic attack.
Your own tears fell from your eyes as you watched the woman you love break down in front of you, you wanted to believe her, but your trust had shattered the moment you read those words. How could you trust her again?
“Alexia.” You whispered her name as you put your hand on her arm.
The blonde looked up, her wide hazel eyes bore into yours. She looked so tired. She put her hand over yours and stood, her face inches from yours.
“Babita, please. Please. I love you so much, give me another chance.”
Her large hands came up to your face, you allowed her to wipe the ever flowing tears from your cheeks. Even though it was Alexia who had broken your heart you still needed comfort, you still wanted to feel her. You still loved her.
She took you not moving for a good sign, taking her chances and gently cupping your cheeks.
“Please, mi amor. I am so sorry. I am such a fool, you’re everything I want. I love you so much. I can’t do this without you.”
She moved closer to you. Her familiar smell washed over you, she smelt like home. She wrapped you up in a tight hug, you felt yourself lean into her, you didn't know why. Maybe because your whole world had just been turned upside down and you needed to feel something, even if she was the culprit that caused you all this pain.
A couple of minutes passed by, all in silence other than a couple of sniffles from you and Alexia. And in those minutes you weren't sure where you went, it felt like you had left your own body. Like this was all just a big weird dream and you were about to wake up and see that it was all a mistake, see that this wasn't real.
Maybe you were having a panic attack.
Alexia stroked your hair as your tears still fell, the front of her jumper was wet from your face but you only snuggled more into her.
You hated yourself for it. Why were you so weak? Why were you not screaming and calling her all the names under the sun for breaking your heart? For ruining your self confidence, for making you question everything you thought you knew. Why can’t you do it?
“Alexia.” You whispered into her jumper.
“Sí, carino?”
“You-you’ve broken me.” Your voice cracked as more tears came.
Alexia’s tears also sprung to her eyes as she heard your words, her arms held you tighter. She took a big shuddery breath before she kissed your head. “I’m so sorry. I will be sorry that I hurt you, until the day I die.” She confessed.
Her words didn’t comfort you, not really. They made you wonder about the future you had planned with Alexia. The future you had once been so excited to share with the girl. Now all gone.
“I will fix this, I will, amor. Please, let me fix this.”
You felt Alexia press her lips on the top of your head. You tried to ignore the warm feeling that swirled inside your stomach. It felt like you were losing a battle with your brain and body. You closed your eyes as a soft kiss was placed on your temple. It was the same spot Alexia kissed every morning. It was so familiar, and yet it felt different. Does it feel different? Or was your brain trying to protect you?
“You’re my world. I promise you I will fix everything.” She whispered into your ear.
Your lips quivered before a small sob escaped your mouth. You felt your eyes release a new wave of tears at her words of declaration, you wanted to believe her. You wanted to believe this could be fixed. Could it?
Sad watery eyes met yours as you looked up at the girl in front of you. Her hands held your face. It was just you and her, staring at the other. This was the face you wanted to watch grow old. The face you wanted to wake up to everyday. The face you wanted to have by your side for the rest of your life. Now it almost felt like you were looking at a stranger.
Alexia placed her hand under your chin, moving your face to her own. Your body stiffened when you felt her lips press against your own.
“No.” You whispered weakly as you pulled back.
“Please, don’t do this. I love you with all my heart. Please don’t let this break us.” The blonde whispered as she stroked your face.
Alexia pulled back slightly to look at your face, her glassy eyes scanned your features, taking in every detail of you. You felt exposed. Completely open to her. It made you feel vulnerable. Alexia had been your world for so long. She made you feel real love for the first time. A love that made you feel protected, seen.
“I love you.”
Your brain screamed to run. Leave. Don’t let her fool you. This wasn't right, you knew it wasn't. But your heart didn't agree as you let her kiss you again. The kiss was everything you knew. Her lips were a safe blanket that you could wrap yourself around in. This was what you knew, how were you going to give this up?
“I love you.” She whispered against your lips as she gently pushed you against the kitchen side.
