making headlines

“–don’t get upset with me…” she mused, sliding her cards back into a pile on the table. “the cards don’t lie. If you weren’t prepared for that answer, maybe you weren’t ready to ask that question.”

it was with a soft, fond smile that rita rolled her eyes. “do i look upset, syb? because i’m not.” or at least, it wasn’t at her, anyway. more with the uncertainty of it all. rita liked definites, matter of facts. the future being up in the air wasn’t something that appealed to her and it was especially true of her love life. she knew leo was going to get out of the stupid engagement to alecto, though she wasn’t sure exactly how (he wouldn’t say and she didn’t press). but that didn’t mean he would be in her future and getting an answer that was just as uncertain was something she hated. “okay, i’m a little upset. but i promise it’s not at you.”

she didn’t argue and he was grateful, relief flooding through him and he didn’t realize he had tensed so many of his muscles until they suddenly released at her agreement. he just wanted her to be okay, that’s all. and he wasn’t fine but this wasn’t the place to talk about anything, especially not about recognizing one of the death eaters. he wasn’t even sure he should tell rita, even if he thought he could. and while he wanted to trust her they still had a long way to go to build that up. unfortunately their first date had been a literal disaster.  “thank you.”

“anytime.” the second the word left her mouth, she regretted it. “i mean, not anytime because i don’t ever want this to happen again but like ... you know what i’m saying.” it was almost embarrassing how tongue tied she could get when she didn’t have her charms to rely on. cheeks red, she took his hand, slightly to reassure him that she was okay and on board, headed for the door to head back to hogwarts.

“yeah but what about infection or — just humor me and get yourself checked out.” he didn’t ask a lot of questions and he hoped she’d see the merit in getting looked at. they might not need to heal her but they could see if she did a good job or not. “i’m fine.” he said through semi clenched jaw, he didn’t want to get into it, he just wanted her safe and back at the castle.

it wasn’t worth the argument, rita decided after a minute. she would just make sure it wouldn’t cause her problems down the road to make leo happy. and instead of pressing the issue, she took note of the clenched jaw. “okay. if you’re sure.” she offered a small smile; she wasn’t happy with the situation but she wasn’t upset with leo or brushing him off. “let’s head out.”

Maybe he didn’t know Rita as well as he thought he did.  After all, he hadn’t been able to guess her secret like she had his.  But that was partly due to Remus simply not looking.  Back in their fifth year, hell, even last year, he’d always felt so excited by anything she had been willing to give - her lighting quick smiles always making him feel like she was sharing something special.

And what they’d shared had been special.  He wasn’t stubborn enough to refute that claim - to ignore all the times they’d sought each other simply to enjoy the other’s company.  Even now, as Rita still so stubbornly argued against him, Remus knew that he did matter to her.  That despite knowing the worst thing about him, she was still trying to reassure him about his own humanity. 

Yet for all the things that Remus did know, he felt himself swallow hard at her own admission - realizing that maybe he had been the one that wasn’t enough for her.

“You’re friendship always felt like a sure thing to me, Rita.  I never once doubted it - even after that one time you threatened to bar me from entering Paris because I couldn’t tell the difference between an avocado and a lawyer.” 

He almost smiled at that, catching her eye for a moment before he finally stood up from his seat, breaking the spell around them.

“I guess I’m sorry that wasn’t enough.”

The memory of that conversation brought back a fond smile to her face, and she laughed, not blaming Remus for wanting to bring up a lighter memory. “Oh, I one hundred percent stand by that. You’re not allowed in Paris. And I’d bar you from entering France as a whole if I could.” It felt good to just be a teenager for a second, reminiscing with a friend like either of them were normal. But he was a werewolf and she was a veela and the conversation they were having wasn’t a normal one. “Because it is a sure thing. We’re friends. No matter what.” 

