Thinking Anime

☆ Welcome to my tiny Anime blog ☆

At this virtual sanctuary, I will express my thoughts about Manga, Anime, LN and VN. Feel free to voice your opinions, questions and feedback, I'm always open for inspiration.

A Red Deer With A Human Heart

All that I left behind was but this empty shell, this body that cannot be called human.

The desire to fulfill just that – Wish – began to strip away the layer of essence that had defined my being, consuming me until I had lost myself. Still, I clung to it, desperately striving to become a creature, I had drifted away from in the process of trying to reach it; without having realized, until it was too late and my silhouette that reflected in people's glassy eyes mirrored what I had become – a Beast. It’s rather paradoxical, don’t you think?

This beautiful image I had of humans had been a lie from the start, an image I created, a nightmare that showed me I didn’t belong, all the same giving me a reason to continue living. Since I thought I would be allowed to see you again, once I looked like your kind.

Given that I gazed at myself with disgust, viewing my existence as unavailing, I was equally unable to recognize the worth of the souls around me; only when your life had been threatened was I capable of understanding that value, which could solely be measured by a humane heart. Only when I myself was in pain, could I understand the sorrow of others.

Every person is precious to another and I had always believed that to be a weakness, something that trapped one in a confined space and withheld one's radiance. That may be the case for some, but what is the point of living a life, in which you are forced to be someone less than yourself? If anything, I am able to let my wings be carried by your refreshing gust of wind. In my eyes, that is freedom itself.

Through your kind words and sincerity, I have come to recognize that my interpretation of a human existence had been wrong, all along. My actions are as faulty and irrational as a human’s: the crimson horns, dyed with the lives that I stole, souls that I shattered, nevertheless, the cherry blossom-colored hair that you loved so dearly as well, inducing a warm feeling in my being. Suddenly I wanted to live, I wished to be cared for. Your Love made me blossom into the person I am now, and you taught me the true meaning of this gentle endearment.

The simple act of lending someone a hand or a glance of sympathy, such simple gestures should not be underestimated since these tiny things, can teach you the true nature of kindness. Yet, the instant you have known love, the malicious behavior, which previously made your body and soul unfeeling, hurts all the more. For one is only able to experience true pain when one has wished for another’s genuine happiness. Regardless, of whether you lost warmth or never possessed it in the first place, both leave a void in one’s core.    

Even though our lives in which we were able to see each other for whom we truly are, have merely begun, I must abandon it. Even when I do not sense the burns and cuts I sustain, I cannot imagine the unbearable pain you must endure while gazing upon the red tears flowing from my lonely heart, leaving for you to guard – The vessel that once held my cherished emotions toward you.  

I wish for you to stay unaware of the truth – that my consciousness is elsewhere, destined to fight an endless battle. However, it pains me to think that you will never find out that we are separated by millions of galaxies and gleaming stars, awaiting my awakening which will never occur. How can they continue shining so brightly, despite your absence?

The salty drops of my soul gather, forming a river of emotions that will drown me.

Illusive wishing well

The pulse of the earth courses through me as it devours my shell, stripping me of everything that I am. Once there is seemingly nothing left, no dreams, no sanity and no sense of self, my vision takes on the jet-black color of a starlit sky whilst my mind scatters.

When I awaken, faintly glimmering crystal powder has gathered in the center of my palm. Have these at one time complete gems also been crushed by their surroundings and own aspirations in the same manner that I have? “Now that we have been ground, robbed of our once so radiating beauty, eventually becoming a sea of dust, what is our purpose, I wonder?”

It seems as though I have given up yet in actuality, I search, seek the company of a living entity in this false wishing well, deprived of life and light. However, there is something that I cannot comprehend, perhaps a fragment of my imagination. Nevertheless, I reach out my hand, which mirrors the image of the tree I am trying to grasp; the tree that pierces the sky I am unable to see, reaching as much for the stars as it does the depths of the earth.

“Is it your wish to despair in this illusive wishing well, constructed by all the feelings you keep locked away? You have lost your life to this hollow void; do you intend to forsake the colorful hue your soul possesses as well? The belief that this abyss has stolen your light may have rooted itself in your mind, yet isn’t our being here proof enough that the rose in your heart has withered not?” Its voice echoes, although I can not determine if it does so throughout this dark space or solely in my mind. “Thus, I pose this question, would you choose to become a branch of this tree, allowing yourself to be an extension of fate itself?”

