âYeah, me neither,â Lydia replied simply, shrugging slightly, letting the topic of Lux die now. Her mind was preoccupied with just about everything else going on, that whilst she loved the distraction by talking about something â or someone â else, she could barely focus because her mind was whirling at a hundred miles a second. What to say, what to do, what if this, what if that. It was hard to focus on something that was supposed to be a joke or a distraction to evade the inevitable. Whatever it was, she was on tenterhooks and it was only a matter of time before push comes to shove. Everything was well beyond her control no matter what precautions (or more so, idiotic mistakes made in a panic) she implemented, no matter how careful she tried to be. Out of nowhere, something else would come along and make the situation worse. And the only action Lydia could take was to either let it get the best of her, or to do what she could to protect the people she cared about. But she knew that somewhere along the lines, she was bound to mess up. They always did.
Hearing Robinâs response to her questions regarding her going on the run, she sighed, resisting the urge to roll her eyes. If she continued pressing and reminding her that somewhere along the lines, something could mess up and implicate her. Regardless whether sheâd been doing stuff like the for years upon years upon years, it didnât change the fact that she could still get caught. She really couldnât wrap her head around it. Any of it. What sort of life is that? The same question she recently asked her bounced around in her head. It wasnât a life. And if it was? Then it was a miserable one to lead. If she continued to remind her of that fact, Robin would continue making justifications and explanations as to why it would work for her. Because she was used to it. What was the point in trying to drill an idea into someoneâs head when they were fully adamant of something else? They would be going around in circles forever. But sheâd make it clear that she disagreed, no matter what. Lydia will be just as stubborn; stubborn was her biggest personality trait, she imagined, after being reminded enough times by a countless number of people over the years. âJust because youâve been doing it for a long time is nothing, Robin. It doesnât change the fact that itâs risky and stupid for all I care. Donât you get tired of it?â She asked, the question rolling from her lips before she had a chance to think about it. âDonât you ever like, want to do something I donât know â legal? Something you donât have to worry about, when you donât have to worry about potentially having to up and leave if things go south. I know you are going to disagree vehemently on this, and Iâm not going to try and make you see otherwise because I donât think I truly can.â She didnât mean to sound blunt and harsh. Maybe it was the fact she had been constantly on edge since she found out about her father, or the fact that covering up what he did was also less than legal. Maybe it was the guilt eating away at her. Or maybe it was the fact she was just an irritable person. Yeah. Probably that, Lydia thought. She always did have a short fuse so honestly, the fact she wasnât raising her voice or anything to try and coherently get across her opinions was a surprise to herself. âLook,â she stated calmly, âIâm trying to avoid that outcome for you, okay? I donât give a fuck whether youâre used to running away or whatever shit like that. If I have anything to do with it, I would rather not have that outcome. And like I have already said time and again, Iâm going to do anything and everything I can to ensure that itâs not the case. That it wonât happen. Nothingâs going to change that.â
All Lydia knew was that Robin deserved to know the truth about her cousin. What she knew and what evidence was pointing towards. When she got everything out of her system and explained what was going on, she knew there and then that it wasnât going to end well. The stoic expression on Robinâs face made her insides turn, a nauseous feeling niggling in the pit of her stomach. She felt sick. That her father could even be capable of something like murder, let alone be responsible for the death of her close friendâs cousin. She could only hope that her friend believed in her enough to know that she would never be capable of doing something, of being involved in something like this. When asked the question about the other, inconclusive fingerprints, if they could be her fatherâs. And the truth was, it could go either way. âI donât know,â Lydia said honestly, raising her shoulders in a small shrug. âI really donât know. It could be. Thereâs a possibility, yes. But there is no way to prove it. Thereâs no way to prove that it is his or that they are somebody elseâs.â Sucking in a breath, she fought hard with herself to calm herself down. What could she do to make this right? Solving it and clearing her fatherâs name would be a start. But there wasnât enough proof. There wasnât enough of anything and all she was capable of doing was filling in the gaps. Guesses, estimates. But she couldnât do that either because she didnât want to put something in said gaps that could be proven wrong at a later date. It was all a mess.  Letting Robin carry on, she let her say what needed to be said, asked more questions that needed to be asked, took everything as it came. When she told her to stop talking, she immediately obeyed, forcing a watery, humourless laugh when she said that it made no sense. âYeah, youâre telling me.