Well, Had a date today! With my perfect most amazing girlfriend in the world!
I could talk about it for hours... it was just so amazing and perfect in  every single way possible.
She picked me up (well her mom did because we both can’t drive lol) We held hands the whole entire car ride, I just was awkward and looked at her cute face. Shes the most beautiful girl in the world.
She has a very beautiful house, we went down to her basement and “watched” a movie. Scott pilgrim vs the world. She has one of the comfiest couches ever, and cuddling next to her made it even better. Loved every second of it.
Then we played a game of Life. Which obviously I won, which is funny because I won Life, not only by beating her in the board game but also by having her in my life and being able to call her my girl friend.Â
Then we just cuddled and cuddled talking for a few hours, we were suppose to bake some stuff but... too lazy. She was so soft and adorable just ugh. I could cuddle with her forever and ever.
I love you so much Solveig if your reading past this your probably going to get upset so I warned you.
I’m a very selfish and insecure person. Which is ironic because the whole point i’m still alive is because I don’t value myself and try to make a difference in as many peoples lifes until I eventually wither away. I am very selfish by my actions though especially when it comes to this. I am also a very jealous person which I hate,  I truly do hate it. Its so conflicting because... I won’t want to be jealous, but the thought of me not being jealous and okay with stuff upsets me aswell... its just an unhealthy cycle I guess.
We were playing like complete honesty hour or something like that name, and something that has been bothering me is the fact she won’t completely delete her tinder, she deletes the app but not the profile so... shes like well, what if something were to happen she doesn’t want to have to go through the  trouble of making a new profile ... its like... nothing will happen, nothing will ever happen, having the mindset something will happen is like setting yourself up for something bad to happen. I’m over that... its just that... she brought up her moving away to college which obviously is almost a year away so its terrible to even think about it or let something so far in the future bother me but honestly the first thing that popped up into my head when I heard she got accepted into her college was like... I guess that will be the end of our relationship when she goes off to college... which like I said is terribly selfish...Â
The logical thing to do, like what she said, is to just enjoy the moment and don’t worry about things like that. But the logical thing to do and what my heart wants to do are two complete opposite ... like, I can’t leave her, nor will I ever or have the desire to. So i’m stuck in a position where I know... like counting down the days until what could really be the end of us... which... crushes me it really does. I love this chick so much. I was like, you make me so happy. She responded  you don’t need me to be happy though. Well... I could find ways to be happy without you and I know what i’m about to say is incredibly selfish but... Yes, I could live with out you. But I wouldn’t want to. I want her. Forever. Will I do anything stupid or harm myself? No. But the thought of not having her scares me which is completely messed up for me to say considering how little time we’ve known each other. I shouldn’t even be writing this, its just going to be the start of a downward spiral. I’m sorry Solveig. Its just... the one thing that really, just... made it all more real and sad was... I was like... could you please pinky promise when you start college we won’t break up. She just responded like... idk... idk what will happen... I can’t... just enjoy the now.Â
So... I’ll try to forget about the clock counting down until she starts college but it will always be there.Â
I love her, she is absolutely perfect in every way imaginable and I will absolutely enjoy every second with her no matter what and I am even blessed to have met her and gone out on 4 dates... but like I said. I am selfish. I don’t want it to end. But everything good eventually does come to an end one way or another... I’m just too young I guess to understand the concept of, if you truly love someone  you have to let them go. Maybe I will someday.Â
I’m just going to go to bed. Wake up. And enjoy the next 9 perfect months of my life. Hopefully more than 9, if not... then thank you for showing me what true love is and making me feel emotions I didn’t know existed.Â
I’m a weirdo for writing this I know... I’m so beyond messed up... oh well.
vaporwave
andulkaphoto
2087
prguitarman