To be known is to be loved (road back to writing. part 2)
I think I am a funny contradiction of a human. I keep people at a distance and feed them with so much superficial information that their brains cannot process anything of value or depth that I share. At the same time, however, I crave the feeling of being known, understood, and loved for who I am in the deepest levels of my soul.
I know, a hard position to put a person in. How can I expect them to know me, understand all of my most hidden quirks, when most of the time I keep them at bay? How can I demand to be loved for all my weirdness and absolute chaos of ideas, when I never let people close enough to learn about it? How can I be disappointed in people around me, when they do not see me the way I see myself, or the way I want to be seen, when I never let them see the parts of me that make me me?
Yet sometimes, someone creeps by the barricades. Sometimes, someone sneaks into the maze that is my brain. Sometimes, someone gets to know me for me, without being noticed. I thought I kept the walls up, I thought I shared so little of the real me, I thought the superficial things were all they knew. And they might be all they know, but it is not all they see.
Because sometimes, the ones who get to climb over those walls, or just casually stroll into your life, and you are not even sure where the door was left open, those same people surprise you with the most personal gift that you have received in a long time. A gift with an inscription that is well known to you, because you use it as your bio, but no one ever mentions it, no one has ever noticed it, no one has ever said "this is how I see you too", even when I mention it a million times.
But sometimes, that one person does. And all of a sudden, the phrase "to be known is to be loved" pops into your head, because for the first time in the longest time, you feel seen, you feel understood, and you feel loved.
