Rare Mixture

Zai, veo tu frustración. Cada vez que alguna de las niñas comienza a interrumpir, a hacer desastre, eres tu quien se frustra. Eres la que está constantemente diciendo: ¡Ya Citlali!. ¡Ya Susana! No sé que es lo que pase entre ustedes las 24 horas del día, por ende no sé por qué te frustra tanto (aunque me puedo imaginar por qué). Pero, lo que si te puedo decir es que varias de esas veces que tu has querido poner orden, dentro de mi cabeza pienso: “Ay gracias al cielo por Zai” porque muchas veces nosotros no podemos expresar esa frustración o la tenemos que transformar a algo más. Yo soy una persona que se frustra mucho, una persona que le molesta las interrupciones. Entonces, no puedo contar las tantas veces que he sentido que me identifico contigo. 

Te recuerdo poniendo canciones, dibujando tu árbol y queriendo dibujar otras tres cosas más, diciendo “ay, me gustó esta actividad”, diciendo que aun no sabes que es lo que quieres en un largo plazo pero que definitivamente estás orgullosa de pronto terminar la prepa. Recuerdo tu estilo y como siempre tienes pintados los labios. No sé si lo sepas, pero tienes tu propia marca. No hay forma de confundir quién eres tú, cuál eres tú. Eres alguien que se queda grabada en la mente de los demás. Al menos hablaré por mí. Siempre te quedaste muy grabada en mí. 

Parecen palabras típicas o forzadas pero en serio se nota cuando no estás. Cuando fuimos a la pista de hielo estuve preguntando por ti porque sabía que querías ir, se que luego nos dijiste que tenías otras cosas que hacer y que no eras la que tenía tantas ganas de ir. Pero Zai, me acuerdo de ti, me acuerdo de lo que dices, de lo que expresas, te veo, te recuerdo. 

Voy a ser sincera y no te voy a decir que te conozco, porque creo que necesitaría de tiempo a solas contigo, platicar, para decirte que te conozco. Pero, de los elementos que si he llegado a conocer, que me has mostrado y permitido ver, puedo decir que eres grande, que irradias interés en los demás. Y sé que probablemente hay muchas cosas que no nos enseñas, pero créeme que yo fui muy feliz durante estos cuatro meses viendo lo que tu si nos querías enseñar. 

It’s summer time!!! 

I’ve had a really hard semester. It actually changed the way I see myself. I used to be very confident and knew very well that school was a strong part of my identity. At my university I don’t feel like the same person anymore (academically speaking) and I do not like the person I’m becoming. This had never happened to me. I’ve had social problems, romantic problems,  money problems at my other schools, but I had never experienced having academic problems (my grades are as high as every, but that is not what I mean) I just feel weird, like I’m not actually doing anything. Apart from that, a lot of things happened in my life, I was feeling lonely, had no new friends and could not connect with my old ones like before. Family stuff was very... I don’t know, hard. Romantic wise, well, it was very challenging, what I never thought could happened, happened once more and that also changed the way I look at things. This was all happening while I was just very very bored. My only fun classes were at an hour that I could not give my 100% attention, I tried a lot of things, but at the end, I was still bored. 

Things got a lot better; not academically, but with my friends and boyfriend it did. I made new friends, friends who I thought didn’t like me, turns out they received me with arms wide open. I’ve had some of the most fun days of my life with them, which I believe it’s a sign. 

Specially, I want to talk about a situation that looks a lot like one I’ve lived before. I was fourteen fifteen at the moment, but I remember it like it was yestarday, I remember it very vividly. It still hurts the same, I’m over it but I can remember that teenage girl looking herself at the mirror, wanting to change so she could be perfect and as pretty, outgoing and sexy as her. It is definitely not the same situation right now, my identity is well established but once again I feel very insecure. This introduces the song that I am going to talk about today.

This song was my absolut obsession for a long time back on 2012. I’ve been remembering a lot that year. Now, the situation I’m talking about did not happen that year, but the conclusion of it, the ending, the aftermath did happen in 2012. I made my biggest change this year, I remember having my blackberry and being very excited about it. Just like msn, you could put like 3 statuses (if you knew the tricks ;)). Well, I remember that one of them everyone used to use it for countdowns, I used it for that too; but, one time I decided to put the name of my favorite song of the moment. So, I wrote “128″. It looked like a countdown, but days passed and it didn’t change. This made people curious and asked me what it meant. NOTE: Remember I love Romanian House Music so of course this song is of this genre. After I told people it was a song, I don’t know if they looked for it, maybe they did maybe not. If they did I’m pretty sure they got weirded out by it. 

The lyrics in no way represent the things I was going through at the moment, but my songs don’t normally do (the songs that for me represent different stages of my life). I think I have never actually paid attention to the lyrics, although I know them all and sing them with all my heart. 

I forgot about 128 since Spotify definitely doesn’t have it and on youtube they banned the video that I originally had on my favorites playlist. From my i-pod I jumped to youtube and then to spotify, so 128 was left on my i-pod.

Like I said, lately I’ve been going through something that takes me back to 2010-2012 so much that I instantly remembered 128 and it seems to be once again the song that is helping me go through this. I can’t hear it so much as I would like to again, because of Spotify and because downloading music or converting it isn’t as convenient as before. Still, I know this is the song that I should be posting today. I only ask that this song will work it’s magic on me once again and make me get out of this stronger and wiser. 

It’s a weird song I know, but... when are they not? :P 

Favorite part: 2:59- 3:12

THE

HELL

IS

MR. GAME & WATCH?!

Now how am I supposed to beat all my friends at Smash Bros. without him? :'(

I'll miss you buddy