Ro and Shadow

“Drop it.”

Fin’s eyebrow twitched. “What?”

“I appreciate the gesture, Fin,” Miran said, “but drop it.”

Fin scanned the pink rock he had held out to Mire before tossing it past him and onto the latter's desk. It cracked upon the collision with chips sliding across the wood. 

It looked right at home amongst the other labeled rocks scattered along Mire’s work station. Fin was especially fond of the yellow fluorite he had held onto for so long. A shard clinked against the container of a coffee-scented candle nearing the end of its wick.

Mire’s office was one of the few places that felt lived-in in the entire lab complex.

“How long were you holding onto this?” Mire half-sprinted towards whatever cabinets he had.

“A day,” Fin said. He flexed his arm. The ache from the toss caught him off-guard. His muscles were still sore from blood work. “Found it in storage. Why?”

“That is cinnabar,” Mire said. “It’s a mercury sulfide.”

“Okay?”

“It’ll soak through your skin to give you mercury poisoning.”

Fin blinked. “Oh.”

OH.

“When was the last loopback you made?” Mire pulled out a thick glove and returned to his desk. He gingerly picked the largest chunk of the pink rock up. “I’ll talk to Pythias about it; don’t worry about her.” He scratched his cheek with his clean hand. “The neurological damage too… she’ll likely forgive you if the alternative is messing with her data set.”

“Right right,” Fin spun around and made his way to the exit. “I get the point.” The door slid open. “Where’s Mana when you need them?”

*****

A blast of white light erupted around Fin before the world faded back into reality. 

A battery was placed against his tongue. Purple energy crackled around the point of contact, coiling around his neck and throughout his body. It fizzled out not long after.

Fin removed the block from his mouth and scraped his burnt tongue across his teeth, taking note of his new location. He was in front of storage, nowhere near Mire’s office. He checked his phone. It was yesterday.

Mire had called these moments “loopbacks”, letting everyone else adopt the terminology. Some people remembered them, most people didn’t.

Fin pondered outside storage. The soreness in his arms and back had disappeared. He dipped his head inside to see if anyone was there. His expedition was supposed to be to find anything valuable or fun-looking. Something new amongst the grey.

Or is it supposed to now?

Well, not anymore.

His phone buzzed. It was a text from Mire.

‘Do you feel anything?’

Fin texted back.

‘Didnt feel anything anyway’

‘Just checking.’

Mire quickly followed up again.

‘We still don’t know how your looping works. Poisoning yourself further isn’t going to help.’

Fin hummed to himself. He fidgeted with a military tag around his neck. 

‘We’, huh?

‘Do ya have an estimated cutoff for this whole live-on-site thing,’ Fin texted, ‘havent seen the sun in a while’

The three dots indicating Mire’s typing bubbled, then vanished, then reappeared. Fin’s phone dinged right as the screen went to sleep.

‘No.’

Great.

Mire texted some more, ‘Pythias is adamant to learn as much as she can from us and you. I can’t say I blame her. You’re something of a mystery.’ ‘Unless there’s something that requires outside help like a fire, this is what our lives are like until we’re done.’

He pinged again.

‘Do not take this as an invitation to burn the building down.’

Fin snorted. He sent back a rude emoji and slipped the phone back into his pocket along with the battery as he wandered back to his assigned room.

He passed by other offices and rooms. They all appeared the same. Not many personal belongings and not even a name-plate on the door to differentiate them.

The halls were all the same. The people were all the same. The days were all the same. At least that pink rock was something that broke up the silence.

Aside from it costing them a day.

He stopped. He swore.

It cost us a day.

He rubbed his arms as he debated where to go now. The lab work was in the morning. He just did that lab work. Of course his muscles weren't sore anymore. No one’s done anything to them yet.

He was going to have to do it again. Pythias was going to make him do it again. Shivers ran up his spine and out to his limbs at the thought of all the needles.

And the big one for the spinal stuff. The muscles in his back contracted at the memory.

The thought of giving Pythias the ability to remember loops flickered in Fin’s mind. He dismissed it immediately. It’d give her more control than he’d like. 

