r o s e

____

Six-year-old Byeol stood in front of the elementary school’s door with a pair of black biker shorts, an oversized shirt of a very well known sports brand and a red backpack that she had been using since kindergarten and was kind of embarrassed of.

But Byeol was not amused on her first day of elementary school only because of her old backpack.

She was seeing all these girls her age with their long hair twisted and twirled to fun styles with colorful headbands and clips as well as dresses in all colours the rainbow had to offer while Byeol was presenting herself in her usual clothing and short hair.

Byeol hated elementary school already.

“You must be Jeong Byeol,” the teacher greeted her. “Come with me, your class is right there.”

Byeol got seated next to a girl that didn’t differ much from the colorfully dressed ones she had encountered in the schoolyard, but she was quick to sort her into the category of stuck up people like the girls who were side-eying her so judgily just because of her outfit.

“Hello, I’m Jeni.”

What she hadn’t expected was to get addressed by the exact same girl she had just thought badly of. Now, Byeol had a bad conscience.

“Hello, I’m Byeol.”

Jeni’s eyes wandered over Byeol’s equipment that she had just pulled out. A simple pencil case with only a pencil and an eraser in it. Swiftly, Jeni had moved her fully equipped case into her seatmate’s direction.

“You can use my colors too if you want!”

“Oh… thank you.”

Byeol wasn’t ashamed of the fact that Jeni had directly noticed that her equipment lacked completeness, but thankful for her awareness. It was just that her father had promised to buy everything for her, but didn’t make it on time in the end.

“I like your hair clips!” Byeol complimented Jeni.

“And I like your shorts, they look so comfy in comparison to this dress!” Jeni then fiddled with her hair. “Here!”

Byeol’s hair only reached her chin, but Jeni was able to pull a long streak back and fix it with a pink butterfly clip.

“You look so cute!”

From that moment on, the two became best friends.

____

“I don’t care how much work you have left!” you shouted into your phone. “Today is your daughter’s first day of elementary school and she had expected you to be here, yet you weren’t!”

“Babe, please calm down!”

“I’m not your babe, asshole!” A few passerbyers turned around to look at you as you made your way to the elementary school, but you didn’t care. “Don’t you know that your friend Haneul uploaded your last night together on instagram? I saw everything! So if working so hard means whoring around, drinking until dawn and oversleeping your daughter’s first day of school, then you’ll never have to see her again, good riddance!”

You rolled your eyes and put your phone back into your purse as you angrily arrived by the school’s gate. Clutching your fingers around the door handle, you pulled it into your direction, but the door remained closed. You pulled on it again, this time a bit harder, but the door wouldn’t open.

“This cannot be!” you yelled and pulled on the handle again, reaching new levels of aggressivity. “What a shitty day!”

“You have to push it.”

“Huh?!”

Turning aside, you encountered the kind eyes of a man around your age, dressed in formal pants and a white button up, staring at you rather puzzled.

“You have to pull down the handle and then push it. See?”

When he laid his own hand on the door handle, you could see a golden ring adorning his finger. Almost the exact same ring, only a bit thinner and more fragile, could also be found on your hand.

“Oh thank god!” you let out, relieved as he opened the gate for you, and it didn’t slip by you that his gaze fell upon your ring as well. “I thought I was seeing things!”

You passed through the gate before him, but he followed suit and fell into your step in the schoolyard as you slowed down purposely.

“I’m Y/N!” you introduced yourself. “My daughter had her first day today.”

“I’m Jaehyun, and same. I had to drop her off very quickly this morning as I was supposed to be at work by 9. I wasn’t able to equip her with everything that she needs in time which was why she was a bit sour this morning. But hopefully, I can make up for that now.” Jaehyun held up a bag on which the logo of a very popular convenience store was printed on. “She said she wanted some stuff with… cartoons on it? Something with Pororo or so. I don’t know.”

“May I have a look?” you asked, and he nodded.

As you took the bag into your hands, you noticed that he brought a pack of crayons with cars on them.

“That was all they had that came close to cartoons. How am I supposed to know what Pororo is?”

You chuckled. “It’s an animated series about a penguin and his group of friends.”

“I’m a horrible father!”

Somehow, he sounded so disappointed in himself even though he tried to come forward with irony, and you could hear in his voice that this rooted deeper than just not knowing what Pororo was. You wondered whether this was usually the mother’s job and he had only been assigned to it because she currently didn’t have time or was abroad. But you thought that was no biggy.

“There is a stationary store just right down the street, they have Pororo stuff,” you recommended.

“You, Y/N, are my hero!”

This time, you both laughed as you joined the other parents in front of the building who were waiting to pick up their kids. Only a short moment later, the entry door opened and outside stormed a bunch of happy children.

“Mommy!”

Your daughter stood in front of you with the brightest smile on her face. With pride, you patted her head. “How did your first day go, Jeni?”

“Amazing, mommy! I made a new friend, her name is Byeol!”

“That’s amazing, dear!”

You and Jaehyun had quickly lost sight of each other, but you were sure you would see each other again.

_____

Byeol looked into the bathroom mirror and inspected her hair. She had unclasped the butterfly clip the day before because she felt insecure as it was something so new to her. But today, she felt confident enough to wear it.

“How do I look, mommy?” Byeol asked and waited. “Thank you, mommy.”

With a smile, she hopped from the stool and entered the kitchen where her father had already prepared the breakfast table.

Three bowls and three spoons as usual.

“Which cereal does your mom want for breakfast today, Byeol?”

“Today, choco krispies, daddy.”

“Alright.”

Jaehyun filled one bowl with choco krispies and the other two with fruit loops as it was his and his daughter’s all time favorite.

As they sat down together, he noticed the pink butterfly clip in his daughter’s hair. “Where did you get that from?”

“It’s from my friend Jeni, the girl I told you about yesterday. She gifted it to me.”

“Ah, I remember. It’s cute.”

“Thanks, daddy.”

Jaehyun wondered whether such hair clips were what all girls her age were now wearing.

Between his job, chores and his child, he barely had time for himself let alone to get updated with everything a little girl could be interested in nowadays. Probably also because he didn’t hold much interest in keeping up to date with fashion, hair and all this stuff, which was why his daughter was usually wearing what he came across when running errands.

Now that Byeol was growing up, interacting with other girls and developing interests in female stuff, Jaehyun wondered whether he had to change his way of thinking. He just didn’t know where to start as they lacked a female part in their family.

“Here.”

With much care, he put the Pororo crayons on the table, and immediately, his daughter’s eyes lightened up.

