Something something in sickness and in health.

“The study revealed that 21 percent of seriously ill women were divorced compared to only 3 percent of seriously ill men. When compared to a control group's divorce rate of merely 12 percent it is clear that serious disease causes husbands to divorce while actually increasing the likelihood that wives will stay.”

Men are 6x more likely to leave their sick spouses (if I did the math right) compared to women who leave their sick spouses.

I think it’s absolute horseshit that the point of marriage is “till death do us part” and men can’t even do that. Women are expected to be the caretaker ALL the time. The maid. They’re expected to cook, clean, take care of children, organize the house, be sexy, be a therapist, have sex, act as a placeholder mommy to their partner…on top of all that, sometimes they’re also expected to have a JOB.

I mean I can go on and on about the expectations women have when in a relationship. Relationships and marriage are no longer 50/50, I see women give more than men. Emotionally, physically, sometimes even financially.

So when these women no longer can do these things due to their illness, they’re treated as disposable. Their spouses start to despise them because the roles have to be reversed. Their spouse cannot take care of them, THEY have to take care of their spouse now.

Sometimes…these women end up getting abused. It’s something that should be research more. I tried to find more sources on statistics about women w terminal illnesses being abused but most of them were about cancer, which is still bad. 25% of patients with cancer face domestic violence

I guess most people have probably never heard of her.

Miss Major Griffin-Gracy, often referred to as Miss Major, is a trans woman activist and community leader for transgender rights, with a particular focus on women of color. She served as the original Executive Director for the Transgender Gender Variant Intersex Justice Project, that aims to assist transgender persons, who are disproportionately incarcerated under the prison-industrial complex. Griffin-Gracy has participated in activism for a wide range of causes throughout her lifetime.

I think people get very defensive about Marsha P. Johnson not being the one to start the riots and being a drag queen/transvestite, but there were trans women at Stonewall who are relatively unknown because people only know Marsha. In fact, most people don’t know about the Daughters of Bilitis or STAR other LGBT organizations/movements besides Stonewall.

I share a commonly male name with one of my cooks, so far all the new hires assume he’s head chef and never me

I think like half of the men I work with have gone out of their way to teach me how to cut stuff “correctly” (every time they’ve shown me, it is much more unsafe)

Whenever my cooks have questions about recipes, they go to each other for help and not me, person who wrote the recipes or instructions for prep stuff

We don’t have a dishwasher as a Very small restaurant, it’s just a sort of “wash what you make dirty” situation since it’s usually not too busy to keep that sort of thing up. Still have to keep reminding these guys to wash their own dishes and not just leave them for the invisible kitchen mommy

Male chefs have always been verbally abusive in my experience, but if you’re a female that’s in a sorta lead position, anything above line cook, these guys Will talk shit about you and have worse standards for how “rude” or “bitchy” you are as a boss

This is a good question! My suggestions, in no particular order:

In general, wear nondescript clothing, sticker outside when it's dark or not too busy, look out for cameras and signs that say areas and under surveillance, and try to sticker on public property over private property

Most people are not scrutinizing your behavior, memorizing your face and clothing, or paying attention to what you're doing. I've placed hundreds of stickers by keeping them in my bag or pocket, looking for where to place them, picking a spot when I'm 50 feet away, casually peeling off the backing and putting it in my pocket (don't litter the sticker backings, please!), doing a quick look around to see who's near, then slapping the sticker on my target. When stickering in public places, make sure you minimize blind spots (opaque doors that can suddenly open, corners someone can walk around, etc.)

Look for where stickers and graffiti already are and where stickers and graffiti persist (remain for long periods of time) and sticker in those spots. Chances are they'll stay up longer.

Private, women's only spaces like general public bathrooms, bathrooms in restaurants or bars, and changing rooms are great for stickering! It's just you in there and no cameras so you don't have to worry about being caught as much. Bathrooms where there's lots of graffiti/stickers are the best because you don't have to worry about inconveniencing anyone who might have to clean up your sticker (if there are hundreds of stickers on this dive bar bathroom wall nobody will care if you put another). You can sticker on the door handle above the lock, on the mirror, on the soap or paper towel dispenser, on the toilet seat dispenser, next to any signage... wherever you think people will see the sticker!

Try to place your stickers at eye level or next to something people stop to look at or interact with. That could be on a lamp post at eye level, a crosswalk button, a parking meter, a bus stop sign, road signs, bike racks... any public infrastructure that's eye level or people stop to look at or interact with! Bonus points if there's already graffiti or stickers: nobody will care if you add more.

If you place your stickers way above eye level (ex: a STOP sign), they'll be a bit harder to read but also harder to tear down or get rid of. Whereever you place them, make sure the stickers can be read by a woman (or person) of average height. Unless it's next to something they'll interact with or are inclined to look at (a sign, a door handle, a button), stickers that are too low or high might not get seen.

Think of the weather conditions, the texture of the surface you're stickering, and how much foot traffic that area gets. These all factor into how long your sticker stays up and how many people will see it.

For the purposes of making life easier, I adopt a female identity because that is what my biology most closely resembles due to my disorder. But there are key differences in biology, and when it’s possible or pertinent, I will always let medical professionals know because I am essentially male.

Sex differences exist. Facial hair is considered a male secondary sexual trait because in most healthy humans without intersex disorders (or hormonal abnormalities), thick facial hair only develops on male humans during puberty.

I am not an adult human female, but due to my messed up, disordered genetics and biology, I am not a healthy adult human male either. My chromosomes are XY, but I was born with a vulva and vagina (and undescended testes) instead of a penis, I never went through male puberty, and I was raised as a female, complete with female socialization. I did not find out I was male until I was 21.