â Shaking her head when she asked why her father would be framed for her cousinâs murder, she could only shrug. âHow am I supposed to know?â She asked weakly, feeling as the tears continued to brim in her eyes. Was this it? Was she truly losing her friend? Lydia wanted to beg her to believe her. She didnât want to lose Robinâs trust in her over this. After all, she had no clue and was really messed up in her head as a result. Her breath hitched, catching in her throat when she asked another question: How do I know that you arenât just taking this case into your own hands because you had something to do with it? She tried to think of something, anything, to clear her name. However, she reasoned with herself that no matter how she tried to put it, it will always seem like she was hiding something, or that she had something to do with it. If somebody remained certain about something, it was nearly impossible to get them to see things from a different perspective or through a different lens. But she had to try. The most she could do was try. âWhy would I be telling you any of this if I had something to do with it?â Lydia asked, holding her hands up defensively, although she sounded more defeated than anything. Maybe she was already resigned with the knowledge that she wouldnât believe her. âWhy would I willingly tell you that my father may or may not be linked to your cousin if I have something to do with it, or if I am trying to cover for him? What good would that do?â Lydia wanted to ask her how the hell she could have had anything to do with it because as soon as those results flashed up on the screen, she subjected herself to a panic attack over it? That she was rendered incapable of moving due to the shock and she couldnât breathe? That ever since she found out, she had been spiraling? That she was so damn fucking terrified of telling Robin this because she feared that she wouldnât believe her, that she would turn on her? âNo matter what I say or do, youâre never going to trust me. So why am I wasting my breath?â She felt⌠hopeless. Powerless. She couldnât even persuade her own friend to believe her. If Lydia couldnât even do that then what else could she do? Her hands were tied.
âNo I didnât mean â I meant⌠I meant, show you everything Iâve got so far. What Iâve managed to decipher from all of this⌠from this mess.â She answered in between sniffles, trying to force herself to get herself together. Her shoulders slackened when the other woman confessed she didnât want to know what she had. âThen Iâve got nothing else to say. Anything I say, youâre gonna distort or - come up with some other skewed excuse that would implicate me and make me seem like Iâm in on this. Because your trust issues run so deep that you canât even trust me, someone youâre supposed to consider a friend. What am I supposed to do to earn your trust, huh? Join that gang youâre part of? Go and kill someone with my own two hands?â She paused, forcing a bitter laugh. âOh wait, no, thatâs the best part: you already think I have. Or that I aided someone in doing so. My bad.â She didnât know where her sarcasm came from. Even though she understood why Robin may have thought Lydia was part of this disaster, it didnât mean that it hurt any less. Because it did. It killed her inside knowing that her own friend barely had faith in her. Especially when she had little faith in herself.  âYou wonât find out that Iâve had anything to do with it. Because I havenât. Innocent until proven guilty still stands, you know.â Lydia said flatly then in response. Innocent until proven guilty. Thatâs what Andrew reminded her when she came to him, mid breakdown, about her father. And she still stood by it even if some might argue that fingerprints on a murder weapon could be considered proof enough. Were they still friends? She couldnât tell anymore. If she didnât trust her⌠then Lydia didnât know whether she was safe anymore. She had to believe that Robin wouldnât hurt her⌠but emotions were running high and it must take a lot on someone with something like this. Push the wrong button and who knows how long it would take before they switch?  She had to agree that the best thing for her to do was to leave. But then she asked for her fatherâs name, leaving her looking at her with incredulity. She couldnât be serious. âIâm sorry but I canât,â Lydia said without a doubt. âIt wouldnât make a difference. You donât have anything to go on which could prove anything. The only evidence is the stuff already obtained. Which is in my possession. But I canât give you a name or anything because ââ She swallowed thickly, momentarily contemplating whether or not to finish that statement. But she did. ââ because, heâs still my dad and I still plan on figuring this out and⌠I donât know what you might do with any information I give you. So, until we figure things out â I canât tell you anything. Iâm so sorry.â She bit her lip then took another deep breath, motioning towards the door. âI think itâs best if you go now. You already have a surname to go on. Thatâs all I can give you. Iâm sorry.âÂ
