maxim

burgers and pizzas

first,

i was not okay

i did not eat

i do not have the urge

nor the power to

i sat the whole day

in a dark room and world

i laid down like a corpse

hopeless, decaying

i could not shout

my mind is forcing me not to

i tried battling

but it was an unfair battle

in the midst of that unwanted chaos

you were there

giving me burger

my first meal

feels like it lasted forever

second,

i was not just not okay

i was

hurting

i starved that day

what is new?

the starving, no.

the feeling, the pain, yes.

im an alien in this

a stranger, crying

alone and depressed

i forced myself to go to school

that was against my will

or my body's

but what could i do

i went empty handed

physically,

emotionally,

mentally,

i was empty

and then you greeted me

hugged me

and then you were there, beside me

when i am eating a piece of pizza,

my first meal, what a joy i feel

i do not know when will be~

the third or fourth

but one thing is for sure

i know that you will be there

beside me

THE TRAFFIC LIGHTS WITHIN ME

When the Lord pushed me into this world without hesitation, I was named Ronnie- the youngest in the family. 

Well, you must be eager to know what my favorites are or who is my crush - then I am sorry I won’t tell you any.

But, what I want to tell you is the side of me that vibrates when I am with other people- and maybe, one of them will be you! Here is my fascination about the traffic lights and how I see myself to them.

GREEN

Green- the common one. People see me as a risk-taker, and maybe that is why I took Psychology. I am that type of person who accepts all the challenges that I chose to enter. There may be times that I struggle, but like the green light represents- everything must be continuous. “Go,” says the voices in my head to try new things and develop new skills. Now, it has been three years since I am studying Psychology and the voices still say “Go!” I can now see myself as a Psychologist after 5 years.

RED

Then it was red. Sometimes, I become impulsive of my decisions- I guess they call it “happy-go-lucky.” But, I do not want to be called one because I am concerned about my future. So, if you see me in a corner deeply thinking about something- It is my inner persona telling me to “STOP” being hasty and carefully contemplate about it. Just like now, answering the question “Was BS Psychology the best choice after all?” To answer the question… Yes!. Of course, it took me a while to give an answer. It has been my desire to help other people and this course will be able to fulfil that. Discernment calls me to take this course and I responded by making an effort to carefully study each concept. But I am aware that it will not become a smooth journey. It is okay to stop and rest as long as you do not give up- since the green light will surely open again.

YELLOW

Of the three lights, this is my favorite one- the underrated yellow. It is a reminder for us to slow down. It is a reminder for us to slow down. Sometimes, what we need is a gentle reminder. A reminder that we are doing good is highly needed because it can boost our confidence and will lead us to becoming better. However, I believe that it is of better importance that we are reminded of the things we are dangerously doing. SPUP has been the yellow light for me. It does not only teach me the knowledge I need to become a professional, but it also reaches out the values to instill as human being. I entrusted the path that the university had given me. So, every time that I go to this school, I am being reminded of the responsibilities I need to do to become the person I envisioned.