whatever

i genuinely cannot fucking bear the pointless and painful humiliation of being alive another second but i cant even kill myself because my cat doesnt have anybody else and he cant take care of himself and even if i deserve to die for my failure he hasnt done anything wrong and doesnt deserve to be punished for it. but i cant fucking take it any more. i have no hope and no future and no way out. ive never been happy but something feels different this time i really do feel deep in my soul that this is the end

keep having stress nightmares about redacted which is deeply frustrating because i was under the impression that i was handling it very well. Apparently not

need to cultivate a jonadio community where i can post shit like "au where dio is a tapeworm in jonathans small intestine" and get 1000000 notes

all the (english-speaking) jonadio people are so aggressively unfunny and uncreative the situation is so dire. i wouldnt mind that theres only like 4 or 5 people still posting about it if any of those posts were good, which they are not. its all a/b/o and the same few recycled angsty scenarios and like, saltburn. apparently there is a semi-active jd discord around but i dont even want to hang out with these people

not sure how i keep ending up here. im sure "i dont even have a piss kink" sounds like a flimsy excuse but trust me if i DID have a piss kink it would be easier. sometimes i know exactly how the anime boys fuck even if i dont like it. my job is to report not to editorialize

the other draft sad to say is probably not ever going to get fleshed out into a full fic never mind published just because the concept of it is So Fucking Evil. compels me though...