“That’s Pororo! And the newest crayons on top of that! Thank you so much, daddy!” Shifting around, she talked to the other, in Jaehyun’s eyes, empty chair, “Look, mommy!”

She reached for the crayon package and put it into her backpack, but not without giving her father a tight before that he returned with the same love and passion.

Jaehyun was aware that he lacked a lot of things as a single parent.

The summarized things mentioned above were only the tip of the iceberg. But Byeol had grown up knowing she was different from all the others with only having her father at such a young age, yet she had never held it against him when she had noticed things such as not having the newest clothes as she knew that he always gave his best.

She was a very humble and down to earth person, despite her young age.

But Byeol had her own mechanism to cope with mother’s death that had been extracted with time.

When one day, she had started to tell him things about her deceased mother, Jaehyun let it slip, assuming it was just a phase. Not much later, when she started demanding a plate for her mother during dinner and talked to her whenever she felt safe, Jaehyun knew that was when she needed help. But the therapist was at her wit’s end after a few months and only told him that one day, all imaginary friends would vanish.

But this wasn’t a random imaginary friend. This was her mother she imagined talking to, eating with and sleeping with.

A part of her life.

____

“And your wife never picks her up?” a mother asked Jaehyun.

He was sick and tired of this question that accompanied him since Byeol’s time in kindergarten. Even leaving on his wedding ring didn’t save him from those nosy, equally single and married women who wanted to check on his true relationship status after not having encountered Byeol’s mother.

It wasn’t like he wasn’t interested in dating again. He was just stuck, and his ring prevented him from moving on. He just couldn’t just yet.

“She’s busy,” Jaehyun shrugged it off and walked away from the woman the moment he spotted a familiar face at the other side of the yard. “Thank god,” he only thought.

“Yes. I love you too,” you chatted into your phone as you hung up and turned around to find Jaehyun standing right in front of you. “Hi,” you greeted him.

“Hey. I hope I didn’t interrupt you.” He assumed that you had talked to your husband which was why he quickly regretted having walked up to you. Who else would you confess your love to anyway? He should have been more considerate of women, even though he hadn’t intensively interacted with one in so long.

With you, even though you had only gotten to know each other, he didn’t feel pressured to run away, because clearly, you were happily married, so there was no temptation that could possibly lure him to do things he regretted later on.

“No worries, the conversation was already over.”

“So, then maybe you can help me with something?”

“What’s up?”

“Those… things…” Jaehyun raised his arms and touched his hair. “Those colorful clips in different shapes little girls wear in their hair. Where do you mothers get them from? Are there certain shops that have always passed by me?”

This time, you didn’t chuckle but were quite confused. If he was married, wouldn’t the mother usually bring stuff for the daughter or go shopping with her? He looked so seriously helpless that you were not sure whether he was joking.

You didn’t know anything about Jaehyun’s life circumstances. His wife could be abroad or working at most times. They could even live in separation and it would still be none of your business.

You only saw a father who was struggling providing his daughter the stuff she was fancying, and you were more than willing to help him.

“Okay, Jaehyun. Do you have an hour to spare tomorrow before we pick up our kids?”

“Sure.”

“In COEX mall.”

“Alright.”

The bell rang and short moments later, the kids stormed out. You spotted Jeni at the other side of the yard.

“There’s my daughter. See you tomorrow, Jaehyun!”

“See you!”

As you reached your daughter, she was already wearing that look on her face. You knew exactly what that look meant. She got that from her father.

“What is that you want, Jeni?”

“So, I told you about my new friend Byeol, right, mommy?”

You laughed. “Every day since you two met.”

“I invited her to play at my house today, because she doesn’t have the newest barbies. Can she, mommy? Pretty please?”

You patted your daughter’s head. “Where is she? I should talk to her parents first.”

If Jeni had made new friends, you wouldn’t want to spoil that experience for her.

She hadn’t had it easy in kindergarten ever since her begetter left town after she was born. While all the other children’s parents came in pairs, Byeol had always come with her mother only, and that made her a target.

To protect your daughter from mockery and more isolation, you decided to buy a fake wedding ring that should also shield you from the judgy eyes of the parents, to avoid the stigma of being a single parent.

“She already went to ask her dad. See? There she is!”

From the corner of your eyes, in the crowd of the parents and children, you perceived Jaehyun leaving the school, but you didn’t quite see the little girl that was supposed to be with him, even though you were curious about what his daughter looked like.

“Jeni, my daddy said yes! Hello Y/N.”

A little girl just as small as your own daughter, suddenly popped up in front of you. She bowed deeply at you and wore a rather shy look.

“That’s Byeol, mommy!”

“Nice to meet you, Byeol. Your daddy agreed, yes?”

“Yes. Here is his number in case you need it as he had to leave already.” She gave you a piece of paper. “He’ll pick me up at 7 later. I gave him your address as well.”

“Wow, you girls have planned this out so thoroughly! Then let’s go!”

You lived in a house with your parents who were helping you with the upbringing of your daughter. You owed everything to them as you surely wouldn’t have been able to finish your university degree in law without their help while a baby was on its way.

“Mom, we’re home! Jeni, show Byeol your room!”

“Sure! Come with me, Byeol!”

“Did you bring what I asked you for?” your mother questioned when you entered the kitchen.

You stopped in your tracks, realization kicking in. “I’m so sorry, mom! We finished talking, I said I love you, and then Jaehyun walked up to me, and… I just forgot!”

Your mother laughed. “No worries. I think I can cook that recipe without peppers. Who’s Jaehyun? Someone who finally piqued your interest?”

You rolled your eyes, but grinned. “He’s married, mom, and he’s a dad from Jeni’s elementary school. Besides… no one wants a single mom.”

“That’s nonsense, Y/N, and you know it.”

Tired of being on the verge of leading this discussion again, you said goodbye to her, left the kitchen and stepped into the living room where you flopped down on your chair in front of the desk and started working again.

Before dinner, the girls called you upstairs to play dress up with, and you couldn’t say no.

“Let’s see what we have here,” you muttered to yourself as you opened your makeup case and immediately, Byeol’s eyes were fixated on the many colours in the palette.

“Whoa!” she exclaimed. “What’s that?”

“Makeup,” you explained nonchalantly. “Haven’t you seen this with your mom yet?”

“My mommy isn’t… alive.”

You froze. In the way your daughter continued fiddling with the makeup brushes, you figured that this wasn’t news to her. But you were taken by surprise and didn’t quite know how to properly react.