She sighed, the smile falling from her face at his words. “Don’t think that, Remus. You were enough. You will always be enough.”

he nodded, still half guarding rita as he stood in front of where she was sitting, doing some silly muggle thing to her face. he wasn’t sure he was all for experimentation if it meant —well he supposed that wasn’t quite true and she’d be stunning regardless so he let go of it in his mind. another nod, he didn’t feel like saying much because all he could see was his father’s death eater mask in his mind’s eye. “we should get back to the castle then, get you checked out just in case and forget about this.”

“i’m with you on getting back to the castle.” she could see students being guided out, especially the younger ones, many of whom where hurrying back the path that led to the castle without a professor ushering them. she stood, grabbing her purse and looking up at leo. “but i think i’m gonna just see if this works. no need to bother with the hospital wing if it did.” looking up at him, she sighed, letting all manner of feigned nonchalance fall from her face. “are you okay? you seem ... kind of shaken up.”

the empress: do you think you will ever get married?

“maybe. i want to. but i’m not quite sure it’s in my future.” 

the lovers: do you have a crush?

“you could say that, yeah.”

justice: favorite color of rose?

“purple. and yes, i’m aware there’s meanings behind the colors but i’m not a plant person and i don’t actually know what it means. i just think they’re pretty.”

“well, you likely won’t ever meet my parents, but i’m sure you’ve run into my sister before.” he hadn’t seen her much since school had started but he wasn’t worried, she could take care of herself and no one would dare hurt her. still he might seek her out after they got back to the castle. but the fact was he wouldn’t let rita near his father, and vice versa. that was a powder keg waiting to explode. and his mum just didn’t care that much, so he didn’t either.  “that seems stupid, if i’m being honest. what if you mess up? could lead to a worse injury.” he was as blunt with her as he was with everyone else and this conversation seemed to be derailing rather quickly. “square dancing? what are you on about?”

“i’m sure i have.” truthfully, rita didn’t care much about whatever they were talking about right now, primarily focused on the pain in her face now that the clouds had cleared and the adrenaline was starting to wear off. “it could,” she agreed without having thought too much on it. “but it could also work and i’m all for experimentation.” with a sigh, she shook her head, mostly at herself, because of course leo wouldn’t know about it. she only knew about it because she had wanted to understand more about muggles over the summer and her father hadn’t dared to say no to a request for her to learn. “it’s nothing. sorry, i’m kind of rambling to distract myself.” though the last shard was out and she was dabbing the cuts with the alcohol soon enough and the stinging began to subside. “okay. sorry. i’m good.”

Remus had wanted to stay angry.  He really did.  He knew he was justified in his anger, if only because Rita meant so much to him.  But that was also his problem - the people that he wanted to stay angry at the most were the ones he cared about.  Rita was just another person in a long list and just hearing her talk and he could feel the anger ebb away, being slowly replaced by old heartache.

Afterall, maybe it would be someone that was other that understood him best.  His father wasn’t a screamer; he never raised his voice at Remus but he honestly didn’t have to.  He had other methods to ensure that Remus quietly retreated to his room, curling up and away from sight.

But before he could even think to lean in to cover her hand with his, Rita was startling a surprised laugh out of him - her blithe comment snapping him out of the ache he was feeling.  “I wish I had the control you think I have, mon chou, but trust me, the fear is justified.  There’s a reason my kind are hunted and killed so please don’t argue with me over this,” he said, his smile soft despite the resignation in his voice.

Yet that same resignation didn’t stop his gaze from snapping back up to hers, eyes searching hers as he tried to not hope too deeply.  

“Veela charm or not, you always knew I thought you were the most captivating girl I'd  ever met,” he said, throwing his own reservations away as he met her gaze headlong.  “You didn’t have to resort to manipulation, Rita, not with me,” and he couldn’t stop the sigh that escaped him as he pulled away, “but you can’t expect me not to second guess everything we had.”

“If you think I won’t argue with you, Remus, then you clearly don’t know me as well as you think.” She lived to argue, mostly for her own fun, though occasionally she actually found herself angry and putting more effort into what she was saying. “Your kind —” she made sure to convey exactly how she felt about his phrasing there “ — are hunted and killed not because control is what’s lacking on their end but because understanding and acceptance is lacking on the hunters’ end. Because prejudice is driven by fear of what they don’t know and can’t control.” In the end, she shrugged, as if to say you won’t convince me otherwise. 