The sound of their words reaches my ears, but it is as if I am incapable of piecing together their meaning. Will I finally be understood, if I am nourished by the same roots; eventually able to ask someone, who is about to be swallowed by equal despair, these same words? No, do I even have the right to be someone’s light?

“The ability to feel compassion for others, wanting to grant another being something which you could never obtain, would bestow far more gentleness upon our branches than they bore afore. Regardless, being that our souls twist and tangle, making up a stem of life, each human heart can be pursued. No one is truly lost or alone if they do not wish to be. We will always appear in front of those who seek to untangle the truth of this world.”

“Will my fingertips be able to graze the tips of the stars which were previously beyond reach if I join you?”

“In a way, you would become part of the firmament yourself. I do not know if you have realized, but when humans gaze at the shimmering stars and melting polar lights, they catch a glimpse of the tree of life as we are constituted of light. Therefore, it makes sense that we shine as bright as an alliance of stars, a galaxy.”

“Then please take the warmth that this body has to offer and claim it as your own.”

I could feel its tremendous roots wrapping itself around my core. Who could have guessed it really is a rose and if only a tiny bud.

“At last, are you able to see the worth of your essence with your own eyes?”

With that, the red tread of my soul became forevermore an intertwined entity, similar to a cat’s cradle which locks with its subject's fingers, trusting that the one pulling the strings will fulfill the unspoken promise and return them.

The sound of souls mixing, creates the most beautiful of melodies, resonating throughout the world in the form of both sound and color, becoming the earth’s pulse which never stops beating.

“Our strings will never tear because, in this harmonious realm, souls cannot be broken nor can hearts be shattered.”

Sceneries of the heart

The harsh and muddy white hydrangeas scar my ankles whilst I run, forcing myself a path; soaked from the heavy rain and sealing their petals from the rest of the world, their heart is as unapproachable as mine.

It is my desire to view the pure sky – not this chalk-covered horizon – one last time before I am washed away by this seemingly never-ending rain since the polarity between me and these discolored flowers are the roots they prolong, giving them the strength to withstand this cloudburst, unlike myself. And so, nothing will be left once I am swept away, for I possess nothing worth preserving.

As my thoughts proceed to enter a void from which they can nevermore return, crystal-like strings emerge, to pull me along the flower trail until my eyes gaze upon a shimmering jet-colored crust, laying its golden core bare and showing me the hidden warmth left inside my being, luring desires and feelings into this earthly sphere I had forgotten I deserve to have. Its white-black staircase leads me to the world I’ve always longed to see but not once revealed itself to me.

This instrument of light with its strings of fate and stairway beyond boundary is my echo, either returning the soft sobs of my soul or the quiet chuckles of my heart. Therefore, responding to my feelings in a manner even the person most dear to me never could. My melodies of love remain at no time unanswered; this device of transmission treats me as I treat it.

With my changing emotions, the environment which unfolds itself before my very eyes mirrors the scenery of my heart.

The silky white Chinese bellflowers graze my ankles whilst I stroll along the garden path; illuminated by the warm rays of sunlight and in full bloom, their threadlike stems of golden dust can nearly be mistaken for radiating stars, relishing the pleasant day as much as I am.

Autumn has become summer and loneliness has become happiness. Those were the landscapes of my heart that will continue to blossom if I continue to live.

Blossoming into the Horizon

“What a wonderful, glimmering Sky,” I thought.

My eyes had always known the Sky in its most vibrant of colors. Therefore, once it vanished from my world, coated by the most impassable clouds imaginable, I did not know what to do.

I desperately tried to grasp it, but it did not grasp me in return.

After repeating the unending cycle of gaining and losing it, I stopped beholding the unstained firmament entirely. Regardless of whether I wished to or not, I realized I had to learn how to survive without it, and avoiding the Sky altogether made it considerably easier.

There is no problem if you act as though it does not exist.

However, there were days when the Sky was so wide and embellished with a vivid blue hue, which made it impossible to overlook, demanding my utter attention. So much so that I could no longer avert my gaze. I felt constricted, yet the Sky did not seem to mind if it could spread its enchanting beauty.

As the clouds and wind passed by, I began to blossom and with my fading youth, my heart became accustomed to pain rather than love.

One day, I ceased to engage the outside. I wondered,” What could I do to convey that my love for the Sky has not faded, but rather taken another form?”

