Rain River Rain

x

Sonny took the retort like a blow, physically wincing as if he had been struck. The past few moments were just now beginning to fit themselves into his mind, pieces of a larger painting that he, nevertheless, still only saw in hues and shapes. The sensation felt surreal, as if he were now, sitting on the shore, forcing himself back to sleep. As if he had only truly been awake while passing through the water’s barrier. Each encounter with the specter of Northwood Lake had the same effect then: of loosening his grip on objective truth. Eyes wide, mouth gaping, and tongue sour with the taste of stillwater, Sonny thus found himself wavering uncomfortably through half-reality. And River herself proved the only truly grounding presence, fettetring him now to the present and not the ghosts of decades past.

“It’s cold,” he repeated, as if realizing it for the first time. He offered a weak nod, physically shivering, and distantly, he tried to make his legs stand, shove them upright and away from there. But his body, sprawled out now like some bastardized Pieta, refused the command, and Sonny heaved once more, the last remants of water pooling from his blue lips. “Go…go, before…” He murmured this in a daze, but as if by new strength, his muscles seemed to surge. He had to get away. And so, he tried and failed to climb unsteadily to his feet, before slumping again.

Sonny let out a ragged breath, closing his eyes and allowing a few moments of silence to fall over them. He clenched them tighter and tighter, trying to block out the world, but hearing her words through it, he managed a weak, affirmative nod. And with one final try, he thus stumbled upward, finding unsteady footing. “Thank you. Thank you,” he repeated, stepping uncertainly forward while still leaning on River for support. At the threat of an ambulance, though, he shook his head. “No. No. Don’t. They’ll…” Lock him up? Maybe it didn’t matter. If there were others gathering or watching the scene unfold, he hardly noticed. “I’m okay. I’m okay. Really. I just…I fell…I fell.” Sonny glanced left and right, as if he had to make a decision between moving for the car park or the hotel, but still weak, he only bowed to River’s support of his stance. 

The situation was eery to say the least and while Sonny’s behaviour could be blamed on shock, in this town it always felt like there was something so much more threatening just below the surface, quite literally in this case. However, River was not, nowhere near planning on unravelling what had happened right here and there, no she was determined to get them both out of that place and somewhere warm. He would have enough time to explain himself, or whatever else had its hands in the situation then. “I am not leaving you here alone, if that was my plan I haunt gotten into the water in the first place!” Dark humour but how else were you supposed to deal with a situation like this, drenched through and through, so cold that it didn’t even feel that cold anymore, supporting someone who seemed as weak, both mentally and physically as if he had seen a ghost - again, somewhat of a possibility in this town it seemed. 

No ambulance. It wasnt a surprise and yet she wanted to protest, knew it’d be the best solution but who was she to push him? He was old enough and as long as he got inside and out of his wet clothes she assumed she had done more than enough for him tonight and frankly, all she could do. She could hardly save him from himself. The same went for his explanation, he hardly fell but - again, she wouldnt push now, not when her thoughts were clouded by the desire to get inside somewhere, the hotel, the closest option, right? It was an autopilot mission, getting there, getting a room, getting the bottle of whiskey, autopilot. Which she only snapped out of to look at Sonny, who seemed, no not seemed but certainly was even more dazed than he was. “You need a hot shower before you die from this cold!” It wasnt a question and much more of a command, the brunette making sure he was sat on the bed while she turned on the hot water in the rather questionable little shower of the motel, but then again, she had seen worse and this would make do and for a moment the temptation to just get under the hot stream of water was overwhelming, but again, she wasnt the one who she was most concerned about and manoeuvring Sonny into the bathroom and out of his clothes seemed far more important. Plus, she’d have the whiskey warming her up from the inside. 

“You know, normally I let someone ask me out before I get close to showering with them!” She attempted a weak attempt at humour before she looked at him, the steam in the bathroom alone already warming her and hopefully his body. “Do you...are you okay to...I’ll leave you alone. Right?” 

He lets himself zone out for a bit in her absence. Barely notices she’d left, really, until she returns with his order of fries. “Thanks.” He smiles at her, but doesn’t touch his food yet. Sheepishly bows his head at the joke and nods. “Yeah…” And he clears his throat, fidgeting with the napkin holder an arm’s length away. “Listen… about Jules… can I ask for a favor?” His voice is quiet, strained, like speaking suddenly became far more difficult.

