root with an axe

They occurred way too often that you know almost to certainty how this was going to end and that thought alone, the end, had made you freeze for longer than you’d care to admit. And yet, here you were now, forcing your feet to take you to the common room you were sure to find packed with strangers.

You stop in front of the heavy doors, the last barrier between you and your dreadful evening.

You heave a sigh that you immediately follow by a push on the doors.

The music and the chatter immediately fill your ears. It could be overwhelming if you weren’t so used to it by now.

You know exactly what to do:

Find your way to the bar.

Ignore her at all costs.

Drown yourself as much as you could to numb yourself.

Ignore. Her. At. All. Costs.

With that plan, you set off in the direction of the luxurious bar that adorns the back of the room. You nod to a couple of people you recognize but never show any signs of stopping for small talks. You’d feel too vulnerable standing in the center of the room.

“A shot of tequila, please.”

The burn feels too harsh, but you welcome it before turning around to face the room.

You make direct eye contact.

So much for ignoring her.

Wanda smiles softly at you from across the room before diverting her attention back to the man she is talking to. By the way his shoulders minutely sag, and the apologetic smile that paints her lips, you know she just excused herself.

You can’t get her out of your gaze.

With one last nod to the man, her eyes find yours again with pinpoint accuracy and a shiver runs up your spine. You really can’t look away but as she makes her way to you, nervousness ticks at your mind and your legs almost give out.

She leans against the bar, right next to you. “Hi, Y/N. Miss me?”

It’s too casual, it’s way too casual and it makes your brain short-circuit.

“Hey, hi… I… uhm, I –” You cut yourself off and look around the room trying to find any excuse you could use right now. However, her soft chuckle brings you back to her almost painfully fast.

Her gaze softens and she smiles up at you. She waits for you, you can see the patience she has, not pressuring you into being composed. You feel seen and found.

“I did. You look stunning, by the way. Red really is your color.”

She nods shily at you.

“So do you, Y/N,” she says it with such earnest that your heart misses a few beats, and you can’t help but to turn your eyes to the calm woman next to you. 

You feel on top of the world.

“It’s a shame we’re not matching, though,” she adds quietly. She casts a longing look across the room, eyes never sitting on one thing for longer than a second and you can tell it’s because she doesn’t want you to see the emotions in them.

And just like that, you feel at rock bottom.

You lean forward so your face is close to the space above her shoulder, but you don’t dare getting closer even when you notice that Wanda has yet to move away.

“I wish you could end up in my arms tonight, Wands.” Your hushed whisper sends goosebumps on the delicate skin of her neck, and you delight in the way her eyes flutter closed. “You may not be perfect for me, but you’ve caught my heart.”

“Y/N…” Her tone is a mix of a plea and a warning, and her voice does nothing to make you want to stop.

“You’ve had me right from the start and I’d do anything for you just like I used to do.”

A small sigh escapes her lips as she finally puts some distance between the two of you but only to fully face you. She leans her elbow on the smooth glass surface of the bar and her head gently lands in the palm of her hand.

She stares at you with an expression you can’t read.

“What would you do? I mean, what have you imagined with me?” 

The questions surprise you a bit. Your answers still come quickly, though. You never have to think long when it comes to Wanda, you just have to let yourself feel. The rest comes naturally.

“I can’t help but dream of building a fort out of pillows while we look at the stars. I’d put on soft music and we’d dance in the dark.” You shrug like it’s the most normal thing in the world, and to you, it is.

The silence stretches a bit too uncomfortably between the both of you, but you wait, her expression tells you that you sent her far into her mind. You can only hope it’s to picture you two swaying close together in the most peaceful night, away from all of this.

Finally…

She shakes her head.

It’s minute and who knew such a delicate head movement could have such a hurtful impact on your heart.

“Am I insane for thinking to different unreachable times?” Your voice breaks, following your heart on the long list of dead things left in the wake of your feelings for Wanda.

“You’re not. You’re not insane, Y/N. You can’t imagine how easily I picture these things, too.”

It’s your turn to lose yourself in your head as tiredness envelops your body. You can’t think straight. You’ll make a mistake. You’ll ask her, and it will be a mistake. You just know it.

“Go home with me? Let’s go where we’re safe and sound?”

You don’t feel good or thoughtful at pleading. You could blame it on the late night or the tequila, but you know it’s neither. You feel her and only her and you’re falling without a warning. Faster than if it’d been four in the morning or a drunken haze. It’s neither, it’s only her.

“Am I insane?” you ask again but don’t let her answer, “Because I swear, we’ve done this before and I promised I’d choose differently, but…” You trail off searching her eyes.

You scour every corner of her face, take in every twitch and squint.

You relive your pain through every corner, twitch, and squint.

Arms encircle her waist making the corner of her lips twitch up and her eyes squint.

You look into her lovely eyes, they’re green colored, cloudy like the sky.

You think you might die. Through tired eyes, you hear her laugh, and it makes you baffled.

You’re hers.

You don’t mind.

The arms around her waist squeeze once and it brings your attention to Natasha whispering sweet nothing in her girlfriend’s ear making Wanda blush.

Her suit is the same shade of red as Wanda’s dress.

They look perfect together.

“Am I insane?” You think.

Wanda shakes her head at you almost imperceptibly.

She throws one last look at you with sad eyes as she follows Natasha back to their room.

You’re hers.