If her own species wasn’t so widely regarded as beautiful and captivating, if their charm wasn’t so influential on people, instead of being captivating, they’d be captive. But no one ever thought twice about veelas, because they weren’t a dangerous kind of species in a sense. People found them beautiful and nonthreatening. And if they weren’t charming, their beauty would be seen as something to be won, a trophy. Because it all came back around to humans as the pinnacle. If you weren’t like them, you would be forced to hide it in fear or to become a trophy for them. 

Slowly, she nodded. “I get that. I don’t blame you for second guessing it. To not know what was real and what wasn’t? That would kill me.” As she thought on her words, she chewed her lip, eventually letting out a sigh. “I ... was lonely. And I wanted a sure thing. And it was you. I’m sorry. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to apologize enough.”

“oh no, my family doesn’t send howlers, they rely on good old fashioned intimidation and threats without needing to raise their voices.” it was why he never raised his own, he never needed to, there were other ways to scare people besides yelling. “why are you doing that? you could just use a healing charm, it isn’t even that deep.” he didn’t want to interfere but her method was baffling. “and that’s the point, to spread paranoia, they never do anything of real substance and now that voldemort is dead and gone they really have nothing else to do.”he was disgusted with his father, who he for certain saw in that crowd, even from far away he’d recognize the mask anywhere.

“ooh, fun.” her tone was dry and she resisted the urge to roll her eyes. “if i ever meet your family, i will have a few things to say to them and trust me, i’ll raise my voice.” getting loud was just the way she’d been taught to be heard by her mother growing up. screaming and slamming doors and magic making light bulbs pop when she got frustrated. at his suggestion to use a healing charm, she scoffed. “no way. i read about this once and i want to see if it actually works. when will i be injured like this again? this is my only chance to try it out.” if all else failed, a healing charm would be a good backup. “seems counterproductive. education is always a good pursuit. or square dancing. i hear old people and disphits enjoy that.”

Spring break.  Meaning Rita had known his secret for months and had never said a thing.  Remus was sure he should be grateful - happy, really that even after all these months, she hadn’t decided to run from his screaming but all he felt was a growing horror that she hadn’t.

“You’re kidding, right?,” he demanded, looking at her like she was mental.  “Of course it matters, Rita - I’m a… I’m a monster,” he hissed lowly, leaning forward across the table - his fist curling at the acknowledgement.  

“I… Do you not see how dangerous that could’ve been?,” he continued, feeling the slight tremors running up and down his arms, even if he refused to consider the reason behind them. 

“My… my everything and then falling under your charm?  Do you not see how that could’ve ended horribly?”

Secrets were like currency to Rita. She didn’t openly give away one of hers without expecting something in return and more often than not, she gave away something shallow, artificial, something that wouldn’t effect her if word got out. All of the gossip she collected was something to savor, to hang on to for when she felt particularly reckless. She was still trying to dig in and figure out what was going on with Mary without getting too close and losing all progress on making Mary trust her. 

But this one she gave to Remus for free. “You’re not a monster, mon cheri. You’re a teenager with horrifically bad luck, I’m assuming, since I’m not sure how everything happened. A monster is a French woman who calls her daughter horrible things, gets angry when her daughter calls her just as many bad things,” if not more, Rita was quite easily angered, “and then turns from a beautiful woman into a harpy who scares her daughter so badly she hides out in her room until her father gets home from work.” 

But she shook her head. This conversation wasn’t about her, it was about Remus. “I’m not afraid of pain. To be quite honest, it’s kind of hot. And besides, you didn’t hurt me. Whatever you’re so afraid of, you have better control over it than you think and fearing yourself will just hinder you. I’m not saying that I can ever come close to understanding, but ...” she trailed off, not sure she even had a but. 

“No matter what you say, I regret none of the time we spent together. I regret the pretenses they were under and I apologize, sincerely apologize, for manipulating you the way I did, but I wouldn’t change a thing about last year.” 