The presence of the firmament I desperately yearned for as a girl was different now. I sought its existence, although in such a manner that I could spread my petals and when needing melodies of reinforcement, knowing that I could simply glance at the vast bed of azure above.

For in the fullness of time, I myself will become another’s Sky.

Fragmented self

With each step towards perfection, my deformed, undeniable self, vanished with the gentle breeze, carrying both dust and wind. The blades held to my throat scratched me bare, sharpening me into a flawless jewel, until the pieces which once belonged were crushed. All that remains now are the fragments of who I formerly was, the scraps that are wanted, useful. Regardless of what I hold dear.

My naked being is placed in a restraining frame, gleaming in a golden hue. Nevertheless, a prison still remains a prison, even should it possess golden bars.

As though not enough harm was caused, my unrecognizable body is cast towards the inside of a darkness-engulfed casket, this dull four-walled room, embodying my grave, reveals that there is no more beyond that which I have lost.

However, moments before my fate is sealed, a crack of light shows me countless others. Their shape... equal to that of myself, awaiting the same circumstances as I, destined to reflect the will of their owners in their now numb, impeccable bodies.

If only time and space would allow me to stay my rough and flawed existence, buried deeply in natural soil, providing the creatures in my presence with precious nutrients, until I melt into my surroundings and become one with the earth. Everything is I and I am everything.

Instead, I bestow not the warm grassy shade of life and health, but the gruesome green greed of money upon each owner who gives me away, while the blood of the children’s wounded and scarred fingers, trying to grasp me, trying to take me away from my home, splatters on me.

Our true function has an angelic scent, yet what humans have made us to be is an empty, glimmering beauty. By no means am I astonished. What is to be expected of creatures who treat each other like untouched diamonds, they sharpen us and one another to fit into an afore prepared mold, the system, discarding everything important.

The Butterfly and The Spider

The ballroom is constituted of an entangled web, our fated movements of the evening woven into the vastness.

“May I have this dance?” a figure asks with a distorted voice, extending its hand in my direction.

However, the vague outlines of a silhouette my height are the sole features perceivable to me. What is this? How should I respond, when I am unable to read the expression of my partner? Regardless, it would be impolite to turn him down.

And so, I respond with a slight nod, trying to direct my gaze at its eyes or where they should be, since that which distinguishes each human from birth, its face, is formless. Have I finally gone mad?

Once our fingers intertwine, I feel as though something is being stripped away from me, something that no being should ever lose. My limbs go numb and each sensation, I had perceived mere moments ago, has vanished. No longer is my body able to accept touch or give it in return, for what I have become is the marionette of the spider, who twirled me in its luring thread of enslavement.

Even though my shell is being controlled by an undivulged presence, this abnormality is the very thing that gives me the harmony of gliding through the air without knowing the destination.

With this thought, the thought of viewing the checkered marble flooring, not as a battlefield, but a sky, in which creatures dance with the wind, the cocoon begins to unravel. With each step that does not belong to me, I begin to see the true foe before me.

“Do you recognize my presence? The one whom you do not comprehend, yet is all too familiar. The existence with the ability to restrain as well as unshackle. Your greatest companion and rival. Both the butterfly and the spider.”

“Yes, I remember. The true devil is-“

Enchanting prison

Rather than being woken by the sun’s soothing presence, awaiting me in my conscious state is a white void, an unfinished world. Each mark waiting to be molded by my imagination. That sounds wonderful, doesn’t it? Not being bound by weather, season, scenery or the laws of physics, but creating those things yourself. Thus, enabling you to observe the stars from a translucent cliff made of ice, reflecting the purple night sky; reaching for the rays of light, while carried by the glossy structure of tremendous crystals floating on a pond. You could recreate every scenery you have ever seen, every vision of a dream you will ever see, yet would you trade it for your destiny?

At this point, can I even be considered human?

With each new realm that I create, the thorns of my loneliness grow stronger, threatening to crush my heart. I wonder how long I can maintain this continuance of not needing to consume and being consumed – leading an infinite existence with no beginning and no end, never having the chance to strive to be something, something which is more than as I am now.

What is the reason for my preservation?

The room in which I reside is composed of things a young girl would possess, for instance carefully sewed clothes, bedsheets and pillows, which are decorated with wide-ranging angelic patterns, frills and lace, varying from a pale blush color to a stronger rouge. However, this childish design is balanced with raven, gold, rosewood and chestnut-shaded antique, along with some modern furniture and books. Something about the way it is arranged, induces a warm feeling in my chest, especially when this tiny, mellow teddy bear stares at me with its sphere-shaped, velvet-hued eyes.