“Alexia-”
“Please. I can fix this.” She pleaded as her voice cracked with desperation.
She leaned her forehead on yours, her body leaning more into you. She closed her eyes but the tears still managed to escape as they dropped on your t-shirt and seeped into the fabric.
You didn't say anything. All the words you had ever known escaped your brain, leaving you empty. Everything you had planned, all the questions. Gone. You were more ready this time when her lips sunk into yours again, you even opened your mouth, allowing her to push a gentle tongue against yours. You could taste the salt from her tears that stained her lips.
What were you doing? Why were you letting her in?
Because you loved her, you loved her with everything you had. Because you were a fool.
Her mouth cascaded down from yours to your jaw, leaving hot kisses on your skin as she made her way down to your neck. You hated yourself when a small groan left your mouth, but it turned into a small whimper as another sob escaped you.
Run.
But you couldn’t, your heart was broken, you needed to feel something, you needed Alexia, she was the one that made everything better, she was the one you went to if you ever felt upset. She was your light. She was who you needed. You just wanted to feel loved even though this wasn't what love was.
Your hands gripped her shirt when she came back to your mouth, you weren't sure if you were going to push her or away or pull her closer. Her kisses grew more desperate once she heard the groan you made, thinking this was the only way to have you back.
She easily moved you from the kitchen to the bedroom, all while her lips attacked your neck and mouth, making you gasp for air. Your mind was a blur, a blur of pain and hurt. A blur of confusion.
Your head was throbbing from the headache you caused yourself from crying. You tried to ignore it like the way you ignored the voice in your head telling you to stop this. But you didn't listen.
“I love you. I love you. I can fix us.” Alexia kept chanting.
She laid you on the bed as she slowly removed your joggers. You felt the tears run down your puffy lips, as you reached out for her needing her close to you again. But you couldn't look at her. You couldn't bring yourself to look at the girl you loved and hated.
Both yours and Alexias lips were puffy and swollen from tears. You felt your lips split as you licked them, stinging your plump flesh, you tried to focus on it as Alexia connected your lips once more before she began to move down your body.
“You’re so beautiful. I love you so much, babita. Let me make you feel good.”
You felt your breath hitch as the blonde kissed on your stomach. The familiar feeling of her body pressing on yours grounded you more than you would have thought. You almost forgot about why you were crying. You nearly didn't feel the pain that sunk into every fiber of your body. Nearly.
Her hazel eyes looked up at you as she moved further down. But you looked away, you felt shame flood your chest as you allowed her to remove your underwear.
“I love you.” She mumbled against your skin.
You gasped as you felt her tongue swipe through your folds. Your eyes started to wet again as you felt her mouth on you. Her hands gripped at your thighs, pushing you open as she gently licked at your sex.
You felt everything and nothing. Your body felt like it was on overdrive, wanting to feel Alexia, but wanting nothing to do with her at the same time. You just wanted to feel something. It was an absolute mind fuck. And yet you opened your legs further as the girl wrapped her lips around your clit.
Alexia stroked your thighs as she used her mouth on you. She kissed your clit before sinking her tongue into your cunt. You felt the way she groaned, probably from tasting your essence as it melted on her tongue. Your own body betrayed you.
Your thighs started to shake as you felt that familiar swirl start to wash over your body. Alexia could tell straight away. She grabbed your hands that would have normally sunk into her hair by now and placed them on her head. You looked down from the touch, Alexia’s eyes were puffy from crying. She looked at you with a look you didn't recognise.
Was it regret? Was it hope? Was it guilt for being caught?
Your fingers flexed loosely in her hair as your thighs started to shake. Your orgasm was building but you could tell it wasn't the same, it felt like it didnt know where to go. Or why it was even there. But you let her finish, you let her suck and lick your bud until your body shook against the bed. Your orgasm trickled over your body, leaving you feeling worse than you did. Alexia stayed between your legs to clean you up.
