Plans Don’t Last Very Long In Battle

Ava’s wounds have mostly healed. But her  head wound is taking longer than either of them would like to heal and Beatrice has to keep fighting the urge to check it once more. At the rate it's been healing, she doubts there’s been much progress since she last checked 0.45 seconds ago. 

Ava is fighting sleep. The room is dim, with only the light on the nightstand illuminating Ava’s face, but Beatrice can see her eyes drooping shut only for Ava to jerk herself awake again. “ ‘M fine Bea…. Get some sleep.” 

Her words are slurred with exhaustion and possibly a little from the pain medicine Beatrice insisted on Ava taking. She isn’t sure if the Halo will pass it out of Ava’s system before it can do anything but it was worth trying. She ignores Ava’s mumbled suggestion and instead reaches over to tuck a wisp of hair behind Ava’s ear, as gently as she can manage. 

“Is the medicine working?” 

Ava opens her mouth to answer but then grimaces as she shifts a little. “Could be worse…” She offers a lopsided smile and shrugs, her eyes focusing back on Beatrice’s face. 

“It could be better.” She knows Ava is trying to put on a brave face. For her own sake or for Beatrice, she can’t quite tell. But either way she feels helpless, the panic pressing into her chest more tightly. The image of Ava falling, her lifeless form on the pavement, keeps replaying in Beatrice’s head again and again. 

She’s pulled out of the despairing thoughts forming in her head when Ava shifts again, curling up around Beatrice and burying her face in Beatrice’s shoulder. She feels, more than hears, Ava mumble, “Will you sing for me Bea?” 

Ava’s warm breath and the tickle of her lips as she mumbles against Bea’s skin is distracting. Her brain stops, and then seems to restart again too quickly and it takes her a moment to clarify, “Sing for you?” 

Her voice comes out more strangled than she intends and her heart does an odd flip at the request. But Ava nods against her and mumbles again, “Please?” 

So Beatrice shifts too, her arms already wrapping around Ava carefully, determined to shield Ava from even the light on the nightstand if she has to. 

She wracks her brain for a song, anything. She considers singing a hymn but even half asleep Ava probably wouldn’t have the patience to deal with yet another religious offering. There’s one song she remembers, an old tune that warbled on the car radio when she was a child. But the song is ridiculous and too close to the truth. 

“I can’t think of anything….” She hedges, wracking her brain for another song, any other song, but Ava’s face is already pulling into a sleepy pout. 

“ ’S okay Bea.” Ava’s voice is resigned, tired. And she shifts uncomfortably again. And oh Beatrice would move mountains for this girl, curled up in her arms. So why can’t she bring herself to give into this one request, no matter how much it might ache? 

“I know one song.” She sighs, “But I don’t think it’s appropriate” 

There. At least she can say she made an attempt to forego this embarrassing and dangerous request. Can say she put in some sort of fight before giving her heart away completely. But Ava’s face is already relaxing into another lopsided, sleepy smile and Beatrice knows that she’s a lost cause. 

So she sings the first song she remembers from before her religious days. 

She keeps her voice low, for Ava’s ears only. Despite no one else being in the room Beatrice can’t help but feel shy. It’s been years since she’s used her voice for anything other than prayers and she knows she’s rusty. But Ava doesn’t seem to mind. She relaxes against Beatrice, her breath slowing into the cadence of the words.

Wise men say

Only fools rush in

But I can’t help

Falling in love with you

Beatrice hesitates for a moment, a lump forming in her throat around the next lyrics. Her arms tighten around Ava minutely and she blinks past the tears in her eyes, her voice catching a little as she continues singing, 

Shall I stay?

Would it be a sin?

If I can’t help

Falling in love with you

Her voice trails off at the end of the chorus and for a long moment the room is filled with silence. She can feel Ava’s heart against her own chest, the steady, reassuring thump of it, and she thinks Ava might have fallen asleep. She blinks back the few remaining tears, determined to ignore the pang in her chest and the overwhelming longing, until Ava shifts again, her eyes blinking open slowly to stare up at Beatrice. 

“Bea?” Her name is almost whispered. Ava’s eyebrows are drawn together, her mouth tugging downward in a thoughtful frown as she studies Beatrice. 

“Hmmm?” She wants to look away, wants to run from the question so clearly burning behind Ava’s dark eyes. But she can’t. She’s caught in the pull of Ava’s gaze, helpless to turn away and she swears for a moment the world stops turning. 

But then Ava blinks, the heaviness of sleep returning and her eyes close for a moment too long. She relaxes again, her face falling back into the crook of Beatrice’s shoulder and she mumbles something incoherent that Bea can’t quite catch. 

She can’t decide which is worse. Ava knowing the truth, or the confession that’s now trapped just on the tip of Beatrice’s tongue, refusing to stay buried in her chest any longer but unable to break free, even when it really counts. 

She almost lost Ava tonight and she may very well lose her again. The knowledge only makes the confession cling more tightly to her throat, the bitter sweet taste of it lingering on her tongue. 

She reaches up and turns out the light, shrouding them in the comfortable darkness. At least here she can tell the truth, even if Ava will never hear it.