Where did the ground beneath my feet go?

Gradually, something started to change. There were numerous appearances that did not belong, or so I thought. Whenever I tried to interact with these unfamiliar objects, images of my younger self flickered before my eyes. I fell into the abyss of my past. Then I understood. The father, who took it upon himself to raise their young daughter alone, after his wife died; his dread of losing the one he loved once more; his desire to build a sanctuary, in which she could live on, beyond his and this world’s ruin. All of these circumstances lead up to this moment, my being here.

I understand his love for me, still, I cannot accept my life as it is now.

If I could just go back, if this consciousness were in the body of my immature self not aware of what will happen, I would reveal these words:

∞ Your shelter will become my virtual prison, your gift of life will rob me of my future, your bestowment of creation will be my internal destruction. So, please let me fly and die because clipped wings are far worse than death ∞

This version of Shelter represents an alternate ending (in contrast to the original conclusion), focusing on Rin’s mental state in favor of the storyline. 

If you have made it this far, I appreciate you reading through this varied worldline, traveling through space and time.

Just as the water that day, all these ugly emotions could no longer be contained and poured into this world. My mask crumbled. I realized, crouching on the cracked concrete, feeling the marks engraving themselves into my wretched flesh as the gathering water drops reflected my most inner thoughts, my true self. At last, able to remember what my real face had once looked like. However, what I found was an incomplete rose, the roots missing. I felt so defenseless.

“Is someone there?”

The footsteps resonating in that filthy alley were light, graceful ones. Perhaps belonging to a young high school student. How I yearned to walk with such ease once more.

“I heard someone crying and-“

“Don’t you dare look at me!” I expressed with the little strength I had left in my voice, engulfing my face in soaked clothes. Regardless, I evaded her gaze too late.

“Your persona… it’s gone.

“I envy that you were able to free yourself from this fusing facade.”

Her previously rosy face and warm gaze suddenly seemed so troubled with regret.

“No, I envy that you are able to maintain this protective mask,” escaped my hesitant lips. “I would trade everything for things to go back as they were before.”

“Even your core, your being, that which defines you?” she asked bitterly.

I could hear her internal cries of sorrow.

“…”

Yet, I had no answer.

“This pathetic disguise we have built for ourselves has not shielded us from harm, but shattered us from the inside, defying who we truly are, robbing us of our humanity and our true existence, leaving nothing except a lifeless void and captured souls behind. One day you will awaken and find that you can no longer disentangle it from your threads of skin and understand that this mask has embedded itself like a parasite.

“So, it is your choice if you want to live as a faulty, nevertheless, humane being or an artificial and superficial slave of society, like the one I have become.”

“How I wish I would meet my end in this bed of everlasting white,” I whisper as the snowflakes cover my numbing body, slowly losing consciousness.

“Weren’t you searching for someone?

“It seems as though you have given up on the one you love or should I say you relinquished yourself.”

“Heh, I guess my regrets have come to haunt me in my final moments.”

“Do you still believe so,” asks the previously unknown presence, now embodying the form of a young woman with light sky-blue eyes, resembling the reflection of the firmament once its color has reached the stainless snow. However, this isn’t the only visible feature that makes her seem alien, yet familiar. Her hair, which possesses the same light azure as her eyes, fades into an even lighter blue, the longer it becomes. And the fine, gentle fabric of her dress flutters in the air like the wings of a morpho butterfly.

Something about her reminds me of the cold and fleeting existence of Winter itself, but at the same time, she mirrors the image of a blooming Lotus.

“What are you?”

“I am the snow crystals which caress your skin. I am the coat, encompassing creatures in my untainted veil of protection. My waters are the claws that pierce and paralyze your very soul. I am the lullaby evoking your winter slumber. Therefore, I possess the ability to sustain life, nevertheless, take it as well.

“I was born from the snowfall in the early spring. You may address me as Lotus.”

“Why does the Winter Spirit show its true form to me?” I ask, gradually feeling my body once again and with it the nearly unbearable pain, drilling into my skin.

“Had I not shown up when I did, you would have given yourself completely to Winter and there would have been no turning back.”

“What do you mean by that?” Giving myself to Winter?

