seeing red again

draws sometimes • likes red things

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☆ FR lair

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the anxiety episode i went through trained my brain to be uncomfortable in my house and with my boyfriend. i feel like i've fallen out of love, but i'd never leave JD. at least, i don't think i would. sometimes i contemplate taking a break but he's trying so hard and being so loving and compassionate that i just feel fucking awful for the fact that my brain does not want to cooperate

i'm at my lowest point right now. i barely have any willpower to function properly, i have no drive to get anything done in the house, and i just haven't been able to draw a thing. no interest in reading or watching anything, don't want to talk to people. i almost wonder if i should go inpatient again because this is absolutely horrible.

i'm on two antidepressants and an antipsychotic. i do wonder if that's contributing to the numbness of it all, but i'm afraid to stop taking them

it used to just be bad at night but now i'm waking up and anxious thoughts are there..my stomach muscles are tight today. i'm trying breathing and calming reassurances but jesus it feels useless sometimes

i mean, it's probably tied into the awful horrible anxiety i have at night now, but like.. it's so bad, man. i am exhausted

happy new year