Romancing Myself

It's one of those nights where I wish for someone to hang out with. I'm working on some things late at night, and everyone I want to hang out with is too busy to hang out. At times like these, it makes me reflect if I am lonely cause I just want people around me or am I lonely cause I can't stand being alone with myself? The silence seems so strangely loud and taunting even with the lack of noise. I try to use streams and videos to fill the void, but it's not the same without my friends' voices. At times like these, I write to myself to console and sooth this empty ache. This is a little list I make to just see if I'm feeling extra lonely or just a bored baby.

Is no one else with you at home?

Can you contact someone right now?

If there is, why are you not contacting them if you really are lonely?

What are you doing?

When is it due?

Are you feeling lazy or just feeling blue?

Answering these always helps me check my feelings, and right now, I'm realizing I'm not lonely. im just bored and too lazy to finish my work. Just a bit more get it done, then you can relax with no stress.

The yearning I feel is something normal, something always seen. The yearning I seek is to find others who would spare their time to love me. It's been years, yes, a full decade since I last sent myself a letter. A letter full of love, care, and romance. A little letter to make things better. Not a letter full of hurt, not a letter to make one weep. This is actually a love letter to myself, to the little one who is stuck too deep. Deep in pains that are full of sighs, full of longing, songs, and cries. This is for the little one who wonders every day, "When will I be able to say, I found love like those in movies, writings and in plays?" Worry not, even though worry always fills my head. That love you've been longing comes from not others but yourself instead. Buy yourself flowers and little gifts, write yourself letters containing fun and wit. Be your own lover until maybe one day someone will be able to love you the same way. But if that someone never comes, do not frett and do not wail. You are still your own lover, rain or shine. You are your own lover, with no doubt or fail. So treat yourself kindly and with respect, be the one lover you won't regret.