“There is a cycle of Winter and every creature that fades by cause of Winter becomes a part of it or rather, becomes a part of me. It is a natural occurrence.”

“If this cycle you speak of is something normal, why did you want to prevent me from entering it?”

“A force inside me wishes to save you. I do not quite understand it myself, but I believe it has to do with her, she who intertwined with my existence a short while ago.”

“When someone’s being merges with yours and enters the cycle, does that mean that very person dies in this realm?”

“Yes, I believe you humans describe it as such.”

I now understand why this entity seems so dear and despite her cold words is capable of reaching the warmest part of me, my core. How could I allow myself to forget?

This feeling... is it loss?

Lotus’s desire to approach me in order to preserve my life was the love of her to watch over me, she whom I came here to find... yes, I did find her, her lifeless body that is. She and the dwelling waterlilies were taken by the excruciating frost.

Regardless, I now know that death does not exist. In truth, we, our souls are eternal. The only thing that changes is our appearance, our form, just as a caterpillar morphs into a graceful butterfly and Winter is in actuality a luminous young woman.

She and her feelings will always be a piece of Lotus and I will join her once my shell is about to crumble.

“It is time for me to go” I rise unsteadily upon my feet. “She would have wanted it this way”

“Wait. I can nevermore reside in this sphere, governed by Darwinism, for I have changed. Though, this place I once oversaw continues to be indifferent. There is no place for a Spirit which is incapable of being neutral. I shall remain in your company if that is alright.”

And so, Lotus and I abandoned Winter, the Winter you wait for each year, but never seems to grace you with its presence.

Within the character's minds 1# Unspeakable weakness

“I have no use for this weapon if you demand I use it on you,” he declared, gazing at me with his nearly raven-colored eyes while letting the ammunition slip through his fingers.

This man standing before me isn’t willing to fight back. Why? What am I to him?

“I knew this was bound to happen if I stayed with you, regardless I could not make myself hate you.

“Despite the fact that I know nothing about you, your presence has been engraved into my mind and binding my body like strands of ivy, suffocating me.”

“Do you even know what you’re saying? Let me get you a cold drink.”

Why don’t you ever respond to the way I feel and distract from the true matter at hand? Why do I feel as if you are deceiving me? I suppose this no longer matters. I have made my decision. If you aren’t willing to end this hell, I will.

Yet when I have finally made up my mind he claims,” I’ll handle everything, you don’t have to worry.”

“You will shoulder my burden yourself? Just how much are you willing to give up for me?”

“Everything I can give, but you do not have faith in the words I speak, do you?”

“How could I not believe you? You extended my life multiple times. If you wanted me dead, I already would be. However, I won’t allow you to save me or resolve matters this time.

“You do not possess the power to resolve all of my problems, even you have restrictions. Moreover, I won’t allow you to put your life on the line for such a self-absorbed request. 

That’s why...

“That’s why I’ll take care of this myself.” Though as my finger nearly brushes against the trigger, glass shatters and not long after I feel a weight restraining my upper body. Why couldn’t you just leave me be? Why do you continue to grasp me?

✦ ✦ ✦

“What were you planning to do? Mentioning me saving you, but trying to take your life shortly after?” How dare you!

“I don’t want people to suffer anymore because of me, even if we manage to make it this time, these assaults will continue to happen if I continue to live on,“ she divulges.

How come all you ever think about is how others feel. Is it that easy for you to leave me behind?

“And I will continue to prevent your withering,” I allege.

“You kill people for a living, why should my death make any difference to you.”

My brother gave his life in exchange for yours and you’re just going to throw it away, the iris my brother so desperately tried to preserve.

“That does not matter right now,” I state as I drag her to the ground, pressing against her throat.

“hack”

I’m sure this isn’t nearly as much pain as my brother had to endure while bleeding out. 

“Now you almost look as if you don’t want to die.” Trying eagerly to reach me with your fragile fingertips. All I want is for you to value your life more.

If I have to make you despise me in order to keep you safe, that is what I will do, still... 

“I’m sorry”

This was my version of the Anime/Manga Love of Kill - Bullet.

Depending on the angle from which you're observing, your utter weakness can as well be your greatest strength. Had Chateau worked together with Ryang-Ha rather than against him and vice versa, they would have had twice the strength. But because both viewed each other and themselves as a hindrance, they became exactly that. Thus, it is up to you to transform the potential of your weakness into your virtue.  