You felt your chest tighten and your throat close up as a wave of sadness pulled you down. When Alexia reached your face it felt like you were drowning, it must have been your own cries as you shuddered against the bed.
“Baby, please. Please, I’m here.”
You grabbed Alexia's hand and pushed it between your legs, you needed to feel something. You still wanted to feel her. You didn't want to feel this sadness that was taking over your body.
Anything. Please feel anything.
“Please.” You begged as you pulled her closer to kiss you.
“I’m here. I’m right here.” She whispered before your lips locked.
Alexia circled your clit a few times before she dipped a single finger into you. You let out a small groan, you could feel you were tight. She pumped her fingers as she kissed your neck, you tried to ignore the tears that fell from her eyes onto your skin.
You hissed as she pushed another finger in.
“Ho sento. I’m sorry.” She pressed a kiss to your lips as she moved her fingers slowly. “I’m sorry.”
You grabbed her shoulders as she started to open you up. Her eyes fixed on your face as you closed your own, trying your best to escape today's nightmare.
“I love you, mi amor. I love you so much.” She mumbled into your neck.
Her fingers got deeper as she moved faster. You finally started to float away as you felt nothing but her inside you, putting all your focus on this one feeling.
“I will marry you. I want you to have my babies. Please let me.” She started to cry as she fucked you.
Before you could register what she was saying you let out a loud gasp when she pushed a third finger inside you, but she knew it wasn't a painful gasp. She knew your body, she knew you. Your head dipped back in the pillow as you felt your second orgasm start to rise. Your small whimpers gave you away to the girl above as your nails dug into her arms.
“That's it baby. You’re so good.” She peppered kisses all over your face as she encouraged you.
Your eyes squeezed shut as your orgasm fast apoached. Your thighs shook against Alexia's hips once her thumb began to circle your clit. You felt it. You felt something. other than sadness, just for a few seconds.
“Don’t stop!’ You begged as your orgasm rushed over you.
“I’m here. I’m here.” Alexia coed at you.
You saw stars as your pussy clenched tightly around the thick fingers. Time stood still as everything went quiet. No voices in your head. No sadness that took over your senses. Your tears stopped for just a moment as you relaxed into the mattress. All the pressure that your body had taken was finally melting away.
You winced a little as Alexia removed her fingers as gently as she could. You slumped back into the pillow, taking a deep breath of air. You stared at the ceiling before you felt the blonde slot herself next to you.
“Turn around, amor.” Her breath ghosted the lose her on your neck.
You slowly moved, you knew she wanted to hold you and you let her without question.
Was this really your life? Was this really you?
Familiar hands started to stroke your hair. You could feel how stiff Alexia’s body was behind you, maybe she was scared to move in case she frightened you away.
“I love you.” She whispered again.
You didn't respond. You felt her arm snaking around your side, her hand looking for your own. You didn't think before you gave her what she wanted, her thumb instantly stroked your knuckles. It wasn't long before your tired and sore eyes started to close.
An hour later you woke up as Alexia stirred behind you, sleeping soundly. You moved as slowly as you could, creeping out the bed as lightly as you could. You grabbed your clothes that you had waiting on the side, along with your suitcase that Alexia missed when she pulled you into the bedroom.
You looked over at her sleeping form, her blonde hair splayed across the pillow, a small frown sat between her brows. She looked beautiful. You almost wanted to climb back in the bed. But you stayed strong.
“I love you.” You whispered to your lover.
The tears started to form again, quickly falling over your cheeks. You felt sick as you carried your suitcase to the front door. What were you doing? Was this the right thing? Yes. She cheated on you! She’s broken your heart. She doesn't love you like you thought she did. Leave.
You took a deep shuddery breath before you removed your engagement ring and left it on the side, with the keys to Alexia's apartment next to them. You took one last glance over your shoulder, the Christmas tree caught your eyes as it flickering in the corner. You gently shut the door behind you, a loud sob escaped you as you left everything you thought was your future behind you.
