bamboozled again.

1. stand in the middle of a lake staring at the way the moonlight reflects off the blood on your hands

2. start using words with more syllables because it sounds smarter and you need everyone to know how smart you are so they won’t know you bribed your way into the gentleman’s club

3. cover your chin with a black scarf so people can’t see the scar you got from turning the pages of the encyclopaedia too quickly

4. clutter your room with things that you bought from old charity shops, so you can watch them collect dust (and so you won’t have to look at that mysterious red stain on the floor)

5. buy a coffin to sleep in (you can find one secondhand if it’s too expensive - don’t worry, that just adds to the mystique). 

6. string balls of cosy yarn across the floor, lest any intruders come. this way, you can catch them easily. 

7. spell your name wrong to prevent identity theft

8. cut all your hair off in an attempt to become someone else and then send the locks to your neighbours (don’t provide context)

9. dig yourself a grave four feet to the left of the nearest skyscraper