Adventures Await

How to activate executive dysfunction in twenty easy steps:

-be in college

 -drive to cafe to do homework, stay for a while

 -i can’t park at the university b/c parking passes are like 300 dollars, so i leave my car where it is and walk to a building on campus for a meeting. this is important.  normally I walk to and from campus

 -heyimoncampus.jpeg

 -it’s been 2 hours so by now the car has ceased to exist until I need it again

 -walk home 

-life as usual for a few days, I don’t need my car during the week so i don’t notice it’s not where it’s supposed to be

-Saturday. I pack up to drive to see my folks. Got all my stuff in a backpack and i’m ready to go 

-go to parking spot 

- Dude Where’s My Car (2000) 

 -holyfucksomebodystoleitwhostolemycar– waitasecond

-long term memory… loading. loading.

 -oh shit it’s 2 miles away I left it at the cafe on Thursday 

- “who stole my car” me. i did. i stole my own car. from myself

-basically jog back across campus to get there as fast as possible because it’s not like i left it in a rando parking lot for two days already and the 5 minutes i save by exhausting myself will totally make a difference

-holy shit i hope it’s still there

-it is. the god of forgetful assholes was smiling down on me because i don’t even have a parking ticket even though i’m right under a “no overnight parking” sign

- this car had a 50/50 shot of actually turning over on any given day because it guzzled through batteries like some people guzzle la croix so by now i’m freaking out b/c i have no idea what to do if it doesn’t start

-god of faulty car batteries is smiling too

-i am halfway to driving to my parents when i realize i forgot my backpack at home

-somehow it takes five years before anyone suspects i have adhd

This white woman’s shocking account of police brutality reveals the importance of the #BlackLivesMatter movement

don’t compliment people’s unintended weight-loss

you do not know what happened. you immediately assuming weight-loss is both good and desirable is a result of living in a fatphobic society and ableism. unintentional weightloss is a symptom, and you should not in any way be complimenting people being obviously symptomatic ffs. unintentional weight-loss can mean i didn’t fucking have enough to eat this month. it can be one of the symptoms of a mental illness. it can be one of the shittier side-effects from one of the even shittier medicines i’m being forcefed. hell, it can be completely something i was (happily!) not really aware of, or thinking was not obvious to others, and then there you were, complimenting me for taking less space up in this world. like i’m not small enough already. like being as inoffensively unobtrusive as possible is sthg i should aspire to.

do NOT compliment people’s unintended weight-loss, ever.