Remus tried to be brave.  He really did.  Every single day, he put on a smile as he went about with his day pretending that he was completely normal.  Except that he was neither one of those things and no matter what he did, he could never forget that fact.

Because every day since the moment that Fenrir Greyback had climbed in through his bedroom window, Remus had been living in fear.  And that fear had only grown exponentially since he’d first started at Hogwarts.  Because he had so much more to lose now than he did than when he was just a scared little boy hiding in his father’s library and he knew that all it would take was one word for him to lose everything.

So Remus supposed he should’ve been grateful that Rita switched to French in that moment, even if he only half followed her words.  But that mostly had to do with the fact he’d stopped breathing after he heard his secret tumble from her pretty lips.

But what had he expected really?  Lashing out at her for a secret that she’d kept from him - even if she had used her charm against him?  He had brought this on himself and for a moment, he had the horrible urge to laugh.  Because it didn’t matter that Rita admitted to being a half veela so plainly - she wasn’t the monster in this situation, regardless of what she had done, he was. 

“Why?,” and at least he had enough sense to cast a silencing charm around them as he finally breathed out his question - head too muddled to even attempt to carry a conversation in French that moment.  In fact, he didn’t think he had enough energy to carry out this conversation at all, but he needed to know.

“If you knew, why did you even bother with me?,” he asked, his voice coming out as a strangled whisper. 

This wasn’t the conversation Rita had set out to have. She wanted to make amends, build a bridge between them and get back to a place where they could be friends again. Remus had made that difficult and he had closed himself off. She didn’t blame him, but if they wanted to discuss keeping secrets, she would absolutely play that game. 

“I didn’t know,” she admitted, “Not until spring break.” That probably wasn’t a welcome reassurance from her, anything even discussing this wasn’t something that was reassuring to him but the conversation needed to be talked out. “And even if I had, it wouldn’t have mattered.” Part of her wanted to ask questions and find out if he really thought that he wasn’t worth bothering with because of his lycanthropy but she doubted he would take that well.

he snorted at her comment, though he didn’t know what community theater was he did know his father was a terrible actor so her comment was oddly accurate despite his confusion. without a word he grabbed a bottle from the next booth over and put it down beside her, no one was paying attention to them anyway. he looked toward the broken window, wondering when the ridiculous chanting was going to stop. “some broken glass and screaming a lie shouldn’t have much of an effect but he knew the media was going to run crazy with the theories. “i’m glad they wear those masks, i’d hate to be embarrassed so publicly by my father. he checked on her but didn’t interfere. “i’m sure i’ll get a letter about this.” he sighed as the chanting finally ended, the sky cleared too and he could only guess that the dark mark had been there previously. “i think it’s over.”

truthfully, she wasn’t sure how well this would work in practice. there were plenty of books she’d read where it seemed to work in theory but real life was never the same. after a minute, she dug a cloth napkin out of her purse, left over from the night she and mary had researched in the library and rita got them hot chocolate. “better than a howler?” the last time rita had gotten in a fight with her mother on the platform to get on the train, a howler arrived the next morning at breakfast. she let it burst into flames instead of opening it. after a minute, she took a swig of firewishkey before pouring some on the cloth, dabbing at the cuts with a wince. “looks like it. this is going to make everyone at school paranoid.”

“i know you’ll manage but there’s no reason to go outside right now so just stay back here with me and we’ll wait. plus we should get that glass out.” he heard the chanting get louder and it was so pathetic he almost laughed, a smirk coming to his face despite him trying to deny it. “death eaters, making a scene.”

after a moment, she sat back down, still looking at herself. “of course it’s death eaters.” who else would be so dramatic as to cause a huge scene like this. “i swear, i’ve seen better actors in community theater.” it didn’t mean she hadn’t been freaked out by it, but leo didn’t seem concerned, so she allowed that to soothe her. before she could lose her nerve, she began plucking the glass out, suppressing the winces from the pain. “any chance you could get me some firewhiskey?” both for the pain and to clean out the cuts.