“But that’s okay, because my mommy is still with me,” Byeol continued. “She’s sitting on Jeni’s bed, see?”

Byeol pointed at the other side of the room, and from the tone she used while speaking, you knew that she was being dead serious. So you decided that you would react as she was wishing for: totally normal.

“Ah yes. Nice to meet you, Byeol’s mom. Does your mom also want a bit of makeup, Byeol?”

She shook her head. “No, but she likes to watch.”

“Sure.”

You dipped the brush that you had picked up into pink powder and gently tinted Byeol’s cheek on each side of her face. She was looking at you with big eyes while you smiled at her during the process.

“You are really beautiful.”

“Thank you, Byeol.” Cheekily, you tapped the brush on her nose and she let out a chuckle. “You are even more beautiful.”

“My daddy always says I look like my mom.”

“And your mom is really beautiful as well.”

____

Jaehyun stood in front of the house, inspecting it from the ground floor to the roof. It was quite a contrast to the apartment building in which he was living with his daughter, and he had thought quite a lot about moving, but he wasn’t able to yet financially.

After having rung the bell, he waited patiently until the door opened in front of him and a familiar face peeked out from the inside.

“Y/N! You’re Jeni’s mom?”

“And you’re Byeol’s father, Jaehyun? What a coincidence!”

Now, it dawned on you.

Byeol seemed out of touch with the world of girls her age just like you, because your wife was dead. And there were certain things fathers couldn’t teach or show their daughters, no matter how hard they tried. Some things were only left to moms.

“Daddy!” Byeol came running out of the living room and greeted her father by the door. “I quickly put on my shoes and then we can go!”

“So… you’re still up for tomorrow?” you asked Jaehyun.

“Of course,” he confirmed. “Byeol has been talking nonstop about Jeni since their first day, by the way.”

“Same applies to Jeni. These two really found each other, it seems. It’s funny that, out of all the people, we started talking to each other as well.”

Since your daughters had quickly become friends, it didn’t wonder you much why you had felt a connection to each other from the very first moment as well.

When Byeol and Jaehyun were sitting inside his car shortly after, she couldn’t stop blabbering about how her day went. Jaehyun had never seen her so excited before. It had also been the first time that she had been invited over to someone’s house.

“Jeni has so many dolls and we played with all of them, daddy! And then, her mommy came up to us and helped us dress up as princesses! She even allowed us to use her lipstick, but we cleaned it off before dinner already. That was cooked by her granny, by the way! She lives with her mommy and her grandparents there and someone is always home. They made kimbap!”

“I’m happy that you had so much fun, Byeol. Did your mommy have fun too?”

That was a usual question Jaehyun asked as he knew her imaginary mother accompanied Byeol everywhere, and he didn’t want to make her feel as though he disregarded her own coping mechanisms.

But Byeol kept quiet.

“Dear? Is everything okay?”

“I… forgot her,” she only brought out.

“What?” Jaehyun was confused.

“I forgot her. I forgot mommy! She accompanied me to Jeni’s house, but I forgot her there! That never happened before!”

Even though Jaehyun couldn’t see her from the driver’s seat, he could hear how her voice became unstable, shakier, until she started crying.

“Okay, honey, no worries, I’ll drive back to Jeni’s house and we’ll get your mommy, alright?”

In the rear window, Jaehyun saw her nodding and took the next U-turn back.

Byeol had had so much fun that she had simply forgotten about her imaginary mother. She was afraid that one day, she would forget about her entirely and that on that day, she would simply disappear.

That could never happen.

“Please, don’t ask,” Jaehyun told you when you opened your door.

“Mommy!” Byeol stormed past you into the house and you were left alone with Jaehyun by the door.

“I know,” you confessed. “She told me today.”

“Oh… alright.”

The way he suddenly changed to behaving so uncomfortably indicated to you that this was a highly sensitive topic to him that he didn’t want to discuss with you in passing.

Everyone needed their own time to cope with grief, and Jaehyun clearly wasn’t out of his phase and over his wife’s death yet.

The ring on his finger was proof enough to you.

____

“What’s this even?” Jaehyun asked the week after as you came to a halt in front of a children’s clothing store in the mall.

Somehow, your schedule to follow through with your shopping trip hadn’t matched up the planned day, so you rescheduled to the week after when Byeol was at your place again and your mother volunteered to take care of her and Jeni after school.

But the short interactions between Jaehyun and you before picking up your daughters had remained on the days where it was your turn. And somehow, you started to look forward to them.

“That’s a tutu.”

“Do elementary school girls wear something like this?”

“Only to ballett and if they want to be special. Now come in, we want to buy a few hair clips for Byeol.”

Jaehyun was quite impressed and simultaneously intimidated by the stuff they were offering to children nowadays. He was a rather practical person, which was why he had never paid much attention to colours or cuts, but he now knew that these things became important to his daughter, so he wanted to change his way of thinking.

Jaehyun was also very relieved that you hadn’t broached the topic of his deceased wife yet. Whether it rooted from your sympathetic nature or no care attitude, he was thankful for your discretion one way or another.

“What’s your daughter’s favorite colour?”

“It’s…” Jaehyun paused. “I… don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know? Which colour does she use the most when painting? What shirt colour does she like to wear the most?”

“I rarely see her paintings. And I only bring her clothes I find while grocery shopping or so. Whatever is cheap and practical since children grow out of clothes fast and get them dirty all the time.”

“Oh...”

“Is it bad?” He sounded worried, but you immediately shook your head.

“If it works for you, you shouldn’t worry about that.”

“I’m only worried that it’s… not enough. And she knows that I cannot provide her more, because I’m just… a father. Not a mother. Or both in one person, even though I try my best to do so.”

“That’s okay, Jaehyun,” you told him as you wandered through the aisles. “You don’t have to fulfill both roles. But you also shouldn’t just overlook your daughter’s desires. Even if she doesn’t voice them out yet, try to pay attention to random things she drops. I’m sure you’ll make her even happier like that.”

Your words sounded very comforting to him, so he smiled while he followed you through the aisles.

In the end, you chose a light blue skirt with volants, a cute, white blouse and a pack of colorful clips as well as a new backpack for Byeol. You had recommended Jaehyun to choose neutral colours first as you find the typical pink way too over the top in case this wasn’t Byeol’s taste.

From the way he nervously held onto the steering wheel while driving to your house, you could see that Jaehyun was quite tense.

“Don’t worry about it, I’m sure Byeol will like it.” And carefully, you added. “And her mom as well.”

