a path, a purpose

Pretty much, my parents are doctors. We lived in the UK for a while, and my dad has had a Black trainee before, and I’d assume both of them have had the health and lives of Black patients in their hands before*… but both of them are comfortable with saying the N word. Or at least were before I confronted them about it.

Today dad made a joke about it without using it today, and I gave him the silent treatment for that. He repeatedly confronted me about it without me wanting to, eventually violently I called him a snowflake, and he repeatedly started calling me the n-word and a snowflake to prove a point that I’m a snowflake.

These guys have had the lives and trust of Black people in their hands before. Maybe I shouldn’t even be sending this ask, but I have no clue what to make of this. And it’s not like I’m old enough to cut them off either.

And he’s threatening me as I type this with “breaking his trust”.

Well first, I'm sorry that he treated you that way. You didn't deserve that, no matter what you did.

That's not a liberal racist. At all. Nothing liberal about casually tossing around the n word. And if he's willing to treat YOU like that- his own kid- with that word, it goes to show how little he cares about those Black patients he has. Because to him, the n word is a way to show how much less he perceives the person he's talking to, and that includes all of us. These are doctors who we have to trust our lives with 😅 so much for "broken trust".

I'm going to be honest, if you're not willing to just have an all out fight about it (I was a crashout as a child, he'd have been called every insult under the sun) your best bet is to keep educating yourself, and make steps to eventually separate from these people when you're grown. "Why are you reading that book" because I don't think saying the n word or treating Black people poorly is okay, and I don't want to be like that. "You're a snowflake!" And you're being a racist, and I'm not having this discussion anymore.

If there's a safer place for you to spend your time, maybe spend more time there. If you're at home, and you don't feel safe talking about things, then don't. You don't have to fight, but you don't have to just accept the behavior as inevitable or unchangeable. You actively reinforce your mindset against it. You do what you have the power to do, rather than nothing at all. Maybe one day, when y'all are calmer, just ask him outright- how can you say that word, knowing there are Black people who trust you with their lives? Just asking is enough to shake the foundation.

every now and then i scroll across a post from a racialize person that essentially amounts to "white people i hate you. i hate all of you. die in a ditch."

i am not making up a strawman here to beat down. because a) i have come across posts that say this practically word for word and, more importantly, b) i agree with the sentiment. it is a very, very understandable anger. to quote malcom x,

“When all of my ancestors are snake-bitten, and I’m snake-bitten, and I warn my children to avoid snakes, what does that snake sound like accusing me of hate-teaching?”

anger at your oppressors, even anger at those who may have not oppressed you directly but inadvertently wield privilege to aid those who do, is justified and righteous.

but at the same time, a post that's only an expression of that anger sometimes feels a little too personal to broadcast. it feels as though i wasn't really meant to see it. and i don't want to just reblog a stranger's expression of distress for all of (majority white) tumblr to see because that might endanger their online presence or worse.

and there's also the issue of tone deafness. for someone to go "man i hate white people" only for a white guy to come in and say the online equivalent of "yeah same lmao" without having anything to add just feels. really disingenuous? like i'm not in a position to truly empathize as i'm not racialized, so i'd rather be able to give advice. but i can't really do that either as, again, i'm not racialized and any advice i give should be sourced from those who are. there's nothing i can really say that would add to the conversation so i'd rather not say anything at all.

(this obv doesn't apply when it's appended with "white people can rb" or something along those lines because then that implies the poster wants their post to be seen by white people en masse, vent or otherwise.)

at one point i did rb one of these vent posts thinking it would help but i got dm'ed with the advisement that it's common courtesy not to and i took it down. i've been iffy about reblogging those kinds of posts since. but meanwhile when a post says "i fucking hate you. here's what you can do about it." that carries the implication that it's more than just a raw expression of anger. there's an invitation and advisement for action. that i will rb because it carries a clear purpose outside the outlet of emotions. it doesn't feel like i've just stumbled upon someone's personal journal, but more like they want to be seen and heard. if it doesn't really have an overarching goal in mind other than venting than i don't fully get why i should reblog it. it sounds antithetical to a lot of what i've learned so far. i wouldn't reblog my friend going through it. so why should i reblog a stranger doing the same?

This post is also on the same wavelength on what I was saying. I'll also reiterate the specific examples I gave in the notes and replies. There's a lot of (White, especially) users on tumblr who are reluctant to reblog posts that directly call out racism in general, but are even more reluctant when the post is directly mentioning racism BY White tumblr users (as in, racist actions by White users & the post is made by nonwhite users) or specific examples of it. More specifically like my post says, I'm talking about essentially tone policing. If someone is visibly, vocally angry about the racism they're talking about on the post, White tumblr users will avoid it. But if the wording says something to the effect of like "I know White people aren't trying to be racist when they do x" etc, then the post will be more popular. In my example in the notes, I was talking about racism within cottagecore many times, and I've noticed that even though I have multiple posts that boil down to the same thesis, the ones where my wording is (rightfully, justifiably) angrier are more ignored and have less notes than ones where I'm not. And like my mutual said as well, posts about White tumblr user's racism that are less direct in their wording will be more popular because White people will think "well this can't possibly be about me!". It's the same kind of idea.