Heeding the colors of someone’s heart

Even though the orchestra has not yet unleashed their hearts’ melody, there resides a sense of great purpose in the boundless opera. I sit down, close my eyes and wait for the sound to grace my ears. Just as I begin to grow impatient, a burst of colors, constituted by notes, surges through my entire body. What is this essence? Where am I? 

Once I open my eyes I can observe where the source of this symphony is rooted. However, a portion of my questions remain unanswered and I gradually begin to perceive this constellation of atmosphere.

How I relish the manner that the cello lurks in the shadows of the violin, always faint but never unnoticed, ensuring a rich sound, revealing that each instrument possesses its own respective function, but at the same time, they act combined as one single force, creating unity and individuality, harmony and dissonance. Thus, contradicting the concept of dualism or rather incompleteness.

The true origin of this piece, a human soul, is laying its emotions, desires, its utter being bare and is flowing into my core, in the noblest form, becoming a piece of myself. Now I know what it means to have felt pure joy and despair.

Even so, I ask of you, when the time comes, for one of your creations to be the lullaby which dissolves my binding body, just as a rose sheds its petals once the hourglass has bled out.

This piece is dedicated to Taku Iwasaki, one of my most admired composers.

This planet where roses blossom

And eventually meet their end

Becoming something greater

Reuniting with their origin

~

Has become a mere pollution of negativity,

Manifesting itself in the form of plastic bags

Restraining trees like

Chains of destruction,

~

Creating an environment–

The mirror of our actions

Unable to feel love

Or give it in return.

~

How I wish, I could see roses bloom once more.

Accepting one's last breath

The sound resonating in my ears and forcing me awake is a creaking. Noticing the origin of the noise is Yuriko, struggling to stay alive, I press the nurse call button and help her to sit up.

“The doctor will be here soon, just hold on a little longer.”

However, as I speak these words, I realize that my sister isn’t conscious, nor is she breathing.

A doctor rapidly enters the room with her two interns, urging me to leave.

Half an hour has passed. I’m approached by the doctor that has taken care of Yuriko. 

“Your sister’s lungs are no longer able to support her vital needs, she is currently on life support, “ Dr. Seki explains.

“How can you say that so easily? You talk as if you feel nothing.”

“This task can no longer be called an action but is a mere reflex to me. Still, we aren’t here to talk about what I feel.

“Without a donor, other organs will continue to fail. In her current condition, she has two days, at most.”

Unable to say anything, I return through the dark and vast halls, lacking any trace of a human being, to the room where Yuriko lies unconscious – her face covered by multiple tubes.

“How long are you going to sit there and let her life slip through your fingers?” Startled by the sudden voice, I rise from my seat.

“Who is there?”

“Whom you ask, just think of me as an entity that is neither life nor death, which can’t be described as god nor the devil, or perhaps we are the same thing.”

Standing before me is a cloaked figure – the only thing visible – his eyes glowing in a deep violet color.

“Now then, don’t you think Yuriko has suffered enough? I mean she is only six years old and is going to die of pulmonary fibrosis. Dissolving from the inside, like a weathering lily.

“What a shame.”

“That won’t happen!”

“And how are you going to change that in two days? If she even has that much time left.”

“–“

“How about I make you an offer? The death of another for the life of your sister?”

“That’s absurd!”

“Why not, I mean you won’t know the person who died anyway.”

Overwhelmed by the situation, I support myself by leaning against the wall.

“What gives you the right to take someone else’s happiness away? How can you decide that the soul of my little sister is worth more than that of another human?” 

“That’s too bad, I guess that’s your answer, huh,” replied the unknown entity, preparing to vanish into nothingness.

“Wait!”

“Yes, what is it?” the figure asked with a diabolic smile on its face.

“Why me?”

“A thought simply allowed our paths to connect at the same time.”

“...?”

“Your urge to save your loved one was equally strong as my boredom.”

“Is this a game for you? Here are real human lives on the line!”

“Yes, I find it quite amusing.

“It seems as though you aren’t willing to change your mind. Oh well, then I will use my dice on someone more desperate. Goodbye then.”

Comprehending that to this creature, I am nothing more than a pawn on a chessboard and unwilling to sacrifice someone else, I accept what I have to give – the only thing one possesses when coming to this strange realm of atmosphere – myself – while gazing upon the dying soul.

“I’m sorry Yuriko, it’s time for me to do what I was scared of, all this time. Perhaps I can no longer stand beside you, yet I can be the path, connecting you to life.”