“Do you think it’s alarming?” he then asked you, apparently having decided to want another person’s insight, that’s how much he trusted you already. “For her to have an imaginary friend. I mean… she barely doesn’t remember her mother herself, mostly from photos. Yet, she often talks to her, takes her everywhere and treats her like a real person which made her a target in kindergarten.”

“If she’s a target now, I’m sure Jeni will handle the bullies. In our house, we treat her and her mother as everyone else, we’ve adapted to it. And no, it’s not alarming. It’s just her way of coping. When growing up, imaginary friends vanish. Until then, no one should disregard her feelings and always take her seriously. That’s very important.”

“That’s what the therapist said as well.” Jaehyun breathed out audibly. “I’m just afraid that it will break her heart when one day, it happens that she realizes her mother disappeared.”

You didn’t know what to answer to that as he was most likely right.

“What… happened?” you then brought over to ask. A question that had been on your tongue for way too long, but you just felt that the timing was right now. “To your wife, I mean.”

“Pneumonia. She succumbed to the chronical illness after a long battle in the hospital. Byeol was only three years old.”

“My condolences. I’m sorry about that. It wasn’t easy on you as a single father with a young daughter, I assume.”

“Thank you. And no. My parents don’t live in the same city and I work as much as I can to make ends meet. Sometimes, it’s very hard, yet I try to provide Byeol everything she needs. But even I cannot grasp everything.”

For you, who had experienced her parents’ full support throughout everything, you couldn’t fathom the ups and downs Jaehyun had been put through. Nobody could hold it against him that he made mistakes. Everyone did.

“If you ever need help, I’m here, okay?”

He only nodded, yet you still felt that he wholeheartedly accepted your offer.

Jaehyun didn’t have many friends as he didn’t have much time left for himself, and most of his acquaintances were still in their party and single life phase. Having someone with the same routine and time schedule as him, for the first time since his wife’s death, he felt that he was being truly understood.

“She was an absolute planned child though,” Jaehyun explained. “If I had known, I would still have gotten her.”

“And nothing else matters in the end,” you added.

That your own child was the result of a drunk college night with your now ex boyfriend who had left you, you kept to yourself. That was what your ring was for.

In the end, you thought that for Jaehyun, it didn’t matter anyway as he was still very much married to his deceased wife, even in his thoughts. Just like his daughter.

They hadn’t let go of her yet.

____

“We’re back!” you then announced when you and Jaehyun walked into your house. “Byeol, your daddy is here! And he has a present for you!”

“A present?!”

Byeol and Jeni came running down the stairs where Jaehyun was already waiting, with a bag in his hands.

“What is it, daddy?”

Byeol reached out her hands and he handed the bag over to her. “Just a little something for you.”

With hasty fingers, she opened the bag and suddenly, a bright smile mixed with surprise spread all over her face. “What’s that, daddy?” Byeol pulled out a set of clothing that had never been in her belongings before. And on top of that, a brand new backpack.

“Well…” Jaehyun got on his knees to face her. “I just thought you wanted more clothes girls your age wear. You have also grown out of your old backpack. And if you dig a little deeper, you will also find a few hair clips.”

‘“Thank you, daddy!” Without inspecting the presents further, Byeol dropped everything and instantly jumped into her father’s arms. “I love you so much, daddy!”

“Admittedly, Y/N helped me pick them out and told me what girls like. She was really awesome, so next time, your father won’t only come home with shorts and tees.”

“Thank you, Y/N!” Byeol also gave you a tight hug that you returned. “Can I try them on now, daddy?”

“Sure.”

“Come, Jeni!”

The two girls disappeared upstairs again and Jaehyun followed you to the living room where you sat down and chatted until it was time for the dinner your mother had prepared and you had invited the Jeong family to.

What Jaehyun noticed though was that there were a lot of photos put up - of you and Jeni and the family of course, a typical grandparents thing. But in none of these pictures did he spot a male person around your age. A quick look at your finger assured him that you were married nonetheless.

But where was your husband that you always said “I love you” to over the phone? Was he living abroad? Jaehyun couldn’t bring it over himself to ask though.

“Your mom can sit here,” you said as everyone came together for dinner.

You brought a stool close to the dining table where you had already prepared a place setting for Byeol’s imaginary mother.

“Thank you, Y/N!” Byeol said happily and from the corner of your eyes, you felt Jaehyun smiling at you as well.

And it somehow gave you pleasant goose gumps.

____

After elementary school, your two children had talked you into visiting the playground together, so you and Jaehyun were waiting by the ice cream truck while Jeni and Byeol discovered the monkey bars.

“How was she?” you asked Jaehyun. “Your wife. Only if I may ask! You don’t have to answer if it makes you uncomfortable, you know.”

“We’ve gotten together in high school,” Jaehyun told you as you moved forward in the queue. “She was my first girlfriend. I loved her very much and Byeol completed our happiness. We saved up to buy a house together and probably move to the countryside. She loved the countryside. Overall, she was a very laid-back and calm person. Byeol probably has her personality from her. And her features as well.”

The way he spoke so fondly of her made you like his wife as well. Not the slightest trace of sadness resonated in his voice. It was like a happy memory he liked to think about every now and then.

“I think I would have liked her very much.”

“I think she would have liked you as well.”

As you got your ice cream, you seated yourselves on a bench where a group of mothers from the elementary school just happened to pass by. One of them was the woman who had tried to hit on Jaehyun in the beginning.

When she spotted you two, she directly checked you out from head to toe. Jaehyun knew what it must have looked like. You two were here with children and happened to both wear rings. She didn’t quite like what she saw, but Jaehyun wasn’t interested in clearing up the situation. This was exactly what the ring was for and the fact that you were also wearing one was only convenient to him.

“What is it?” you asked as Jaehyun suddenly stared at you.

“Chocolate is your favorite flavor you said?”

“Absolutely.”

“You cannot overlook that.”

“What do you mean?”

He laughed. “If you always look like this while eating chocolate ice cream, the baby wipes should be for you, not for Jeni.”

“Hey!” you defended yourself playfully. “That’s not true!”

The next thing Jaehyun felt was something cold in his face that then turned sticky. You laughed light-heartedly upon discovering his lips that were smeared with chocolate ice cream after you had smashed it into his face.

His shocked expression but then got quickly replaced with cheekiness. “Just you wait!”

You stood up and tried to run away, but Jaehyun was quick in holding you in place by your arm.

“Noooo!” you yelled, but it was too late as you already had his sticky vanilla ice cream all in your face.

