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Diaries of a Spaceport Janitor

@praystation9

@sundaemonth

- James Madison “accidentally” buys prostitutes for foreign ambassadors

- Jefferson eating a tomato like an apple at a dinner and everyone rushing off to find a doctor because Americans thought tomatoes were poisonous

- Washington and Lafayette falling asleep under a tree after Monmouth

- Washington cursing out Charles Lee after his retreat

- James Armistead Lafayette, who was a badass spy during the revolution and gave Lafayette vital information which led to the victory at Yorktown. Lafayette freed him and James was so grateful he took Lafayette’s last name

- Lafayette being given an alligator as a gift and, not knowing what to do with it, regifting it to John Quincy Adams

- the Constitutional Convention going out and getting turnt two days before the signing of the Constitution, and some of the additional charges being a broken chair, cups, and chamber pots

- John Hancock being smol

- Alexander Hamilton’s argument against hanging John Andrè basically being “he’s too pretty”

- Aaron Burr sleeping through Valentine’s Day

- Lafayette naming his ONLY son after George Washington

- Ben Franklin and John Adams once having to share a room with one bed and falling asleep arguing whether or not they should sleep with the window open or closed

- Ben Franklin taking “air baths” which consisted of him sitting naked in a bathtub for hours a day

- Aaron Burr having a knife hidden in the handle of his umbrella, and then LOSING said umbrella

- John Adams’ kid Charles once ran naked across Harvard Yard

- Alexander Hamilton losing his check book and having to write the bank of New York for a new one, while also requesting his account balance which he didn’t know, which he wrote in the check book, which he lost

- Aaron Burr hitting his head on the same pipe twice jfc he’s such a mess

- Thomas Jefferson getting a terrible headache for two days after behaving awkwardly in front of a girl

- John Adams naming his dog Satan

- Alexander Hamilton’s letters to his totally hetero bro™ John Laurens being censored by his descendants