r. mcbean

another kinktober prompt for "shy" because what does a woman do when her fish brained mermaid wife decides she wants to pay her back

i'm just winging the style until something i like sticks but this is one of my favs so far

(you know, for immersion)

just a note that not all of these types of posts are going to feature sappy songs to sip wine in the bathtub and cry to. don't you worry. things are only depressing for now and keep in mind this story is a dark comedy above all.

this content should give a fun abstract kind of context to the situations in between posting chapters, and let me comment on my own intentions when i was writing them in one post. even though as of writing this, the first chapter isn't done, i'm looking to make retroactive improvements to the pacing before i continue with the story, and all of the following notes are things that show my intent for the atmosphere or mood.

storm before the calm and the first part of chapter 1 have soundtracks...

aleks and lena also have theme songs. most of them actually are by the same artist, whose albums are all about his self exploration, struggles with mental health and his sexual identity.

if the idea i wanted to set for the beginning of the story could be done with music, it would be these two tracks. (this guy writes very romantic, melodramatic songs but it really works. i'm also a bit of a sucker for romance...)

the first track is called 'A Fear Of Falling Under' and represents aleks' sudden feeling of loss of control as a solitary binge drinking session opens a pandoras box of mood swings and self-loathing.

"what came first? love? hurt? what came first?" that's not normal. why can't she think of the answer? why is she even asking herself this question? where even is she?

you can almost hear the darkness falling over her as the music fades into a second song; 'Who Would Have Thought', one i interpret as lena's revelation that in spite of her missed opportunity four years ago, she's offered a second go at it in what almost feels like a fateful encounter. is she going to take it this time? (i like that these songs are meant to be played together, and it feels like that motif that links them represents a flickering light that refuses to go out and gets re-charged)

"i had to let you know that you aren't alone, and we didn't make the rules." is one of my favorite lines, implying the futility of asking why this is happening.

those are the dark mode songs. here are light mode songs. (updated!)

again, the songs i linked before are meant to kinda set the mood for the chapters i said they were for.

lena's actual theme song suits her as a character more and has more of a whimsical and naive feel to it. if those songs make you sad, this one will perk you up again and remind you that lena's not really easy to discourage when she wants something.

besides, all she wants to do.... is talk.

i really, really REALLY want to add the other one, like if this one is a character theme song the narrative's theme from her point of view would be this one. overworld vs monologue music i guess

if widowtracer shippers have not already run this song into the ground somewhere on the internet, i would not believe you, but i have not looked... i really want to believe any tracer fan heard it. if not, i think you'll really like this one