To the other parents, you must have looked like crazy people. Or a couple totally in love.

“Mommy, what are you doing?”

It was only when your children stood in front of you that you both calmed down.

“Oh, we were just having an ice cream war,” you explained and Jaehyun laughed.

“Daddy, can we participate in the ice cream war?”

“Next time, honey. Our ice cream is all gone and look at us now!”

“I’ll go to the bathroom to clean myself up,” you announced.

“I have to go to the bathroom too,” Byeol said.

Jaehyun nodded. “Okay dear, I’ll take you there.”

“I want to go with Y/N,” she protested vehemently.

A look at you, and you confirmed that it was okay for you to go with his daughter. “Come with me, Byeol.”

“Can you buy me ice cream, Jaehyun?” Jeni then asked as you went away with Byeol.

“Sure. What’s your favorite flavor?”

“Chocolate!”

She raised her hand and grabbed Jaehyun’s. Pleasantly surprised, he squeezed it. “Just like your mother, huh. I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s your father’s favorite flavour too.”

It was a nonchalant assumption that he dropped by passing without even quite realizing the background, but Jeni just shrugged.

“I don’t know what his favorite flavor is,” she stated dryly.

Jaehyun assumed that he was not the only one that came from a broken family, but that you were also carrying around quite a baggage you hadn’t been ready to talk about yet.

“What’s your favorite flavor, Jaehyun?”

“Vanilla.”

“That’s something I can remember.”

____

“Why don’t you go out with Byeol’s father?” your mother asked you when you gave yourself a last check in your mirror. “This Jaehyun guy is exceptionally handsome. Even I, as an old woman, can see it.”

“Because…” You closed your clutch. “He’s not over his wife's death yet. And he doesn’t know that I’m actually not married. I want to leave it like that.”

“So you do like him.”

“Please, mom! He’s still wearing his wedding ring. That says it all, right?”

“Those are only excuses you push towards him. What about you?”

You flattened your satin blouse and brushed the last lints from your skirt. “Mom, not now again.”

“Byeol said her daddy only wears the ring, because otherwise, different women would visit them. And Byeol doesn’t like this. So to prevent this, Jaehyun wears it.”

“Jeni!” You turned around. “What are you even talking about? And you should be in bed already!”

Your daughter jumped down the stairs into your direction. “But it’s true! There was a time, where Byeol saw different women entering and leaving their home, and she didn’t want it to happen anymore. So her father said ok, the ring would keep them away. And then her mommy came back. Do you think those women were witches or ghosts, mommy? Or why does the ring keep them away?”

“Alright, dear.” Your mother picked up Jeni from the ground. “I’ll bring you to bed.”

“But Byeol really likes you, mommy! That’s surely why the ring doesn't work with you!”

You gave your daughter a kiss on her forehead. “Goodnight, dear.”

The whole ride in the taxi to the bar where you would meet your date, you thought about Jeni’s words. It didn’t take you long to get to the gist of what she was trying to say through her imaginative string of thoughts:

Jaehyun wore his ring because he didn’t want women to come close to him since his daughter was still trying to cope with her mother’s death. Whether it was also convenient to him, whether he wanted this too or only did it for his daughter’s sake, you didn’t know.

Throughout your entire date, you couldn’t stop thinking about this.

“You don’t seem like you’re having much fun,” your date judged after a while.

“I’m sorry, my thoughts were just with my daughter who-”

You closed your hands over your mouth.

“You have children?”

This was your first date in years that your friend had arranged for you and you messed it up. Your motto was to open up about your family situation only later, to check out first how the guy’s opinion on family and children was, and now you blew it.

“Man, if I had known about this… A single mom...”

But lucky you, you only thought when you saw how his reaction unfolded. A guy who couldn’t handle your daughter definitely wasn’t worthy of your time as you only came in a pack.

“Yeah, I have a beautiful six year old daughter,” you declared. “And I’ll now go back to her as you’re only a waste of time. Good riddance.”

Except that you didn’t go home, but found yourself in front of Jaehyun’s apartment building instead. You had been here so often before to drop off Jeni, so why were you nervous now all of a sudden?

You rang the bell and didn’t expect Jaehyun to answer in the first place as it was already past midnight, even though Byeol was with her grandparents in Incheon for the weekend. But he did.

“Who’s there?”

“It’s Y/N.”

You had already opened your mouth again to explain to him why you were here, but Jaehyun didn’t ask. Wordless, he let you in. When you reached the right floor, he was already peeking out of his door.

“Did something happen?” he asked when you entered his flat.

Dressed only in pajama shorts and a white t-shirt, you followed him to the couch in the living room. You had visited him almost weekly, but without the childish laughter of your children around you, it suddenly dawned on you that this was the apartment of a single man, and that you were alone with him in here.

“I brought wine.” You held the bottle up in the air.

“Okay, something did happen. Tell me about it.”

Jaehyun seated himself next to you with two glasses as you opened the bottle and filled the glasses almost to the very top.

“Why is it that single moms have to live with such a stigma?” you whined and took the first sip at the same time as Jaehyun. “The mothers in kindergarten, now in elementary school… Even men avoid me as soon as I confess that I’m a single mom. That’s just not fair.”

“Wait…” Jaehyun had problems following you. “What do you mean that you’re a single mom?”

“I’m a single mom.”

“But you’re wearing a-” He tilted his head to where your ring was supposed to be, but then noticed that it wasn’t in its usual place. The finger was empty. “Your ring…”

“It’s a fake ring.”

“And Jeni’s father?” Jaehyun knew that this question was probably worded a bit clumsily, but he needed to know right now. Suddenly, it somehow all fell together, even what Jeni had said to him by the playground.

“Was my ex boyfriend from university. In comparison to Byeol, Jeni wasn’t a planned child. The father was just as shocked as me and left not too long after. They still see each other sometimes, but she doesn’t quite see him as a father figure and he’s not really interested in being one either.”

“So you’ve never been married and still are not.”

You were puzzled why, out of all the things you just confessed, he was focusing only on the fact that you weren’t taken, and had never been. But then again… Jaehyun was a father himself. If someone wouldn’t judge you, then it was him.

“I’m sorry that I made you think I was married,” you apologized. “I just thought it wasn’t… relevant.”

“Why shouldn’t it be?” he asked.

“Because…” You didn’t know whether it was the first effects of the wine, but you suddenly started sweating in nervousness. Why even?

Why even? Was also a question Jaehyun asked himself.

