It’s like he’s drowning without any water surrounding him.
He knows he’s in the middle of a panic attack. He knows he’s supposed to breath and count and ground himself but he can’t. He fucking can’t. He’s in a storm, being thrown back and forth among the waves of a rowdy sea. He’s repeatedly being punched in the chest. He can’t help that if he just claws his skin off that will fix everything.
He knows mind control. He’s seen it. He hates it. He doesn’t know if this is it, but it feels the same. His dad was talking to him but at the same time he was a million miles away.
His throat is closing up so tightly he could almost think he was having an allergic reaction. If he could even think.
Iris has had to adapt to many things since moving in with Addie and Chance. There’s the massive animals that seem insistent on give him their undivided attention. There’s Chance’s snarky remarks that both make him want to punch the High Chancellor in the face or do…something else. There’s also just the challenges that come with moving in with people, even if one of them is his beautiful best friend and the other is a snarky little shit with a grin that makes Iris’ spooch flip.
He said none of that out loud. Therefore no one can prove it.
Iris is coming back from a training session when he walked into the living quarters. He’d picked up some ice cream and popcorn, hoping to coax his workaholic roommates into taking a break for a movie night. Honestly, he thought his work/life balance needed help, but it didn’t compare to Addie’s many sleepless nights and Chance always being on call. He can’t help the huff that escapes him. He should be working just as hard as them, yet the position he’d been preparing for his whole life has been ripped away from him.
When he comes in, he nearly topples over and drops all the snacks on the floor, startled by the sight he finds. He manages to place the snacks on the nearby dresser before dashing over to a clearly distraught Chance.
“Chance? Can you hear me?” He asks, trying to tame the panic threatening to rise in his voice. “Come on, you gotta breathe. You’ll pass out if you don’t breathe.”
When he doesn’t get any response, he considers calling Addie, but what would that help? Then Addie would just be stressed out trying to ground her boyfriend.
It’s still weird to think about…
Iris swallows thickly and takes a deep breath before scooting a little closer. He’s not sure why, but his instinct is to pull Chance into him. To hold him. Protect him. It sounds ridiculous but he can’t help his instincts. He’s only Irken.
He just chooses not to analyze what his instincts mean for the time being.
While he feels awkward pulling Chance into his arms, Chance gravitates right into it, practically clinging to Iris like if he let’s go the future Tallest could just fly away. Iris unsuccessfully tries to push down the sudden flush in his cheeks. It is definitely not the time for this.
“Hey, you’re okay,” Iris tells him, his voice probably the softest it’s ever been. The feeling of awkwardness is still very present, but it’s getting easier to ignore. “I’ve got you, Chance. You’re safe. I promise it will be okay.”
Chance can barely hear him, can hardly comprehend what is happening. All he knows is that someone is holding him. They feel strong…and smooth… They smell sweet with hints of sweat and dirt. He can’t figure out who it is right now but he knows that they’re safe. He’s safe with them.
Iris’s mouth becomes a thin line. He hates feeling helpless. He hates feeling like he’s failing someone. It makes him frustrated at himself, but then he has to remind himself that this isn’t about him it’s about Chance but how can he possibly help? He’s as useless as he was when his timeline was wiped out.
Okay. No. He can’t spiral right now. He can’t leave Chance.
His mind races until he lands on an idea. If he could think straight, he wouldn’t even consider something so ridiculous but it’s all he can think off. He remembered when he was little and would have nightmares and how his dad would sing him old Irken folk songs. He can’t remember any of those, however.
“Darkening skies, Coming this way. Falling behind. Into nothing. But if you lead, I will follow a thousand miles away. I will be your Apollo, alone in outer space.”
When Chance’s choking sobs begin to calm down even the slightest, Iris latches onto it, shoving every nerve down like a hydraulic press. “Satellite, shine on me tonight. I will be your gravity. I will stay and never leave. My satellite, are you here tonight? Shine your light and set me free. Take the darkness out of me. Shine on me.”
Chance isn’t sure what he notices first, the lovely tenor floating through the air and into his ears, or the pleasant vibration coming from the person producing such nice noise. He can’t make out words at first, just melody. It reminds him of how Leera would sing to him as a child when he had a nightmare. He clings harder to the figure that’s singing and holding him, desperate to ensure that they don’t leave him.
After several moments he’s able to make out the words…and then the voice…and then he’s fixated on two brilliant sapphires staring down at him.
Iris can’t restrain the sigh of relief. “Yeah. It’s me. I’m right here.”
Chance continues to stare up at him, a little dumbfounded. He’s thought about this moment for a long time, being in Iris’ arms. It would be an accident of sorts, he would say something bratty, Iris would retort, they would go back and forth until they were suddenly both kissing. This was not the way Chance had envisioned this moment at all, and he couldn’t bring himself to steer it that way.
He sniffles, reaching up to rub his eyes. “…Sorry.”
Iris squints one his eyes at Chance - his way of raising a brow. “Why are you apologizing?”
Chance shakes his head. Why did he apologize? It felt so natural to say in the moment, “I don’t know.”
Iris nods. “It’s okay. You don’t have to be sorry. Do you…want to talk about it?”
When Chance shakes his head this time it’s far more furious. “Not…not right now.” He doesn’t know when…or if…
“Fair enough,” Iris replied. He goes to pull away from Chance only to find him clinging to him again. Even after discovering that Chance isn’t quite completely human, it still surprises him how strong the High Chancellor can be. “What is it?”
“Don’t leave,” Chance says. His voice is desperate, and he sounds like he will break again if Iris doesn’t acquiesce. “Don’t let me go. Not yet. Please?”
Iris’ insides tie themselve in all kinds of knots at those words, at the pleading looking in those icy blue eyes. How can he possibly say no to that? “Alright. I’ve got you. I’ll stay here as long as you need.”
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