Alexia contemplates her feelings as you pretend a drunken kiss between you two never happened.
contains: angst, some making out, barçafemeni!reader, avoidant!reader, just a lot of angst tbh | word count: 2k+
a/n: not proofread, just wrote this cause i couldnt sleep and was listening to lizzy mcalpine's hate to be lame which gave me this idea
it's always on the tip of my tongue
but i stop myself from saying it
tell myself it's not the right time
or something dumb
The last night of the Champion's League celebration was supposed to be just like any other victory party—loud, drunk, messy. On nights like this, it was natural to make a fool of yourself.
Alexia was never immune to the drunken stupidity — the typical drunken dancing and singing, foolish antics that got the team laughing. (In one victory party, Alexia found herself dancing with someone else's sports bra wrapped around on her head.)
But on that particular night, her drunken act of stupidity wasn't just loud karaoke or making a fool of herself. No, it was way different.
At some point, during the night, you two had gotten drunk and began grinding on each other at the dance floor. It was normal for teammates to get a bit touchy during parties so no one bat an eye but Alexia knew this thing happening between you two was different.
It started with playful dancing then you somehow found a way to plant a few kisses on her neck. It didn’t take long until you two ended up stumbling into the vacant restroom, kissing each other desperately.
Some kind of tension has always lingered between the two of you before but Alexia always chalked it up to the two of you being newly single. She always brushed it off, thinking it might just be her reading into things. Afer all, you have always been her type and she figured she might be interpreting your dynamic through wishful thinking.
But that night, that small tension she felt burst into something more, and she understood that this meant it wasn't just her who felt attraction towards the other.
She felt your hands desperately cling onto her as you locked lips. Your tongue glided on her bottom lip before ultimately finding its way into her mouth. You took turns pinning each other against the flimsy walls of the cramped stall.
Alexia's hand has found it way to your neck, gently tilting your head up with it before pressing her mouth against your neck to kiss, lick, and bite at you. You gasped in satisfaction as the taller girl kissed your neck.
You grabbed her face again to kiss her deeper, more intensely. Alexia felt that this was the type of kiss that could lead to something more; the likelihood of you crossing that line increasing with every minute that passed.
You gently pushed her off of you, as you tried to catch a breath. Your eyes remained locked as you stayed within close proximity. After a while, you noticed the hunger in Alexia's eyes simmer down into something more... soft and intimate.
This time, Alexia gently touched your face and moved to capture your lips again but this time, you looked away and avoided her kiss. You sighed before hurriedly unlocking the stall, walking out the restroom, and leaving Alexia all alone without even a goodbye.
Alexia felt dumbfounded. She thought that this kiss was your way of addressing the tension, a way of telling her that maybe you felt attracted to her too. But with the sudden exit, she began to doubt herself.
She wanted to talk to you about it the next time you saw each other but it became immediately evident to her that you were set on pretending like nothing happened.
You still joked with her in training, still bantered with her, tell stories like normal. You acted exactly like you did before; it was as if she dreamt up the kiss.
She played along like nothing had shifted, like your kiss had been meaningless. She even laughed at your jokes during training. But every word felt like a lie, every shared laughter felt like a stab.
In her mind, she wished you'd at least act different. She would rather you hated her or avoided her, something—anything to confirm that there was something real, something more.
But you acted like it was nothing.
She felt like she was going crazy, even doubting her own sanity at some point. She spent the past few months trying to forget it ever happened. But the more she tried, the more it hurt her. Because how could you pretend that all of that was nothing... when it felt like everything for her.
But then you kiss me like you do
And we're right back where we started from
It was Pina’s birthday.
Alexia initially didn't want to go. It was in the middle of the season and she knew that the team captain being there meant everyone would be too hesitant and shy to drink, knowing she was around.
But she knew how Pina was, and she knew Pina would pester her endlessly if she didn't at least make an appearance.
So, she did. She went to the place late and much to her surprise, most of the team was behaving. A few of the players were nursing a bottle of beer but nothing excessive. She figured she must have done something right for her teammates to be so well-disciplined even without her hovering around them.