Shift in situations were never something River particularly liked, nor handled well. The unknown of it was what bothered her, not knowing where a conversation or a moment would lead to next. “You can ask...!” She replied noncommittally, having learnt better than to agree to something before hearing what it was all about, especially in this town. It was clear that it was something he didn't easily know how to ask which all by itself meant her guard was up, curious and hesitant at the same time. 

“It’s a force of habit.” Being a professor and a dean with a small kid, had left her with a certain way of speaking. It is not sugar coating, but rather the unfished thoughts, that try to find a match in her own mind, sometimes, leaving it’s ends to connect for others. “Maybe I am just letting you make your own conclusions? You’re no longer my student, but we are somewhat like friends, right?” She offers her own grin now, happy to see the other smiling. Even these small moments in time, even when it lasts a second, it’s a win in her book. “I can’t deny it. It’s as fucked up as it gets. Just look at all of us, carrying some kind of baggage. I think in Pleasance, we redefine normal.”  She almost hears the words that were left out, hanging in the air like a cloud above them. Heavy in weight, but no less obvious. “Maybe the time will come. It’s not like we’re trapped here, right?” Though sometimes, it surely felt like they were. 

Marra mirrors the grin. “Of course they are! They want to her life but also, I just think they really do love a good gossip. I think it’s the highlight of their day.” The whole town is found on the grounds of gossip, so given the circumstances, the talks go round and round, like a carousel and broken telephone in one.

“But, do we really want to know its secrets? I’m afraid that once we find the truth, it will be worse than being in the dark.” Her answer is honest, one that haunts her at times. River is right, there are so many secrets in this town. But when the foundation is based on them, what happens when it cracks? “There’s nothing wrong in being the same or different. I don’t think I changed much either. And you? Well, I think you’ve grown into a beautiful young woman, just look at you!” 

Looking at the other woman River couldnt help but nod. Yes, she guessed they were somewhat like friends. Not like they had any other reason to still be around each other, or talking as honestly as they were. “Its not the worst of habits!” She finally told her with a slight grin and she meant it, Mara was easily pointed out as a professor, or at least a person who dealt with other and their problems and questions a lot. Maras words were incredibly true, it was a cloud that always hung above them, this town,  the air around the, all of it was heavy with both, tragedy and mystery, something she did not think anyone could ever deny. “If we are not trapped, why are we still here?” It was an honest question, something she did not understand, not about herself nor anyone around. 

“Of course it is, nothing is more exciting than knowing that excitement could still be a part of your life. They can live vicariously through them and its perhaps as good as it gets for them!” God, part of her actually wanted that, how good would it be if all they needed to be happy, or satisfied was a little gossip about someone else. At least as long as the gossip was harmless that was. 

Mara couldnt have spoken truer words. The darkness sure was better than reality. Reality would be too much for anyone to handle, River was almost sure of that. Darkness and all its facets were too much of a part of their life and they would hardly be able to handle anything different, that much she was sure. “I suppose not, I was just sure you’d have all those great hopes for me, with all those pep talks you used to give me? They were great, by the way, dont think you could have tried anymore than you have!” She said almost jokingly, hoping the brunette knew how she meant it

“Maybe that’s for the best,” he muses with a small shrug. The mystery that enshrouds him is not deliberate. As far as he’s concerned, it’s always been there. He wouldn’t know how to get rid of it even if he’d tried. “On the rocks, please,” he adds when she decides that he could use some whiskey. Good girl. 

She returns with a glass of whiskey, as promised, and he rubs his hands together before taking it off the tray that it, and another glass for herself, came with. “Cheers,” he says, raising his glass to clink with hers. The first sip is always the hardest, sending a stinging burn down his throat that sets his chest on fire. But soon, the searing flames turn into a nice, comforting warmth that he easily settles into. 

“Maybe you do know me, River Bathgate,” he says when she tells him that she’d ordered him the same thing. He realizes that he might not be as in the mood to be gastronomically adventurous as he might have initially thought. “So… you just gonna accompany me again here tonight? Does Jules ever dock your time with me from your pay?” He never did let her give him free drinks. He always left the money on the table after. 

It was the first sip that contrary to most peoples opinion, river liked the most. it was the most masochistic of them, the moment when you question why you’d do it before the warmth slowly filled the body and clouded the mind. “Cheers, to you detective!” The words were spoken low and teasing, ending with the glass being taken towards her lips, almost emptying the glass upon her first sip. 

“Maybe I do, or maybe you’re just a lot easier to read than you think you are!” Something that probably was more true of her than of him. After all, all american sweetheart that gotten onto the wrong tracks wasn't exactly surprising, not even given the circumstances. In this town, if you had no fucked up history, were you even alive? 