Fin restarted his stroll. He took out his phone again to ask Mire to just say they did the testing already, which was sort of true, he supposed. His finger hovered over the messaging app. The screen went dark from lack of interaction.

Mire didn’t have the power to make Pythias go away. Fin wasn’t even sure if he would have the inclination to do it.

Fin’s shoes squeaked beneath the tiled floor. The echos were the same, the feeling was the same, the scratching of the fluorescent lighting was the same.

The needles were going to be the same. The pain was going to be the same.

“Unless there’s something that requires outside help…”

Fin stopped in his tracks.

Y’know…

*****

“You looped.”

“Uh. Yes,” Fin strolled into Everon’s room. “Observant of ya. Take it you’re Quill?”

Ev did not respond. No rebuttal from Quill usually meant yes, it was indeed Quill.

She did not look up from the journal she was writing in. “Why.”

The smell of coffee floated throughout the room. A mug sat next to Quill’s book and a coffee maker was pushed against the back wall.

The day Fin had lost to the loop had for the most part been reclaimed, with clocks around the building displaying noon. He couldn’t remember if he’s eaten in that time frame at all. 

Eating was getting harder to keep track of. The possibility put him off-kilter.

“Can I-?”

“Help yourself,” Quill said. “You also have to repeat your lab assignment in fifteen minutes again.”

Fin was already fishing around in the cupboards for a mug. “Yeah, ‘at’s not gonna be an issue.”

Quill’s eyes narrowed before her stoic expression returned.

“So did Mire tell you about the cinnamon thing?” Fin asked.

“Cinnabar,” Quill corrected. “I was asking ‘why’ about the loop after that; the loop last night.”

“Know, I know,” Fin snickered. He poured himself a serving of coffee from the carafe beneath the maker. “Outta curiosity, how’ve you guys been holdin’ up, livin’ here full-time?”

Quill finally put her pen down. She stared across the table, her back still to Fin. “You are dodging the question.”

“‘S relevant, I swear,” Fin continued. “We might be able to catch a break if it works.”

Quill slowly turned to him. “Elaborate.”

“Since Pythias is head, nothing can happen if she’s not there, right?” Fin took a slurp. “Rock’s pretty soft so I turned it into powder and gave it to the cafeteria workers last night to slip into her morning brew of whatever for today. They said no. So I looped and did it myself.”

Quill gave him a tired look. She turned back to her journal. “So you poisoned her drink.”

“It’ll be fine,” Fin waved his hand in dismissal. “Small amount. Rock’s tiny. S’not like it’ll be lethal or anything. People lived ages with mercury cavities before, right? It’ll just give ’er some indigestion or something. If we're lucky, a hospital visit will get us out an’ about for a bit.”

“Bold to assume she’d let you come with her.”

The PA system beeped. Fin startled at the noise before kicking himself.

“Fin Casovy, you are to report to Lab 201 at ten-thirty. Fin Casovy, your presence is required at Lab 201 at ten-thirty, thank you.”

It was Pythias’ voice. Fin grimaced and clicked his tongue. Quill did not bother hiding their flickering smile.

“Or not, apparently,” Fin stared at the bottom of his mug. He hadn’t realized how fast he’d consumed the beverage. His fingers tapped against the ceramic of the mug. “Guess the tea nullified the effects.”

“Pythias doesn’t drink tea. Miran does.”

Fin hummed.

Then stopped.

Quill’s head jerked up.

“He,” Fin stuttered. “He does?”

The alter leapt from her seat and sprint-walked to the door. Fin’s heart lurched, tossing the mug back on the counter. He heard a crack. He didn’t care. Purple sparks flew around him as he gave chase. He couldn’t help it.

“I thought it was the other way around!” Fin caught up to his friend. “I thought Mire was the one who drank coffee. Doesn’t he have a candle of it or something-?”

Quill stopped and spun around. “That’s mine.”

“Why?”

“That doesn’t matter.” The energy around Fin attracted her attention. “You are dead if you made another loopback today.”

The sparks became full crackles. It seemed like a good idea to make one when he got up in case anything went wrong today.

And Mire gets up at the crack of dawn.

Quill’s stoic face began to twitch. Her brisk walk became a sprint. “You’re an idiot, Fin.”

