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Valentine's Day

So I came to a realization on Valentine's Day. I mean why the fuck I hate it. I just hate it so much because I care about it so much. And why the fuck do I care? Cause it's my parent's anniversary. Could have chose any day right? Buuuut no.

I grew up thinking they're like any other parents, well they are. They're as broken as any other marriage but you wouldn't understand that as a child right.

This day, well this specific day of the year is the wrong in all what could be right. It's cheesy and cliche for others but as mush as I want to be disassociated with it, I can't.

My mom has a list of things my dad didn't do, like flowers and gifts and appreciating and caring and surprises and plans and dinners and dates. It might sound petty as fuck but I want someone who would care enough at least to do the things that are cheesy and cliche at least at this one day of the year.

#childhoodtrauma

Blackhole

People say I’m strong, unbroken

I say I’m weak

They never consider the trauma I’ve been through

I’d died going through that shit

And like the multitude of bright stars that died

I am now a blackhole

My Fears

I’ve got fears like anyone would. Like you would, like they would, like any effing one would. But that doesn’t mean it’s an excuse to be afraid. That doesn’t mean that just because they are afraid, it’s okay to keep the fear. But how do you face your own demons if they can kill you every time you face them toe to toe?

What If #6

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"I wish I could be better for you..."

- Too overrated

own-satisfied-deactivated

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Don't Blame Me (a victim blame)

Don't blame me if I'm the childish one in the group If I can't be too serious at work Because I'm too young for it I'm too young for anything Don't blame me if I'm looking for a childhood I never had I didn't want to miss it in the first place I didn't want to grow up so fast I didn't want to wake up one day and force myself to be strong To smile even if I wasn't happy Don't blame if I didn't play outside even if I wanted to Because I tried so hard, I tried Don't blame me if I try to run If running is the only thing I can do Don't blame me Don't blame me if I sit in the corner and cry when the going gets tough When the stress gets to me uncontrollably Don't blame me if I just don't show up Because it's not easy, it never was So don't blame me Don't blame me if I didn't fight If I didn't scream If I just froze right there Don't blame me for being weak For being stupid For letting it slide again and again and again For letting it take away any childhood I had Don't blame me for not stopping their hands as they undress me For not stopping them spreading my legs For not pushing their hands away from my body For just shutting my eyes when it started to hurt Don't blame me if I just cried in the moment If I just pretended to sleep it off afterwards For not letting them feel the pain they inflicted Don't blame me for letting them ruin my entire life For letting in fuckboy after fuckboy because that's the only thing that existed at that time Don't blame me for every shitty fucked up thing I have been blaming myself all my life Yes I did nothing Did you? Did you do anything? To help me or anyone like me? Did any of you told us it was going to be okay? Why blame me? Because I wasn't up to your standards? I'm not a Filipina woman who fights? Well let me tell you the things that you will not blame me I know you will not blame me for fighting That after twelve long years I stood up For sitting in that police station that night Telling the story I worked hard to forget but can't For reliving the horror over and over You won't blame from moving away from them You won't blame me for appearing in court every week Every excrutiating week No! You will not blame me for that You'll say finally she started being smart Not a compliment. No! Why? Because of the things you can't blame me My family broke My father fought against all his siblings for this law suit We lost a home We moved from house after house I failed in class I repeated subjects I took summer classes I lost the case It got dismissed I file for reconsideration and it's been three years Yes three years Three years since my brother died Since he committed suicide Why? Because he lost everything He lost hope My family BROKE No you can't blame me for that or would you? Because the truth is I blame myself everyday I blame myself because I did the things you won't blame me for Because my silence made a balance My suffering was peace You know how hard it is to fight? Do you know how hard it is to not? To sit there, close your eyes and hold your breath? That when you sleep you pray hard enough not to wake up the next day? Oh and yes we still know how to pray, we believe in God But no matter how much we believe No matter how much we try You can't blame us Don't blame me for having suicide as an option

heckyeahstevetrevor

A comic book reading guide to Steve Trevor

With the excellent Wonder Woman movie out in theaters, Diana is garnering a lot of new fans. And so is Steve Trevor…whatttt! This blog is getting a lot of new followers and many of you have asked where you can read more about Wonder Woman’s boyfriend. This post is meant for those of you who saw the movie but are new to comics (or specifically to Wonder Woman comics).