The revealed fact shouldn’t stir something inside him. Honestly, it should be absolutely irrelevant to him. You were the mother of his daughter’s best friend. Yet, this new information lifted a veil from his eyes and it was like, for the very first time in so long, he was able to see clearly again.

And what he saw was a woman he had so much fun with, provided him with necessary tips for his daughter’s upbringing and didn’t judge him as a single father.

But above all, also a woman who suddenly had become desirable to him.

“Because,” Jaehyun whispered your words in repeat as he slid closer to you, and you didn’t withdraw. “It was the only thing that held me back from doing this.”

You hadn’t kissed someone in such a long time. You didn’t know how it felt anymore to kiss a man. But when Jaehyun kissed you, it was like you had been dead this entire time and were only brought back to life now.

Always, you had only been a mother. By daytime, you were a mother. In everyone else’s eyes, you were a mother. For once, you wanted to be a woman, and Jaehyun made you feel like a woman at this very moment.

You wrapped your legs around his waist, and without having to part your lips, Jaehyun grabbed you by your buttocks and arose from the couch. He found the way into his bedroom with only one eye open where he gently placed you onto the mattress.

Jaehyun’s lips didn’t stay on yours for too much longer. They were caressing the side of your neck shortly after, and you let out soft mewls as they wandered even further down to your cleavage. Every inch of your body that he passed by was burning and craved to be touched only for a bit longer.

Your fingers entangled in his hair as Jaehyun undid your blouse and out sprung your breasts that you hadn’t hidden in a bra today. Licking over his lips, he took them into his hands and squeezed the mounds that felt so full in his warm palms. The way his fingers then played with your nipples made you squeeze your thighs together and angle your back into his direction.

Whether it was because he was so good at touching the right spots or because your body had gotten so sensitive with the lack of attention, you didn’t know. But you sensed that Jaehyun was on the same page as you felt his erection pressing between your thighs as he laid himself on top of you.

Opening your blouse fully, you helped him get rid of it, then of his own t-shirt. But instead of falling back on the bed, you turned Jaehyun around so that he was the one lying down now.

“What?” he only wondered when you tugged on the waistband of his pajama pants. And then, he grinned and gladly let you do so.

His erection slapped back against his navel as you pulled down his pants, and he helped you strip it from his feet so that he was lying naked in front of you.

While Jaehyun was still anticipating what was about to come next, you seated yourself on his lower hip with his length in between your opening. Bending down, you kissed him on his lips first, but when his grip entangled in your hair in a spur of passion, you trailed your kisses down along his prominent chest until you reached his navel with your mouth.

Jaehyun’s dick twitched against your entrance, and you too now couldn’t await your full joining anymore. Still dressed in your skirt - which Jaehyun found utterly sexy beyond words - he helped you lift yourself up by your thighs and directed you to his tip on which he then slowly let you sink down on.

You grimaced at the pain with which he passed through your opening, a sharp and burning grind that was usual to experience when you hadn’t been with someone in so long, but to your dismay, Jaehyun could directly look into his face and the pain didn’t pass by him as well.

He stretched out his hand and placed it on your cheek. “Everything alright? We can stop if it hurts.”

You shook your head and placed your own hand on top of his. “I’m getting used to it.”

“Take it slow.”

You felt Jaehyun’s thumb softly brush over your skin and somehow, it added something so lovingly to this act that it made your heart flutter.

Cautiously, when you thought you had adjusted to his length, you began moving. Jaehyun was throbbing heavily inside you, and you weren’t able to remember that this position hit you so deeply. You felt his thickness intensely when you moved your hips in circular motions, gyrating them against his.

To get a steady hold, you put your hands on his chest as you gently rolled your hips against his pelvis, feeling him reach parts inside of you that pleasured you sweetly. Aspiring to chase after this pleasure, you changed your motions and decided to lift your hips and slam them back down on him again.

The first time you did this, you both moaned and Jaehyun buried his fingers deep into your ass cheeks. You threw your head back in satisfaction as you repeated the motion until you were screaming so loudly that you couldn’t hear Jaehyun and your slaps against his body anymore.

Sweat ran down your neck as it took you much strength. It collected in your cleavage between your breasts and rolled down your stomach until it disappeared in your skirt. You were so close to cumming, but you had totally run out of breath, and that was Jaehyun’s cue.

“My turn now?”

Being only able to nod, he flipped you around onto your stomach. Pulling your skirt up to reveal the full sight of your bum to him, Jaehyun gave you a hard slap against your cheek that made you scream but simultaneously crave for more.

Collection your hands by your back, he took them into his and pushed himself inside you from behind. Holding you by your arms and having brought up your hips to meet his angle better, he mercilessly and kind of desperately rammed into you with a steady rhythm so fast that you gave up counting how many pushes it took for him to bring you over the edge.

Your face was buried in the pillow, sliding along the sheets whenever he moved back and forth, but to let him hear what he did to you, you turned your face aside and screamed from the top of your lungs the moment your orgasm hit you like a wave a desert.

That was exactly how you felt. A moment two contrasts so great hitting each other, the joining was beyond words. You swore that you saw stars that moment.

Jaehyun came in long spurts all over the sheets only shortly after you while still holding onto you tightly.

He had slept with many women after his wife’s death to move past this tragedy, but none had ever made him feel the way you did. Suddenly, you weren’t just Jeni’s mother for him anymore. He wanted to take you again and again as he had seemingly forgotten how not only passionate and fun, but also enjoyable sex could be again.

Jaehyun had only felt this way with his wife.

And suddenly, he felt so guilty - for having actual feelings again. Even though he had seen it coming at some point, now that he truly felt it again, it scared him that he was actually moving on by himself.

He wasn’t sure anymore whether he was ready.

The ring on his finger felt like it had burnt itself into his skin.

____

When you woke up the next morning, Jaehyun wasn’t lying next to you anymore.

Looking out of the window, you noted that it was already shortly before midday. You quickly collected your clothes that had been thrown to the bed’s side, dressed yourself and walked into the living where Jaehyun had already tidied up everything from last night.

“Good morning,” you greeted him.

“Morning,” he greeted back and approached you. Not wanting to make it awkward, he came straight to the point. “Last night was a mistake.”

You froze, totally bewildered. “What?”

“When my wife died… around two years after, I tried dating again. I knew she wanted it that way, for me to move on and continue living. But it scared Byeol to see other women here apart from her mom. That’s when she started imagining her. We’re both stuck and I cannot leave her behind. I know my feelings for my wife will never change, and I also know that I cannot live in the past forever. For now though, I must. For Byeol.”