He swore. “Where’s Mire now?”

Quill did not reply but her pace was direct. She was moving to the back of the building where most of the larger multipurpose rooms were.

Because of course he’d be as far away from them as possible.

Fin fumbled with his phone as he fought to keep up with Quill’s sprint. He called Mire. No answer.

Fin swore. His phone pinged.

‘I’m in a meeting, can you call me later?’

‘Uh mire hve yive eaten breakfast yret’

‘Yes?’

Dammit.

“Hate to break it to ya Quill, but there might not be much we can do. Think we’re just wasting time.”

“Then make more.” 

She skidded to a halt, spinning on her heel. She grabbed hold of Fin and wound up for a punch.

With the amount Fin was sparking already, he didn’t need much more of a push.

“I will be taking some amusement out of this,” she said. “I just want you to know.”

“Yeah yeah, just get it over with.”

The blow came across his jaw. His adrenaline flew into overtime. The world faded to white.

*****

Fin was still crackling. He was back in his room. He nearly dropped the battery and started running towards the labs again.

His phone pinged. Its clock read four hours ago.

‘Fin, what is going on?’

‘Messed up. Where you’

‘You text like a child.’

‘Miran’

‘Lab 203. We were going to finish repairs today. Or finish repairs today again?’

Fin scoffed.

Course you’re there.

*****

Quill made it to the lab first, Fin following short after. He gripped the doorframe as his legs began to reduce to mush. Ironically, containment has made him well out of shape.

Mire was in the centre of the room, directing various workers and moving equipment around. His skin was pale. No way was it from the physical work.

Quill’s face was scrunched, like every socket was about to pop out of alignment. She lurched before she stopped, taking a large inhale.

Mire turned around at the sound of their approach. His eyebrows raised. “Guys- Quill,” His voice was grovelly. He coughed and cleared his throat before attempting to stabilize the alter. “Are you alright?”

Quill brushed him off. “Gryff will forgive me.”

“Mire,” The adrenaline was beginning to give out as the energy around Fin faded. “The cinnabar.”

“The what?” Mire raised an eyebrow. “Did you poison yourself again?”

Quill stared into Fin’s soul. Fin did not meet their gaze. He explained what had happened. His peripheral watched Mire’s face twist from confusion to horror.

Mire swallowed hard. “That explains the nausea in a few hours.” A shaky knuckle was pressed to his mouth, “And you already tried to loop too, didn’t you?”

“Uhno I haven’t, maybe that blast of light was just the earth crashing into the sun.” Fin spat. He clenched and unclenched his jaw as he made his way deeper into the room. “So how bad is it gonna be?”

“Fin.” Mire’s hands were on his shoulders. “Mercury targets the brain. It destroys your breathing. Your liver. It can make you go insane.” He shook him back and forth. “Do you have any idea what you've done!?”

“Mean, you always were at least a little insane-”

“Fin, I’m serious.”

“Poison control is in Edmonton,” Quill said. “That is a five hour drive.”

“You don’t go to poison control,” the geologist replied. “You call them for advice.”

“Then you need the location of an ER.”

Fin pinched his lips. “Calgary, right?”

“It’s,” Mire pointed in an arbitrary direction before faltering. “We can’t leave, they have us under quarantine.”

“And you’d rather lose your mind?” Fin raised his eyebrows.

With that, Mire sighed and started typing on his phone, presumably searching for the number of poison control. “Quill, start the car.”

Energy was beginning to surround Fin again. “How long’ve you got?”

“Please don’t word it like that,” Mire said, tapping his fingers against his side, waiting for the number to pick up. “It depends on how much you put in. A small dose shouldn’t do anything major for at least a few hours.”

“...Y’wanna know how much I put in?”

“Yes?”

“The rock.”

Mire blinked. “What?”

“I grinded the whole rock.”

Mire gaped. “Fin, that would kill a horse,” he paused. “That’s going to kill me! And you were going to give that to-? Jesus Christ. Loop again, I’ll meet you at the door.”

Fin blinked. “I’m coming with you?”

“Of course you are. We’re in the middle of nowhere; the drive is hours.”

Something ballooned in Fin’s chest. Only for his ribs to pop it.

