Robin "Puck"Goodfellow

Oh? I didn’t know the old bag had such good taste - and that you did not. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have found the need to mention the bastard during our little conversation.

He’s not so used to my new Prada. I only changed it a few weeks ago. It takes a while for their senses to adjust.

The new Prada, huh? You know, I thought that smelled familiar. That’s what good ol’ Merc’s been wearing lately. Good stuff, is it? 

    “Actually, he’s visited me earlier, without notice. Needing an oral fixation of some sorts. You’re doing a bad job at keeping him satisfied, it seems. I would have been better off with him not coming, really. I, compared to you, don’t live my life to fulfill his wishes.”

Ugh. Weak-willed pansy. I mean-- don’t tell him I said that but je-sus can he go a day without humping you like ew. At least even you can see through those beady eyes that that’s all he needs you for. You’re a gross body shell thing with a million little centipedes crawling around inside probably.

This one puts to bed the lies about males being the least thoughtful sex. Even if he leaves me for the night, I’m safe in the knowledge that he has me in his thoughts. We’ve never tried to walk on the beach - I don’t think he likes water that much. At least he doesn’t when we take baths together.

Well, never fear, then, I’m sure he’ll find his way back to you, especially with whatever cologne-that-costs-more-than-my-rent you’re wearing.

Hey, he sent me because he has more important things to do than see you, so he chose to delegate that unpleasant task to me. Let’s keep this nice and painless. Fork it over.

So how are you today, Titania. Feed on any souls of the innocent yet? I see you’re trying a new greasy hair look, that’s trendy.

“Sorry to disappoint you, Goodfella, but my wandering is purely cat-induced. There are but a few things that would make me willing enough to rise before noon, my urbane felines being one of them.”

You know, I’m normally a dog man myself, but you make me question my fundamental beliefs. Tell me about this one. Is it feisty? Thoughtful?  Does it enjoy long walks on the beach? 

On another note, I do not believe I have ever seen your ugly mug up and about before noon. Is this exclusively desperate, cat-induced wandering, or did you also think you might get out and enjoy the fresh air?

Just thanks.

Be careful with them, Puck. If the wish you make is too big, the scuppy will go dead just the same as if it worked. And you can’t combine them to make a bigger wish, it doesn’t work like that. And it goes without saying that you can not get caught and if you do, I will deny my involvement up and down, even if it means you going to prison to be some convict’s bitch bottom for the rest of your life, understand? 

I-- I guess I just... why?

Anyway, I have a gift for you. 

Is it another one of those good luck things because like I know you said that I broke it but I really think it just didn’t work.

You’re right. You... can’t trust me with that kind of--- of responsibility. I know. You’re right. When aren’t you.

Which would be hilarious, definitely, but much less fruitful than what I’m hoping for. 

--so, you know, on a... on a slightly related subject, wheeeen is it that you’re going to teach me, um. All this? Again? Because you keep saying it’s going to be soon but, you know, four years later aaaand I’m still fetching flowers.

Don’t forget the most important part. Juliet Capulet has to have touched them. That is crucial. 

...but--- and I’m just wondering-- what happens if she doesn’t?

Puck, listen to me. I need the violets. The ones that are so purple they look almost red. Three of them. Can you get in there without getting caught? If not, I can always find someone more competent. If this party passes without making fireworks, it’ll be months before anything happens more exciting than the great croissant shortage of 2012.