Maybe Robin had overestimated how accepting Lydia had been of her whole lifestyle. Sure she realized the girl wasnât going to support it, but she had hoped at least that she wouldnât nag her about it. Robin was an adult and perfectly capable of making her own shitty decisions, thank you very much. Had she ever thought about putting her life of crime away? Of course. She didnât want to still be living this way when she was say, in her fifties. Right now though? She was young and this was when she needed to be in the game, when she could make good money - She wasnât quitting anytime soon, set for life had to happen before she would ever even think on leaving her gang. Even if she were to get to that point, it still wasnât that simply, one didnât simply enter and leave a gang. They were her family to begin with, she didnât really want to and furthermore; they probably wouldnât let her if she did. At least not without a fight, that is. Leaving her gang could very well be as dangerous as being in it, if not even more. They all knew where she was and who she really was, the police at least didnât. âYouâre right you really canât. Not to pull the whole you donât understand me card, because I donât expect you to, but donât talk about something you donât know anything about. Itâs not like I can just go straight one day whenever I feel like it. Thatâd be fucking peachy if it were the case, but I donât even want to and if I did, I couldnât get out that easy.â She explained. âIâm not going to do this forever, okay? Just get enough to be set for life and then . . .â She shrugged. âThen just find a way out if I really feel like going through the trouble just so I can make way less money.â She mused. Perhaps Lydia had underestimated how typical Robin really was as far as being a criminal went. She was cocky, pompous, hedonistic, and most of all she was greedy. Very little could motivate the street rat more than money could. âHow, by hiding so much that the detective canât do his work while also trying to hold me back from picking up his slack?â She sighed. The two were both very stubborn, and if they both chose to dig in their heals on this, they might wind up bickering for quite some time over it.Â
Robin listened to Lydia as she spoke and she could tell that sheâd upset her. Could she really blame Lydia, though? Sheâd risked so much to keep Robin in the loop about all of this and here Robin was practically accusing her of murdering her cousin. Which how was that likely at all given the situation? Yes there was definitely something fishy going on, but by accusing Lydia Robin was really looking the wrong direction. Hearing that there was no way to prove they werenât her fatherâs, Robin felt her stomach sink more. Wasnât it most likely they were his? She didnât know. She just knew they had one fingerprint and it was her friends father, and she didnât know how to process that without jumping to accusations. Robin of all people should have known better than to blame Lydia for the actions of her father, given her own rough bringing due to hers, but this was all too much for her to really think clearly. She was confused and pissed off and all alone as far as her family went - Of course this was a big deal to her, and Robinâs trust issues and lack of faith in others only made it all more difficult for her to accept and think diplomatically about the case. Why would I be telling you any of this if I had something to do with it? She scoffed, because she was very much wondering the same thing, but then she looked at her friend, saw the tears in her eyes, on her cheeks, how tired she looked . . . Was this what had her looking so out of sorts? Of course it was, but Robin could honestly be a little dense at times, especially if her emotions were all over the place like this. âLydia . . .â  She stopped short and listened to her continue speaking, she crossed her arms and looked down like a guilty teenager that had just been reprimanded. She did feel bad, she knew she wasnât the best friend in the world, she knew she didnât deserve a friend like Lydia, hell she even knew Lydia probably was innocent - But she was so used to everyone she got close to letting her down, so why should this be any different? âI donât know, I just . . . I donât fucking know!â
Robin pursed her lips together, and wished now that she hadnât just made all those accusations and promises, but when Robin dug herself a hole she rarely apologized for it. She didnât admit to making mistakes often at all in fact. Robin remained silent as Lydia spoke, partly because she didnât know what to fucking say now that sheâd already said everything else and partly because she was afraid sheâd start crying too if she opened her mouth straight away. Deep breaths, Robin. In and out. âI donât know, okay? I donât know what I believe right now, I donât even know if I seriously believe you had a hand in this, but thatâs the fucking point, I donât know. Unlike you, Iâm not ruling someone out just because I care about them or because I donât want it to be true. A leads a lead and you investigate it, right? Iâm on the other side of the law and I even know that.â Hearing her friend say that she couldnât help her find her father, Robin nodded. âRight.â She said, frowning further when her friend started leading her out the door. She knew she fucked up here, and she wasnât sure there was much she could do to fix that now. Of course there certainly was if she would let go of her damn ego for a second and apologize, but even though she knew she was in the wrong right now, Robin didnât swallow her pride so easily. What gangster did? What gangster that went around apologizing for hurting other peoples feelings still earned respect or street credâ? But Lydia wasnât apart of that lifestyle. Lydia wasnât another gang member or someone she needed to get respect out of, she was her friend. Robin simply hadnât had a friend outside of her life of crime in a while, not one as close as Lydia anyway - It was hard not to treat her with the same mentality sheâd treat the friends in her clique. âFine. Yeah, bye.â She said as she stood from the couch and walked out the door.