Lov.

ENERGY

Everyone wants to feel like they’re worth something. Some people build a fake sense of self-worth by pretending they’re better than other people. 

1. Go out. You may not be able to now, you may be living with your parents or in the closet, but get off grindr & go out as soon & often as you can. Some of the worst gays (& also some of my absolutely wonderful bestfriends & occasionally myself) are on grindr, but dating apps are a toxic cutthroat place that do NOT represent the best our community has to offer. It will surprise you how much different people are in person.

2. Comparison will kill you. Do not compare yourself to the instagays you follow, their lives are not as perfect as they make them seem & the grass is always greener on the other side.

3. If someone has to put down others to feel better about themselves that speaks more volumes about the kind of person they are than who they’re putting down. If the gays you follow post captions like “how’s florida?” on their yacht selfies off the coast of Italy unfollow them now.

4. Reorient your priorities in positive healthy directions. If you want friends then reach out to people you know to be friendly individuals & surround yourself with them. Friendship is not a conquest or a challenge. It should never be one sided.

“The double agent for the patriarchy is basically just a woman who perhaps unknowingly is still putting the patriarchal narrative out into the world. Is still benefitting off, profiting off and selling a patriarchal narrative to other women. But it’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing. You know, just because you look like a woman, we trust you and we think you’re on our side, but you are selling us something that really doesn’t make us feel good. You’re selling us an ideal, a body shape, a problem with our wrinkles, a problem with ageing, a problem with gravity, a problem with any kind of body fat. You’re selling us self-consciousness. The same poison that made you clearly develop some sort of body dysmorphia or facial dysmorphia, you are now pouring back into the world. You’re like recycling hatred. I find that really dangerous and I think it’s unacceptable and I don’t care if you’re a woman. I think constructive criticism is needed for anyone to ever evolve. For our gender to evolve we need some sort of constructive criticism. As long as we do it in a somewhat careful way. (…) So many of the worst things in the world have happened motivated by greed. And I just don’t think that’s an acceptable excuse anymore. How much money do you need? Really how much money do you need? How much money do any of these huge influencers who are worth millions or billions sometimes… why are they still promoting appetite-suppressant lollipops to young girls? And it’s not a fight against obesity. They have young, already slim girls, in their adverts for Flat Tummy company, this company that are absolutely everywhere, and they’re even being advertised in some of the most mainstream magazines, women’s magazines, and they have a billboard in Times Square. The money is built on the blood and tears of young women who believe in them, who follow them, who look up to them like the big sister they never had. It’s so upsetting and it feels like such a betrayal against women.”

And then he said, “The important thing is to find something you feel good about doing.”

That phrasing struck me. “Something you feel good about doing”. Most people would have phrased it as “something you enjoy doing”. Or “something you’re good at doing”. But Mr. Rogers’ subtly different phrasing leads to a profoundly different connotation. “Something you feel good about doing” may not be enjoyable–people who work in hospitals or in disaster zones might not enjoy much of their day, but they probably feel good about helping people. “Something you feel good about doing“ may not be something you’re particularly good at–you may be a terrible artist by any objective standard, but if you feel good about making your art, then it’s a worthwhile endeavor. Looking for “something you feel good about doing” can help you find a truly satisfying life path.