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@rosemar1egarten
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Woke up this morning early before my family From this dream where she was trying to show me How a life can move from the darkness She said to get better
So I put a bullet where I shoulda put a helmet And I crash my car âcause I wanna get carried away Thatâs why Iâm standing on the overpass screaming at myself:
"Hey, I wanna get better!" I didn't know I was lonely 'til I saw your face I wanna get better, better, better, better, I wanna get better I didn't know I was broken 'til I wanted to change I wanna get better, better, better, better, I wanna get better
I didnât fall in love with you. I walked into love with you, with my eyes wide open, choosing to take every step along the way. I do believe in fate and destiny, but I also believe we are only fated to do the things that weâd choose anyway. And Iâd choose you; in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, Iâd find you and Iâd choose you.
(via spuandi)
Donât set yourself on fire to keep others warm.
a friend told me this today and honestly it might be my new motto for 2015Â (via msh30)
December 24th and weâre through again. This time for good I know because I didnât throw you out â and anyway we waved. No shoes. No angry doors. We folded clothes and went our separate ways. You left behind that flannel shirt of yours I liked but remembered to take your toothbrush. Where are you tonight? Richard, itâs Christmas Eve again and old ghosts come back home. Iâm sitting by the Christmas tree wondering where did we go wrong. Okay, we didnât work, and all memories to tell you the truth arenât good. But sometimes there were good times. Love was good. I loved your crooked sleep beside me and never dreamed afraid. There should be stars for great wars like ours. There ought to be awards and plenty of champagne for the survivors. After all the years of degradations, the several holidays of failure, there should be something to commemorate the pain. Someday weâll forget that great Brazil disaster. Till then, Richard, I wish you well. I wish you love affairs and plenty of hot water, and women kinder than I treated you. I forget the reason, but I loved you once, remember? Maybe in this season, drunk and sentimental, Iâm willing to admit a part of me, crazed and kamikaze, ripe for anarchy, loves still.
One Last Poem For Richard, Sandra Cisneros (via spacegirltina)
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âŚFor a while I thought I was the dragon. I guess I can tell you that now. And, for a while, I thought I was the princess, cotton candy pink, sitting there in my room, in the tower of the castle, young and beautiful and in love and waiting for you with confidence but the princess looks into her mirror and only sees the princess, while Iâm out here, slogging through the mud, breathing fire, and getting stabbed to death. Okay, so Iâm the dragon. Big deal. You still get to be the heroâŚ
Litany in Which Certain Things Are Crossed Out- Richard Siken (via goingtofall)
CanciĂłn del DĂa Robyn // Dancing On My Own (Acoustic Live Lounge)
Party Girls Don't Get Hurt | Open
If Rose was honest with herself--a state in which she hardly lived anymore as the truth wasn't something she could handle--she would tell herself to go home and sleep. Nothing good happened after 2am anywhere in the world, let alone Oxford, Mississippi. Yet, here Rose Marie Garten was, in the middle of the dance floor of whatever bar she'd stumbled into this time, trying to chase the world away with cheap liqour and pretty faces that of course only coincidentally looked like a certain other dark-haired Garten. They all blurred together really after the first three... four.... (okay, six) drinks at the three or four different bars she'd wandered through so far tonight. All because she'd thought she'd seen a glimpse of him in the face of someone in the crowds.
But luckily for Rose, the image of Sage was quickly chased from her brain by someone shoving another shot in her hand and shouting something unintelligible over the loud music. His face was blurry, but his smile was wide and Rose knew that look in his eyes. She'd seen in before in the faces of half the men she'd spent the last month with. Rose quickly tossed back the shot, letting out a whoop and shaking out her red-blonde hair (her roots and half her hair still retained their red hue thanks to a botched home-dye job she'd done in her bathtub while drunk a few weeks ago) before letting him grab her hand and drag her close through the crowd towards who-knew-where. Not that Rose really found herself caring.
This was who she was now.
Ever since Sage had shut her out, this had been her double-life. During the day, she'd play the dutiful fiancee to the best of her ability: planning her and Pax's wedding, forcing herself to go to Comic Relief, try and smile her way through it all. Perhaps trying even harder to hide the flask in her purse that had become a crutch to help her make it through the days. Or the small Altoids tin that held something much different behind it's minty aroma.
That girl came out in full force in the middle of the night. The party girl who would slip from the warmth of her fiance's arms and the bed they shared, running off into the hazy blur of the nightlife, knowing far too well it was the only thing that could chase her waking nightmare away.
After all, party girls didn't get hurt, Rose knew. They lived high and stayed high, above all the pain and agony of people who left you behind. Perhaps it was lonely, but at least it was a loneliness she could control and instead fill with faceless, heartless bodies who she could shape into him in her mind.Â
Because having Sage back, if even just for a moment, if even only as a lie she told herself, was the only thing keeping Rose alive right now.
"...Rose?"
A voice that sounded vaguely familiar cut through the haze of booze and Vicodin that Rose had dived into full-force, causing the girl to pause and let go of her new boy-toy's hand and turn towards the source.
