all i want is a runnin' riot

Steve wraps his arms around him from behind, kissing his neck and then his shoulder, resting his nose against his pulse.

“You should come to bed, babe,” he whispers.

He’s right. He’s barely slept for days, and getting into bed and cuddling up to Steve will help his morose mood. It’s just that he’s twitching to grab his guitar and write something. He’s dying to get in his van and drive to Gareth’s house a mile up the road and come up with a new plan that’s doomed to fail. It’s a habit now, one that’s going to take a while to break now that they aren’t a band anymore. Not officially, anyway.

“Eddie? You okay?” Steve asks, voice louder now, laced with concern. He picks his head up, but Eddie quickly reaches back to tug him back into place.

“Don’t let go,” Eddie tells him. “Stay.”

And because Steve is an angel, and Eddie doesn’t deserve him, he does. He doesn’t ask any questions or try to say anything to make him feel better. He doesn’t push him towards the bed to try to make him sleep. He just holds him.

Eventually, Eddie turns in his arms and cups his face, kissing the corner of his mouth and giving him a small smile.

“Can I play you something?” Eddie asks.

Steve grins. “Always.”

He plays for a while. Too long, going off the yawns Steve tries to hide after a few songs. He’s slowly sinking down into the bed while Eddie strums and hums, occasionally pausing to write in his notebook.

Eddie plays until Steve’s asleep, light snores coming from where he has his face buried in the pillow. When he looks up, he finally notices Steve wearing his cropped Corroded Coffin shirt.

It makes him cry. He’s quiet about it, not wanting to wake Steve and see that worried look on his face again.

He wishes things turned out better for them. He wishes that Steve was visiting him on tour instead of sleeping in a trailer he promised he’d never come back to. He wishes he could say he accomplished what he set out to do, just one time.

—

He writes songs often, but the inspiration isn’t there. It’s harder without Gareth banging on his drums, trying to find any beat that works with the melody Eddie has in his head. They could try Gareth coming up with a beat first, but that’s just not how they do things.

How they did things.

Eddie looks around the record shop. He doesn’t mind this job. The owner’s pretty cool, knows a lot about every genre of music. He plays guitar and bass, too. Sometimes on payroll days, he sets aside some time to jam with Eddie after they lock up.

It’s fun as far as minimum wage, unskilled labor goes.

Jeff comes by every Friday when he’s done with his classes, flips through the new releases, even if he doesn’t like the artists. He just likes shooting the shit with Eddie. They’ve always been like that. Even when they argued about band stuff, they’d find common ground with something else.

Gareth practically lives at the trailer on Sundays, a desperate attempt to escape his own house. His grandparents visit every Sunday and turn it into a miserable place. Eddie doesn’t mind. Steve gives them space for hours before he usually yells for them to come eat. He always gives Gareth a long hug before he leaves, like he knows that Gareth’s grieving, too.

Frankie mostly makes Eddie come to him, but he doesn’t mind. He knows it’s because he had a falling out with his parents and doesn’t want to step foot back in Hawkins if he can help it. He’ll go wherever he has to to see his friend.

But it’s tough not getting together anymore. He wishes they could all just hang out, not as a band, without the pressure, without the commitment. He wants them to be friends again, real friends.

He just doesn’t know how to make that happen.

—

“Cake is in the oven. Wayne will be here in ten to help me set up the tables and chairs. Robin’s got beer. Don’t ask me how,” Steve shakes his head as he runs down his checklist for Eddie’s birthday party. “Dustin might be late. Said he’s bringing his girlfriend and she takes forever to do her hair.”

“Sounds familiar,” Eddie teases, wrapping his arms around Steve’s waist and kissing his neck. “You want any help?”

“It’s your birthday, you’re not allowed to help.” Steve turns to kiss his cheek. “You should go get changed, though. Pretty sure Gareth said he was coming early to avoid his grandma asking if he’d found a wife yet.”

“But he doesn’t even have to lie anymore!” Eddie groans, throwing his hands up. “Fine, fine. I’ll go. You wanna help me?”

“You don’t need my help to get dressed,” Steve rolls his eyes.

“But I could use help with…other things…” Eddie wiggles his brows and winks. “You said for my birthday we could-“

“I know what I said. I meant after your party,” Steve’s face is bright red as he looks back down at his list. “Plus, I’m not wearing that under these clothes. I’ve got too much to do still.”

Eddie smacks a kiss to his lips and rushes off to get ready for his party.

Everyone’s coming.

Even Frankie.

It’s not the first time they’ve all been together since the band broke up, but it’s the first time it’s happening under Eddie’s roof. It feels like there’s more potential for something to go wrong here.

It’s the biggest party he’s ever had for himself, but 30 is a big number according to everyone who cares about him. There’s a cake that Steve made sitting on the table surrounded by cards and gifts from everyone who loves him.

Jeff, Gareth, and Frankie are all standing together on the porch. They’re not arguing as far as Eddie can tell.

He joins them hoping it stays that way.

“There’s the birthday guy!” Jeff slaps his shoulder, nearly spilling the soda in his cup when he does. “Heard we’re cutting the cake in a few minutes.”

“Yeah, Steve’s got a pretty strict schedule for that apparently,” Eddie rolls his eyes fondly. He’s never been much for a schedule, but it makes Steve happy and he’s a big fan of that. “Enjoying the party? Need anything?”

Gareth snorts. “It’s your party. We don’t need you to take care of us.”

“I know, but-“ Eddie freezes. He swallows back the sudden lump in his throat.

The final thing, the one thing out of the millions of things that ruined their band, was no doubt that Eddie could be a little overbearing and overprotective about them. He wanted things to work so badly. He pushed on things he shouldn’t have because he thought it was best for all of them. He turned down things that the others wanted to do because he thought it wouldn’t be right for their sound. He fought with Frankie to protect Gareth, he fought with Gareth to protect Jeff. He fought with Steve to protect all of them.

In the end, he tried to be too in control.

Happens to all the greats, right? It’s just not a good story when you aren’t great first.

“I know.” He says again. He gives them a smile before he rushes off to find Steve. They don’t stop him. He’s sure his realization was written all over his face.

When he finds Steve, he’s pacing the kitchen floor, Wayne trying to calm him down about something quietly. It’s a bit unnerving for a birthday party, especially when everyone’s outside.

“Steve?”

Steve’s head snaps up and over to Eddie, eyes widening comically. Wayne mumbles something about idiots and walks out the back door to rejoin the party.

“Hey. Everything okay? Cake in a few minutes,” Steve says, plastering on a fake smile. Eddie steps closer, watching the way Steve’s hands are shaking as he tries to shove them in his pockets.

“I’m good. Are you okay?” Eddie cups the side of his neck, searching his face for any other clues about what could possibly be wrong. Could he be sick? He mentioned a headache yesterday, but he seemed fine this morning.

“I’m good! I promise,” Steve reaches up to wrap his fingers around his wrist, smile changing to something more comforting and real. “Are you happy?”

The question isn’t entirely unusual, but it still makes Eddie worry again.

“Of course I am. You brought everyone I love together and made my favorite cake. And we’ve got naked plans tomorrow. How could I not be?” Eddie tries to push his worry away as Steve leans in to kiss the corner of his mouth.

It’s probably nothing. Steve’s a bit worried that the weather won’t hold up for them and he doesn’t want everyone in the house, so maybe that’s what he’s so riled up about. Wayne was probably just offering to help bring stuff inside if the storms start earlier than they’re supposed to.

“Good. That’s all I want,” Steve kisses him again before he leads Eddie back outside.

He brings him over to the cake and yells for everyone to come sing. He didn’t think people did that for adults, but he goes along with it because it’s entertaining watching a bunch of mostly tone deaf adults try to sing together. He’s beaming by the end, almost forgetting he needs to blow out the candles until Steve nudges his arm.

When he blows them out and turns, Steve’s not there.

Well, he is there.

He’s just not standing up.

He’s on one knee, holding a very simple silver band. Everyone around them is quiet.

“I knew you weren’t just throwing a birthday party!” Eddie laughs, leaning down to tug Steve up off his knee. It’s his bad knee, because he’s an idiot. “You’re gonna hurt yourself.”

