I was raised Christian, never really sunk in to me till my later years as an adult,
At 14 I started physically abusing my sister.
I was baptized at 16, felt the strong conviction from premarital sex, thought I was saved right then and there but I was not.
When I moved out of country, I fell into a depression after a bad break up of abuse. I later fell in love with a woman, prayed for our relationship to work, it failed. Next woman, prayed. Failed. Last woman just had casual sex with. She ended up leaving me for her ex.
After that I started dating a married man, didn’t care that he was married, I just cared that he was different from anyone else I’d ever met. He was interesting, very confident.
During these times I was very disrespectful to my family, I never held a conversation longer than about 2 hours a day with them. Sometimes I avoided them the whole day. That went on for three years.
When I moved back to California, I prostituted myself online; I was a cam girl. I went out smoking weed with a friend and her roommates, I still had such a sour relationship with my family, yelling, screaming, telling them to “f*ck off” when they found out about my cam girl stuff..
I started stealing from stores, loved the adrenaline that came with it. Loved the feeling of getting away with stuff.
When we finally moved from Cali to Florida, I had a lot of thinking to do. Given no one wanted to drive with me because of how I acted in my family. I realized I hated myself, my life choices, I hated what I had become and I was willing to do anything to change.
That’s when I just broke down. I sobbed in the car crying out for Gods help. I was willing to do anything for my life to turn around. Even if it meant calling on someone I wasn’t certain existed.
So the only way I knew to ask for proof of him was to ask for discipline.
Well, we stopped at a hotel in Tuscan that night.. our stuff was stolen from our cars. My suitcase, our papers, our clothes. My weed. The only thing they didn’t take was my fathers gun.
At first I was angry. I felt pity for my mom walking around the neighborhood nearby as if our luggage would just appear on the street.
Then I came to the realization.. I go what I asked for. Discipline. God was giving me that wake up call that I needed.
I didn’t immediately devote myself to him there, still took me several months after I repented for me to finally start growing my faith.
In December, on Christmas, we went to the church service, my family was the fanciest dressed there, it was really funny how out of place we looked.
I informed my family that I want to start going to church, and they followed my lead, from there we went. Although they miss a couple days every now and then, I’ve only missed one day since starting to go in December.
Our pastor spoke to me strongly on Easter. The line which got me sobbing in church was, “there’s no sin too big for God to forgive”.
So that day I threw out my nipple piercings.
And then later on my masturbation.
I found that the more I went to church, the more my faith grew, the more I let go of sins, the more my family and I, our relationship finally is positive.
You can imagine how often I tried to fix my relationship with my family by my own actions; chores, being nice, etc.
But I always fell back on my attitude. We still always fought.
When I finally asked for Gods help, I’ve changed. I’ve completely changed.
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come
The old me has died. That person I was before; who committed adultery, who used to be proudly homosexual, who constantly fought with her parents, who was jealous, who was obsessed and worshipped The Weeknd. Who stole things, who abused her sister, She’s gone.
I can proudly say today that my relationship with my family is positive, my outlook on life is positive, I haven’t had a suicidal thought, or a thought of self hatred since being saved.
There is just one more thing I wanted to share..
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
“And to cleanse us of all unrighteousness”
It’s clear as day this is exactly what God has done in my life. It’s taken me a whole year and a half to get where I am in life today, it took me that long to grow my faith, but I can say that I no longer fear death, my confidence had grown, I get angry less, and when I do act out on my anger I apologize. I don’t hold grudges, I’m no longer petty.
God loves you so much, He wants to help you. He gave his only son, to save you. Sin is what separates us from God, and without God there is only death. But he wants you to have life. He wants you to trust him.
In order for this to happen there needs to be a sacrifice of sins though, a repentance and a devotion to God.
These are required to reach heavens gate, and it’s so worth it. God has blessed my life.. I’m so thankful for everything.