"my lantern walks with me. Above the stars are shining on earth are shining we. Oh lantern light you shine so bright"

She wasnt lost yet. River did remind herself of that although one couldnt help but wonder, if she was found, what would become of her? And what had happened to her? Would she be better lost forever than returned but perhaps gone in spirit? It was not the kind of thought one was supposed to think about while heavy boots were stomping around the slick paths, footsteps following those of the people in front of her, only looking over her shoulder ever so often to rid herself of the eery feeling that was often following her like a ghost of the past that she was never able to quite shake. The brunette stopped in her tracks briefly to fish for a cigratte in the pockets of her heavy parka, an attempt to shield herself from the cold that was piecringly sharp tonight, perhaps amplified by the task and reason that had lured her out of her house. She was overtaken by a couple of figures who were passing her by, some shaking their heads as if to signale her that her priorities were off, a cigarette break while looking for a missing child? Well, River felt like the nicotine might just be the only thing to calm her nerves and stop her body from shaking, a reaction to her nerves and not necessrily only the cold.

Taking a drag of her cigarette th brunette looked over her shoulder to make sure that she wasnt alone but that there were still people behind her. It took her a moment to make out who it was that she saw, the darkness not exactly making it easy and yet she did recognise him. Sonny. Familiar and yet a bit of a stranger, like most people in the town. Turning back towards the rest of the group that slowly was distancing themselves though the light from their flashlights was still visible she knew she'd have to start moving again soon in order to not loose them - and she would have, if it wasnt for the fact that the figure she had just seen was not where he was anymore, or coming closer towards her as it was to be expected, instead he seemed to distance himself further.

What was he doing? He'd have to be a madman if he wantd to be alone in this palce at thise time of the day, when fog was heavily laying over the town like a shadow of evil itsself. Why would she follow? It made no sense, what was she thinking she'd find him doing? "What the fuck are you doing?" She called out as she tried to catch up with him, long strides not quite long enough to catch up with him and yet close enough to see his actions and steps. The brunette stopped in her tracks, as if pulled back from approaching by some magical, mysterious force and the young beauty breathed out a sigh of relief when it appeared that he was finally turning back around, already reading herself to turn back around herself, only that out of the corner of her eyes she notieced that he must have changed his mind, or lost it completely now. "Are you fuckign insane?" River yelled out and while she felt like he replied, faintly, the words didnt quite reach her, her face and legs frozen in place for a minute as she realised what it is he was doing, slowly and steadily submerging himself in that darned river that looked more like a black hole right now - fitting its history in the town perfectly - a big black dark force. River was shivering as if the water was surrounding her and it was with a loud gasp that she suddenly was released from the shock that had kept her standing still in place.

"No, no, no...!" River wasnt ready for another tradgedy in town, this was not a moment for the Lake to claim yet another victim, this was Savannahs moment, she was the focus and should remain so…what even was he doing? The brunette wasnt thinking, her coat and shoes discarded as she stumbled towards the Lake in a trance, the only state that anyone could really, seriously consider to ran into the ice cold water - her breath hitching and a loud gasp leaving her mouth as the water hit her body, Sonnys body instead seemingly moving towards the depth of the water without even minding its stinging cold. “Stop!” She yelled again, almost praying he’d stop but instead she witnessed his shoulders slowly leaving her sight until he was completely submerged - again, this seemed to be enough of a wake up called that made it possible for her body to finally move again, running until she could not run anymore, then swimming towards where she thought she had last seen the mans figure, each stroke painful as the water was soaking her clothes and sunk into her skin. She couldn’t see, nor could she truly think, if she had thought about anything she would have never been able to dive underneath the water, the cold on her scalp so painful it almost made her loose consciousness but again, there was a bigger part to this and perhaps it was true that in extreme situations one could surpass ones own abilities - because god, or whoever was watching and helping her in that moment - must have given her the strength and the mental clarity to both, spot Sonny in the darkness of it water, but even more so, be able to pull him out of it until they both were laid on the dirt and grass that lead the way into the lake.

She was right, of course. All that had passed in Pleasance was surely more than any other town could take. And the strangest thing of them all - people still stayed. No matter the awful things that happened to them or their families, or perhaps even neighbours, people still stayed in the same place. As if they were help up by some force, not able to leave its grounds. It was silly, of course. A theory like that should not be played into the minds of the people. That would only cause havoc and fear – more so that they already had. She heard a story once, about a woman who had been a germaphobe, that she was so afraid to go outside, because in her mind, she would have died the moment her foot touched the cold pavement of the world outside. But wasn’t that just the power of the mind? Mara had said so many times, over and over again, that their mind was their most powerful weapon. It could either lead them to survival or self destruction. It was all in knowing its instructions, putting that mind to use once in a while. Not to let it turn into stone. 