I’m going to break it down into eras and recommend some super shippy issues for each one.

Golden Age (1941-1957)

Wonder Woman’s creator, William Moulton Marston, believes that in order for men to be truly happy, they must lovingly submit to a strong, good woman’s authority. His idealized woman is Princess Diana, and the stand-in for the happy man: Steve Trevor.

Steve Trevor is a brave American Army captain who crash-lands onto Paradise Island. Diana rescues him and they’re both taken with each other pretty much immediately.

Princess Diana disguises herself as Diana Prince, Army Nurse, but hides her secret identity from Steve Trevor. There’s a love triangle between Diana Prince/Steve Trevor/Wonder Woman, which is often hilarious.

This era is marked by Wonder Woman, Steve Trevor, and their good friend Etta Candy (a sorority girl with a penchant for eating chocolate and punching Nazis) going on some really weird but amazing adventures.

Steve flirts/proposes to Diana near the end of almost every issue, but Diana says that she can’t marry him until “injustice and evil vanish from the earth.” Her affection for him is made very clear though.

What you should read: This is the era of Marston and HG Peter, the original and the *best* Wonder Woman creative team of all time! Pick up Wonder Woman: The Golden Age Omnibus Vol. 1 if you can’t track down the following individual issues.

Wonder Woman v1 #1-27

Sensation Comics v1 #1-77

Comic Cavalcade #1-18

Silver Age (1957-1968)

There are many people who *can’t stand* Steve Trevor, and that attitude largely comes from the comic books of this era. Can’t say I blame them: comics were reeling from criticism that they were too sexual, too violent, too subversive for children. So the new WW writer, Robert Kanigher, replaced Marston’s revolutionary theme of female superiority and replaced it with the traditional gender roles of the 1950s. Yup, womp womp.

In this era, Steve Trevor proposes to Wonder Woman a lot. This time though, he expects Wonder Woman to give up superheroing if she marries him – because married women don’t work. Thankfully, she keeps saying no because evil and injustice still exist in the world.

In 1968, Kanigher is finally replaced by Denny O’Neil, who decides to give Wonder Woman a complete overhaul: He kills off Steve Trevor and takes away Wonder Woman’s super powers. Womp womp #2.

What you should read: There are some cute WonderTrev moments in this era, but If you’re just starting out with Wonder Woman comics, you can skip the Silver Age.

Bronze Age (1968-1985)

Steve Trevor is dead! Wonder Woman has no powers! Then along comes Gloria Steinem (a Golden Age WW fan) who pressures DC editorial and Diana’s powers are restored. A handful of issues later (#223), Steve Trevor is brought back to life by Aphrodite, goddess of love.

Steve Trevor, round one: Diana and Steve live together! Because Steve Trevor is officially dead, this resurrected Steve dies his hair brown and goes by the name Steve Howard. The new WW writer is tired of Steve Howard/Trevor and kills him off again in #248.

Steve Trevor, round two: New WW writer Gerry Conway wanted to bring back Steve Trevor, so in #270, Aphrodite removes all memories of Steve Trevor from Diana’s/the world’s mind and a Steve Trevor from an alternate universe crash-lands onto Themyscira. Steve is new but his chemistry with Diana is timeless <3

What you should read: From #270 all the way to #329 we have some of the most romantic WonderTrev moments of all time. Read them all if you can! Steve is now a kickass Air Force colonel who is gentle, kind, sweet, and supportive. Diana literally calls him “a soft-headed teddy bear.” At the very end of the series, Steve gets his wish and finally marries his angel.

Adventure Comics #460

Wonder Woman v1 #288-290

Wonder Woman v1 #300 (*the* issue to pick up)

Wonder Woman v1 #311

Wonder Woman v1 #328-329

The Legend of Wonder Woman v1 #1-4 (my favorite WW story ever!)

Post-Crisis (1986-2011)

George Perez takes over Wonder Woman. He thinks that having a love interest makes Wonder Woman weak and so decides to age up Steve Trevor into a much older man to take him out of the running as a love interest completely. He also marries off old!Steve to an older Etta Candy. Later, he and John Byrne decide that Wonder Woman should have a “virginal” crush on Superman. Ugh.