“Okay.” You agreed. “This, I understand.”

What Jaehyun didn’t tell you was that he was scared. Of falling again. Of loving again. How was it possible that his wife had been his true love when he started to feel the same with another person again?

He couldn’t wrap his head around it.

“I cannot start dating again before Byeol moves on herself. I’m sorry.”

“Mmhm.”

Somehow, this had gotten extremely awkward for you as it felt like a direct rejection, even though you hadn’t even approached him that way. Even though now, you desperately wanted to.

That’s when you knew you had to leave. Abruptly, you turned around, shifting your back to him. “I’m sorry, it was a bad idea to come here, to do this.”

“I-” Jaehyun stuttered. “Even though I want to. I’m just… not there yet.”

You only let out a saddened, “I’m sorry, I won’t only be your bed bunny, Jaehyun.”

“Y/N, I didn’t mean it like that!”

But you were already out of the door.

____

You still didn’t speak to Jaehyun, not even when he dropped Byeol off for a sleepover the weekend after. Instead of picking Jeni up yourself from elementary school, you sent your mom and closed the door in front of Jaehyun’s nose with only a “goodbye” whenever he came around.

“My father is so sad lately,” you then heard Byeol whisper when you came up the stairs to Jeni’s room later that night.

Wanting to listen, you stopped by the door.

“I hear him constantly speaking to your mom on the phone, but she doesn’t seem to answer.” You vaguely remembered that you hadn’t opened any of Jaehyun’s voice messages yet. “Do you think they could have gotten into an argument?”

“Is it because of the ring that he is wearing? The one that makes women go away?”

“I don’t think so! It only makes bad women go away. Your mommy is a good woman. I want her to be around me and my daddy. He is much happier with her. But she seems like she doesn’t want to be with him anymore lately. That makes me sad.”

“Yeah, me too,” you listened to your daughter’s soft voice. “I like your dad too, but he rarely stays now.”

It caused you a bad conscience that you were listening to such an intimate talk, so you decided to interrupt the two of them.

“Hey girls. Ready for bed yet?”

“Yes, mommy.”

You walked over to your daughter’s bed and gave her a kiss on the cheek. Then kneeling next to the mattress on the ground, you gave Byeol a gentle kiss on her forehead. An urge made you stroke her cheek and hair.

“Y/N,” Byeol then spoke to you. “My daddy is much happier when you’re around. Can you please make him happy again? He’s so sad lately, because you’re not there anymore.”

“Byeol… there are many things children don’t understand that’s happening between adults. It’s... not that easy sometimes.”

You couldn’t be mad at Jaehyun. If it was your daughter, you would’ve done the same, you now totally understood why he had to draw a line. After Byeol’s words, you were also able to look through his facade to come to the conclusion that old feelings towards his wife were also still in the cards.

But that didn’t mean that he wasn’t feeling something for you.

He just wasn’t there yet.

And that was totally fine, you wouldn’t hold it against him anymore. When the timing and your feelings were right, you would get your chance again.

____

“How do you like the new clothes I bought for you?” Jaehyun asked Byeol. “Ready for the park?”

She was wearing a bright yellow dress and a straw hat. Jaehyun knew that he was only making progress with her as he had gotten help from you, and it saddened him very much that you were still mad at him. Justifiably.

He didn’t regret the night. Admittedly, he wanted to experience more. But it was true that his daughter came first. And his own wellbeing after such a tragedy had struck, he needed to come clear with himself first. If anyone would understand, then it was you. His many voice messages to you told you exactly that.

And if Jaehyun had looked at his phone that afternoon, he would have also seen that you had listened to all of them and were trying to reach out to him again after weeks of radio silence. But he didn’t yet.

“Daddy, I don’t think I want to go to the park today.”

“So? Where to then?”

“I want to visit mommy.”

“But she’s here right now, right?”

Byeol stared at you. “I want to visit mommy’s grave.”

She had never used this wording before which was why Jaehyun was kind of perplexed, but he took her there nonetheless. Together, they visited the grave only on his wife’s death day since Byeol had her imaginary friend.

Alone, he came here much more often, but his visits had shortened. In the beginning, he had talked to her the entire day. Then, during the second year, he stood there for an hour. In the third, Jaehyun brought flowers and left after ten minutes. Now, he was so occupied with many things that he only found a few minutes to spare.

After arriving by the cemetery, Jaehyun and Byeol stood in front of his deceased wife’s grave on a warm summer afternoon - a great contrast to the day of her funeral.

“Mommy says that she won’t be around here that often anymore, daddy.”

Jaehyun let his gaze fall upon his daughter whose hand he was holding. “What?”

“Mommy has gotten very busy and cannot accompany me everywhere anymore. She will remain here. When we want to talk to her, we can come here. She always senses when one of us is coming, so she’ll descend here and listen to us. But she cannot follow me around anymore, daddy.”

Jaehyun didn’t know what to say. He had expected the moment his daughter let go of her mother would be linked to tears and much screaming when realization hit. Or that she’d suddenly stop mentioning her, having her vinish little by little.

But instead, his daughter opened up to him here and now that she was letting go.

And moving on.

“Mommy wants us both to be happy, daddy. She doesn’t want to be in the way.”

“Oh dear…” Jaehyun sank to his knees and cupped his daughter’s face. “Your mommy is never in the way. She knows that we love her deeply and will always continue loving her, no matter what happens and who’ll enter our lives. Your mommy will always be a part of it.”

At once, Byeol slung her arms around her father and started crying. “I-I don’t... want mommy to dis- dis… appear.”

With much compassion, Jaehyun hugged her back. “She won’t ever disappear. She'll always be here. See?” Tenderly, he pushed her backwards and pointed at her heart. With her fist, Byeol rubbed over her eyes. “In your heart. In mine. And in everyone else’s she was a part of.”

“C-can… can we visit her often?” she sobbed.

“As often as you want.”

“Can… can Y/N be with us instead of mommy?”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t want Y/N to be invisible to everyone else like my mommy. But you now treat her like she’s invisible. And one day, she’ll disappear too. Like mommy. I don’t want that.”

“Oh dear…” Jaehyun smiled slightly and wiped his daughter’s tears away. “This time, I won’t make someone you love disappear. I promise.”

Again, Byeol fell into Jaehyun’s arms.

Where she had been the one comforting him during the funeral, he was the one comforting her now three years later. She cried her eyes out as she was letting go of her beloved mother.

And that was totally fine. Everyone needed their own time to grieve, their own way to grieve. And then, they could move on.

Jaehyun felt his wife smiling at them from above.

He wasn’t stuck anymore.

The more time you spent with him, the more sure you were. It felt different when you were together. It felt like you have known each other forever. He’d understand you and you would too.

The way he looked at you, you could have sworn he felt it too. That he knew what was going on inside of your head. So you finally ask him.

“Do you believe in soulmates?”

You feel the butterflies go wild in your stomach waiting for his answer.

“No,” he says.

“I don’t think everyone in our world is meant to have one. And I believe that I’m one of them, I think it's an idea created by people who seek fulfillment in others. But I don't think you need anyone for that” he states.

You bite back the confession lying on the tip of your tongue as his indirect rejection hits you hard. That's when the butterflies turn into a sharp pain and it becomes harder to breathe.

That was the day it all started. The first time you had coughed up flowers. The first time you understood what was happening to you.

You've always believed that if something was meant for you, one way or another it would come to you.

So you held on to the hope you had. But as time went on, you started to doubt that. Because while you became sicker by the day. He started developing feelings for someone else.

At first, she was just the new girl in town. But once she started working at the same place as Hachan, they became closer as ever. And it started going downhill from there. They started hanging out more and you started seeing Haechan less.

You even noticed how the way Haechan looked at you changed. He was still there for you whenever you needed him. But you saw how the spark in his eyes was only reserved for her.

The knock on the door brings you back from your thoughts. You see your hands covered in your blood and the floor around you is filled with sunflowers.

Standing up you look at yourself in the mirror and see blood covering your whole mouth while a few petals stick to your chin. And that's the first time in your life you feel pity towards yourself.

You know that your life is on the line but you don't even know how much time you have left. Small tears start to fall silently as if they emphasize with you.

For a moment you let yourself cry, allowing your pain to ease.

But that doesn't last long when you hear another knock on the door. Pulling yourself together you clean up everything and decide to go to the one place you felt at peace.

-

"You're here once again," Haechan says as he sits down next to you.

"I wanted some fresh air," you tell him.

He looks at you with a worried expression and asks "Are you alright? Something seems off with you these days."

You look back at him and a million things come to your mind. Everything you want to say to him lays on the tip of your tongue once again.

But when the image of him looking at her flashes your mind. Nothing comes out of you. All of it shatters into a million pieces.

So you just put on a fake smile and lie to him.

"It was getting too hot inside which made my head dizzy, But I'm okay now."

"Alright, but tell me if something is up, okay? We're best friends, I have to know," he tells you while smiling back at you.

You nod at him and stare into the void as his words keep repeating inside of your head. "We're best friends, we're best friends, we're best friends..." as if they're mocking you and your pitiful situation.

"Do you like sunflowers that much? I keep finding you here," he asks as he looks to the field in front of you.

The question breaks you more than you imagined.

After a moment of silence when you feel like your voice is stable enough again, you answer him.

"Yes, I do."

"Why?" he asks again.

"Because I'm envious of them," you tell him.

He gives you a confused look and you laugh at him as he furrows his brows and tries to think of why you would be.

"I'm envious of them because they follow their sun across the sky as their sun shines back at them. And every single day he comes back to do the same." You explain to him.

"That's a beautiful way of looking at them. Although I'm not sure about the being envious part" he laughs.

"They are my favourite too."

You didn't have the heart to tell him that you already knew that.

"My grandparents had a field just like this one. We would always pick the seeds together but I was too small to reach the top. So my granddad made me this small ladder with a bucket attached to it. I would always be the last one to finish because I couldn't pick them as fast as everyone else. But my granny always waited for me without saying anything, even though she was tired from working all day." he reminisces with a smile on his face.

"You would have been so cute trying to reach them with your small hands," you say.

"Of course I was! I have always been cute" he says proudly.

Which makes you laugh even if you roll your eyes at him.

But the cute moment doesn't last long as his phone starts ringing. You see how his eyes shine when her name appears on the screen. And you feel your throat burning again.

"I have to go, they're waiting for me," he tells you. "It's okay, I had plans too" you lie again.

You wait until he is out of sight and start coughing once again. But this time you don't see any specks of yellow anymore.

-

Comforting yourself with the thought that at least Haechan is happy even if it isn't with you, you decide to write him a letter. Pouring all of your feelings into it so you won't have any regrets when you leave.

The more time Haechan spends with her, he starts to rethink his stance on soulmates. Because when he is with her, he feels like his soul is at peace.

So he decides to tell her. But when the words come out of his mouth, they leave a very unpleasant taste in his mouth.

You drop your pen on the desk as you feel the string that is connected to your heart is cut off, and you finally let go.

You close your eyes as your head falls onto your desk that is filled with beautiful sunflowers covered in blood and the letter addressed to Haechan.

When Haechan gets a call about you, his head starts to spin as his vision blurs and the unpleasant taste comes back.

On the day of your funeral, he stays with you even if everyone else has left. Still not being able to accept that you're gone, he blames himself for not being there for you.

A fresh set of tears roll down his face as he remembers your face that showed all the signs that something was wrong.

"She wanted you to have this," your brother says as he gives Haechan the letter you wrote.

For a while, he only stares at his name on the envelope written in your handwriting. Then he opens it and starts to read.

He feels a pain in his chest he's never felt before. As if someone has cut off a piece of his heart.

"My dear sunshine,

I always thought that I would get to tell you all of this myself one day sooner or later. Or maybe I just hoped for it, because somewhere in the back of my mind I did know that day would never come. Especially after I saw how happy you were.

I don't seem to have much time, a couple of months ago I discovered that I have the disease. And every day it becomes harder to breathe.

But I want you to know that you made me happy too, very happy. The day we met I got the feeling that everyone always told me about. The one we grew up hearing about. The one you feel when you finally meet your soulmate.

I admit, you not feeling the same way broke my heart. I always thought that from that moment on I would never experience pain again. But life doesn't always go as you think.

But I don't blame you for anything and I don't want you to blame yourself either. Because you taught me a lot and made even the dull moments beautiful. For that, I will always be thankful.

Thank you for being my soulmate Haechan.

Let's meet each other on the other side of the stars, maybe there is another chance waiting for us there."

The letter falls out of his hand. And everything starts to make sense.

The way you would call him your sun, the conversation you had that day, the flowers, your expression when he started talking about her, and why you seemed so off.

Everything became so clear now.

He starts to sob uncontrollably while he falls onto his knees. His lungs begin to burn and he starts coughing.

That's when he sees brightly yellow coloured petals all around him.