“Doesn’t every town, though? Twisted secrets, the drama and all that.” She offered River a smile. “For example, did you know Mrs Dawson has been sneaking around with Mr Peters?” These were two older people who lived right next to each other - both spouses buried under 6 feet of dirt. “It was quite a scandal at the market on Sunday. Women her age? How shocking!” She had a teasing tone, feeling that there was a need to make the conversation lighter than it was. She truly cared for River, and over the years the feeling did not fade. 

Mara stretched out her legs in front of her. “Why not both? Either way, it is still for the living.” There was a place her mother had been buried, but she had not visited it in years. It was back in Sweden, and honestly, she didn’t think she would remember where it was, for her father wasn’t big on the visits. “It is, isn’t it?” her eyes followed the water and the trees ahead. The forest behind it still sent shivers down her spine, as if it wanted her to remember, wanted her to come back. “Maybe it’s the calm before a storm – but less on the gloomy things. Tell me, how you been?” 

“I am not sure student anymore, no need to sugarcoat anything anymore!” River told the woman with a soft smirk on her face because really, there was absolutely no need for that. The opposite. While Riv might have appreciated it way back when, now it almost seemed a little patronising, not in a bad way though, she knew where the other woman came from and it was from obvious goodness. “I am sure this town wins the cake for being the most fucked up on though, come on, you can hardly deny it - its why I always wanted to...!” Leave, well, it clearly hadnt worked out so why would she dwell on it now. 

“Oh now, has she? Well I do hope I’ll be like her when I am old and grey - she seems to at least found a little bit of fun and entertainment for herself, I am sure all the other old hags are just jealous!” The grin on her face was a natural one this time, one that came easy and for once honest. Perhaps Mara was still good at it, bringing those little moments out of River. 

“It really is, never know what its hiding I suppose. The water. The forest. The town. All just so damn secretive!” She almost had to laugh there, looking at the water first before she looked over at Mara. The question was not one often asked, especially not around here. “I work at a Bar, but you know that cause the town is small. I am sure it disappoints you greatly, you always had so much faith and here I am...still the same!”

He laughs. Politely, not to mock her. He can’t imagine working in the service industry, much less in a bar full of smelly drunks, though that distinct spoor wafting from the bathrooms had been somewhat remedied since the change in management. Baby steps, that’s what he always tells Jules.

“Ah…” He rubs his stubbled jaw, eyes darting towards the other tables. For inspiration, he supposes. “How ‘bout you surprise me?” Hands clasped in front of him, he props his chin on his knuckles pensively. “You should know me by now. Know what I like.” 

“Its hard to know you, you dont exactly give away a lot freely. Do you think whiskey would made you talk?” River asked, a small smile gracing her lips before she slid off of the table and made her way back to the bar, pouring a whiskey for herself and one for Dagny, only returning after she ordered his usual cheese fries, after all, too much change all in one day might be too much. 

“Hm.” Her lips pressed together in though, hiding a slight smile. There was nothing said that was funny, or resembled a joke. No. She was smiling because of that same view she herself had, at least before everything happened. Believing that there was a simple amount of things that could be done in order to reach a goal, seemed like a silly idea now. She no longer believed in it, but alas, the practice, the whisper of it in her life were still present as they were years ago. “This is a lie we tell ourselves when we don’t want to try.” As harsh as it may have sounded, Mara wasn’t the one to always give rose petals to the people in her life. How would they ever learn, how would they ever face the hardships in their lives if they were given cotton candy and fed lies about what life is? It’s like the women from Hilda’s book club. They read their romance novels, fantasising about what life could be, the perfect man, the perfect house, the perfect friend. But in the end, they only lived in books or movies. They were created as a way to escape life for a second, but not to try to find it in the reality. “See, we set ourselves the boundary, maybe something we think would be a good norm, but in reality it is something unachievable. And once we realise that, we decide to give up. Because what can me or you or anyone else do to get there? But if you set your goals, one step at a time, it could get you somewhere. It all depends on what we decide, what we want. And that is exactly where we are going to end up.”