What you should read: There are some great Wonder Woman stories from this era, but there was no WonderTrev for 30 years. You’re off the hook.

New52/Rebirth (2011- )

DC reset their entire Universe to “simplify” things. One of the more random decisions they made was to bring back a young Steve Trevor and make him Diana’s love interest. In the New 52, Steve Trevor is an Air Force Colonel who works as a government liaison to the Justice League. Also, for the first time ever, he has some adventures on his own.

DC also decided to go for a Twilight-inspired romance for Wonder Woman (…) and so had her dating Superman while Steve pined after her. This is a horrible, horrible decision which was reversed when DC did another soft reboot, called Rebirth.

Currently (in Rebirth) Wonder Woman and Steve Trevor are back together under the wise, affectionate pen of Greg Rucka, but he will be retiring from the title after issue #25. We’ll see what happens next!

What you should read: Start here! Start here!

Justice League Vol. 1: Origins

Forever Evil: ARGUS #1-6

Wonder Woman Vol. 2: Year One

Wonder Woman Vol 1: The Lies

Wonder Woman v5 #13

Then pick up the current issues!

Digital First Comics

These are comic series released online that are self-contained. What happens in them doesn’t affect the main comics.

What you should read:

Smallville: Olympus

The Legend of Wonder Woman

DC Comics Bombshells

Now go forth and indulge your ship! Aphrodite be with you!

blueincandescence

You’re so good to us!

cdaae

a unicorn, pastel goth stuff, glitter and Jessie paege

requested by @gigi19876

requests are still open!

•18+ Adults Only

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Anya is LIVE right now

FREE

Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming

anthonybrxdgerton

They do not deserve you…

What If #2

What if I made you happy? Happy enough to never doubt yourself. What if I didn’t? What then?

Same Love Twice

“There are all kinds of love in this world but never the same love twice”

Then I must assume that my love will never be the same as yours, and your love for her will never be the same as your love for me. It took me quite some time to fully realize it. First I thought it was just love between two people then it hit me, it’s actually love in general. That means, no matter how much I love you you will never love me the same way. With that fact, I became, depressed even. To think that I’m willing to give everything, heart and soul, the way I want to be loved. The way I love you. That maybe everything they say is true, you are no good for me. I should find someone else, that I deserve better but my heart only calls for you. I don’t know until when it will call you, my surpasses my expectations all the time. Brand new limits, brand new feelings, emotions, actions, I always surpass me. This surprises me.

But then I rethink. Maybe I’m at fault in this situation too. Because I never demand the things I want, because I let while I expect you’d do the things I do to you. Little surprises like flowers or chocolates, simple trips to palaces I have never been but every place is a new place when I’m with you. Even just a little visit when I’m at work or when I’m not feeling well, because I know I’ll be better when I see your face. I imagine situations but they never happen. Maybe because I never asked you to do these things and knowing myself I’ll just keep expecting you’d think of it on your own. You see I’m a little old-fashioned, I like to be pampered even if I say I can do it for myself. I pretend a lot, because I have to be strong for myself. No one will be strong for me. Not a single soul.

And I know that if and when you read this you’d ask me why. Why I never told you. Let me answer now because I know I will never have the strength to tell it to you personally. I want a better life, one I can surely love forever and if I force you with these things and if you don’t think of it on your own, time will come that you’d get tired of it all, of me most. And you’ll decide to look for someone who doesn’t ask so much. who doesn’t need so much. I don’t want to create someone else in you because I know I’ll be the one miserable in the end when all my fantasies disappear, when you get tired. So I’ll understand and wait until I can’t. But I hope to God that even before that time comes you have surpassed my love because I know you can never match it. But I assure you I will love you until the very end, until my heart can’t.

Happy New Year Love

Love,

Have I told you I love you today? Of course not for the day has just begun. I would love to do it every day, to say I love I mean. To say thank you for everything, for putting a smile on a face that only used to watch others smile, for teaching a heart that there is more to love even if loving is the hardest choice one can make, for showing me that patience is not that hard to give, and for telling me that forgiveness is not just for others but also for myself. So thank you for all of that and more because this is not the end but a beautiful beginning.

