chillin' like a villain

You’ve gotten so spoiled, bro. Imagine crying about a skinned knee back on the Isle, you would’ve gotten sucker-punched for it so hard. And hey, that’s not what I said; I said we’ve got worse problems, which we do. I swear the older guys play like a pack of princes. And too late! I’ve already started brainstorming about what kind of nonsense Mal and I can get into to make Evie go easier on you. Don’t worry about it, though. I promise it won’t be that bad…

I wasn’t tough like you back on the Isle, either. I just hid out at home tinkering with experiments and letting people think that my mom had boobytraps in more rooms than just her coat closet. Some of the older guys literally are a pack of princes. Watch them start speeding up how quickly they bring people from home over here just to win tourney games, though; you should tell the coach that, maybe he’d light a fire under Ben to recruit more stars like you. Won’t be that bad for me. Do you just love getting yelled at or something, though? Because this sounds like it’s going down a very bad road for you.

Private: I guess he could always pay somebody else to do the hard work but that still leaves the uncomfy thing, and I can’t see Chad wanting to be uncomfy even for a second! Evie’s so smart so I understand wanting to be as smart as she is but I wish he’d just asked her to help him study or something, you know? I guess even that would’ve been too much work, but studying can be really fun if you make it fun! Oh, Ben’s been absolutely amazing! I’m so glad we have him, he’s exactly what the princes in fairy tales always seemed like they’d be. You know, noble and welcoming and so chivalrous. I guess I thought they’d all be like that because this is the land of fairy tales, isn’t it? And our parents don’t like the royals much but in their stories, they always sounded like kind people if you really, really thought about it!

Private: Now that you mention it? I’d probably do his work for him if he paid me to. It’s not that I support him taking the cheater’s way out, but I mean... there are so many cool videogames in Auradon, and I don’t want Jay to have to start stealing them for me whenever the king’s generosity runs out. We’ve been here for a year now; he can’t keep handing me free stuff forever, can he? You think studying’s fun? I knew you were my kind of person! Most of the time I don’t even have to make a game out of it to enjoy it, I just really like learning. I don’t know if they sounded kind or if our parents were just mean so we knew that their enemies were probably the opposite, but... I guess I didn’t think they could be that nice, if they left us alone on the Isle for so long. That’s a depressing thought, though; we don’t have to talk about that.

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I hope it’s just a rumor! It’s technically possible to make gold into fabric but it’s hard, and expensive, and is totally un-comfy! And why would someone want un-comfy underwear? It’d be like wearing undies made of wool, or burlap! If any royal would, just to say he could though, I could see it being Chad. I don’t want to say anything too bad about him but he’s definitely not like what I imagined the royals in Auradon being like. That could just be me though.

Private: Expensive doesn’t seem to be an obstacle for him, but hard might be. I mean, he tried to cheat off of Evie’s introductory chemistry work last year; how’s he supposed to get through upper level classes like that. Really, though? I had the opposite experience. I assumed royals would be like he and Audrey were; Ben was the one that surprised me with how much he wanted us to feel welcome and how much he actually cared about us fitting in here.

Whoa, what kind of accident did you have, man? Because a gash sounds bad. I don’t think Coach’ll be that much of a dick about it, he’ll pissed for a sec and get over it. Our team’s got way worse problems than a benchwarmer not being able to make a few practices. I’d maybe hold off on telling Evie though. Wait until Mal or I make a bigger mistake and then slip that news in there.

Gash, knee that I skinned when I tripped over a rock and that hurt really bad when they squirted hydrogen peroxide in it, same thing, right? That’s true, though; thanks for reminding me that the team really doesn’t need me, you’re a real pal. Maybe I should just tell Evie now, though. You know, be a pal back, keep you and Mal from being too tempted to do something just for my sake.