enLa Ciudad

it’s october and i miss you. but not in the intimate way. i just miss you. i hope you are doing well and happy.

some days i wake up missing you. i simply miss our cuddles. wanting to lay in bed longer with you. i can’t wait to forget that feeling and want it with someone new. still hurts what you did. can’t lie. i know it’ll pass. miss the touch of someone who i love.

you deactivated your account followed by having your cheating gf block me… jokes on you cause what a coincidence she’s too scared to have me see that you’re still obviously together. the truth always comes out. happy i was able to see all this come to light. this just gives me fuel to keep going all for me. you’re a piece of shit person who still can’t even come face to face. following and continuing to follow my gut instincts. gracias a los míos.

my life feels uncertain at the moment but at the same time so exciting to see what’s to come. taking risks and not having control of everything. this is what the end of being 34 is going to teach me. uncertainty and believe in myself fully.

i will never forgive you. i will never forget how you made me feel. multiple times and always pointed fingers. you’re such a good narcissist. happy i finally followed my gut. happy i’m in mexico. happy i left!

it’s taken me this long to not think about you. i no longer care what you’re up to. who you’re talking to, or who you are following on socials. i wish you’d unfollow me, i wish you’d take me off your page. i wish you’d communicate with me and just tell me we’re moving on and getting a divorce. i am not sure why you keep photos of us? or why keep your fb profile the photo of us together. no idea what your plan is… but boy just move on. i feel so good. i look good, my business is still going strong and will continue to do so cause i am meant for this. no one brings you up anymore. no one cares to ask me about you cause i am better off alone and it shows. i write, i read and i listen to what i need to hear in order to help guide me into a better me for my future. i am so proud of me, i love my space and my dog also loves his home. he knows his routine and loves sleeping with me. i will never ever ever get back with you jose, you cheated on me. call it whatever you want! it’s cheating! i have never cheated or gave someone some type of play. you had a woman who was so loyal to you who only wanted to watch you grow UP and level up in your career and this whole time what did you do for me and my business? where did you say “let’s do this for YOU” never… but you taught me that i deserve a partner who pours into me just as much as i do. you’re so selfish. you always were. who ever you end up with good luck. wish you well. leave my life please. the past is the past. i don’t care to remember nothing with you.

i pray that when you are alone you are never happy in silence. i pray that your ancestors remind you constantly of what you did. i pray that the next girl you’re with mistreats you so badly you feel used.

your entire family will stay toxic. your entire family will never heal generational trauma. your entire family will always remember rocio fucking rivera! one day — many years from today you and your mother will have a conversation about me over coffee. you will cry and you will own all your shitty behavior. all while i will be living the dream life in mexico with someone else who will have loved me for me fully. when that day comes i hope you feel so broken to the point you bend to your knees. all the pain you caused me will go back to you triple times. i will never love someone as much as i loved you. and for that you will always think of me.

seeing you in florida with your family and you leaving juno behind at a doggy hotel just gives me more fuel to continue believing that you are a fucked up guy. not only leaving juno in a new environment with strangers but lying saying you had a work travel. fucking piece of shit liar. along with your shady fam/sister. i hope you told your grandma the truth. because if you didn’t best believe my ancestors will through dreams and alignment.

laughed my ass off watching funny reels and ended my scroll time with a pop up photo of you being you ( boring and moody ) in cuba and i laughed even more. sigh. this is the real waves of heartbreak.

while i ate my dinner i talked to my mom on FaceTime. she loves me. she worries about me. she wants me to go home and not be alone. but what she doesn’t understand is that being alone during this breakup is just what i need to heal 8 years.

been trying to focus more on me and my routine and things that need to get done in my new home so i can feel at peace finally. slowly but surely pushing myself to workout and cook and take care of tlaloc. the only important things in my life at this moment — yes still working and hustling cause the bills need to get paid.

past few nights i’ve been waking up to dreams of you cheating and it’s such a nightmare. i scream and yell at you. furious. i want this feeling to end