Once again, Mara laughed. “Has it ever?” she asked, looking at frustrated River. “I think this town is is just a sucked for drama.” Seh tried to ease the conversation. Not everything always had to be so dark. Even though they were surrounded by darkness. Mara had hers, her broken heart, her broken family, her missing sister, while River had hers. She wouldn’t have wanted to put herself in the girls’ shoes, she wouldn’t want to walk a mile in them just to see what it was like. She knew enough already. 

“It’s like putting up gravestones, River. They’re there for the living - not for the dead.” Everybody was grieving someone in this town/ They didn’t have to die or go missing, they could simply be present, it could simply have been an even in their lives that changed everything. “The same goes with memories. We remember because we feel the need for it, we forget if we can no longer bear it, if there is something that we want to forget.” She didn’t know how much she could help River, or if she needed any help at all. The thing she could do was be there, listen, or just talk. 

Teacher language. It was so easily detectible and partially River liked that about Mara, the optimism and the true believe that just setting goals and wanting to achieve them was enough to slowly, step by step go there. True perhaps in any other part of the country, but here? Here the town would throw blocks in your way, create holes for you to fall into and traps that would leave you stuck. Just pure believe and commitment seemed to be something this town didnt do well with. 

Didnt everyone have their issues within this town? Truly, drama seemed what kept it all together in some odd and insane way, all tangled up together connecting all its inhabitants with some invisible thread in a way. “It runs on it, drama is the only thing it has, or sometimes thats what it feels like. At least to me!” River didnt usually talk to many people about things that were serious, this was very much down to the fact that Mara wasnt a stranger, or a patron at the bar, or a man she wanted to make her feel fulfilled for a day. 

“Are they though? Or do we put them up for them to be remembered?” Of course it was a good point, it being there for the living, for them to have a place to go to when needing a place to mourn, or rest. Now, memories though was a line she didnt cross or talk about, her gaze adverted as she got up and leant forward a bit, tracing her fingertips along the surface of the water. “Peaceful for a place with such dark history!” 

x

As much as he was constantly reminded not to fixate on the past, to consider what he does today rather than always comparing himself to who he was before, the little watchful teenage voice in the back of his mind decided to chime in as usual. It was one reason he preferred solitude so much now, it was in conversations that the differences really shone. He’d never had that teen anxiety, the crisis of identity, the struggle to find his place. He’d stepped into his role and stayed there, as constant as the sun in a solar system of hormones and drama. But now conversations were halting, uncertainties wormed their way in and settled in his bones.

“It’s okay,” he said, voice firmly gentle in a reproach against the bitter whining of his inner thoughts. “I can take a look tomorrow, see what’s going on and what I can get back up running again.” Mal looked at the car, his attention settling on River, the feeling of static electricity on his skin even at the distance between them. “It’s dark,” he continued before he even noticed what he was saying. “You shouldn’t be walking out there right now. I can give you a ride back. It’s no trouble.”

It seemed ridiculous, how they were never this awkward even at an age where awkwardness was expected. Back then, they both had big enough personalities to easily get beyond awkwardness, perhaps their exteriors easily shining over interior uncertainties and yet, here they were, suddenly tip toeing around each other. “Thanks Mal!” And that was honest, she was thankful and she did know he’d take care of her car, or at least see if there was anything that could still be done since the car truly was about the oldest, rusty four wheeler out there. None the less, once out of the car it was suddenly hard to avoid his gaze, or stop herself from nervously fidgeting until she heard his words. Was he serious? 

Part of her wanted to joke, tell him that she already encountered all the creatures in the dark, but the joke was more than just a little inappropriate and thankfully never got past her mind, laced with sarcasm. “But yes, a ride would be great, thanks!” If she didnt know better this scene could have possibly been plucked out of a moment a couple of years back, before everything happened, before they even started dating - her demeanour almost coming off as shy, although that wasnt exactly the case. “Do you need help closing down or are you all set?”

Mara’s head bobbed to the side, giving River one of those looks that enquired if the other person was actually serious. “I guess that because I am in education I should be used to those by now. But for some reason - I do not.” Being a dean meant a lot of different things. Pleasance community college wasn’t a big place, it didn’t have too many students but that’s what made it a preferable place to work. It was there that Mara could now more people, forge a deeper connection with those who went there. She never wanted to be just a face that hid in her office, but rather one that people would feel able to approach. “Don’t worry about it.” She added a moment later. Just as River didn’t give any further explanation - Mara didn’t try to dig deeper. It was unnecessary. 