"What do you want??" She slurred ever so slightly, squinting up at the person in front of her, rubbing a hand across her face, makeup smearing. "I'm in the middle of something here, can't you see that?"
Thereâs something about the way she cuddles into me at any given time that sets my body on fire. Thereâs something about the way she calls me at 5am just to hear my voice and tell me that she loves me before falling asleep on the phone with me. Thereâs something about the way she brings me back home when Iâm lost in the dark corners of my mind. Thereâs something about the way she kisses me and everything else seems to fade away and in that moment I know that those lips of hers are the only ones I want to kiss. Thereâs something about the way she cares so goddamn much about everything that makes me want to protect that massive heart of hers forever. Thereâs just something about herâ
I know, I just know that she is the one for me (via stay-weird-af)
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She'll make you take your clothes off and go dancing in the rain. She'll make you live her crazy life but she'll take away your pain Like a bullet to your brain. Come On!Â
Upside, inside out She's livin' la vida loca She'll push and pull you down, Livin' la vida loca Her lips are devil red and her skin's the color mocha She will wear you out Livin' la vida loca (Come on!)  Livin' la vida loca (Come on!) She's livin' la vida loca.Â
Cause dyinâ ainât so bad Not if you both go together Only when oneâs left behind Does it get sad But a short and lovinâ life That ainât so bad
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Time and Sage | Allyson & Rose
"Spit it out." Allyson sank into the booth opposite her friend, purse first, and instantly leaned forward against the table. "Whoâs the hottest waiter here? How does Oxfordâs official ab-ranker rank these abs?" If she were being honest, this wasnât the question sheâd been going for, but it seemed less confrontational than demanding to know what was up. Allyson wanted to help, not to pry, and if Rose needed her to know, Rose would tell herâŚwith a little encouragement. Which was precisely what Allyson hoped to provide in dragging her off yo this restaurant. âSpeaking ofâŚIâve noticed you havenât been sleeping at the shop quite as much. Nice work!â Maybe flopping in her not-boyfriendâs bed wasnât the best optionâŚbut it was a better one. At least he had a mattress at his place and fed her something that wasnât ramen. All to the good in Allysonâs book. Still, she wanted to keep the air light and the conversation flowing. She wanted Rose to know she could tell Allyson anything. âGot any pro tips for your best friend?â
Rose looked up from where she'd been staring out of the window of the diner when Allyson plopped down across from her. Wouldn't admit it out loud, but it was the first place that popped into Rose's mind when Allyson suggested dinner--mostly because it was just down the road from Sage's townhouse and part of Rose hoped she'd catch a glimpse of him going about his day.
It was pathetic. She was pathetic. All of this was her own goddamn fault and here she was sitting and sighing over Sage like it would fix a fucking thing...
The girl took a quiet breath, trying to slow her racing heart and panicking brain, not wanting to start breaking down in public (again), and especially not in front of Allyson who knew nothing about the whole situation.
"Oh, uh... Marcus is the cutest one who's working today. He's about a, uh... six point seven, I think, on the chart. A bit above Finn Sanders, a little below Colin Lawson." Rose said absently, rubbing what little of her hangover remained out of her eyes. "Jake is the hottest one at the diner in general at an eight, but he only works the red-eye shifts and I think he's maybe twenty years old, so a bit out of my dating pool." She laughed a little bit, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. At least she had gotten herself off the ledge for a moment. Small victories.
"Yeah, I know, shocker right?" Rose continued as Allyson breezed on. It was refreshing actually to be around someone Rose had yet to destroy. Perhaps only a matter of time, but there was still hope that she could salvage at least one relationship. "Then again, I think Pax would be confused and disappointed if I slept at the store, anyway, since we're engaged and everything now. Wouldn't make sense. Plus he has ridiculously soft sheets. It's like sleeping on a goddamn cloud, I'm telling you." With a shrug of her shoulders, Rose took a sip of her coke, the tell-tale bite of the whiskey she'd dumped in when no-one was looking burning the back of her throat.
"And you're asking me for pro tips? Hah. I'm the last person you should ask for advice, Ally. I may have a chart of all the hot guys in town, but that doesn't mean I know what to do with them." Or that I can even keep the ones worth having... Rose winced a little at the thought and turned her gaze back out the window for a moment, sure she had seen a tell-tale glimpse of black hair. But no, there wasn't a soul out on the streets. "Why?  You got some hottie I need to check out?" She asked absently, still squinting out the window.
People think they know you. They think they know how youâre handling a situation. But the truth is no one knows. No one knows what happens after you leave them, when youâre lying in bed or sitting over your breakfast alone and all you want to do is cry or scream. They donât know whatâs going on inside your headâthe mind-numbing cocktail of anger and sadness and guilt. This isnât their fault. They just donât know. And so they pretend and they say youâre doing great when youâre really not. And this makes everyone feel better. Everybody but you.â
William H. Woodwell Jr. (via gurllotine)