✧  ✧  ✧ 

The following morning Yuriko finds herself in the usual hospital bed – there is a long scar making itself visible on her chest.

Connecting to people’s core

The moment you're born, you choose to see reality or live in ignorance. Most people decide to see a lie or rather half of the truth, as they would go on living in despair if they were to see the actuality. Though is that really true or is there a way to lead a happy life without fooling oneself?

Once you decide to see what stands before you, there is no turning back.

Living somewhere in this world is a person with the will to see everyone's truth and that which every one of us is lacking. Except for his own destiny.

Being strong enough to see the people around him in their entirety, yet too hesitant to discover what lies within himself.

Unable to accept humankind's lacking and cold state, he made it his task to offer guidance. However, it does not take long for him to understand that you cannot complete that which is lacking. Since being perfect would cost us our humanity. Even though this fact is known, being imperfect is not accepted in this society. Therefore, forcing us to hide behind a mask and hurt others emotionally in order to survive.

As a hydrangea, which does not possess roots, is destined to wither, an insecure human will be eaten alive. Preying on the weak. He who falls gets left behind. 

Once he realizes that being partial isn’t the problem, but man's values are corrupted, he stops counseling.

Seeing someone collapse and no one helping gives him his final answer, the ultimate and complete truth.

The advancement of civilization doesn’t automatically mean the advancement of society.

This short story was inspired by both the series “Boogiepop wa Warawanai”, also known as “Boogiepop and Others” and the original novel, to be specific the volumes “Boogiepop and others” and “Boogiepop returns VS Imaginator”.

✯ I wish you all a Happy New Year and see you in the following era ✯

Human emotion, including common sense, is the only thing distinguishing us from lifeless shells and at times senseless animals, I hope we will continue to show them without using them against one another.  

The unreachable sky  

Wandering through the vast and hollow earth, only able to experience half of it.

That had been my life until I met her.

On a cloudy, but nevertheless sunny day, I followed a white bird, in hopes of finding that, which I am lacking. Yet, the creature led me to a tremendous tree, its variety of branches making it whole, the opposite of me. As without my other self, all the apples gracing the tree standing before me are beyond reach. Regardless of how much I yearn for the “unacquirable”.

As my darkest thoughts were about to consume me, the hand of a young girl, in it a shimmering red apple, was extended in my direction. Only after hearing her words of reinforcement, was I able to accept her gift of kindness towards me, cherishing it.

Through this encounter we gradually grew closer, enabling me to see her broken wing, her incompleteness.

While we were distantly observing the soaring birds from a branch, I saw the unbearable frustration on her face. The anger and sadness of the insufficient. However, instead of staying silent, she straightened up and took flight, hoping her only wing would carry her where she desires, such as those of the boundless birds did. Yet, gravity soon pulled her to the place, the cage where she should linger. 

Pretending everything went according to her visualization, she encouraged me to try the same. And so, I set all of my trust in the merged black feathers on my back, which were as well incomplete.

Instead of seeing that, which I could not grasp, I was overwhelmed by the wide sky, allowing the space for me to set foot in this incomprehensible realm of different shades of blue. Once I shifted my focus to the ground, I was supported by her gentle touch, preventing me from falling. 

Impelled to repeat the short experience of freedom, the girl ran towards the apple tree, possessing an endless height. Determined to follow and scared of being left behind, I gathered the courage to climb a few branches, but I was unable to go on since my shaking feet wouldn’t allow me to do so. She, who saw me struggle similarly to the first time we met, stretched her hand out once more. 

Just as she had been the same person as then, I had equally been indifferent, hesitating identically. 

Suddenly, I saw the branch threatening to give out, but my attempt to return her gesture was too late. Unable to watch as a force was about to tear her to the ground, I leaped into nothingness, trusting in reaching her, before the earth does, in order to shield her from the fall.

Though at the moment that I clung to her, the unimaginable occurred, both of our flaws complemented each other, allowing us to fulfill our dreams, to fly and be truly free.

This is the first time I could turn my weakness into someone else’s strength.

The original animated version is by 청강졸업작품 (Chungkang Animation). Please give them your support, as their sincere animation gave me the inspiration to write this piece.

I thank you for taking the time to read through my short story/poem and wish you all a wonderful ✮Merry Christmas✮

Our imperfectness is what defines us as human beings, so don’t be too hard on yourselves.

See you next time.