The overwhelming majority of people are healthy males or females, and it is easy to distinguish between them. The only reason intersex people get a “pass” on this definition is because we are the exception that proves the rule. We do not have a clear biological sex due to our genetic disorders. But we are still shoved into one of these two categories because so much of how one’s social life turns out depends on one’s sex. To try to fit us into an artificial third category is to stigmatize and exclude us. Adding a third gender to the mix would only obfuscate the very real hierarchy gender supports, of male domination over females.

Some radical feminists may reject me from their spaces because for them it is about chromosomes, full stop, and I agree there is a logical coherence there. I respect those boundaries. But you can’t really say I am fully biologically male either, which is why I am intersex. I produce no gametes, small or big. I have no penis. I do not have male secondary sex characteristics. And as a result of these, I was assigned female and received female socialization. And by that, I do not mean I liked barbies or pink or tutus or that I “internalized” female socialization despite being seen as male by society, as some trans narratives would say. I was socialized to subordinate myself to men, to know my inferiority in a patriarchal culture, to be passive and avoid conflict because if I was caught in conflict, I knew I would be the one getting hurt. Many radical feminists recognize and realize this, that my biology is complicated, which, in turn, complicates my experiences.

These radical feminists are not being hypocrites but showing nuance and compassion. They owe me nothing. Boundaries are still boundaries and being caught in the middle does not necessitate inclusion, but I am grateful that the feminist friends I have met have been supportive and inclusive to me. The difference between intersex people and trans people here is that intersex people are born in between boundaries through no fault of their own. When a perfectly healthy male decides to transition, he is not caught in the middle of female boundaries, but trespassing them of his own volition.

idk why you’d want to engage in that toxic cesspit tbh. 

since roe got overturned y’all motherfuckers have done nothing but screech about “WELL WHAT IF YOU WERE RAPED WHAT THEN” & other equally shitty scenarios.

I was raped, and I got an abortion. I am part of that 1% of cases y’all love to use to prop up your bullshit arguments.

I did it without anesthesia. I drove myself home. I was numb for probably another two years after. when it finally did hit me, I was the most suicidal I had ever been and I stayed that way until probably last year. all total it’s been eight years since it happened.

the clinic I went to didn’t offer me help. they didn’t give me options. they didn’t have a post-op checkup. no one gave a shit. no one stopped my trafficker, no one found out, even my closest family didn’t even know until I finally escaped. it was just me, alone, throwing up in a trash can and sitting in post op until the dizziness went away enough for me to drive.

the fact that it was so easy for me to get an abortion by myself (even in a red state, no questions asked) made it easier for my trafficker to slide under the radar. because no one asked questions about why I wanted to end my pregnancy, he got away with what he had done. because no one cared enough to step in and stop me, he went on to abuse me for almost another two years. if someone had just given a shit, maybe I would have escaped that much earlier. maybe he would have faced more severe consequences. maybe I wouldn’t be so fucked up.

don’t you fuckers ever pretend you give a shit about people like me. if you did, you would have been supporting crisis centers, pro-life pregnancy centers, and places that actually care about the situations that women are in when they deal with unexpected or traumatic pregnancies. you would be encouraging pregnant women and telling them that they ARE strong enough, they ARE brave enough, that they are loved and they will be okay and supported and that having a kid will not kill their career or end their school life. you would be telling them that a disabled child, an adopted child, an unexpected child is not unworthy of life itself just because that life will be difficult.

on that note, fuck you, life will ALWAYS be difficult. but you can make it an enjoyable fight, or a miserable truce. you can spit the blood out of your mouth and stick a roll of dimes in your hand and hit back harder or you can lay down and let shit curbstomp you and swallow your own broken teeth. the difference is in how you step outside of yourself and into the lives of the people around you. the difference is in how you love, and if you actually love people, you will never advocate for their death.

I’m so sorry you went through that. It’s horrible that you experienced all of it, and that you had to in the first place :/ I’m glad that, like you said, “time and positive action heals all.”

I understand your argument that in your case, abortion wasn’t the right choice. Two points however. First and foremost, the fact that you didn’t get the care and consideration you chose is horrible. And yet that wasn’t entirely because you had an abortion: it was because the system failed you (and yes, also because an abortion is traumatizing). Second: pro-life versus pro-choice, Roe v Wade, this whole debate was never entirely about justifying abortions. Abortions are not ideal! As I think your experience displays: abortions are traumatizing and hard and people don’t get them randomly. At this point, nor should they, because as your experience also demonstrates, the process of getting an abortion is messed up and needs fixing. The point is the choice. If someone is in your situation, they should have the choice to get an abortion. Stories like yours are important because the answer is NOT always “yes you need to get an abortion after being raped.” But sometimes it is. And right now, and in the future, that choice is being threatened.

you know what choice I wish I had? the choice to fall back on a group of people who loved me and cared enough to support me through a traumatic pregnancy & would have given my child a loving home. (I was very young, had no job, & was incapable of taking care of a kid.) that’s the choice I wish I had. & before “well life isn’t fair like that”, to quote the Iroquois, THEN MAKE IT FAIR. put your energy toward fighting for resources for women in crisis and JUSTICE for them, and holding their abusers responsible.

y’all seem to ignore that there are safe haven laws and outreach programs that do exist as alternatives but they’re underfunded, they’re not enough, they’re not widespread. you know why carrying a pregnancy to term can be so scary and horrific? because women get abandoned while they’re pregnant, they’re lied to by the healthcare industry & they don’t have a support network to help them through it. women’s health is a nightmare right now. female-specific problems are usually just “treated” (read:suppressed or ignored completely) with birth control & then we’re dismissed as hysterical if we fight that. we’re so used to sweeping women’s healthcare under the rug that it makes people think arguments like these even make any sense at all.