Robin Marie

The book is Self-Mastery and Fate within the Cycles of Life, by H. Spencer Lewis. The author describes a belief system that assigns different "qualities" to parts of the day and year depending on your birthday. Some people may use this as a kind of structure or guide for decision-making, believe that timing certain actions can improve outcomes.

I can see how this might offer a sense of predictability or control- like "if I do X at the right time, it will work out better". But I also wonder if relying too much on timing systems like this could create more stress than clarity. Instead of flowing with life, it might lead to trying to outmaneuver it.

It could also make normal decisions feel more complicated- like there's a "wrong" or "right" time for everything- which might increase pressure rather than reduce it.

I have started reading this book that this guy I am currently seeing mentioned. So far, it is interesting.

"Man is either a victim of fate or the master of his destiny"

Man= Mankind

We are not born with a predetermined, fixed destiny. External influences present us with ideas, opportunities, urges, and temptations. We are constantly presented with choices that shape our future, whether in family, relationships, work, or personal growth. Our decisions can become influenced by other people. The author suggests that every choice carries consequences, and once we make a decision, we must accept the results.

The author's perspective could help explain why change is so difficult for many people, whether it involves changing careers, ending or beginning a relationship, or making personal improvements. Change often brings uncertainty, and with uncertainty comes fear of making the wrong decision. Since every choice has consequences, people may hesitate because they worry about what they might gain-- or lose. The author suggests that while we cannot control every influence around us, we are responsible for the choices we make and the paths those choices create. This can also relate to having a growth mindset. A growth mindset encourages people to see challenges and setbacks as opportunities to learn rather than reasons to avoid change. Even if a decision doesn't turn out the way we hoped, we can learn from the experience and use it to make better choices in the future.

This year, I’ve been learning what it means to explore new parts of myself—especially in relationships and connection. I’ve stepped outside of my comfort zone socially and emotionally, trying things that challenge me in ways I never really have before.

I’ve always been shy and introverted in my personal life. I don’t always notice it until I’m in unfamiliar social settings, where I can feel myself pulling inward or struggling to connect. It can feel like watching life happen around me while I’m still trying to find my place in it.

Even so, I’ve been intentionally choosing growth. I’ve been putting myself in new environments, meeting new people, and allowing myself to be curious instead of closed off. Not because I always feel ready—but because I want to understand myself better.

Along the way, I’ve met people who reflect different parts of what I’m trying to explore. Some connections feel grounding, others feel exciting, and some challenge me in unexpected ways. I’ve also been learning about dynamics and relationship structures I didn’t fully understand before, and I’ve had to educate myself and unlearn assumptions along the way.

What’s been the hardest part isn’t meeting people—it’s not knowing what I want yet.

I’ve noticed how quickly I can attach meaning or pressure to connections, even when things are still unfolding. I can feel myself wanting clarity too soon, wanting certainty before I’ve actually had time to experience and reflect. That creates an internal tension: part of me wants to explore freely, and another part wants to decide immediately so I don’t “get it wrong.”

And underneath all of it is a fear: what if I choose wrong?

What if I invest in the wrong connection? What if I miss something better? What if I disappoint someone? What if I disappoint myself?

I’ve also realized how much I tend to prioritize others over myself. I can become focused on keeping peace, meeting expectations, or making sure everyone else is okay—sometimes at the expense of noticing what I actually feel or need. That pattern is something I’m actively working on.

Recently, I’ve been reminded that I’m allowed to have my own thoughts, my own pace, and my own process. I don’t have to agree with everyone. I don’t have to make permanent decisions from temporary experiences. I don’t have to rush clarity just to make discomfort go away.

And I’m learning that exploration doesn’t have to mean urgency.

It can mean staying present long enough to actually understand what something feels like before deciding what it is.

I don’t have a perfect answer yet. I’m still learning. But I’m starting to see that “choosing wrong” might not be the real fear.