Well... she thought that until she saw you.
Of course, she's drunk. She thought to herself.
You were already tipsy, practically glowing, and laughing too loudly. The sight of you sent a jolt of something unfamiliar through her.
You had your arms wrapped around Caro, who was trying too hard to help you sober up by making you drink from a bottle of water. Alexia sighed and made her way to save Caro from your drunkenness.
Caro gave her a thankful look as she took over in aiding to you. She let you drape your arms around her as she wiped the stray hairs that stuck to your face.
"In the middle of the season?" She asked you in a stern voice. "Really?"
You frowned at her. "You wouldn't get it."
Alexia just sighed as she continued what Caro was doing, desperately trying to get you to sober up. "Did something happen?"
You stayed silent but you were too easy to read when you were drunk. Your glazed expression gave away that you were going through something. You still had an arm wrapped around Alexia, as if to keep yourself balanced, but you were also trying to avert your gaze away from her.
Alexia sighed. "I should take you home."
You bit your lip but you nodded. Alexia sighed and held your waist as you kept an arm around her; she was afraid if she let go, you'd fall over.
The car ride was silent. She wanted to talk to you about why you were getting irresponsibly drunk, why you seemed upset and... why you acted like your kiss never happened. But instead, she stayed silent, and as did you.
Alexia pulled up to your apartment building. After she parked, you unclasped your seatbelts but neither of you made a move to exit the car.
Alexia sighed. "Do you wanna talk... about anything?"
You shifted your gaze towards her, taking in how pretty she looked tonight. She was wearing a leather jacket on top of a cropped shirt, revealing a sliver of her abdomen. Your eyes now fluttered to her face. You took in her warm eyes, her nose, her lips. She looked so besutiful even under the dim lighting. You thought, fuck, why does she have to be so gorgeous?
You hummed. "I'm sorry I took you away from the party... especially since you look so good tonight."
Alexia started growing anxious as you said those words. "Well, I didn't really plan on going anyway..." Alexia said.
Drunkenly, you reached out to cup her face and guiding it upward so she'd meet your gaze. You stayed that way for a bit, just looking at each other's eyes. Until finally, you couldn't take it.
You leaned in and captured her lips in a kiss. It was more gentle than before, more intentional. As you pulled away, you studied her expression but Alexia just looked pained.
She sighed and looked away, causing your hand on her cheek to drop. She took a deep breath as she gripped the steering wheel with her hands and rested her head on top of it.
Emotions were overwhelming her. This was the long overdue confirmation she wanted from you so bad yet... it felt so wrong.
After a minute, Alexia finally spoke. "Why?"
"Huh? Why what?" You asked back.
She lifted her head slightly and locked eyes with you again. "Just... why?"
You sighed. "I don't know... I just want to kiss you."
Alexia looked exasperated. She took a moment to think. Do you remember last time? Why did you act like it never happened? Why do you want to kiss me now? Why do you only want to kiss me when you're drunk? Do I mean something? Do the kisses mean something? Do you... like me like I like you?
She had a million questions flying around her head but she settled on one. "Tell me honestly. Do you remember the last time we kissed?" She locked eyes with you and this time, you could see pain behind them. She tried to be firm with the way she asked but the vulnerability seeped through.
You blinked at her. “I think about it all the time,” you admitted before you could even consider lying; your inebriation made you too honest.
Alexia chest tightened as she felt hurt by the admission. Am I not supposed to be happy... that she thinks about it too like I do?
Before she could react, you were trying to lean in again as your face cupped her cheek, trying to kiss her. And that's when Alexia snapped into clarity.
No. You were drunk. This wasn’t... healthy. She couldn’t let herself do this again, not when everything between you was so confusing, so undefined.
“No,” Alexia whispered, gently pushing you away, though her hands shook with the desire to do exactly the opposite.
You looked at her with an expression that could only read as upset to Alexia but she tried to ignore it as she unlocked your car door. "I think you should go."