And I know we have a long way to go, struggles are already with us, problems, misunderstandings, mistakes that we must right and never repeat. Love is such a burden but it is also said in love that pain is not foreign and we have the power to choose who is worth hurting for. Love is always a tough decision to make, there will always be risks, fears, consequences. Our actions will not be just our own, truly, love is such a responsibility. And now I understand why others choose not to love for love is only for the strong ones. Those who have patience, understanding, perseverance, courage, kindness, those who are fair, who endures, and forgives unconditionally. Some of which I never had but I am always willing to learn.

I have changed greatly with your love. I have learned to be patient with mistakes, to give chances, to not easily give up. I have learned to control my anger, I no longer build walls between me and a person when I am in struggle of my own emotions. I have learned to smile for no reason, to believe that everything will be alright. To trust blindly even if it's the hardest thing. To have faith in the times when it was wavering. And what have I given you, my memory presents nothing. I have given you not a thing, maybe moments, a few words that could light up your heart but to me it seems like it is nothing compared to what you have given. Thus I want to give more. I want to give all my love to you.

This new year if you have a chance to look up the stars know that I am looking up as well telling the world silently that this year and all those to come are years to never giving up, to overcoming obstacles, to fulfilling dreams, to proving everyone wrong. To love, to us, because truly this is the beginning of us against the world and if you choose the same choice I'm making right now then I would be happy to face every single thing by your side.

Love lasts not in forever but in eternity, in that moment of a lifetime where we can say we are truly and dearly, undoubtedly happy.

I love You, Arom Dale Garcia Ardeña, to the moon and back. I love you no matter what they say for my heart sees something more than the eyes have sight of. I love you.

Lovingly yours, Jan

It doesn't matter...it will never matter as long as we have each other.

•18+ Adults Only

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To Someone

Anyone, I don't care, just tell that someone out there exists. Someone who can help me be the person I've created in my head. That one person who won't say sorry when I accidentally blurted my whole childhood on our first date. One who won't hug me because they feel pitiful because that's not what I need, what I need is someone who'll look at me in the eye and tell me "I believe, I believe in you". Someone who I can tell every small detail of every single day and not sound annoying to them. They'll laugh when I burn food or pass a turn in the road, and not tell me how stupid I am for making such stupid mistakes. That person who'd lay down with me in bed, hold my hand and tell me endless stories. I can be naked and that person won't even feel the slightest urge to have sex. And when I have a breakdown, that person would look at me in the eye and say everything will be alright and it would be real, it would be something I could believe in. I just, I just want someone who won't make me feel lonely, unwanted, worthless, useless, empty, an object. I want someone, I need someone not something.

A story by me through song

Just Give Me A Reason (Reprise) Right from the start You were a thief You stole my heart And I your willing victim I let you see the parts of me That weren't all that pretty And with every touch you fix them Now I've been thinking in so deep, oh oh Things you never hear from me, oh no Tell you that I've had enough Of our love, our love Just give me a reason Just a little bit's enough Just a second we're not broken just bent And we can learn to love again It's in the stars It's been written in the scars on our hearts We're not broken just bent And you start saying this in vain I'm sorry I don't understand Where all of this is coming from I thought that we were fine (Oh, we lost everything) Your head is running wild again My dear we still have everythin' And it's all in your mind (Yes, but this is happenin') You and I had all these dreams, oh , yes I used to lie so close to you, oh no There's nothing more than empty sheets Between our love, our love No more love, our love Just give me a reason Yours is a little bit enough Just a second, now I'm broken you're bent And we can't learn to love again You never stopped You're still putting in the scars on my heart You're not broken just bent And I can't learn to love again Oh, these tears will stop Can't fix it for us We're collecting dust And no love's enough No holding it in You're pouring a drink No nothing will be just the same We'll come clean Just give me a reason Just a little bit's enough Just a second, they're not broken just bent And they can learn to love again I'm here to stay Just to spare them from the scars in our hearts They maybe whole and not bent And they can learn to love again Just give them a reason Just for them, it's all enough Just a second I will try to pretend That we can learn to love again It's in their hearts They've been crying 'bout the scars in our hearts They maybe broken not bent And never learn to love again Oh, how can they love again Oh no, it's hard to love again No, no, we turned out broken not bent And all can't learn to love again

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