* fly high [ solo ]
-- š busking!Ā Ā [ butterflies - queen naija ]Ā
itās been a long time since yohan has performed anything live. itās been years, honestly -- and even when he did have an audience, it was when he was rapping. his singing hasnāt taken the spotlight since he was in high school, but that was mostly by choice. when singing, especially acoustically, itās a lot harder to feign confidence when youāre not meandering around a stage with a hood pulled over your eyes, spitting some kind of self-aggrandizing bullshit too close to the microphone while cycling through 3 or 4 different hand gestures.Ā
yohan thinks of rapping now as finding ways to put forth the illusion of being bigger, like someoneās projecting a giant hologram of himself on a screen in front of him. heās watched rappers manage to have presence and power without seeming to fake anything, though -- heās always been in awe of the people who can be themselves onstage and still command attention. there were times when he enjoyed being in the audience of underground rap shows more than actually performing, for this reason.Ā
but heās not in a dingy club. thereās no stage, no microphone. heās not surrounded by the party-goers and soundcloud rappers like he used to be, either. here, tonight, itās just him, a fold-able stool, a guitar.Ā
thatās not to say that heās alone here, though. there are strangers everywhere, blurry faces strolling past, walking fast if theyāre headed somewhere or slow if theyāre some of the people wandering through hongdae just to see the other buskers. just down the street, thereās a circle of people cheering on a dance group. yohan canāt hear it super well, but he thinks he hears the notes of exoās love shot rising up from within the crowd.
as he presses his lips together and sets down his stool, he tries to hype himself up. just get through one song and youāll feel better, but even his internal monologue sounds hollow. he already thinks he can feel a few sets of eyes on him, curious looks as he scootches his bum back onto the seat and lifts his guitar. theyāre expecting something from him. but what? an entertaining performance? a beautiful voice? something memorable, something unique?Ā
he wants to warn them. sorry in advance, yāall.Ā
he swallows again, thickly this time, and his fingers take up the positions of the song that yohan has been idly practising out of boredom for the past few months.
I don't wanna fall so fast But I'm open They always say that good things never last And I know 'cause I've been broken
itās an easy english song -- probably a safe choice for now. though thereās a bit of a drop within the first minute of the song, it remains gentle. the lyrics are soft, with a fairly simple, straight-forward meaning to them -- basically, itās not really anything like the music yohan usually listens to. he came across it by chance when he accidentally selected it on spotify instead of travis scottās butterfly effect and laziness led him to listen to the whole song instead of changing it. he was surprised at how much it made him... feel.Ā
I'm tryin' to protect my heart But you're making it so hard And I guess it's safe to say You take my pain away
he sings it in a lower octave than the originalās singer, queen naija, did. there was some adjusting to do to make the key fit his range, but the natural husk to his voice suits the raspiness of the original. he continues the simple finger-strumming from the intro of the song, letting his eyes close and only opening them once in a while to stare at nothing in the distance. he tries to loosen his arms a little, to let the song take him away, and as he moves into the pre-chorus and prepares to play the full chord progression that heās arranged for this part of the song, he finds that itās working.
And I just wanna hold you all night long Whenever I'm around you, nothing's wrong I'm hoping that you'll always be around You got me on a high, I don't wanna come down
his voice weaves through the notes sweetly, incorporating just a tiny bit of the melisma and vibrato techniques that heās tried to pick up over the years. he holds back just a little, stopping himself from trying to go too overboard out of fear of making himself sound unstable, or going offkey. his voice, previously a little breathly, grows louder for the chorus.
And I love it, I love it (these butterflies) Yeah I love it, I love it (I'm on a high) Yeah, I love it, I love it And I just wanna love on you (ooh)
obviously, he canāt overlap with his own voice live. heās adjusted this part to suit his performance, skipping the second i love it, i love it line in favour of leaving a few strums of the chords there before coming back with iām on a high and continuing on. instead of going back to the plucking, he switches to softly playing chords throughout the next verse, surprising himself with how emotional his voice manages to sound.
Ever since you crossed my path Everything is different You always know just how to make me laugh You got me all up in my feelings And as much as I love the feeling I hate it, it gets me frustrated Wanna say just how I feel But don't know how you would take it Why do you do what you do to me? Got me doing things that I don't do usually
whenever he sings this song, he canāt help but feel a little bit of an ache in his chest. itās been a long-ass time since yohan has experienced butterflies, since heās gotten to fall in love. he doesnāt want to look back on it, especially now that he can barely remember what it really felt like; itās all been tainted by feelings of guilt and a sense of loss. itās only when listening to songs like this, singing in such plain, yet effective words about new love and the unknown and the anxiety that comes with those things that he can almost feel it again, like the ghosts of butterflies Ā start to flit around his stomach again.
a minute later, heās finishing the song with a final, gentle downward strum that rings out. he hears a smattering of applause and looks up with wide eyes, having genuinely forgotten about the possibility of people watching him toward the last bit of the song.Ā
he smiles with both his lips and his eyes, warmth in his stomach as he stands up and bows to the small crowd one, two, three times.Ā
āthank you,ā he says in korean, feeling just a tiny bit proud of himself. this wouldnāt look like much of a risk to people on the outside, but he feels like heās just vaulted over one of the biggest hurdles in front of him.Ā
though he feels like all he wants to do is lay on the ground and bask in his relief, he quickly packs up his guitar and picks up the stool, beginning his trek back to his apartment with the slight smile still on his face.



















