I don’t know if it’s more depressing or impressive. That I can talk on the phone to my mother who says I sound like I’m doing better. When in reality I’m not. The entire conversation I was crying and she had no clue, I’m in so much pain that she can’t even tell anymore. My partner watching me cry while having a normal conversation as if nothing is wrong, as if I’m not on the verge of completely passing out from pain and saying I’m just tired. My fake laugh almost sounding real that if I wasn’t right in front of them, they would believe I was okay too. They ask me if I’m okay once the conversation ends and I can’t look at them while I say I’m okay. The tears don’t stop flowing but my voice doesn’t waver or break. They know I’m not okay, but they know I need to tell myself that or I don’t know what I would do. So I’m okay…
I’m okay….
I’m okay…..
I just need to be okay.
