A Fortunate Accident

Tumblr locked me out of my other account and I’m too lazy to change my password and I’m on the brink of something brilliant. 

I recently got bored and signed up for Tinder for the billionth time. I honestly don’t have time to eat let alone go on dates but I had to put something in my bio (because, let’s be real, people who don’t at least put something there are creepy). So I put “will probably order octopus on our first date”. 

At first, I didn’t really think of it. Guys kept asking me, “but what does it meaannnn?” and I rolled my eyes. I didn’t know the one full on sentence on my Tinder bio was a brand new tattoo and people HAD to know the origin. They HAS to a deeper meaning, right? RIGHT?!

But, lying here at an ungodly hour where I should be sleeping rather than writing, But, I’ve cracked it. The Octopus actually is something. 

Let’s say I go on a first date with a guy I actually like. Presumably, it’s my first crush in a long time so I’m nervous. I want to make sure this guy doesn’t think I’m a freak. We go out for dinner and I’m starving. I’ve been living off of day old Costa toasties and plastic American cheese, so having the money to go out to a nice meal is rare treat. I notice this certain restaurant has grilled octopus. 

Now, I’ve always wanted to try octopus, I’ve heard it’s delicious but... you see, the thing is, I’m on a date. 

A million anxious thoughts run through my head: What if he thinks I’m weird? What if I don’t like it and I have to spit it out? Am I ready for that? Could I spit out a charred, severed octopus tentacle out of my mouth in front of someone? 

See, I could be safe and get a salad with dressing on the side. It’s a solid option. It shows I’m healthy and I make good choices in my life. Up until this point, I’ve lead a salad based life and stayed in my comfort zone. I know I don’t like tomatoes and I prefer romaine to rocket. I’ve waited over the phone for a message and cried to my friends over the phone when he never responded. Why doesn’t this boy like me? Why am I screwing everything up? But, I’ve just turned 24 a few days ago. Since I’ve always been of fan of even numbers, I’ve decided that 24 will be a change for the better. First step? I decided that I’m over it. That’s just it. I’m over it. 

The person sitting across from me is just a person. On this date, he’s either going to like me or not. The 15 seconds that it takes for him to make that decision, he might think I’m too fat or too skinny, that I talk too much, or (to put a positive spin on things) that my farts smell like peaches and fairies and my eyes are beautiful starlit oceans. Who knows? During the course of the night, it might change. But, I don’t know him and he doesn’t know me. 

But right now? I’m over it. I’m over trying to make people like me. So that’s why I’m ordering the goddamn octopus. 

this blog is going buuh bye soon and i still want to be friends. follow meh

i’m for real going to delete this account at the end of this month. too many memories that i rather not deal with at the moment. follow my brand spankin’ new one at hellosalut.tumblr.com. we’ll create new happy thoughts together 

much love,