Over the years, Mara had to accept what happened with Tove. Though the day when she went missing was still fresh in her mind. It was one thing to hear about people go missing, to read about it in the newspaper, to hear it on the news or even read about it in the book. The content of them was usually the same; no one could find anything, the time was crucial and the family was broken hearted and asked for any information. Such general and far fetched terms always used. But non of them ever defined how it really felt. How it left a hole in your heart, how every time you would walk into a place and a shadow would cast over your head, you would turn around hoping that they came back. How it never felt that they were really gone, how you were left to wonder what you could have done differently that day. 

“Yes.” The three-letter word was all that she could offer. Pleasance was the kind of place where things happened. she tried to ignore it for a long time, but when new events take place, it was a hard thing to forget. “It doesn’t make sense, right?” Her brown eyes focused once again on the still silver lake in front of her. The stillness of it sometimes was haunting in itself. As if one blow of the wind and it would break its surface - but it never did. “Everyone leaves a mark. Be it a place you lived, a bus you took. There is always someone you would see. Even in the night, even if you try to go at the darkest hour - I’m sure there would even be a drunk crawling home on all fours that you’d encounter.” It was an empty joke, one that she may have laughed at was it any other day. Mara reached for River, placing her hand on top of the girl’s arm. “Lost? Maybe. But forgotten? No, they’re never forgotten.” 

“I suppose you learn that there is only so much you can do about or against it? Ultimately everybody does what they want to do, dont they?`" Perhaps it just felt that way because she knew that no matter how much Mara had wanted to help her out, there was part of her that had either refused to get better, or just didnt want to be saved? It wasn’t like she hadn’t appreciated the other woman back in the day, but her head was not only full with the traditional teenage angst, but so much more that, despite what had originally seemed like a bright future, no longer felt attainable - no matter what chance Mara, or anyone really, had given her.

Sometimes it was hard to believe that the town was as damaged as it, but it was a fact that was hard to ignore and listening to Mara was just one more reason to believe that this town was nothing but trouble. “Nothing makes sense around here!” And that was definitely true, how would it make sense when people disappear and things happen that are simply unexplainable? If there hadnt been things surrounding herself and those people around her, it would have been hard to even fathom that anything had ever happened to begin with. 

“You’d think so and yet there are so many things and people that seem like to just vanish into thin air with nobody having memories or having seen anything..!” And with that it seemed hard to believe in the romantic notion that nobody would be forgotten. Because did that not go hand in hand? Being noticed and not being forgotten? “I suppose as long as someone remembers them, who they were or what they could be they arent completely forgotten!” The touch felt surprising, looking over at the other woman briefly, but it also felt reminiscent of times when she felt like perhaps Mara had previously already been one of the few people who seemed to look out, not just for her, but for so many within this town. 

x

At the sound of her voice he paused, brow furrowing in equal measures of confusion, irritation, and shame. Malachai opened his mouth to reply but before he could even speak he saw her outline duck back into the car for a long few seconds. Hand resting on Shiloh’s harness, he stepped a little closer, peering out through the darkness at her. It was probably fucked up that after nearly a decade her presence still had this much of an emotional effect on him, made him feel guilty and judged and nervous.

As she stepped back out he forced a smile on to his face, small and weak but somewhat honest. “Even if it were starting you probably shouldn’t drive in that thing.” An attempt at a joke, at a sense of normalcy. An olive branch extended out into the twilight. “Here, let’s get it in the garage. You stay in and steer, I’ll give it a push.”

This was the kind of thing that had kept him going the past few years. A simple task with basic steps and a goal at the end. Something achievable and practical. He walked forward and got in position behind the car, bracing against the metal and preparing to push. “Shift into neutral and steer for me, yeah?”

He was right. She shouldnt be driving the car anymore. She already had it when they were still going out and now, in the very moment, it seemed like a rude reminder of how much time has passed and how much was broken now. A faint smile played on her lips as she nodded, turning the window of her car down so she could hear his directions and did as she was told, the process easy enough. The hard part came when the car came to a holt inside the garage, signalising very clearly that this was the moment she should get out and they should hold a conversation, or something that resembled one at least.

Pushing the car door open the brunette stepped out of the car unnatural conscious of her body and its movements, as if any wrong move could trigger something. “Really, no need to look at it again, I dont want you to work longer hours because of...!” Me? My car? nothing felt right and so she just shrugged. “I can just find walk, or catch a ride. You should go home, its late!” He wasnt a fragile child who needed to rest when grown ups told him to and she was as far away from a grown up as possible, if anything she behaved more like a rebellious teen now than she had when she was an actual teenager. When they still had each other.