“I’m fine,” Steve rolls his eyes. “Let me say this.”

Eddie grins at him. “Carry on.”

“I know life’s been different than what you wanted. You hoped to be the next big rock star and it didn’t work out. You didn’t wanna stay in Hawkins. You probably didn’t even think you’d end up with me, but here we are,” everyone laughs as Steve smirks. “I think we’ve got a pretty great thing going here. Even when it’s not perfect, and when we still hope for more, we’re together. That’s enough for me. And I’m hoping that maybe that’ll be enough for you, too. We can’t file the papers to make it legal, but Wayne’s already got a speech ready for us to get married right here in this backyard someday if you say yes.”

Eddie wipes a stray tear from his cheek. “You have to ask me first.”

“What?” Steve’s brows raise before he realizes. “Oh. Right. Eddie, will you please spend forever with me? Wherever that may lead us?”

“Yes. Of course I will. I’d follow you anywhere.”

Everyone cheers. They kiss. It’s like a movie if movies ever showed the kind of love they have.

“Best birthday ever?” Gareth claps him on the back. His girlfriend is standing off to the side. She looks like she was crying. “Guess that puts more pressure on me, huh?”

“Guess so. Surprised you needed any,” Eddie jokes, turning to give him a hug. “Surprised she’s waited this long.”

“I’ve got a way with my hands, what can I say?”

Jeff playfully shoves him and fake gags. “Sure you do. Congrats, Eddie. Steve’s been stressed about this for months.”

Eddie turns to see Wayne hugging Steve close, patting his back.

“He should’ve known I’d say yes,” Eddie smiles fondly as he turns back to them.

“He’s just worried about tying you down for real,” Frankie says as he steps closer. “You’ve never been much for staying in one spot forever.”

“I don’t mind if it’s with him,” Eddie admits. He’s not even lying.

Saying yes doesn’t really change anything for them. They’ll wear rings, have a little ceremony in their backyard, maybe they’ll refer to each other as husbands with their friends. But they’ve already been living together for years, seen each other through so much. They make plans together, they pay bills together, they struggle and win together.

He doesn’t think he’d have that if he had become a rock star. Sure, Steve supported him while he tried. He probably would’ve stuck around for a while if they’d made it. But who knows what would’ve happened a year down the road. Two.

There’s a million reasons why things didn’t work out for the band.

Stars flicker in and out behind passing clouds, winking at them like someone who knows all of their secrets. Eddie supposes that they do these days. The night has heard their whispers and their confessions, an altar of sorts upon which Eddie feels laid bare. Steve shivers behind him, with Eddie’s back to his chest and Steve’s back against the tree. 

Eddie wants to turn, to hug him warm again, but he can’t anymore. The flush of Steve’s blood coursing through him only lasts for so long.

“Wanna go inside? You’re cold,” Eddie whispers, his voice still foreign to his heightened hearing. 

“I’m fine, I like it out here.” Steve squeezes Eddie tighter around his middle despite the lack of give. “A little chill never hurt anyone.” 

Eddie sighs— a habit more than a necessity— and closes his eyes as he leans back into the embrace. He’s still shaken by their talk, by the idea of outliving Steve again. It feels obvious now, but Eddie has been so wrapped in the fact that he’d been spit back out by the Upside Down that he hasn’t thought to consider his own lack of mortality. Or how willing Steve is to give his up. 

Once upon a time, he’d thought the only real monster was forced conformity. Those days were so simple, so cut and dry. Eddie sits with the boy who he loves more than life and has to ask himself whether or not his still heart and useless lungs make him a monster. Does wanting Steve for eternity make him selfish? Does acquiescing to Steve’s requests that he feed from him make him greedy? Is being loved by someone without a beating heart dangerous?

Love is sacrifice though, isn’t it? 

Eddie knows that with an ache where his heart no longer beats. His mother sacrificed for him, Wayne sacrificed for him, and now, as Steve shivers and recovers from Eddie’s bites, gently pressed into his thigh to keep their bloody little secret, he realizes that he, too, has sacrificed for him. 

When is it enough? 

Eddie looks down at his feet, unblinking. His new Reeboks look exactly like his old ones, white but earning a fresh layer of dinge.