You stayed steady for a minute, twiddling your thumbs then staring at her but she kept her head low, trying so hard not to look at you until you finally stepped out without another word.
Hate to admit but it might be true
Hate to admit but I think you knew
Hate to be lame but I might love you
After that night, as expected, you didn't acknowledge the kiss. But this time, you started acting cold.
No more joking around. No more banter. You'd be laughing it up with the other Barça girls but as soon as Alexia came over, you'd bail and make an excuse to avoid her.
It was killing her, just being like this. Mapi had taken notice and pulled Alexia aside to ask if she was alright, which Alexia just hesitantly nodded.
Mapi didn't believe it for a moment. "Is it because of..." Mapi trailed off as she discreetly turned her gaze towards you as you were busy on your phone in the locker room.
Alexia sighed and said nothing but that was enough confirmation for Mapi. She sighed. "You need to talk it out," She said. "It's kinda affecting your dynamic on and off the pitch."
Alexia knew Mapi was right. Not only was it taking a toll on her emotions to be dealing with this awkward tension and silent avoidance, it wasn't long before shit gets worse and the team performance is affected. If it was only affecting her, she would have dropped the whole issue but she knew this was beyond you and her.
She caught you before training the next day, her voice sharp but shaking as she confronted you. "Can we talk?"
You sighed and nodded. "Yeah, Capi?"
She winced at the nickname, knowing that it was your tactic to distance yourself from her. Just another subtle way of deflecting.
“I know you feel the same way,” Alexia blurted it out, her words tumbling out too quickly. She regretted being so outright but she also no longer wanted to waste time. She had to do what she had to do.
Alexia sighed as she ran her hand through her hair. “And... it hurt when you acted like nothing happened. Like it didn’t matter.” Her chest heaved with the weight of everything she hadn’t said.
You stayed silent which just forced Alexia into doing all the talking. "I don't know what's going on with you but... why me? Why are you roping me into this?"
"It's nothing." You muttered.
Alexia grew frustrated. "Bullshit."
"What do you want me to do, Alexia?" Your eyes finally met hers.
"I don't know." She groaned. "Admit you like me too... or even just admit you kissed me. Tell me why you did. Tell me if it mattered. Fuck, I'd settle with you telling me it was a mistake. I just... need to hear from you that..."
"Nothing happened,” you said firmly, almost as if to convince yourself as much as her.
Alexia’s heart sank. She was there just begging for you to admit it did, even if you say it was a mistake; she just needed to hear it from you. Instead, you denied her again.
“But—”
“Drop it,” you snapped, turning quickly, rushing away before she could say anything more.
She watched you go, her hands shaking at her sides. There was nothing more she could do. She was left standing there, confused and hurt, unable to understand why it hurt so much. How could you pretend it meant nothing when everything inside her screamed that it meant everything?
Do I love her? Do I need her?
Do I want her? Do I care enough to say
That I love her, that I need her?
'Cause I don't but I wanna feel okay
Days turned into weeks and weeks into months and Alexia still couldn't forget what happened.
Your dynamic on the pitch suffered for a bit but it recovered. And pretty soon, you were acting normal again around her.
As if nothing, nothing at all, had happened.
For a while, Alexia had convinced herself she had moved on from it. It was just two kisses, she told herself on multiple occasions. You don't even like her that much.
But there were nights when she couldn't help but be consumed with confusion and frustration. She hated how it happened—how you treated her, how you pretended nothing was real.
On most days, she hated you. She acted normal around you, sure, but there was an added layer now. Everything was more guarded. Even if she asked you often how you were and laughed at your jokes, your relationship was hurt and it could never go back to how it was.
And even if she did despise you for what you did... she still couldn’t stop the way her heart raced when she saw you. She couldn’t shut off the part of her that still hoped that maybe, one day, you'd admit to her that it did happen and maybe that you feel a certain softness for her too.
But she knew it wasn't happening any time soon and now, all she can do is what you do best — pretend.
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