run fly away

What a fast marshmallow

How to love a broken girl. How many would benefit from an instruction book for that? Its easy to love the carefree girls, the “normal” girls, the confident girls next door, but what about the broken girls? The girls with fortresses around their heart and shields in their eyes? The girls whose souls have aged beyond their earthly years? The girls with bodies and minds that have survived wars which would break the strongest of men? Sometimes these girls should come with a warning label. The warning pendulum swings both ways. This warning is not only for how you must treat her but for all the ways she will ruin you.

1. You cannot love her gently. She does not realize she deserves to be loved. You must love her with a force that can crush mountains. You must burn her soul so hot with your love that doubt melts away. Your love must be unconditional and you must show her on her very worst days.

2. She doesnt know shes beautiful. She can get compliments all day and she wont believe it. There is a demon on her shoulder whispering that its not true. It takes a dozen compliments to erase one hurtful torment from her past. Shower her with compliments, be her cheerleader, until your words are her heartbeat instead of her doubts.

3. Chase her. I know we often have the attitude of not chasing anyone. I know it is said to be weak if we chase someone who walks away, but we need to see you are weak for us. Sometimes a broken girl needs to see how much you need her. She needs to.see that vulnerability in your eyes to feel ok. We need you to need us.

4. She needs routine. Broken girls over analyze everything. They notice everything, too. Did you stop asking her for pictures after some time passes? Did you stop using a pet name? Every broken pattern to us means the end of the only thing we have ever wanted and it terrifies us.

5. Smother us with affection. Touch us. Kiss us. Touch us some more. Broken girls have not experienced enough positive affection in their life. We will absorb every ounce as a person dying of thirst demands water. You cannot shower us with enough of a good touch.

6. Be honest and keep promises. Broken girls have not dared to dream much. Every vow made to us has been broken. Every promise has been a lie. We would rather you never let a promise escape your lips than have you utter false ones.

7. Prepare to drown. If we let you inside our chaotic soul, you will be immersed in a madness you will not understand. We sometimes walk the balance beam of insanity and sometimes we fall. The biggest warning we should have is this.. if we love you, it is forever. We will love you with a loyalty that will amaze you. We will be committed and our heart will beat your name. While we are still broken we will try to devour all of your pain. We will be perceptive to your wounds and eager to heal your soul. If we love you, please be prepared that we will forever stay.

Similar to the way Stockholm Syndrome manifests, the abuse victim bonds with his or her abuser as both the source of terror and comfort in an attempt to survive the tumultuous relationship. 

As a result, abuse victims feel a misplaced, unshakeable sense of loyalty and devotion to their abusers, which to an outsider may appear nonsensical.

The Role of Intermittent Reinforcement in Trauma Bonding

Intermittent reinforcement (in the context of psychological abuse) is a pattern of cruel, callous treatment mixed in with random bursts of affection. 

The abuser hands out “rewards” such as affection, a compliment, or gifts sporadically and unpredictably throughout the abuse cycle. 

Think of the violent husband who gives his wife flowers after assaulting her, or the kind words an abusive mother gives to her child after a particularly harsh silent treatment.

Intermittent reinforcement causes the victim to perpetually seek the abuser’s approval while settling for the crumbs of their occasional positive behavior, in the hopes that the abuser will return to the honeymoon phase of the relationship. 

Like a gambler at a slot machine, victims are unwittingly “hooked” to play the game for a potential win, despite the massive losses.

The Biochemical Element

When oxytocin, serotonin, dopamine, cortisol, and adrenaline are involved, the abusive nature of the relationship can actually strengthen, rather than dampen, the bond of the relationship in the brain.

#dedicated to the gram

bonus, the result: