authentically

i think about the shape of her, the swell of her ribs when she takes a deep breath, the curve of her spine when she’s watching her favorite show. how sometimes in the dark of our room when we’re watching movies i see her turn, just a little, to see if i’m enjoying what’s going on. she asked me once why i was so in love. she said “i feel small”. but it’s the small things that do me in. how she hums in the shower. the way she tests her balance in new heels. the fact just being around her makes everything seem beautiful, surreal.

There’s no victory in being the Cold one and I’m trying to teach myself that

no one wants to hear it but love is earned after the initial infatuation. commitment is something u both mutually agree to and then from there it’s work. it’s not work like it’s a chore it’s jus work like it takes effort. to get good at these things takes practice. it takes practice to learn to communicate better and it takes practice to learn to love each other in the ways u need to be loved.

note to self: you are an intelligent woman. forgive yourself for all the times you were stupid and naive. you are a woman of heart. forgive yourself for the times you were soft when you should have been hard.

No offense but literally nothing and no one is and will ever be out of your league. Nothing is too good for you. Nobody has the right to make you feel like you are not enough or less than you are, you deserve the world.

a concept: my children eat sliced fruit messily, sticky fingers, giggling mouths, and bright eyes. their foreheads and cheeks so soft, warm and loved. the aura of life, innocence and happiness blankets us like the soft breeze, I breathe and I am at peace.

im still pissed off that birds get to spend their days flying about and cats get to sleep for 16 hours a day and im stuck dealing with capitalism and expectations

I find comfort in knowing that people who I’ve cut out of my life are left with this version of me that simply doesn’t exist anymore. The memory and image of me that they have isnt who I am, and I’m happy that it’s that way. I’ve changed and grown and they wont ever get the chance to know the better version of myself that I’ve become during their absence.