“...Right.”

Quill wound up for a punch. “I hope you’re satisfied with your taste of freedom.”

*****

It didn’t take much explaining for the ER to take Mire in as a priority.

Thankfully.

Mire was silent the whole ride. He didn’t complain, which only made Fin’s guilt swell. It was tough to keep his energy in check. The others had to ground him multiple times to keep him from looping.

The sun had set. A blanket of navy was set across the sky. Fin had managed to finagle himself onto the clinic’s flat roof, legs dangling off the side. He was facing away from the road to keep from attracting attention.

Ev- probably still Quill? It didn’t really matter- texted him from inside that Mire was going to be fine. No doubt the concentration raised some eyebrows, but he’d live. Being a liver donor was definitely out of the question, though.

Whatever. Mire was fine. Fin was outside. Everything worked out in the end.

He took a deep inhale. The air was pungent in fumes and exhaust. White city noise of honking horns and tires crunching on pavement polluted the city. Street lights flickered on one by one.

…No one would notice someone like him disappearing into the heart of Calgary.

A piercing whistle made Fin jump. He looked around and along the grass. Ev waved at him.

“What’re you doing up there?” they called.

It wasn’t Quill anymore.

Fin shrugged. “Thinkin’.”

Ev hummed. Their eyes scanned his perch and then around the building.

“Y’can climb the drain pipe,” Fin pointed to one of the corners of the building. “Got some sturdier bolts than most.”

It was a bit of a struggle for them to make their way up. Fin hauled them to the roof once they were in reach.

Ev’s eyes danced over the darkened horizon. “Not the best view in the world,” they turned their head to Fin. “Why go through the trouble to come up here?”

“Height’s nice,” Fin replied. “Cool, isolating.” He grinned, “away from people like you.”

“You don’t mean that,” Ev grinned back.

Fin scanned his friend. The response didn’t help. “Sorry,” he shook his head. “Who-?”

“Vine,” Ev nodded. “So what exactly did you do to make Quill so furious with you?”

“‘S not important.”

They said nothing for a while. Crickets were beginning to sing. Another car drove by. Fin hunched over the side to appear smaller. He fiddled with the battery in his pocket before taking it out. It was a black box in the darkened light.

“It’s been awhile since we've seen out here,” Vine mused. “Or been.”

Fin didn’t say anything. He tentatively touched the tip of the battery to his tongue. The energy shed purple light around them, wrapping around his core and dangling legs.

Was this the first time he’d ever felt safe to be rooted in time?

“They’re not gonna let you keep that loopback, you know,” Vine said.

The energy faltered. Fin didn’t care. He scraped his tongue against his teeth as though it would remove the burn. He thought back to Mire. He never considered a shock tasting sour, before.

He eyed the environment for obscurities or buildings. Cameras or pitfalls.

He could run. There wasn’t anything that stopped him. Go back to the life he missed. Back to the world where no one cared.

His loopback was free from the labs. He could disappear. Everything could go back to how it was. He got a sick new superpower out of the deal and maybe some life skills, so overall a net positive, right?

No time like the present to cash it in.

Because he really needed to.

Wanted to.

Had to.

The sound of wind chimes on a door sang behind and below them. Fin stood up to check the front of the building. He put on a grin.

“Hey, Mire.”

Mire glanced around before his attention landed on the roof. He seemed unfazed.

“How ya feeling?”

“Better,” Mire said, though even in the night’s light, he still looked discoloured. Maybe even a little embarrassed. “We should be heading back now. Xancorr is going to flip when they realize you left.”

Like hell I’m going back Just glad you’re alright.

“Now?”

Mire gestured for him to return to the ground. “Yes, now.”

Vine wasn’t paying attention. She stared unblinkingly into the abyss of the night.

Fin’s attention was split between the two of them. He looked out into the streets.

The loopback would trap Mire back in the building. Vine might not realize he had left until it was too late.

This was his chance, so why wasn’t he taking it?

“Fin?”

You’re gonna drag me back anyway, aren’t you? It didn’t count this time. 

Fin tapped Vine on the shoulder, tearing them from their trance. He nodded to the drainpipe. “C’mon. Mire’s waiting for us.”